Fehuʻi ʻa e Toʻutupú . . .

Ko e Hā ʻOku Ou Ongoʻi Ai Kuo Pau Ke U Haohaoá?

“Koeʻuhi ko ʻeku tamaí naʻe faiako, naʻe ʻamanekina ai ʻe he tokotaha kotoa ke A kātoa ʻeku ʻū lēsoní. Naʻá ku tangi ʻi he taimi ʻe niʻihi ʻo aʻu ai pē ki heʻeku mohe.”—Lia.a

“Ko ha tokotaha anga-fakahaohaoa au. Kuo pau ke u hoko ko e lelei tahá ʻi ha meʻa pe fai ia ʻi ha founga mātuʻaki kehe ʻaupito mei ha taha pē he ka ʻikai ʻoku taʻetaumuʻa ʻa hono fai iá.”—Kēlepi.

ʻOKÚ KE ongoʻi kuo pau maʻu pē ke ke haohaoa? ʻOkú ke faʻa hohaʻa neongo ʻa e lahi hoʻo feingá, ʻoku ʻikai ʻaupito pē haʻo momoʻi siaʻa? ʻOku taʻemalava ke ke tali ha faʻahinga fakaanga? ʻI he ʻalu hala ʻa e ngaahi meʻá, ʻokú ke tukuakiʻi koe, ʻo tukuakiʻi ʻa hoʻo valé, māʻulalo angé pe taʻefeʻungá? Kapau ʻokú ke fiemaʻu ke tonu ʻa hono fai ha meʻa, ʻokú ke ongoʻi kuo pau ke ke fai pē ia ʻe koe ? ʻOkú ke fuʻu manavahē ʻi ha taimi ʻi he taʻelavameʻá ʻo ke tautoloi ai pe hoko ʻo ʻikai toe fai ha meʻa?

Fēfē ho ngaahi vā mo e niʻihi kehé? ʻOkú ke tuēnoa koeʻuhi ko e ʻikai ha taha ʻi he faʻahinga takatakai ʻiate koé ʻe haohaoa feʻunga kia koe? ʻOkú ke tokanga fuʻu tōtuʻa ki he ngaahi fehālaaki mo e ngaahi tōnounou ʻa e niʻihi kehé? Kapau ko e tali ki ha taha ʻo e ngaahi fehuʻí ni ko e ʻio, ʻokú ke fāinga leva nai mo e meʻa ʻoku ui ko e anga-fakahaohaoa. Pea kapau ko e tuʻungá ia, ʻoku ʻikai ko koe tokotaha pē. Ko e angá ni ʻoku mafola ia ʻi he kau talavoú—tautefito ki he kau talavou ʻoku ʻi ai honau talēniti makehe pe lava māʻolungá.b

Ko e hā ʻokú ne fakatupunga ʻa e anga-fakahaohaoá? Ko e ngaahi lau fakafuofua pē ʻoku maʻu ʻe he kau fakatotoló. Ko e tohi Perfectionism​—What’s Bad About Being Too Good? ʻoku pehē ai: “Ko e anga-fakahaohaoá ʻoku ʻikai ko ha mahaki ia; naʻe ʻikai te ke maʻu mai ia. Ko e anga-fakahaohaoá ʻoku ʻikai ko e maʻu tukufakaholo; naʻe ʻikai ke fanauʻi mai ia mo koe. Ko ia, naʻe anga-fēfē ʻa hoʻo hoko ko ha tokotaha anga-fakahaohaoá? ʻOku tui ʻa e kau mataotao ʻe niʻihi ko e anga-fakahaohaoá ʻoku tupu ia lolotonga ʻa e kei siʻí. Ko e tenge ʻa e fāmilí, tenge fakaekitá, tenge fakasōsialé, tenge ʻa e mītiá mo e ngaahi sīpinga alafaʻifaʻitakiʻanga taʻemoʻoní ʻoku fakatahaʻi ia ki ha foʻi Teke Mālohi ʻokú ne takiakiʻi ʻa e kakai ʻe niʻihi ki ha moʻui loto-moʻua, ongoʻi halaia mo e ngāue ʻo fuʻu lahi.”

Ko e hā pē hono tupuʻangá, ko ha fiemaʻu ke haohaoa maʻu peé ʻe lava ke ne maumauʻi hoʻo moʻuí. Tau vakai lelei angé ki he anga-fakahaohaoá pea mo e ʻuhinga ʻe lava ke ne fakameleʻi ai koé.

Ko e Hā ʻa e Anga-Fakahaohaoa?

