TOKONI KI HE FĀMILÍ | ʻOHAKE ʻA E FĀNAÚ
Founga ke Hoko Ai ko ha Tamai Lelei
ʻI he kupu ko ení
Ko e hā ʻa e fatongia ʻo e tamaí?
Ki muʻa ke fanauʻi hoʻo kiʻi tamá. Ko e faʻahinga husepāniti ʻokú ke ʻi ai he taimi ní ʻokú ne fakahaaʻi ai pe ko ha tamai fēfē koe ʻi he kahaʻú. ʻOku pehē ʻi he tohi Do Fathers Matter?:
“Ko ha tamai ʻoku tokoni ki hono hoa ʻoku feitamá ke kumi ʻa e ngaahi fiemaʻu ki he pēpeé, ʻave ia ki he toketaá pea sio ki he pēpē ʻi manavá ʻi hono sikení pe fanongo ki he tā hono mafú ʻe ngalingali te ne feohi lelei ange ai mo hono hoá mo e pēpeé ʻi he hili hono fanauʻí.”
“Lolotonga ʻa e feitama hoku uaifí naʻe ʻikai ke u loto ke ne ongoʻi tuēnoa, ko ia naʻá ku tokoni kiate ia ʻi he tafaʻaki kotoa pē te u ala lavá. Naʻá ma teuteuʻi fakataha ʻa e loki maʻá e pēpeé. Ko ha taimi fakalata ia kiate kimaua ʻa ʻema teuteu ki he taimi ʻe fanauʻi mai ai ʻa e pēpeé.”—James.
Tefitoʻi moʻoni Fakatohitapu: “ʻOua ʻe kumi pē ki he lelei ʻa kimoutolú, kae kumi foki ki he lelei ʻa e niʻihi kehé.”—Filipai 2:4.
Hili hono fanauʻi hoʻo kiʻi tamá. ʻE lava ke ke fakatupulekina ha vahaʻangatae mo hoʻo kiʻi tamá ʻaki ʻa e vaʻinga mo ia pea fua holo ia. Tokoni ki hono tokangaʻi iá. Ko hoʻo ngāue ʻoku fai ʻi he tuʻunga ko e tamaí ʻoku ʻi ai ʻene tākiekina lahi ki he tupu hake ʻa e kiʻi tamá. Ko e vahaʻangatae kuó ke fakatupulekiná ʻoku hā mei ai ʻokú ke vakai ki hoʻo kiʻi tamá ko ha meʻaʻofa ʻokú ke koloaʻaki.
“Tōʻonga hangē ha kiʻi leká. Vaʻinga mo e kiʻi tamá. Anga-fakakata. ʻOua ʻe fuʻu fakamātoato. Manatuʻi, ko e ʻuluaki fakakaukau ʻe maʻu ʻe he kiʻi tamá fekauʻaki mo e ʻofá ʻe haʻu ia meiate koe, mātuʻa.”—Richard.
Tefitoʻi moʻoni Fakatohitapu: “Ko e fānaú ko ha tofiʻa ia meia Sihova; ko e fua ʻo e manavá ko ha totongi.”—Saame 127:3, fakamatala ʻi laló.
ʻI he tupu hake hoʻo kiʻi tamá. ʻOku fakahaaʻi he ngaahi fakatotoló ko e fānau ʻoku nau vāofi mo ʻenau tamaí ʻoku lelei ange ʻenau akó, siʻi ange ʻenau ngaahi palopalema fakaeongó pea ʻoku ngalingali ʻe siʻisiʻi ange ʻenau ngāueʻaki ʻa e faitoʻo kona tapú pe kau ʻi he faihiá. Ngāueleleiʻaki ʻa e taimí ke fakatupulekina ha vahaʻangatae lelei mo hoʻo kiʻi tamá.
“Naʻe tala mai ʻe hoku fohá, ko e meʻa ʻe ongo taha kiate ia ʻi he taimi ʻe mavahe aí ko ʻema ngaahi fetalanoaʻaki lolotonga ʻa e fakaʻulí pe taimi kai efiafí. Ko e niʻihi ʻo e ngaahi fetalanoaʻaki mahuʻinga naʻá ma faí naʻe ʻikai ke ma ʻamanekina te ma talanoa ki ai. Ka naʻe hoko ia koeʻuhi ko ʻema vaheʻi ʻa e taimi ke feohi fakataha aí.”—Dennis.
Tefitoʻi moʻoni Fakatohitapu: “Mou mātuʻaki tokanga maʻu pē ki he anga hoʻomou laká ke ʻoua ʻe hoko ko e faʻahinga taʻefakapotopoto kae hoko ko e faʻahinga ʻoku fakapotopoto, ʻo ngāue lelei taha ʻaki ho taimí.”—ʻEfesō 5:15, 16.
Ko e hā ʻokú ne ʻai ʻa e fatongia ʻo e tamaí ke makehé?
