Ukuba Ngumzali Ongenaqabane Lomtshato Ophumelelayo

“Into enye abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato abangaze babenayo ngokwaneleyo lixesha.”—IThe Single Parent’s Survival Guide.

“Ukunqongophala kwemali yeyona ngxaki yabo inzulu.”—ITimes yaseLondon.

‘Ubulolo yeyona nto ixinezela umzali omnye.’—Give Us a Break, lubonisa oko uhlolisiso lwamathuba okuphumla kwabazali abangenamaqabane omtshato.

BONKE abazali bajamelana nocelomngeni, uvuyo neengxaki. Kodwa abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato bajamelana nazo bengenaqabane. Ngokomphumo, ixesha, imali nobulolo ngokufuthi zezona zinto ziyingxaki kubomi babo.

Nangona enyanisweni ubomi babo busenokuba nzima, abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato banokuphumelela kubomi babo bentsapho, kwaye abaninzi bayaphumelela. Ubukhulu becala kuxhomekeka kwimilinganiselo abayamkelayo nendlela ababambelele ngokungqongqo ngayo kuyo.

Okubangel’ umdla kukuba kwakudaladala iBhayibhile yathetha ngokonakala kwemilinganiselo yokuziphatha nokweemeko zabantu okukhoyo. Khawuphawule indlela umpostile ongumKristu uPawulos awamlumkisa ngayo umfundi oselula uTimoti ngokuphathelele oku. Wamlumkisa wathi: “Ke, kwazi oku, ukuba ngemihla yokugqibela kuya kufika amaxesha anomngcipheko. Kuba abantu baya kuba ngabazithandayo, . . . abangeva bazali, abangabuleliyo, abangengcwele, abangenabubele, abangenatarhu.”—2 Timoti 3:1-3.

IBhayibhile asiyoncwadi nje eprofeta ngokuchanileyo ngesimo sengqondo sanamhlanje. Iqulethe imigaqo, ethi xa ilandelwa, iqinisekise impumelelo kubomi bentsapho. (2 Timoti 3:16, 17) Khawuqwalasele indlela eminye yale migaqo enokubanceda ngayo abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato bahlangabezane neengxaki zexesha, zemali nezobulolo.

Zongele Ixesha

Ingakhathaliseki indlela olungelelene ngayo, ixesha linqabile. Ukuze ulisebenzise kakuhle ixesha lakho, okokuqala kufuneka wazi ukuba yintoni kanye eyenzekayo kulo. Ngoko uya kukwazi ukugqiba ngeyona misebenzi ibaluleke ngakumbi kuwe. Omnye umbutho wabazali abangenamaqabane omtshato ucebisa oku: “Yiba ‘nedayari yexesha.’ Kuyo bhala ingxelo yako konke okwenzileyo ebudeni bemini okanye beveki, uze ubone ubungakanani bexesha olichithileyo. Emva koko, funa indlela onokonga ngayo ixesha, okanye onokulisebenzisa bhetele ngayo, ngokutshintsha ucwangciso lwezinto ozenzayo okanye ngokuyeka izinto ezithile.”

Icebiso eliphile ngolo hlobo libonisa ubulumko obungokweZibhalo obukwimfundiso yompostile: “Khangelani ngoko, ukuba ningathini na, ukuze kucokiseke ukuhamba kwenu; ningabi njengabaswele ubulumko, yibani njengezilumko; nizongela ixesha eli, ngokuba le mihla ayindawo.” (Akekeliswe sithi.)—Efese 5:15, 16.

Ngokomzekelo, ngaba ukubukela umabonwakude kuyinxalenye ephambili kucwangciso lwakho lwemihla ngemihla? Ukunciphisa oku kuya kukunika ixesha elongezelelekileyo lokuncokola nabantwana bakho yaye nenze izinto kunye. Oko kunokunceda ukwakha ulwalamano oluhle kunye nabo.

Usenokuthi: ‘Xa ndizama ukuhlala phantsi ndize ndincokole nabantwana bam kusuke kuthi cwaka ngokusisithukuthezi ixesha elide.’ Kusenokuba njalo, kodwa ungakuvumeli oko kukudimaze. Abacebisi babazali abangenamaqabane omtshato bancomela ukuba unikele ingqalelo kwiimvakalelo zabantwana bakho kwincoko yabo yemihla ngemihla, njengamagqabaza abawenzayo ngokuphathelele abahlobo babo basesikolweni okanye oko baceba ukukwenza. Kodwa akunakukwenza oko xa ingqalelo yakho yonke ithatyathwa ngumabonwakude, akunjalo? Kwanokuba umvulile ngoxa ungambukelanga, usenokukuphazamisa ungayifumani inkcazelo ebalulekileyo ngoko kucingwa ngabantwana bakho neemvakalelo zabo. Ngoko yenza indlela yokuchitha ixesha nabantwana bakho. Yenzani imisetyenzana yasekhaya kunye, yaye njengoko nisebenza, ncokola nabo—yaye phulaphula xa bethetha!