Ko e anga-fakahaohaoá ʻoku fekauʻaki ia mo ha meʻa lahi ange ʻi ha feinga pē ki he tuʻunga lelei ʻaupitó pe laukauʻaki ha ngāue kuo fakahoko lelei. He ko ē, ʻi he Palovepi 22:29 (NW), ʻoku fakahīkihikiʻi ai ʻe he Tohitapú ʻa e tangata ʻoku “potopotoʻi ʻi heʻene ngāué.” ʻOku toe fakamatala lelei foki ʻa e Tohitapú ki ha niʻihi tāutaha naʻa nau fakatupulekina ha ngaahi pōtoʻi kehekehe ʻo aʻu ki ha tuʻunga māʻolunga. (1 Samiuela 16:18; 1 Tuʻi 7:​13, 14) Ko ia, ʻoku lelei ke feinga ki he tuʻunga lelei ʻaupitó, ke fokotuʻu ha ngaahi taumuʻa māʻolunga kae fakapotopoto. ʻE lava leva ai ki ha taha ‘ke fiefia hono lotó i he lelei o ene gaué.’—Koheleti 2:​24, PM.

Kae kehe, ko e tokotaha anga-fakahaohaoá ʻoku ʻikai te ne maʻu ʻa e fiemālie ko iá. Ko ʻene vakai ki he meʻa kuo lavaʻí ʻoku taʻefakapotopoto moʻoni. Fakatatau ki he kau mataotao ʻe niʻihi, ko e anga-fakahaohaoá ʻoku fekauʻaki ia mo e “ngaahi taumuʻa taʻealalavaʻi (ʻa ia ko e haohaoa) pea mo e taʻefiemālie maʻu pē, neongo pe ko e hā ʻa e ngāue kuo fakahokó.” Ko hono olá, ko e anga-fakahaohaoá “ko ha matavai tuʻumaʻu ia ʻo e loto-mafasia, ʻo faʻa fakatupunga ai ʻa e tokotahá ke ne ongoʻi ʻoku taʻelavameʻa.” ʻOku fakaʻuhingaʻi ai ʻe ha maʻuʻanga fakamatala ʻe taha ʻa e anga-fakahaohaoá “ko e tui taʻeʻuhinga ko koe mo/pe ko ho ʻātakaí kuo pau ke haohaoa.” Ko ha “fakakaukau ʻoku hūhū ʻi he meʻa kotoa ʻa ia ko e hā pē hoʻo feinga ʻi he moʻuí kuo pau ke fai ia ke tonu haohaoa ʻo ʻikai ha hē, fehālaaki, hala pe ko ha huʻufakehekehe.”

Kae ʻikai naʻe pehē ʻe Sīsū: “Ka mou haohaoa pe ʻa kimoutolu; ʻo hange ʻoku haohaoa ʻa hoʻomou Tamai Fakalangi”? (Mātiu 5:48) ʻIo, ka naʻe ʻikai ke pehē ʻe Sīsuú ʻe malava ki ha taha ke haohaoa ʻi he ʻuhinga kakató. Ko hono moʻoní, ʻoku akoʻi ʻe he Tohitapú “kuo fai angahala kotoa pe, pea ʻoku ʻikai te nau aʻusia ʻa e hōifua ʻa e ʻOtua.” (Loma 3:23) Ko e hā leva naʻe ʻuhinga ki ai ʻa Sīsuú? ʻI he Tohitapú ko e foʻi lea “haohaoa” ʻokú ne ʻomai ʻa e foʻi fakakaukau ko e kakato. (Mātiu 19:21) ʻI he taimi naʻe pehē ai ʻe Sīsū kuo pau ke tau haohaoá, naʻá ne fakamatalá ki he ʻofá mo fakalototoʻaʻi hono kau muimuí ke toe kakato ange ʻenau ʻofá. Anga-fēfē? ʻAki hono fakalahi atu ʻenau ʻofá ke kau ai naʻa mo honau ngaahi filí. ʻOku hiki ʻe he tokotaha-tohi Tohitapu ko Luké ʻa e lea ʻa Sīsū: “Koia mou manavaofa, o hage foki koe manavaofa a hoo mou Tamai.”—Luke 6:​36, PM.

Kae kehe, ko e kau anga-fakahaohaoá ʻoku nau kikivi mo e fakakaukau hala ʻoku malava pē ke haohaoa ʻi he ʻuhinga kakató. Te nau fokotuʻu nai ai ʻo māʻolunga ʻa e meʻa ʻoku nau ʻamanekina mei he kakai kehé. Fakatatau ki he tohi Never Good Enough​—Freeing Yourself From the Chains of Perfectionism, ko e kau anga-fakahaohaoá ko e “kakai ia ʻoku nau ongoʻi feifeitamaki ʻi he founga ʻoku fai ai ʻe he niʻihi kehé ʻenau ngaahi ngāué . . . ʻI heʻenau fakakaukaú, ko e kakai takatakai ʻia kinautolú ʻoku ʻikai te nau tokanga ke fakahoko ha ngāue lelei, pe laukauʻaki ʻenau ngāué.”

Ko e fakatātaá, ʻoku lelei ʻa e ngāue fakaako ʻa Kalí, ʻi heʻene kau ʻi ha polokalama maʻá e fānau ako talēnitiʻiá. Kae kehe, ʻi he vā fakatāutahá kuo siʻi ai ʻene lavameʻá. Koeʻuhi ko ʻene loto ke haohaoa ʻa e meʻa kotoa pē, kuo mole ai ʻa e lahi taha ʻo hono ngaahi kaungāmeʻá. “ʻOku ou fakakaukau naʻa nau fuʻu tamele ʻaupito,” ko ʻene fakamatalá ia.

ʻE kumi nai ʻa e niʻihi ki he haohaoá, ʻo ʻikai mei he niʻihi kehé, ka meiate kinautolu tonu. Ko e tohi Never Good Enough ʻoku fakamatala ai ko e faʻahinga peheé ʻoku nau ongoʻi “ko kinautolú pe ko ʻenau ngaahi ngāué ʻoku ʻikai ke lelei feʻunga . . . , pea ʻoku tautefito [ʻenau] tokangá ki he meʻa ʻoku fakakaukau mai ki ai ʻa e niʻihi kehé ʻo fekauʻaki mo kinautolú.”

Ko e Palopalema ʻi he Feinga ke Haohaoá

Ko ia, ʻi he ʻikai fakapotopoto mo ʻaongá, ko e kumi ki he haohaoá ʻoku faʻa hoko ʻo taʻefakapotopoto mo fakatupu maumau. Pea ʻi he ʻikai te ne pouaki ʻa e tuʻunga lelei ʻaupitó, ko ha vakai pehē ʻokú ne faʻa pouaki ʻe ia ʻa e taʻelavameʻá. Ko ha tangata Kalisitiane ko Taniela ʻokú ne manatuʻi ʻa ʻene ngāue lōloa mo mālohi ʻi ha fakamatala tala ngutu ʻa ia naʻe vaheʻi ange ke ne fai ʻi ha kalasi ʻi ha Fale Fakatahaʻanga fakalotofonua ʻo e Kau Fakamoʻoni ʻa Sihová. Ko e tokolahi ʻi he kau fanongó naʻa nau fakaongoongoleleiʻi ia ki hono fakahoko lelei ʻa e kongá. Naʻe maʻu leva ʻe Taniela ha ngaahi fokotuʻu fakapotopoto mo ʻaonga mei he tokotaha faiakó. ʻOku fakalototoʻaʻi mai kitautolu ʻe he Tohitapú ke tau ‘tokanga ki he faleʻí, pea tali akonaki.’ (Palovepi 19:20) Ka ʻi he ʻikai te ne tali lelei ʻa e fokotuʻu ʻaonga naʻe faí, naʻe ongoʻi ʻe Taniela ʻokú ne hangē ha tokotaha taʻelavameʻá. “Naʻá ku loto ke u homo ʻi ha luo,” ko ʻene manatú ia. Naʻá ne hokosia ha ngaahi pō taʻemamohe ʻi ha ngaahi uike.

Ko ia ai, ko e anga-fakahaohaoá ʻe lava ke ne taʻofi ʻa e ako fakalakalaká. ʻI ha kupu ʻoku hā ʻi ha tuʻuʻanga Uepi ki he kau talavoú, ʻoku tohi ai ʻe ha kiʻi taʻahine ko Lesieli: “ʻI he taimi naʻá ku hū ai ki he ako māʻolungá naʻá ku fakapapauʻi ke u ngāue lelei. Naʻe A maʻu pē ʻeku ʻū lēsoní pea naʻe ʻikai te u sio ki ha faʻahinga ʻuhinga ʻe liliu ai ʻa e meʻa ko iá.” Ka naʻe vave hono ʻiloʻi ʻe Lesieli naʻe faingataʻa kiate ia ʻa e ʻāsipá ʻo ne maʻu “pē” ai ʻa e B palasi. “Ki he tokotaha kehe kotoa ko ha kuleiti lelei eni,” ko e manatu ia ʻa Lesielí, “ka kiate au . . . ko ha meʻa fakamā ia. Naʻe kamata ke u ilifia lahi mo hohaʻa . . . Naʻá ku ilifia ke kole tokoni ki heʻeku faiakó koeʻuhí naʻá ku fakakaukau kapau te u fakahā ange ʻoku ou fiemaʻu ha tokoni ki heʻeku homueká ko hono fakahaaʻi atu ia naʻe ʻikai te u mahinoʻi ia. . . . ʻI he taimi ʻe niʻihi, naʻá ku meimei fakalotoʻi ai au ʻoku laka ange ʻa e maté ia ʻi he taʻelavameʻá.”

