Vahe 11

ʻOku Fakahaaʻi ʻe Hoku Valá ʻa Au Tonu?

“ʻOKU ʻikai ke fuʻu nounou,” ko e kaila ia ʻa Peggy ki heʻene ongo mātuʻá. “ʻOkú mo fuʻu fakamoli-Tonga!” Naʻá ne lele leva ki hono lokí—ko e tā tuku ia ʻo ha felāuaki ʻi ha piva naʻá ne loto ke tui. Pea mahalo pē kuo fakatefito ʻia koe ha fekīhiaki meimei tatau ʻi hono fakaangaʻi ʻe ha taha ʻo hoʻo ongo mātuʻá, ko ha faiako, pe ko ha pule ngāue ha teunga naʻá ke manako ai. ʻOkú ke ui ia ko e vala ngaholo; ʻoku nau ui ia ko e ʻaiʻainoaʻia. ʻOkú ke ui ia ko e sitaila; ʻoku nau ui ia ʻoku fakaʻaʻala pe fakatauele.

Ko e moʻoni, ʻoku kehekehe ʻa e ngaahi saiʻiá, pea ʻoku ʻi ai ʻa hoʻo totonu ki hoʻo ngaahi fakakaukaú. Ka ʻoku totonu ke ʻuhinga eni ʻoku ‘sai ha meʻa pē’ ʻi he fekauʻaki mo e anga hoʻo ʻai valá?

Ko e Pōpoaki Totonu?

“Ko e meʻa ʻokú ke tuí,” ko e lau ia ʻa e taʻahine ko Pam, “ʻoku fakahaaʻi tonu ai koe pea mo e anga hoʻo ongoʻi ʻo fekauʻaki mo koé.” ʻIo, ko e valá ʻoku ʻoatu ai ha pōpoaki, ko ha fakamatala ki he niʻihi kehé ʻo fekauʻaki mo koe. ʻE lava ki he valá ke ne fafanaʻi atu ʻa e faitōnunga, tuʻumaʻu mo e ngaahi tuʻunga māʻolunga fakaeʻulungāanga. Pe ʻe lava ke ne kailangakiʻi ʻa e angatuʻu mo e taʻefiemālie. Naʻa mo ʻene lava ke hoko ko ha faʻahinga fakapapauʻiʻanga. ʻOku ngāueʻaki ʻe he kau talavou ʻe niʻihi ʻa e vala mahaehae, ngaahi sitaila fakakengi, pe ngaahi vala mamafa ʻiloá ko ha faʻahinga fakaʻilonga ia ʻo kinautolu. ʻOku ngāueʻaki ʻe he niʻihi ʻa e valá ke tohoakiʻi ʻa e tangatá pe fefiné pe ke ʻai ai ke nau hā fuʻu lahi ange ʻi honau tuʻunga totonú.

Ko ia ʻoku faingofua ai ke sio ki he ʻuhinga ʻoku mātuʻaki mahuʻinga ai ʻa e valá ki he kau talavou tokolahi. Kae kehe, ʻoku fakatokanga mai ʻa John T. Molloy, ko e faʻu-tohi ʻo e Dress for Success: “Ko e anga ʻo ʻetau ʻai valá ʻoku ʻi ai ʻene maongo fakaofo ki he kakai ʻoku tau fetaulaki mo iá pea ʻoku uesia lahi ai ʻa e anga ʻo ʻenau tōʻongafai maí.”

Hono ʻikai fai ha ofo ʻi he hohaʻa lahi ʻa hoʻo ongo mātuʻá ki he anga hoʻo ʻai valá! Kiate kinaua ʻoku ʻikai ko ha meʻa pē ʻoku fekauʻaki mo e saiʻia fakafoʻituituí. ʻOkú na fiemaʻu ke ke ʻoatu ʻa e pōpoaki totonú, ʻa e pōpoaki ʻoku fakamahinoʻi ai koe ko ha tokotaha mafamafatatau mo alafalalaʻanga. Ka ʻoku fakahoko ʻe hoʻo founga ʻai valá ʻa e meʻá ni? Ko e hā ʻokú ne tataki ʻa hoʻo fili ʻa e ngaahi valá?

“ʻOku Ou Fai ha Meʻa Pē ʻOku Fie Fai ʻe Hoku Ngaahi Kaumeʻá”

Ki he kau talavou tokolahi, ko e valá ko ha fakamatalaʻi ia ʻo ʻenau tauʻatāiná mo honau tuʻunga tāutahá. Ka ʻi ho tuʻunga ko ha talavou, ko ho angaʻitangatá ʻoku kei ʻi ha tuʻunga feliliuaki—ʻo kei tupu mo kei liliu. Ko ia, lolotonga hoʻo fiemaʻu ke ʻoatu ha fakamatala ʻo fekauʻaki mo koé, ʻe ʻikai nai te ke fuʻu fakapapauʻi pe ko e hā ʻa e fakalea totonu ʻo e fakamatala ko iá pe ko e founga ke fakalea ai iá. Ko ia ʻoku fakateunga ʻaki ai ʻe he kau talavou ʻe niʻihi kinautolu ʻa e vala ʻoku fuʻu anga-kehe mo taha kehe atu. Kae kehe, ʻi he ʻikai ke fokotuʻu ʻa honau ‘tuʻunga fakatāutahá,’ ʻoku nau tohoakiʻi pē ai ʻa e tokangá ki heʻenau taʻematuʻotuʻá—ʻo ʻikai lau ki ai ʻenau fakamaaʻi ʻenau ongo mātuʻá.

Ko e kau talavou ʻe niʻihi ʻoku nau mātuʻaki fili pē ke ʻai vala tatau mo honau toʻumeʻá; ʻoku ngali ʻoange ai kia kinautolu ha ongoʻi malu mo fakaʻilongaʻi ai ʻenau kau ki ha kulupu. Ko e moʻoni, ʻoku ʻikai ke hala ia ke fiemaʻu ke feohi mo e kakaí. (Fakafehoanaki mo e 1 Kolinito 9:22.) Ka ʻe fiemaʻu moʻoni ʻe ha Kalisitiane ke fakaʻilongaʻi fakataha ia mo e kau talavou taʻetuí? Pea ʻoku fakapotopoto ke kumi ki he leleiʻia ʻa e toʻumeʻá neongo pe ko e hā ʻe hokó? Naʻe fakahā ʻe ha kiʻi taʻahine: “ʻOku ou fai ha meʻa pē ʻoku fie fai ʻe hoku ngaahi kaumeʻá koeʻuhí pē ke ʻoua ʻe ʻi ai ha meʻa te nau lea mai ai.” Ka ʻokú ke ui ko e hā ha taha ʻoku fakaongo maʻu pē ki ha taha kehe, mo fai maʻu pē ki he manako tuʻungaʻa mo e saiʻia ʻa ha taha? ʻOku tali ʻe he Tohi Tapú: “ʻIkai ʻoku mou ʻilo, ka mou ka ʻatu kimoutolu ki ha taha . . . ke talangofua kiate ia, pea ko e kau tamaioʻeiki leva kimoutolu kiate ia ʻoku mou talangofua ki ai?”—Fakaʻītali ʻamautolu; Loma 6:16.

ʻI he haʻohaʻonga ʻo e kau talavoú “ko e fakamamafa ki he tauhi tuʻutuʻuní ʻe lava ke hoko ia ʻo fuʻu mālohi ʻo meimei hangē ai ʻa e kau mēmipa ʻo ha kulupu ko ha kau pōpula ʻo e founga fakakulupú, ʻo fakafalala kia kinautolu [honau toʻumeʻá] ki ha faleʻi ki he anga ʻo e ʻai valá, anga ʻo e talanoá, meʻa ke faí pea naʻa mo e meʻa ke fakakaukau mo tui ki aí.”—Adolescence: Transition From Childhood to Maturity.