Funda nabo. Uphando lubonisa ulwalamano olomeleleyo phakathi kobuchule bomntwana bokufunda nokubhala eneminyaka emihlanu ubudala noko anokukwenza kamva. Esi sesona sizathu sokonga ixesha ukuze nifunde kunye. Imizuzu embalwa ngaphambi kokuya kulala, okanye ngokuhlwa ngaphambi kokuba uzive udinwe kakhulu, ingalixesha elinokuchithwa ngobulumko.

Yanela Zizinto Eziyimfuneko

Abazali abaninzi abangenamaqabane omtshato bazifumana benengxaki yokuba bathi beyifumana imali ibe iphelela kwiingxaki. Ngandlel’ ithile bamele bafumane imali eyaneleyo ukuze bahlawulele indlu efanelekileyo, ukutya nempahla yokunxiba. Kodwa xa besiya kusebenza ingxaki iba kukuba baza kubanyamekela njani abantwana.

Iindawo ezinyamekela abantwana akusoloko kulula ukuzifumana, yaye zibiza imali eninzi. Bambi abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato bayaphumelela ngokuncedwa zizalamane zabo—ngootatomkhulu noomakhulu, oomakazi noomalume. Bambi bathembela kwizikolo zabantwana abancinane, kwiindawo zokudlala nakwiindawo ezinyamekela abantwana ezilungiselelwe ngabaqeshi babo. Imixhesho evela kurhulumente, xa ikho, ayisoloko igubungela zonke iindleko ezisenokufuneka kule ndawo inyamekela abantwana. Kwamanye amazwe, abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato abaneentsana basenokukwazi ukugqiba ekubeni bangafuni msebenzi kodwa bahlale ekhaya baze baphile ngemali elungiselelwa ngurhulumente.

Ngenxa yokwanda kwabazali abangenamaqabane omtshato abafanele banyanyekelwe, ngokulandelayo, oorhulumente baye banikela ingqalelo kwabo baye babafumana bebekek’ ityala. EBritani oku sekukhokelele ekubeni kumiselwe imigaqo engqongqo kootata abangahlali neentsapho zabo abangabaxhasiyo abantwana babo ngemali. Imibutho exhasa abantwana ilandela ootata abangenanyani ukuba babuyisele imali abangayihlawulanga. Ukuba oomama abangenamaqabane omtshato bayala ukunceda le mibutho ukuba iphande ngalo tata, basenokuphulukana nokuzuza iingenelo ezithile zemali. IThe Times yaseLondon inikela le ngxelo: “ESweden kuqikelelwa ukuba ama-40 ekhulwini abo bangawahlawuliyo amatyala abanjwa ngemibutho yeinshorensi yasekuhlaleni, yaye eFransi iinkundla zinyanzelisa imiyalelo yesondlo nokulandelwa kwabo bangahlawuliyo.”

Enoba iinkundla ziyayikhupha okanye aziyikhuphi imiyalelo, urhulumente uyalunikela uncedo okanye akalunikeli, abazali abaninzi abangenamaqabane omtshato bafumana iindlela zokuzinceda baphile ngemalana encinane kunaleyo babeqhele ukuphila ngayo. Njani? Ngokwenza uqingqo-mali olwahlukileyo.

Ukufunda ukuqingqa imali ngokwahlukileyo kububugcisa. Ngokuqhelekileyo kuthetha ukutshintsha izinto obuzithenga kuqala—ngokomzekelo, ukubekela ecaleni imali yokuhlawulela indlu namatyala ezinto zokubasa, wandule ubeke eyokuthenga ukutya emva koko eyokuhlawula zonke iimali-mboleko. Umpostile uPawulos wathi: “Sinento ke edliwayo neyambathwayo, masanele zezo zinto.”—1 Timoti 6:8.

Ngaba ukhe wacinga ngokwabelana nabanye ngeendleko? Ukuthenga izixa zokutya nezinye izinto zasekhaya udibene nabanye abazali kunokuyilondoloza imali yakho. Enoba yiyiphi na indlela olwenza ngayo uqingqo-mali lwakho, khumbula ukuba kufuneka uhlale phantsi ubale iindleko zakho. (Thelekisa uLuka 14:28.) Kutheni ungasebenzisi uncedo lwabantwana bakho xa usenza uqingqo-mali lwakho? Ngoko basenokukugqala kulilungelo ukukunceda ubambelele kulo. Usenokufumanisa ukuba unokude ukwazi ukubeka imali ethile elugcinweni.

