Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Nchifukwa Ninji Kuli Kovuta Kwambiri Kuchotsa Maganizo Anga pa Osiyana Nawo Ziŵalo?

“Chidwi chanu cha kufuna kudziŵa zakugonana chimakhala chinthu chachikulu pamene muli wachichepere,” analongosola motero Lorraine wachichepere. “Mumaganiza kwambiri nkhani za kugonana.”

KODI mumathera nthaŵi yochuluka—kapena yochuluka koposa—ya maola amene mumakhala maso mukulingalira, kulankhula, kapena kuyang’ana osiyana nawo ziŵalo? Kodi mumakhala pansi kuti mumalize homuweki yanu, nkuyamba kulota za mnyamata wooneka bwino kapena mtsikana wokongola amene munaona masanawo? Kodi mumacheukacheuka kuyang’ana mozembera anthu odutsa okongola pamene mukukambitsirana? Kodi nkovuta kwa inu kuŵerenga, kuphunzira, kapena ngakhale kusumika maganizo pamisonkhano yampingo ndi yaikulu Yachikristu—kokha chifukwa chakuti simungathe kuchotsa maganizo anu pa osiyana nawo ziŵalo?

Ngati zili choncho, mungawope kuti mwina mukuchita misala! Wachichepere wina anaulula kuti: “Ndikuganiza kuti mwina ndili ndi msala wa kugonana kapena chinachake. Ndikutanthauza kuti, nthaŵi zambiri ndimaganiza za atsikana, kuwalota . . . Kodi muganiza kuti ndili bwino?” Monga momwe mlembi Lynda Madaras akunenera, pamene muli wachichepere, “malingaliro a chikondi kapena a zakugonana angakhale amphamvu kwambiri. Nthaŵi zina, kungaonekere ngati kuti chikondi ndi kugonana ndizo zokha zimene mungaganize!”a

Malingaliro a zakugonana sali oipa mwa iwo okha. Mulungu analenga mwamuna ndi mkazi ndi mphamvu yaikulu ya kukondana wina ndi mnzake. Zimenezi zinagwirizana ndi chifuno chake chakuti akwatirane ndi ‘kudzaza dziko lapansi’ ndi mbadwa zolungama. (Genesis 1:28) Baibulo lilinso losabisa mawu posonyeza kuti unansi wakugonana ungakhale magwero a chisangalalo chachikulu kwa anthu okwatirana.—Miyambo 5:19.

Vuto nlakuti, monga anthu opanda ungwiro kaŵirikaŵiri timavutika kulamulira malingaliro athu. (Yerekezerani ndi Genesis 6:5.) “Chilakolako cha thupi” chingaonekere kukhala champhamvu koposa! (1 Yohane 2:16) Ndipo chifukwa chakuti mukali wachichepere, kungakhale kovuta kwambiri kwa inu kuchotsa maganizo anu pa osiyana nawo ziŵalo. Kodi nchifukwa ninji zili choncho?

Zitsenderezo za Unamwali

Chifukwa chimodzi nchakuti mukuyandikira “unamwali”—nthaŵi imene zilakolako za kugonana zimakhala pachimake. (1 Akorinto 7:36) Akulongosola motere Dr. Bettie B. Youngs: “Mkati mwa unamwali, mlingo wa mahomoni umawonjezereka mofulumira. Iwo ali ndi thayo la kuyambitsa masinthidwe onse akuthupi amene amasintha thupi la mwana kukhala la wachikulire. Mlingo wowonjezereka wa mahomoni wotsagana ndi kukula msinkhu umadzetsa masinthidwe ambiri a maganizo ndi makhalidwe.”

Kodi ndi masinthidwe a mtundu wanji? Eya, kaŵirikaŵiri masinthidwe aakulu koposa amakhudza malingaliro a munthu kulinga kwa osiyana nawo ziŵalo. Akutero mlembi Ruth Bell: “Masinthidwe a thupi a unamwali kaŵirikaŵiri amadzetsa malingaliro amphamvu a zakugonana. Mungangopeza kuti mukulingalira kwambiri za kugonana, kumva chilakolako cha kugonana mosavuta, nthaŵi zina ngakhale kuganiza kwambiri za kugonana. Azaka zapakati pa 13 ndi 19 ambiri amene [tinawafunsa] anafotokoza za kuyenda m’khwalala kapena kukhala m’basi akumamva ngati kuti thupi lawo lonse lili pamoto chifukwa cha chikhumbo cha kugonana ndi kugunda mtima.” Kuganiza kwambiri za osiyana nawo ziŵalo koteroko kuli chimodzi cha “zilakolako [zambiri] za unyamata” zimene anthu achichepere ayenera kulimbana nazo.—2 Timoteo 2:22.