ʻOku ʻamanekina ʻe he tokolahi ʻa e ngaahi tamaí ke nau tokonaki fakamatelie pea maluʻi fakaesino honau fāmilí, pea ʻoku nau ʻamanekina ʻa e ngaahi faʻeé ke nau tokangaʻi ʻa e ngaahi fiemaʻu fakaeongo ʻa e fāmilí. (Teutalōnome 1:31; ʻAisea 49:15) Ko e taimi ʻe niʻihi ʻoku faʻa fehopeʻaki ʻa e ngaahi fatongia ko ení—ʻi he ngaahi fāmili ʻe niʻihi. Ka neongo ia, ʻoku pehē ʻe he kau fakatotoló ko e tamaí mo e faʻeé ʻokú na fetokoniʻaki ʻi hono ʻohake ʻa e fānaú.a
Ko ha tokotaha fakatotolo fekauʻaki mo e fāmilí ko Judith Wallerstein, naʻá ne lave ki ha hokosia fakafoʻituitui ʻokú ne fakamahinoʻi ʻa e poiní. Naʻá ne tohi: “ʻI he taimi naʻe tuiʻi ai ʻe ha kā ʻeku kiʻi taʻahine taʻu taha uá, naʻá ne loto ke heka fakataha mo ʻene tamaí ʻi he meʻalele uta-mahakí koeʻuhí naʻá ne falala lahi ange te ne malava ke maluʻi ia ʻi he tuʻunga ko iá. Ki mui ai ʻi he falemahakí, naʻá ne fiemaʻu ke u ʻi he tafaʻaki hono mohengá ke fakafiemālieʻi ia ʻi he ʻaho kotoa pē.”b
“ʻE lava ke tokoni ʻa e tamaí ke maluʻi ʻa e fāmilí ʻi ha tuʻunga lelei ange ia ʻi he malava ʻa e faʻeé. ʻI he taimi tatau pē, ʻoku tokoniʻi ʻe he faʻeé ʻene fānaú ke nau ongoʻi ʻokú ne mahinoʻi pea ʻofaʻi kinautolu ʻaki ʻa ʻene fanongo fakataha mo e kaungāongoʻi. ʻOkú na ngāue fakataha ko ha timi.”—Daniel.
Tefitoʻi moʻoni Fakatohitapu: “Fanongo, ʻe hoku foha, ki he akonaki ʻa hoʻo tamaí, pea ʻoua naʻá ke liʻaki ʻa e fakahinohino ʻa hoʻo faʻeé.”—Palōveepi 1:8.
Tamai mo e ʻofefine
ʻI he tuʻunga ko ha tamai, ʻokú ke akoʻi ki ho ʻofefiné ʻa e founga ʻoku totonu ke fakafeangai ange ai ha tangata kiate ia. ʻOkú ne ako ʻa e lēsoni ko iá ʻi he founga ʻe ua ko ení:
ʻAki ʻa e vakai ki he anga hoʻo fakafeangai ki heʻene faʻeé. ʻI he taimi ʻokú ke fakahāhā ai ʻa e ʻofá mo e fakaʻapaʻapá ki ho uaifí, ʻoku vakai ai ho ʻofefiné ki he ngaahi ʻulungaanga ʻoku mahuʻinga kiate ia ke ne kumi ki ai ʻi ha hoa mali.—1 Pita 3:7.
ʻAki ʻa e vakai ki he anga hoʻo fakafeangai kiate iá. ʻI he taimi ʻokú ke fakaʻapaʻapaʻi ai ho ʻofefiné, ʻokú ke akoʻi ai ia ke ne fakaʻapaʻapaʻi ʻa ia tonu. ʻOkú ne toe ako foki ke ʻamanekina ʻa e fakafeangai ko iá mei he kau tangata kehé.
ʻI hono kehé, ʻi he taimi ʻoku toutou fakaangaʻi ai ʻe he tamaí hono ʻofefiné, ʻe lava ke ne ʻai ia ke ongoʻi ʻoku ʻikai hano mahuʻinga pea kumi leva ki he kau tangata te nau leleiʻia ʻiate iá, ka ko e kau tangata ko iá ʻoku ʻikai ke nau mahuʻingaʻia moʻoni ʻiate ia.
“Ko ha ʻofefine ʻokú ne maʻu ʻa e ʻofa mo e poupou ʻene tamaí ʻoku ngalingali heʻikai te ne tō ʻi ha tangata ʻoku ʻikai ke ne maʻu ʻa e ngaahi ʻulungaanga ʻo ha husepāniti leleí.”—Wayne.
a Ko e ngaahi faʻē tokolahi ʻoku nau lavameʻa ʻi hono ʻohake ʻenau fānaú ʻo ʻikai kau ai ʻa e husepānití.
b Mei he tohi The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce.