Vahe 16
ʻOku Fakanatula Ke U Mamahi Peheni?
ʻOKU manatu ʻa Mitchell ki he ʻaho naʻe mate ai ʻa ʻene tangataʻeikí: “Naʻá ku ʻohovale lahi. . . . ‘ʻOku taʻemalava ke moʻoni eni,’ ko ʻeku toutou pehē hifo ia kiate aú.”
Ko ha taha nai ʻokú ke ʻofa ai—ko ha taha ʻi he ongo mātuʻá, ko ha tuongaʻane, tuofefine, pe ko ha kaumeʻa—kuo mate. Pea ʻi he ʻikai ongoʻi loto-mamahí pē, ʻokú ke toe ongoʻi ʻita, puputuʻu mo manavahē. Neongo ai haʻo feinga, ʻoku ʻikai malava ke ke mapukepuke ho loʻimatá. Pe ʻokú ke kukuta ʻi loto ʻa hoʻo ongoʻi mamahí.
Ko hono moʻoní, ʻoku fakanatula pē ke fai ha tali fakaeongo ʻi he taimi ʻoku mate ai ha taha ʻoku tau ʻofa ai. Naʻa mo Sīsū Kalaisi naʻá ne “tagi” mo “toʻe” ʻi hono laumālié, ʻi he taimi naʻá ne ʻilo ai ʻa e mate ʻa ha kaumeʻa ofi. (Sione 11:33-36, PM; fakafehoanaki mo e 2 Samiuela 13:28-39.) ʻI he ʻiloʻi kuo hokosia ʻe he niʻihi kehé ʻa e ongoʻi tatau mo koé ʻe tokoni lelei nai ange ai ke ke fekuki mo e mole ʻoku hoko kiate koé.
Fakaʻikaiʻi
Te ke muʻaki ongoʻi noa nai. Mahalo pē ʻi ho lotó ʻokú ke ʻamanaki ko ha foʻi misi kovi pē ia, ʻe haʻu ha taha ʻo fafangu koe pea ʻe hangē pē ʻa e ngaahi meʻá ko ʻene faʻa ʻi aí. Ko e fakatātaá, naʻe mate ʻa e faʻē ʻa Cindy ʻi he kanisā. ʻOku fakamatala ʻa Cindy: “ʻOku teʻeki ke u tali moʻoni kuó ne mate. ʻE ʻi ai ha meʻa ʻe hoko naʻá ma talanoa nai ki ai ʻi he kuohilí, pea ʻoku ou faʻa pehē, ‘Te u tala ange eni ki he fineʻeikí.’”
ʻOku hehema ʻa e faʻahinga ʻoku tofanga ʻi he mamahí ke fakaʻikaiʻi kuo hoko ʻa e maté. ʻE aʻu nai ki haʻanau fakakaukau naʻa nau sio fakafokifā ki he pekiá ʻi he halá, ʻi ha pasi naʻe lele hake, pe ʻi he hala ʻi lolofonuá. Ko ha kiʻi maʻalifekina meimei hangē ko e pekiá ʻoku lava ke ne langaʻi hake ʻa e ʻamanaki ko ha foʻi maʻuhala pē nai ʻa e maté. Manatuʻi, naʻe ngaohi ʻe he ʻOtuá ʻa e tangatá ke moʻui, ʻikai ke mate. (Senesi 1:28; 2:9) Ko ia, ʻoku fakanatula pē ʻa e faingataʻa ke tau tali ʻa e maté.
“Anga-Fēfē ʻEne Fai Mai ʻa e Meʻá Ni Kiate Aú?”
ʻOua te ke ʻohovale kapau ʻe aʻu ʻo ʻi ai ha ngaahi mōmeniti te ke kiʻi ongoʻi ʻita ai ki he pekiá. ʻOku manatu ʻa Cindy: “ʻI he mate ʻa e fineʻeikí, naʻe ʻi ai ʻa e ngaahi taimi naʻá ku fakakaukau ai, ‘Naʻe ʻikai ʻaupito haʻo lea mai te ke mate. Naʻá ke pulia pē.’ Naʻá ku ongoʻi liʻekina.”
Ko e mate ʻa ha tuongaʻane pe tuofefine ʻe lava ke ne ueʻi ʻa e ngaahi ongoʻi peheé. “ʻOku meimei ngali vale ke ongoʻi ʻita ki ha taha ʻoku mate,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa Karen, “ka ʻi he taimi naʻe mate ai hoku tokouá, naʻe ʻikai te u lava ʻo mapuleʻi ia. Ko e ngaahi fakakaukau hangē ko e, ‘Anga-fēfē ʻene mate ka u tokotaha pē? Anga-fēfē ʻene fai mai ʻa e meʻá ni kiate aú?’ naʻe toutou haʻu ia ki hoku ʻatamaí.” ʻOku ʻita ʻa e faʻahinga ʻe niʻihi ʻi honau tokouá koeʻuhi ko e kotoa ʻo e mamahi kuo fakatupunga ʻe heʻene maté. ʻOku ongoʻi liʻekina ʻa e niʻihi, naʻa mo e loto-mamahi nai, koeʻuhi ko e fuʻu taimi mo e tokanga kotoa naʻe fai ki he tuongaʻane pe tuofefine naʻe puké ki muʻa ke ne maté. Ko e ongo mātuʻa teʻia ʻe he mamahí, ʻi he manavahē naʻa toe mole mo ha kiʻi tama ʻe taha, ʻoku fakafokifā pē ʻena hoko ʻo fuʻu maluʻi tōtuʻá, ʻe lava foki ke na ueʻi ai ʻa e loto-tāufehiʻa ki he pekiá.
“Kapau Pē Ā . . . ”
Ko e ongoʻi halaiá ko ha toe tali foki ia ʻoku faʻa hoko. ʻOku haʻu ki he ʻatamaí ʻa e ngaahi fehuʻi mo e tālafili. ‘ʻOku toe ʻi ai ha meʻa naʻe mei lava ke tau fai? Naʻe totonu nai ke tau talatala ki ha toketā ʻe taha?’ Pea ʻoku hoko atu leva mo e ngaahi kapau pē ā. ‘Kapau pē ā naʻe ʻikai fuʻu lahi ʻema keé.’ ‘Kapau pē ā naʻá ku anga-lelei ange.’ ‘Kapau pē ā ko au naʻe ʻalu ki he falekoloá.’
ʻOku pehē ʻe Mitchell: “Pehē ange mai naʻá ku kātaki mo mahinoʻi ange ʻeku tamaí. Pe fai ha ngaahi ngāue lahi ange ʻi ʻapi ke faingofua ange kiate ia ʻi heʻene foki mai ki ʻapí.” Pea naʻe pehē ʻe Elisa: “ʻI he puke ʻa e fineʻeikí ʻo mate fakafokifaá, naʻe ʻi ai ʻa e ngaahi ongo naʻe ʻikai ke solova ʻiate kimaua. ʻOku ou ongoʻi halaia lahi he taimí ni. ʻOku ou fakakaukau ki he ngaahi lea kotoa naʻe totonu ke u leaʻaki kiate iá, ngaahi lea kotoa naʻe ʻikai totonu ke u leaʻakí, ngaahi fehālaaki kotoa naʻá ku faí.”
ʻE aʻu nai ki haʻo tukuakiʻi koe ki he meʻa kuo hokó. ʻOku manatu ʻa Cindy: “Naʻá ku ongoʻi halaia ʻi heʻema fakakikihi kotoa pē naʻe fai, ʻi he fakalotomafasia kotoa pē naʻá ku fakatupunga ki he fineʻeikí. Naʻá ku ongoʻi ko e fakalotomafasia kotoa naʻá ku fakatupunga kiate iá naʻe tānaki atu ia ki heʻene puké.”
“Ko e Hā ʻEku Fakamatala ki Hoku Ngaahi Kaungāmeʻá?”
Naʻe pehē ʻe ha uitou ʻo fekauʻaki mo hono fohá: “Naʻe fehiʻa ʻa Jonny ke tala ange ki he fānau kehé kuo mālōlō ʻa ʻene tangataʻeikí. ʻOku fakamaaʻi ai ia pea ʻoku toe ʻai ai ke ne ʻita, koeʻuhi pē ko hono fakamaaʻi iá.”
ʻOku fakamatala ʻa e tohi Death and Grief in the Family: Ko ha fehuʻi mahuʻinga ʻaupito ʻa e “‘Ko e hā ʻeku fakamatala ki hoku ngaahi kaungāmeʻá?’ ki he fānau tokolahi [fanga tuongaʻane pe fanga tuofāfine ʻoku kei moʻuí]. ʻOku faʻa ongoʻi ʻe he fānaú ʻoku ʻikai ke mahinoʻi ʻe honau ngaahi kaungāmeʻá ʻa e meʻa ʻoku nau hokosiá. Ko e ngaahi feinga ke vahevahe ʻa e maongo ʻa e molé ʻe fakafetaulaki atu ʻaki nai ha ngaahi siosio noa mo ha ngaahi mata fakaʻilonga fehuʻi. . . . ʻI he meʻa ko iá, ʻe ongoʻi nai ai ʻe he kiʻi tama ʻoku tofanga ʻi he mamahí ʻoku ʻikai ke tali ia, tuēnoa pea naʻa mo ʻene ongoʻi ʻi he taimi ʻe niʻihi ʻo hangē ha tokotaha mata faikehé.”
Neongo ia, fakatokangaʻi ange, ʻi he taimi ʻe niʻihi ʻoku ʻikai pē ke ʻilo ʻe he niʻihi kehé ia pe ko e hā haʻanau lea ʻe fai ki ha kaumeʻa ʻoku mamahi—pea ʻoku ʻikai ai te nau leaʻaki ha meʻa. Ko e mole ʻoku hoko kiate koé ʻe fakamanatu nai ai kiate kinautolu ʻe lava foki ke mole ha tokotaha ʻoku nau ʻofa ai. ʻI he ʻikai loto ke fakamanatu ange ʻa e meʻa ko iá, te nau fakamamaʻo nai meiate koe.
Fehangahangai mo Hoʻo Loto-Mamahí
Ko ha tokoni lahi ʻa hono ʻiloʻi ʻoku fakanatula pē ʻa hoʻo loto-mamahí ki hoʻo feinga ke fekuki mo iá. Ka ʻoku fakatolonga ai pē ʻa e mamahí ʻi he hokohoko atu hono fakaʻikaiʻi ʻa e moʻoní. ʻI he taimi ʻe niʻihi, ʻe tuku ʻatā nai ʻe ha kiʻi fāmili ha nofoʻanga ʻi he tēpile kaí maʻá e pekiá, ʻo hangē ʻe haʻu nai ʻa e tokotaha ko iá ʻo kaí. Neongo ia, naʻe fili ʻe ha kiʻi fāmili ʻe taha ke fai ʻa e ngaahi meʻá ʻi ha tuʻunga kehe. ʻOku pehē ʻe he faʻeé: “Naʻe ʻikai te mau toe tangutu ʻi he tēpile kaí ʻi he hokohoko tatau. Naʻe hiki ʻa hoku husepānití ki he sea ʻo David, pea naʻe tokoni ia ke mapuni ai ʻa e nofoʻanga ko iá.”
ʻOku toe tokoni foki ke ʻiloʻi, neongo naʻe ʻi ai nai ʻa e ngaahi meʻa naʻe totonu mo ʻikai totonu ke ke leaʻaki pe fai, ʻoku faʻa hoko ʻo ʻikai ko e ngaahi ʻuhinga eni naʻe mate ai ʻa e tokotaha naʻá ke ʻofa aí. Pehē foki, “ʻOku lahi ʻa e meʻa ʻoku tau humu ai kotoa pe.”—Semisi 3:2.
Vahevahe ʻa Hoʻo Ongoʻí
ʻOku fokotuʻu mai ʻe Dr. Earl Grollman: “ʻOku ʻikai feʻunga ke ʻiloʻi pē ʻa e fepakipaki hoʻo ngaahi ongó; kuo pau ke ke fekuki fakahāhā mo ia. . . . Ko e taimi eni ke vahevahe atu ai ʻa hoʻo ngaahi ongoʻí.” ʻOku ʻikai ko ha taimi eni ke fakamavaheʻi ai koe.—Palovepi 18:1.
ʻOku pehē ʻe Dr. Grollman, ʻi hono fakaʻikaiʻi ʻa e mamahí, “ʻokú ke fakatolonga ai pē ʻa e toʻé pea toloi ai ʻa e ʻalu ke sai ʻa e mamahí.” ʻOkú ne fokotuʻu mai: “Kumi ha tokotaha fanongo lelei, ko ha kaumeʻa te ne mahinoʻi ko hoʻo ngaahi ongó ko e ngaahi tali fakanatula pē ia ki hoʻo fuʻu loto-mamahí.” Ko ha taha ʻi he ongo mātuʻá, ko ha tuongaʻane, tuofefine, kaungāmeʻa pe ko ha mātuʻa ʻi he fakatahaʻanga Kalisitiané ʻe faʻa lava ke ne hoko ko ha poupou moʻoni.
Pea fēfē kapau ʻokú ke ongoʻi fie tangi? ʻOku tānaki mai ʻe Dr. Grollman: “Ki he niʻihi, ko e tangí ʻa e faitoʻo lelei taha ki he mafasia fakaeongó, ki he kakai tangata, pehē foki ki he kakai fefine mo e fānau. Ko e tangí ko ha founga fakanatula ia ke fakafiemālieʻi ai ʻa e toʻé pea tukuange atu ai ʻa e mamahí.”