Chisonkhezero cha Zoulutsira Nkhani ndi Mabwenzi

Komabe, mphamvu ya chilakolako chimenechi kaŵirikaŵiri imasonkhezeredwa ndi zinthu zakunja. Tikukhala m’chitaganya chimene chimaonekera kukhala chokhoterera kukusonkhezera machitachita a zakugonana mwa maprogramu a wailesi yakanema, kusatsa malonda, mabuku, magazini, nyimbo, ndi akanema. Wachichepere wina Wachikristu amene anagwera m’khalidwe loipa lachisembwere akusimba kuti: “Zaumaliseche zili zofala kwambiri kusukulu, ndipo zimenezi zimachititsa chilakolako champhamvu cha kugonana. Ndinadziŵa chimene chinali chabwino, koma malingaliro anga a zakugonana anali amphamvu.”

Motero buku lolembedwera makolo limati: “Zoulutsira nkhani [zili] ndi chiyambukiro chachikulu. Azaka zapakati pa 13 ndi 19 athu amaona achichepere oonetsera a msinkhu wawo akuchita modzutsa chikhumbo cha kugonana ndi kugulitsa zovala zodzutsa chikhumbo cha kugonana; iwo amaona kugonana kwa achichepere kukuchirikizidwa m’makanema ndi pawailesi yakanema.” Kwenikweni, cable television ndi marekoda a makaseti a vidiyo apatsa achichepere ambiri mpata wosavuta wa kuona zaumaliseche zoipitsitsa. “Zoulutsira nkhani zimadzutsa chidwi ndi zilakolako za munthu wachichepere,” akuvomereza motero wachichepere wina.

Komabe, buku silitofunikira kukhala la zaumaliseche pa tsamba lililonse kuti likhale loipa. Talingalirani chokumana nacho cha mtsikana wina Wachikristu. Iye akukumbukira akumati: “Ndinaŵerenga buku labwino ndithu limene linali ndi ndime imodzi yokha kapena ziŵiri zonena za kugonana. Ndinayamba kulumpha ndime zimenezo, koma chinachake chinandichititsa kubwerera ndi kuziŵerenga. Kunali kulakwa kotani nanga! Ndinalota maloto oipa chifukwa cha zimenezo.”

Mabwenzi anu ndi anzanu angakhalenso ndi chiyambukiro chachikulu pa kulingalira kwanu. Buku lina lonena za kukula kwa achichepere likuti: “Kuyang’ana atsikana ndi anyamata kuli zosangulutsa zofala zimene zimachitika m’ngondya za makwalala, m’maholo a sukulu, kumalo odyera, ndi kumasitolo.” Ndipo pamene anthu achichepere sakuyang’ana osiyana nawo ziŵalo, iwo kaŵirikaŵiri amakhala akulankhula za iwo. “Pamene ndinali wocheperapo,” akuvomereza motero Robert wa zaka 18, “zitsenderezo za kugonana zinali zazikulu kwambiri . . . M’chipinda chosinthira zovala, nkhani inali yokhayokhayo.” Wachichepere wina akuvomereza kuti: “Kugonana kunali nkhani yaikulu yokambitsirana pakati pa anzanga akusukulu, chotero kaŵirikaŵiri kunali kukakamizidwa kuloŵa m’malingaliro ako.”

Nkovuta kukhala wosiyana. Pamene ausinkhu wanu akulankhula nthaŵi zonse za osiyana nawo ziŵalo—mwinamwake mwa njira yoluluza, yonyoza—mungakhale pa chiyeso cha kugwirizana nawo. Koma Baibulo limachenjeza kuti: “Ukayenda ndi anzeru udzakhala wanzeru: koma mnzawo wa opusa adzaphwetekedwa.”—Miyambo 13:20.