Koeʻuhi ko e ilifia he fehālaakí, kuo aʻu ai ʻo fakakaukau taonakita ʻa e kau talavou ʻe niʻihi. Ko e meʻa mālié, ko e tokolahi taha ʻo e kau talavoú ʻoku ʻikai te nau fakakaukau ke fou ʻi ha sitepu fefeka pehē. Kae hangē ko e lau ʻa e mataotao ki he moʻui lelei fakaʻatamaí ko Sylvia Rimm, te nau feinga nai ke fakaʻehiʻehi mei he taʻelavameʻá ʻaki ʻa e ʻikai ʻaupito pē te nau ʻahiʻahiʻi ia. Fakatatau kia Rimm, ko e kau anga-fakahaohaoa ʻe niʻihi “ʻoku ʻikai te nau ʻomai ʻenau ʻū ʻasainimení, ʻoku ʻikai te nau laukauʻaki ʻenau ngāué, ʻoku nau fakangaloʻi ʻenau homueká pea ʻoku nau fai ʻa e ngaahi tali kalofanga.”

ʻI he tafaʻaki ʻe tahá, ʻoku fuʻu ngāue tōtuʻa nai ʻa e kau talavou ʻe niʻihi ke fakapapauʻi ʻoku nau lavameʻa. “Te u ʻā fuoloa he poʻulí ʻo ngāue ki he ngaahi poloseki fakaakó ke ʻai ia ke tonu mātē,” ko e fakahā ia ʻe Tanielá. Ko e palopalemá, ko e ngaahi tuʻunga tōtuʻa peheé ʻoku faʻa kehe hono olá ia ʻoʻona. Ko ha tamasiʻi ako tulemohe ʻoku ngali lahi ange ke kovi ʻene fakahoko ngāué.

ʻOku ʻikai leva ha ofo ʻi hono fakafehokotaki ʻa e anga-fakahaohaoá mo e faʻa ʻiteʻitá, siʻi ʻa e fakamahuʻingaʻi-kitá, ongoʻi halaia, fakatuʻatamaki, maʻu ʻa e ngaahi mahaki-kai mo e loto-mafasia. Kae kehe, ko hono mafatukituki tahá he ko e anga-fakahaohaoá ʻe lava ke ne maumauʻi fakalaumālie ha taha. Ko e fakatātaá, ʻoku fekauʻi ʻe he Tohitapú ʻa e kau Kalisitiané ke fakahaaʻi ʻenau tuí ki he niʻihi kehé. (Loma 10:10; Hepelu 10:​24, 25) Kae kehe, ko ha finemui ko Viviena naʻá ne toumoua ke tali ʻi he ngaahi fakataha faka-Kalisitiané koeʻuhí ko ʻene manavahē naʻa ʻikai lava ke ne fakalea totonu ʻa e ngaahi meʻá. Naʻe fakamatalaʻi ʻe ha kiʻi finemui ko Lia ʻa e manavahē tatau. ʻOkú ne pehē: “Kapau te u lea hala, ʻe fakakaukau hala mai ai ʻa e niʻihi kehé kia au. Ko ia, ʻoku ʻikai te u fakahā ʻeku ngaahi fakakaukaú.”

ʻOku hā mahino leva, ko e fiemaʻu ke haohaoá ʻoku fakatupu maumau mo taʻefakapotopoto. Pea kapau ʻokú ke maʻu ha taha ʻo e ngaahi anga ʻoku fakamatalaʻi ʻi he kupú ni, te ke sio nai ai ki ha fiemaʻu ke fai ha ngaahi liliu ʻi hoʻo fakakaukaú. ʻE lāulea ʻi ha kupu ʻamui ange ki he founga ʻe malava ke ke fakahoko ai iá.

[Fakamatala ʻi lalo]

[Fakatātā ʻi he peesi 14]

Ko e manavahē ʻi he fehālaakí ʻokú ne taʻofi ai ʻa e kau talavou ʻe niʻihi mei hono fakaʻosi ʻa e ngaahi ʻasainimení

[Fakatātā ʻi he peesi 15]

Ko e anga-fakahaohaoá ʻe lava ke ne fanauʻi mai ʻa e loto-mafasia mo e siʻi ʻa e tokaʻi-kitá