Ngāue Fakataha ko ha Fāmili
ʻE toe lava foki ke hoko ʻa hoʻo ongo mātuʻá ko ha tokoni lahi ʻi he taimi ʻo e molé—pea ʻe lava ke ke hoko mo koe ko ha tokoni kiate kinaua. Ko e fakatātaá, ko Jane mo Sarah mei ʻIngilani, naʻe mate hona tuongaʻane taʻu 23 ko Darrall. Naʻe anga-fēfē ʻena lavaʻi ʻena loto-mamahí? ʻOku tali ʻe Jane: “Koeʻuhi naʻa mau toko fā, naʻá ku ʻalu ʻo fai ʻa e meʻa kotoa pē fakataha mo e tangataʻeikí, pea fai ʻe Sarah ʻa e meʻa kotoa pē fakataha mo e fineʻeikí. ʻI he meʻá ni, naʻe ʻikai ai te mau nofo tokotaha.” ʻOku hoko atu ʻe Jane: “Naʻe teʻeki te u sio ki muʻa ʻoku tangi ʻa e tangataʻeikí. Naʻe tuʻo ua ʻene tangi, pea ʻi ha tuʻunga ko e meʻa lelei ia, ʻi heʻeku toe fakakaukau atu ki aí, ʻoku ou ongoʻi lelei he taimí ni ʻi he malava ke u ʻi ai koeʻuhi pē ke fakafiemālieʻi iá.”
Ko ha ʻAmanaki ʻOku Fakanonga
Ko e kiʻi talavou ko David, mei ʻIngilani, naʻe mate hono tuofefine taʻu 13 ko Janet ʻi he mahaki kanisā Hodgkin. ʻOkú ne pehē: “Ko e taha ʻo e ngaahi meʻa naʻe ʻaonga lahi kiate aú ko ha konga tohi naʻe fai ha lave ki ai ʻi he malanga putú. ʻOku pehē ai: ‘Koeʻuhi kuo kotofa ʻe he ʻOtuá ha ʻaho ke fakamaau māʻoniʻoni ai ʻa e māmaní, pea kuó ne tokonaki ha fakapapauʻiʻanga ki he tangata kotoa pē ʻi heʻene fokotuʻu hake ia, ʻa Sīsū, mei he pekiá.’ Naʻe fakamamafaʻi ʻe he tokotaha malangá ʻa e foʻi lea ‘fakapapauʻiʻanga’ ʻi he fekauʻaki mo e toetuʻú. Ko ha matavai fakaivimālohi lahi ia kiate au ʻi he hili ʻa e putú.”—Ngāue 17:31; sio foki ki he Maake 5:35-42; 12:26, 27; Sione 5:28, 29; 1 Kolinito 15:3-8.
Ko e ʻamanaki Fakatohitapu ʻo e toetuʻú ʻoku ʻikai te ne toʻo ai ʻa e mamahí. ʻE ʻikai ngalo ʻiate koe ʻa e tokotaha naʻá ke ʻofa aí. Kae kehe, kuo maʻu ʻe he tokolahi ʻa e fakafiemālie moʻoni ʻi he ngaahi talaʻofa ʻa e Tohi Tapú pea ko hono olá, kuo kamata ai ke nau toe fakaakeake māmālie mei he mamahi ʻi he mole ʻa ha taha ne nau ʻofa ai.
Ngaahi Fehuʻi ki he Fetalanoaʻaki
◻ ʻOkú ke ongoʻi ʻoku fakanatula ke mamahi koeʻuhi ko ha taha naʻá ke ʻofa ai kuo mate?
◻ Ko e hā ʻa e ngaahi ongo ʻe hokosia nai ʻe ha tokotaha mamahi, pea ko e hā hono ʻuhingá?
◻ Ko e hā ʻa e ngaahi founga ʻe lava ke kamata fekuki ai ha talavou loto-mamahi mo ʻene ngaahi ongó?
◻ ʻE anga-fēfē haʻo fakafiemālieʻi ha kaumeʻa kuo mole ha taha naʻe ʻofa ai?
[Fakamatala ʻi he peesi 128]
“ʻOku teʻeki ke u tali moʻoni kuó ne mate. . . . ʻOku ou faʻa pehē, ‘Te u tala ange eni ki he fineʻeikí’”
[Fakamatala ʻi he peesi 131]
“ʻI he mate ʻa e fineʻeikí, . . . naʻá ku fakakaukau ai, ‘Naʻe ʻikai ʻaupito haʻo lea mai te ke mate. Naʻá ke pulia pē.’ Naʻá ku ongoʻi liʻekina”
[Fakatātā ʻi he peesi 129]
“ʻOku ʻikai moʻoni hoko eni kiate au!”
[Fakatātā ʻi he peesi 130]
ʻI he mole ha taha ʻoku tau ʻofa ai ʻi he maté, ʻoku tau fiemaʻu ʻa e poupou ʻa ha tokotaha manavaʻofa