Kufunika kwa Kukhala Wachikatikati

Kodi zonsezi zikutanthauza kuti nkolakwa kuona kapena kulankhula za osiyana nawo ziŵalo? Ayi, ngakhale olemba Baibulo anaona mfundo yakuti amuna ndi akazi ena anali okongola mwakuthupi. (Yerekezerani ndi 1 Samueli 9:2; Estere 2:7.) Chotero, Yesu sanatsutse aliyense kokha chifukwa choona kuti mkazi ali wokongola. Koma iye anachenjezadi Akristu ‘kusayang’ana mkazi kumkhumba.’ (Mateyu 5:28) Mwa njira yofananayo, simungadzilole kutsogozedwa ndi chikhumbo chongobuka. Pa 1 Atesalonika 4:4, 5 tikuuzidwa kuti: “Yense wa inu ayenera kuphunzira kulamulira thupi lake la iyemwini m’njira imene ili yoyera ndi yolemekezeka, osati m’chilakolako chonyansa monga akunja, amene sadziŵa Mulungu.”—New International Version.

Pamene kuli kwakuti malingaliro akugonana angaloŵe m’maganizo nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi, kusumika maganizo pa iwo kungakhaledi kumwerekera, ndipo kenako mavuto aakulu amabuka. Mlaliki 5:3 amati: “Pakuti loto lafika mwakuchuluka ntchito.” Inde, munthu woganiza kwambiri za zilakolako zake kaŵirikaŵiri amayamba kukulitsa malingaliro oipa ndi kulota ali maso.b

Ngakhale kuti nkwachibadwa kukhala ndi malingaliro a zakugonana nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi, kusumika maganizo pa iwo kuli nkhani ina. Mlembi Ruth Bell akunena kuti “nthaŵi zina munthu adzangopeza kuti akuthera pafupifupi masana ndi usiku wonse akulota. Malotowo angafikire pakuonekera kukhala enieni koposa.” Talingalirani za mtsikana wina wachichepere amene wagwidwa ndi kutengeka maganizo. Iye akuti: “Ndili ndi zaka 12 1/2, ndipo ndimalingalira mwamphamvu za mnyamata amene amafika pa Nyumba Yaufumu yanga. Ndikudziŵa kuti sindili wamkulu moti nkumacheza ndi mwamuna, koma ndikuvutika kwambiri kulamulira malingaliro anga kulinga kwa iye.” M’lingaliro lofananalo, achichepere ena amapeza vuto kuŵerenga, kuphunzira, kutchera khutu m’kalasi, kapena kukonzekera misonkhano Yachikristu pamene maganizo awo ali odzaza ndi malingaliro achikondi kapena odzutsa chikhumbo chakugonana.

Mavuto aakulu angatulukeponso pamene wachichepere ayesera kuthetsa chikhumbocho mwa kuchita psotopsoto. Baibulo limafulumiza Akristu kuti: “Chifukwa chake fetsani ziŵalozo zili padziko; dama, chidetso, chifunitso cha manyazi, chilakolako choipa, ndi chisiriro.” (Akolose 3:5) Psotopsoto ndi chizoloŵezi chodetsedwa chimene chiyenera kupeŵedwa ndi Akristu ndipo chili chosemphana kotheratu ndi ‘kufetsa chifunitso cha manyazi.’ Mmalo mwake, chimachisonkhezera ndi kuchikulitsa. Kaŵirikaŵiri, chilakolako choterocho chimabala zipatso. Wolemba Baibulo Yakobo akulongosola kuti: “Munthu aliyense ayesedwa pamene chilakolako chake cha iye mwini chimkokera, nichimnyenga. Pamenepo chilakolakocho chitaima, chibala uchimo; ndipo uchimo, utakula msinkhu, ubala imfa.”—Yakobo 1:14, 15.

Pamenepo, kodi nchiyani chimene mungachite kuti muchotse maganizo anu pa osiyana nawo ziŵalo? Chonde ŵerengani nkhani yotsatira mu mpambo uno.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 23]

“Malingaliro achikondi kapena a zakugonana angakhale amphamvu kwambiri”

[Chithunzi patsamba 26]

Akanema a pa TV ndi kusatsa malonda kwa magazini kaŵirikaŵiri zimachirikiza chikondwerero choipa mwa osiyana nawo ziŵalo