Ka ʻoku taau fēfē ho ngaahi kaumeʻá ke fai ha faleʻi pehē? (Fakafehoanaki mo e Mātiu 15:14.) ʻIkai ʻoku nau tofanga ʻi he ngaahi mamahi fakautuutu fakaeongo tatau mo koe? ʻOku fakapotopoto ai ke anga-vaivai ʻo tuku kia kinautolu ke nau fokotuʻu ʻa e tuʻunga ke ke muimui aí—naʻa mo e taimi ʻoku fepaki ai ʻa e ngaahi tuʻungá ni mo hoʻo fakakaukau fakapotopotó pe ko e ngaahi meʻa mahuʻinga mo e ngaahi fakaʻamu ʻa hoʻo ongo mātuʻá?

“Ngāueʻaki” he ʻAhó Ni—“Liʻaki” ʻApongipongi

Ko e kau talavou ʻe niʻihi ʻoku tataki kinautolu ʻe he ngaahi matangi ʻo e ākengá. Ka hono feliliuaki ko e ngaahi matangi ko iá! ʻOku fakamanatu mai ai ʻa e lea ʻa e Tohi Tapú: “Kuo kamata liliu ʻa e anga ʻo e maama ko eni.” (1 Kolinito 7:31) Ko ia ko e meʻa ʻoku “ngāueʻaki” he ʻaho ní ʻe hoko ia ʻo ʻosi hono kuongá ʻapongipongi fakataha mo haʻane hoko fakafokifā fakaʻohovale (ʻikai lau ki ai ʻene mamafá). Ko e ngaahi kofú ʻoku tātāʻolunga mo lōloa, ko e vaʻe ʻo e talausesé ʻoku felea mo fōsiʻi, ʻo hoko kotoa ia ki he lelei ʻa e kau faʻu koloa mo e kau tisaini vala ʻa ia ʻoku nau maʻu ʻa e ngaahi tupu lahi mei ha kakai ʻoku ala puleʻingofua.

Fakakaukau angé ki he ākenga tangikalī ʻiloa ʻo e ngaahi taʻu siʻi kuohilí ko ha fakatātā. Naʻe fakafokifā pē ʻa e hoko ʻa e tangikalií ko ha ākenga manakoa. Naʻe totongi ʻe he kakaí ʻa e ngaahi mahuʻinga fakavalevale ʻaupito ke nau hoko ko e kau tuʻuaki ʻoku luelue holo mo e ngaahi hingoa hangē ko e Calvin Klein mo e Gloria Vanderbilt. “ʻOku fiemaʻu ʻe he kakaí ha hingoa,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa Eli Kaplan, ko e palesiteni ʻo e kautaha ʻoku nau tuitui ʻa e ngaahi tangikalī “Sergio Valente.” Ko hai leva ʻa Mr. Valente ko eni, ʻa ia ko hono hingoa ongoongoá ʻoku tuituiʻi mataʻāʻā lelei ʻi he ngaahi kato ʻo e tangikalií? “ʻOku ʻikai ha taha pehē,” ko e līpooti ia ʻa e Newsweek. ʻI ha fakamatala ki ai naʻe ʻeke tonu ai ʻe Kaplan: “Ko hai ia te ne fakatau ha tangikalī Eli Kaplan?”

‘Ka ʻoku hala ke ʻalu fakataha mo e sitailá?’ ko haʻo ʻeke nai ia. ʻOku ʻikai ke pehē maʻu pē. Ko e kau sevāniti ʻa e ʻOtuá ʻi he ngaahi taimi ʻo e Tohi Tapú naʻa nau ʻai vala ʻo fakatatau ki he saiʻia ʻa e feituʻú. Ko e fakatātaá, ʻoku pehē ʻe he Tohi Tapú naʻe tui ʻe Tema ha kofu pulepule, “he naʻe pehe ʻa e kofu ʻo e ngaahi ʻofefine ʻo e tuʻi naʻe tāupoʻou” ʻi he ngaahi ʻaho ko iá.—2 Samiuela 13:18.

