Imbono YeBhayibhile
Ukutshata Okanye Ukuhlalisana—Kukuphi Okulungileyo?
“SIZA kutshata nini?” Kwithuba nje elifutshane leminyaka engama-35 edluleyo, lo mbuzo unokuba wawubuzwa zizibini ezithandanayo neziganeneyo. Kodwa, namhlanje ngokufuthi umbuzo onjalo uphakanyiswa ngabantu ababini abasele behlala kunye. Amaxesha aguqukile yaye kukwanjalo nangesimo sengqondo ngomtshato. Liliphi ikhondo elilungileyo: Kukutshata, okanye kukuhlalisana nomntu omkhethileyo?
Uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba eBrazil, eFransi, eSweden, eUnited States nakwamanye amazwe amaninzi, ukuhlalisana ngaphandle komtshato kuyinto eqhelekileyo. Kusenokuba kuyahambisana nesimo sengqondo sokuziphatha sanamhlanje, kodwa akunto intsha. Into entsha yindlela olujongwa ngayo olu qheliselo. Oko kwakukade kugqalwa njengesono kubethwa ngoyaba okanye kwamkelwa ngabaninzi njengokona kufanelekileyo.
Ukuhlalisana—Ngaba Kuneengenelo?
Bambi abantu bathi ilungiselelo likamasihlalisane lisengqiqweni, ekubeni livulela isibini ithuba lokwazana kakuhle ngaphambi kokuzibophelela ngokusisigxina ngeqhina lomtshato. Ezinye iingenelo abanye abazikhankanyayo zezi: Kwenza isibini sinciphise iindleko ngokuncedisana ngerente; kusenza singaxhomekeki kubazali; kusivulela ithuba lokudlelana ngezinto okuyimfuneko, kuquka nangeentlobano zesini. Izibini ezikhulileyo ezingatshatanga zithi ngokuhlalisana ayincitshiswa intlawulo yazo yendodla eziyinikwa ngurhulumente.
Sekunjalo, enye into okugxekwa ngayo ukuhlalisana ngaphandle komtshato yile: Omnye wabo unokuliphelisa nangaliphi na ixesha elo lungiselelo ngokusuka nje ahambe. Enyanisweni, iphephandaba lemihla ngemihla lesiFrentshi iLe Monde lanikela ingxelo yokuba eSweden naseNorway, isiqingatha sabantu abangoomasihlalisane bahlukana kungaphelanga neminyaka emibini, yaye abamalunga nama-60 ukusa kuma-80 ekhulwini bahlukana kungaphelanga neminyaka emihlanu.
Umtshato—Indlela Elungileyo
Abo bakhuthaza ilungiselelo likamasihlalisane basenokubhekisela kwisiqinisekiso somtshato ‘njengesiqwenga nje sephepha,’ into nje engabalulekanga nganto. Esi simo sengqondo sikwakhuthazwa nakumabali kamabonwakude achukumis’ iimvakalelo aqhutywa ngokweziqendu nakwimifanekiso-bhanyabhanya, yaye siyabonakala nakwindlela abaphila ngayo abantu abadumileyo. Ngoko ke, makhe ngoku sihlolisise ukubaluleka kokwenene kweso “siqwenga sephepha.”
Xa usenza isivumelwano sokuqhuba ishishini kunye nomnye umntu okanye uthenga umhlaba okanye ubolekisa ngemali, kutheni uzibhala phantsi izigqibo enifikelele kuzo ude ufune nengqina lasemthethweni? Esinye isizathu sikukuba nobabini niye nenza isivumelwano esinibophayo, yaye kuluncedo kuni nobabini ukuzibhala phantsi izigqibo enifikelela kuzo. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba omnye wenu uyafa, uphel’ emehlweni, okanye ulahlekelwa yinkumbulo, izigqibo enifikelele kuzo zisambopha ngokomthetho. Kukwanjalo nangomtshato. Xa kusifa elinye iqabane okanye esifa omabini, kumazwe amaninzi umthetho wenza ilungiselelo lokunyamekela amalungu asaphilayo entsapho. Eli lungiselelo alidli ngakubakho kwinkqubo kamasihlalisane. Koku kuzibophelela okwenza umahluko phakathi kokuhlalisana nokutshata. Yaye isiqinisekiso somtshato sikhumbuza isibini ngeso sivumelwano sisibophayo sokuba siya kuhlala sithandana, sihlonelana, yaye sigcinene kwanangokuba izivumelwano zaso zomtshato zamkelwe ngokusemthethweni.
Elinye ibhinqa elitshatileyo lakubeka oku ngolu hlobo: “Mhlawumbi ndisadla ngendeb’ endala, kodwa ukuzibophelela emtshatweni kundenza ndizive ndinqabiseke ngakumbi.” Liphinda oko uThixo wakuthethayo xa wayetshatisa isibini sokuqala esingabantu: “Ngenxa yoko indoda yomshiya uyise nonina, inamathele kumkayo, babe nyama-nye ke.”a (Genesis 2:24) Ubunye obukhethekileyo! Ngoko, ukuba “nyama-nye” kunokwenzeka kuphela kulwalamano olupheleleyo, olungagogotye lutho, olusemthethweni, nolobomi bonke—ayikho enye indlela.
Noko ke, abanye abantu baphikisa ngelithi kukho izibini abazaziyo ezihlala kunye ngaphandle komtshato yaye sekunjalo ezinolwalamano oluqinileyo.
“Mabatshate”
IBhayibhile inikela esona sizathu sisengqiqweni sokuba izibini zingamele zihlalisane ngaphandle komtshato. “Umtshato mawubekeke ngeendlela zonke, nesilili masingadyojwa; ke abenza umbulo [“uhenyuzo,” NW] nabakrexezi, uThixo uya kubagweba,” atsho njalo amaHebhere 13:4. IBhayibhile, ngokuphandle nangokucacileyo, ithi ukuhlalisana ngaphandle komtshato kukuhenyuza. Kanye kanye kukuthini “ukuhenyuza”? Esinye isichazi-magama sikuchaza ‘njengeentlobano zesini phakathi kwabantu abangeyondoda nomfazi.’ Ukuze sibe nesazela esihle, simele sithobele esi siluleko seBhayibhile: ‘Ukuthanda kukaThixo kukuba nikhumke kulo uhenyuzo.’—1 Tesalonika 4:3.
Kodwa kuthekani ukuba abanye banengxaki yokulawula inkanuko yabo yesini? Umpostile uPawulos wabhala oku: “Ukuba abanakuzibamba, mabatshate, kuba kulungile ukutshata kunokutshiseka.” Yaye kwakhona wathi: “Kodwa ukuba nabani na ucinga ukuba uziphatha ngokungafanelekanga ngakubunyulu bakhe, . . . mabatshate.” (1 Korinte 7:9, 36, NW) Phawula ukuba uPawulos akazange athi ‘mabenze ngokubona kwabo baze bahlalisane’ kodwa, “Mabatshate.”
Oku akuthethi ukuba umtshato ufanele ugqalwe kuphela njengendlela yokwanelisa umnqweno wesini. Izibini zifanele zazane ngaphambi kokuba zitshate. Kodwa ninokwazana njani ngaphandle kokuba nihlalisane? Ukwenza amadinga ngaphambi komtshato okundilisekileyo kuvulela ithuba elininzi lokwazana. Ufanele ukwazi oko ukulindeleyo emtshatweni nakwiqabane lakho. Ziyintoni iintswelo zakho zokwenyama, ezingokweemvakalelo nezokomoya? Ngaba umntu onaye engqondweni njengosenokuba liqabane lakho uya kukunceda ukuzizalisekisa?—Mateyu 5:3.
Emva kokuqwalasela oku kungasentla, ngokungathandabuzekiyo uya kuvuma ukuba kwezi ndlela zimbini—ukuhlalisana okanye ukutshata—le yesibini yeyona ilungileyo. Izibini ezitshatileyo azibi nayo imvakalelo yokuba netyala okanye yoloyiko, yaye ziyahlonelwa ngabahlobo nazizalamane. Abantwana bazo abasayi kuba neemvakalelo ezibuhlungu ngenxa yokuzalwa ngaphandle kweqhina lomtshato. Yaye okona kubalulekileyo kukuba, izibini ezinjalo ziyamkholisa uThixo ngokubonisa intlonelo ngelungiselelo lakhe lomtshato.
[Umbhalo osemazantsi]
a Igama lesiHebhere elithi da·vaqʹ (‘ukunamathela’) “lithetha ukubambelela ngokuqinileyo emntwini omthandayo nonyanisekileyo kuye.” (Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament) NgesiGrike, linengcambu efanayo neyegama elithetha “ukuncamathelisa,” “ukuqinisa,” “ukudibanisa nkqi.”
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 30]
Umtshato wenkulungwane ye-16
[Inkcazelo]
Peasant Wedding, by Pieter Bruegel the Elder, 16th century
With kind permission of the Kunsthistorisches Museum, Vienna