Ka ʻoku totonu ke pōpula ha taha ki he sitailá? Naʻe loto-mamahi ha kiʻi taʻahine: “ʻOkú ke sio ʻi ha falekoloa ki ha talausese fakaʻofoʻofa ʻoku maʻu ʻe he tokotaha kotoa pē peá ke pehē, ‘Fineʻeiki, fakatau mai muʻa maʻaku ʻa e talausese ko eé,’ pea pehē atu ia, ‘ʻIkai, ʻe lava pē ke u tuitui ia ʻi ʻapi.’ ʻOku ou tala ange, ‘Ka ʻoku ʻikai te ke mahinoʻi. ʻOku ou fiemaʻu ʻe au ʻa e talausese ko eé.’” Ko hono moʻoní leva, ʻikai ko hoʻo hoko ʻo meʻangāueʻaki ʻe he kau faʻu sīpingá ʻoku toʻo ai meiate koe ho tuʻunga tāutahá pea fufū ai ʻa koe tonu? Ko e hā ke puleʻi ai koe ʻe ha ngaahi tuʻuaki fakatauele, ngaahi lea mo ha ngaahi hingoa ʻiloa?

ʻOku tala mai ʻe he Tohi Tapú ʻi he Loma 12:2: “ʻOua naʻa mou tuku ke fakaangatatau kimoutolu ki he maama ko eni: kae tuku ke fai ai pe homou liliu, he fakafoʻou ʻo homou ʻatamai, ke mou sivi ʻo ʻilo pe ko e ha ʻa e finangalo ʻo e ʻOtua, ʻa e meʻa ʻoku lelei, ʻa e meʻa te ne hōifua ai, ʻa e meʻa ʻoku haohaoa.” Ko e hā ʻa e “finangalo ʻo e ʻOtua” ʻi he fekauʻaki mo e vala ʻokú ke filí?

‘Angamā mo Ngali ke ʻAi’

ʻOku fakalototoʻaʻi ʻe he 1 Timote 2:9 ʻa e kau Kalisitiané ke “teuʻaki kinautolu ʻa e kofu ʻoku ngali ke ʻai, pea ō mo e angamā mo e angafakamaʻumaʻu.” Ko e “kofu ʻoku ngali ke ʻai” ʻe natula maau mo maʻa. Ko e “angamā” pe anga-fakanānaá ʻoku faʻa fakakaukauʻi ai ʻa e ngaahi tuʻungá. Ko ha suti tō lelei ʻe feʻunga nai ia ki ha ngāue, ka ʻoku ʻikai ke feʻunga ia ʻi he matātahí! ʻI he tafaʻaki ʻe tahá, ko ha teunga kaukau tahi ʻe ngali vale ia ʻi ha ʻōfisi.

Ko ia, ko e kau fakamoʻoni kei talavou ʻa Sihová te nau tokanga ai ki he vala ʻoku nau tui ʻi he ngaahi fakataha faka-Kalisitiané pe ʻi he ngāue ʻo e malanga ki he niʻihi kehé ke ʻoua ʻe fuʻu ʻaiʻainoaʻia ka ʻoku fakaʻilongaʻi ai kinautolu ko e kau faifekau kei talavou ʻa e ʻOtuá. Manatu ki he lea ʻa Paula ʻi he 2 Kolinito 6:​3, 4 (PM): “Ke oua naa ai ha tūkiaaga i ha mea e taha, koeuhi ke oua naa fakaogokovi ae gaue: Ka mau fakaogolelei atu akimautolu i he gaahi mea kotoabe, o tāu moe kau faifekau ae Otua.”

Ko e anga-fakanānaá ʻoku toe fakakaukauʻi ai foki ʻa e ngaahi ongoʻi ʻa e niʻihi kehé. Hangē ko e lea ʻa e ʻapositolo ko Paulá, ko e ngaahi tōʻonga ʻa ha Kalisitiane ʻoku totonu ke fakakaukau ʻo ʻikai ki hono konisēnisí pē “ka ko e konisenisi ʻo e taha kehe.” (1 Kolinito 10:29) ʻIkai ʻoku totonu ke ke tokanga tautefito ki he konisēnisi ʻa hoʻo ongo mātuʻá?

Ko e Ngaahi ʻAonga ʻo e ʻAi Vala Tāú

ʻOku fakamatala ʻa e Tohi Tapú ki ha taimi ʻa ia naʻe fiemaʻu ai ʻe Kuini ʻĒseta ke hā ʻi he ʻao ʻo hono husepānití, ʻa e tuʻí. Kae kehe, ko ha hā taʻefakaafeʻi pehē ʻe lava ke hoko ia ko ha hia tautea mate! ʻOku ʻikai ha veiveiua naʻe lotu faivelenga ʻa ʻĒseta ki he tokoni ʻa e ʻOtuá. Ka naʻá ne toe tokanga foki ki hono fōtungá ʻaki ʻene “kofu fakatuʻi”—ʻi ha anga naʻe feʻunga mo e meʻa naʻe ʻamanaki ke faí! Pea “ʻi he ʻiloange naʻe ʻafioʻi ʻe he tuʻi ʻa Eseta ko e kuini ʻoku ne tuʻu mai ʻi he lotoʻa, naʻa ne hoifuaʻia ai.”—Eseta 5:​1, 2.

ʻI hoʻo ʻai vala ʻi ha founga fakamānako kae fakanānaá ʻe tokoni nai ia ke ke fakafōtunga lelei atu ai ʻi ha fakaʻekeʻeke ngāue. ʻOku pehē ʻe Vicki L. Baum, ko e talēkita ʻo ha Senitā Ngāue Fakalakalaka: “Ko e kakai fefine ʻe niʻihi ʻoku nau maʻuhala ʻi he taimi ʻoku nau ʻalu ai ki ha fakaʻekeʻeke. ʻOku nau fakakaukau ʻoku hangē ia ko ha ʻalu ki ha aleá, pea ʻoku nau hā fakatauele.” Ko e hā ʻa e olá? “ʻOkú ne holoki ai ho tuʻunga fakapalōfesinalé.” ʻOkú ne faleʻi mai ke ʻoua ʻe tui “ʻa e ngaahi meʻa ʻoku mahaʻihaʻi pe fakatauelé.”

ʻOku toe totonu foki ki he kau tangata kei talavoú ke nau feinga ke tui ʻa e vala ʻoku ngali ke ʻaí ʻi he taimi ʻo e kumi ngāué. ʻOku pehē ʻe John T. Molloy, ko e kau tangata pisinisí “ʻoku helu honau ʻulú mo fakangingila honau suú. Pea ʻoku nau ʻamanekina ʻa e meʻa tatau mei he kakai tangata kehé.”

Neongo ia, ko e vala taʻefakanānaá ʻe lava ke ne maumauʻi ʻa ho vahaʻangatae mo e niʻihi kehé. Naʻe lave ʻa e Psychology Today ki ha savea naʻe fai ki he kau talavoú ʻa ia naʻe hā ai “ko ha sote ʻāpanga, talausese mutu, tangikalī mahaʻihaʻi, pe taʻepōtisí” ʻe fakaʻuhingaʻi nai ia ʻe he kakai tangatá ko ha fakaafe fehokotaki fakasino. Naʻe fakahā ʻe ha talavou ʻe taha: “ʻOku meimei faingataʻa kiate au fakafoʻituitui ke u fakakaukau maʻa ʻataʻatā pē ki he kau finemuí ʻi he taimi ʻoku ou sio ai ki he anga ʻenau ʻai valá.” Ko e vala fakanānaá ʻoku fakaʻatā ai ʻa e kakaí ke nau fakamahuʻingaʻi ho ngaahi anga ʻi lotó. Kapau ʻoku ʻikai te ke fakapapauʻi pe ʻoku fakanānā ha foʻi teunga, kole ki hoʻo ongo mātuʻá ki ha faleʻi.

Teuʻi ʻa e “Tangata ʻi Loto”

Naʻe fakalototoʻaʻi ʻe he ʻapositolo ko Pitá ʻa e kau Kalisitiané ke nau teuʻi “ʻa e tangata fufū ʻo e loto, ʻio, ʻaki ʻa e meʻa taʻe ʻauha ko e angava[i]vai mo e angamalū, ʻa ia ko e meʻa mahuʻinga ʻaupito ʻi he ʻafio ʻa e ʻOtua”—ʻio, pea ʻi he vakai ʻa e niʻihi kehé! (1 Pita 3:4) Ko e vala sitailá ʻe kāvea nai ai ho ngaahi toʻumeʻa ʻe niʻihi. Ka ʻoku ʻikai ko e valá ʻokú ne ikuʻi ʻa e lotó pe ʻokú ne ʻai ha ngaahi kaumeʻa moʻoní. ʻOku lavaʻi eni ʻi hono teuʻi ʻa e “tangata ʻi loto”—ʻo ngāue ki ho anga ʻi lotó. (2 Kolinito 4:16) Ko ha tokotaha ʻoku fakaʻofoʻofa ʻi loto ʻe hā fakamānako maʻu pē ia ki he niʻihi kehé, neongo kapau ko hono valá ʻoku ʻikai ko e sitaila fakamuimui tahá ia pe “tā” ai ʻa e ngaahi hingoa fakasesele ʻa e tokotaha ngaohí.

Ko hai ʻokú ne ʻilo ʻa e ākenga hoko ʻe ʻohofia ai ʻe he toʻutupú ʻa e ngaahi falekoloá. Kae kehe, ʻe lava ke ke fakakaukau pē koe ʻiate koe. Piki ki he ngaahi tuʻunga māʻolunga ʻo e valá. Fakaʻehiʻehi mei he teunga mo e ngaahi vala ʻo e kuongá ʻoku fakaʻaiʻai ai ʻa e fehokotaki fakasinó. ʻAi ke ke ʻi he tafaʻaki feʻungá, ʻo ʻikai ko e ʻuluaki—pe hoko maʻu pē ko e fakaʻosi—ke heka ʻi he taʻau ʻo e ākengá. Fakasio ʻa e ngaahi teunga lelei ʻe tolongá—ʻo ʻikai ke motuʻa vave hono ākengá. Fakapapauʻi ʻoku ʻoatu ʻe ho valá ʻa e pōpoaki totonú, ʻo fakahā ai, ʻo ʻikai ko ha ʻīmisi naʻe toki faʻu ʻe he mītiá pe toʻumeʻá, ka ko koe tonu!

Ngaahi Fehuʻi ki he Fetalanoaʻaki

◻ ʻOku anga-fēfē hono ʻoatu ʻe he valá ha pōpoaki?

◻ Ko e hā ʻoku hehema ai ʻa e toʻutupu ʻe niʻihi ki he tuʻunga fuʻu anga-kehé ʻi he vala ʻoku nau filí?

◻ Ko e hā ʻa e lahi ʻo hono tākiekina koe ʻe ho toʻumeʻá ʻi he fekauʻaki mo e vala ʻokú ke filí?

◻ Ko e hā ʻa e ngaahi kovi ʻe niʻihi ʻo e feinga maʻu pē ke ʻalu mo e sitailá?

◻ Ko e hā ʻokú ne fakapapauʻi pe ʻoku ‘angamā mo ngali ke ʻai’ ha sitaila?

[Fakamatala ʻi he peesi 94]

“Ko e meʻa ʻokú ke tuí ʻoku fakahaaʻi tonu ai koe pea mo e anga hoʻo ongoʻi ʻo fekauʻaki mo koé”

[Fakatātā ʻi he peesi 91]

ʻOku faʻa fepaki ʻa e ngaahi mātuʻá mo ʻenau fānaú ʻi he meʻa ʻoku nau tuí. ʻOku fakamoli-Tonga moʻoni pē ʻa e ngaahi mātuʻá?

[Fakatātā ʻi he peesi 92]

ʻOku feinga ʻa e kau talavou tokolahi ke fakamahinoʻi honau tuʻunga tāutahá fakafou ʻi he vala anga-kehe

[Fakatātā ʻi he peesi 93]

ʻAi vala ʻi ha founga ʻoku feʻunga mo e ngaahi tuʻungá. ʻOku ʻoatu ʻe he valá ha pōpoaki ʻo fekauʻaki mo koe!