Ukuze Uzuze Abahlobo, Yiba Nobuhlobo

UYesu wacebisa: “Yiphani, naniya kuphiwa nani; kuba umlinganiselo enilinganisela ngawo, niya kulinganiselwa kwangawo nani.” (Luka 6:38) Kunjalo nangolwalamano lobuqu. Ukuba nomdla kwabanye kunokubenza babe nobuhlobo. Eyona ndlela ilungileyo yokoyisa ubulolo kukuthabatha inyathelo lokuqala ekwenzeni abahlobo. Mhlawumbi unokufumana abahlobo onokubathemba abanokunyamekela abantwana bakho ukuze ukwazi ukutyelela abanye. Okanye, kutheni ungaceli abahlobo bakutyelele?

Kodwa kufuneka ulumke. Khumbula, “incoko embi yonakalisa izimilo ezilungileyo.” (1 Korinte 15:33) Ubulolo bunokoyiswa ngokwanelisayo kuphela xa obo buhlobo ubenzileyo busakha yaye busanelisa ngokwenene.

Ukwenza Njengomama Nanjengotata

Abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato bafanele babe ngoomama nootata ebantwaneni babo—oku akuyondlwan’ iyanetha nakubani. Yaye ungalibali, abantwana bazalwa bethanda ukulinganisa. Bafunda indlela yokuba ngabantu abadala abanembopheleleko ngokubukela oko kwenziwa ngabantu abadala abanembopheleleko. Ngaloo ndlela, kuxhomekeke kuhlobo lomzekelo owumiselayo ebantwaneni bakho. Igqabaza ngenyambalala yamakhwenkwe akhula engenatata kwizixeko zaseMerika, iThe Sunday Times yaseLondon ithi: “Ugonyamelo neziphithiphithi ekuhlaleni . . . lusixelela indlela esiziphatha ngayo isizukulwana samadoda xa malunga nesiqingatha sawo ekhula de afikise engazi nto ngendlela yokuziphatha komntu omdala oyindoda.”

Xa abantwana bekhuliswa ngabazali abangenamaqabane omtshato, impilo yabo nomsebenzi wabo wesikolo kwanethemba ngemeko yabo yezoqoqosho isenokungaginyisi mathe kwaphela, utsho njalo uDuncan Dormor kwiThe Relationship Revolution. Bambi abaphengululi bayakuphikisa oku. Ityala balibeka kubuhlwempu nokungakhathali kwabantu entlalweni. Sekunjalo, abaninzi basenokuvumelana noqikelelo lwesazinzulu ngentlalo yabantu uCharles Murray: “Umntwana onomama kodwa ongenatata, ohlala kwindawo enoomama abangenamadoda, ulandela akubonileyo. Unokuthumela oonontlalo-ntle nabafundisi-ntsapho nabefundisi ukuba baxelele le nkwenkwana ukuba xa ikhulile ifanele ibe ngutata olungileyo ebantwaneni bayo. Kodwa ayikwazi ukuba kuthetha ukuthini oko de ikubone.” Ewe, amakhwenkwe afuna umama notata, kunjalo nakumantombazana.

KwiNdumiso 68:5, iBhayibhile ichaza uYehova uThixo ‘njengoyise weenkedama.’ Oomama abafuna ukhokelo kuThixo bafumana kuye owona mzekelo mhle ofanele ulandelwe ngabantwana babo. Ootata abazikhulisela abantwana bebodwa bayaluxabisa uncedo oluvela kumabhinqa anembopheleleko, aqolileyo. Ewe, konke okufunwa ngabazali abangenamaqabane omtshato yinkxaso enothando. Nazi iinkalo mhlawumbi onokunceda kuzo.

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 6]

Ootata Abakwangabo “Noomama”

Ambalwa amadoda akhulisa abantwana engenabafazi. Kodwa njengoko imitshato engakumbi iqhekeka, amadoda angakumbi nangakumbi agqiba ekubeni anyamekele abantwana bawo ewodwa. IThe Single Parent’s Survival Guide ithi: “Enye yezona ngxaki zinkulu ekubonakala ukuba amadoda akule meko ajamelana nayo yeyentombi yawo efikisayo.” Iintloni zibenza abanye ootata bakuphephe ukuxubusha imibandela engesini. Abanye benza ilungiselelo lokuba isalamane esilibhinqa elinokuthenjwa sincokole neentombi zabo ngalo mba. Bonke abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato, amadoda kunye namabhinqa, baya kungenelwa kakhulu ngokufunda kunye nabantwana babo incwadi ethi Imibuzo Yabantu Abaselula—Iimpendulo Eziluncedo.a Le mpapasho iqulethe amacandelo anemixholo ethi “Isini Nemilinganiselo Yokuziphatha Okuhle” nothi “Ukwenza Amadinga, Uthando, Nomntu Wesini Esahlukileyo.” Isahluko ngasinye siqukumbela ngombandela ekuthiwa Yimibuzo Yengxubusho, eyenzelwe ukuqinisekisa impinda efanelekileyo kwaneyona mibandela inzulu.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]

Ukuchitha ixesha nabantwana bakho kwakha ulwalamano oluhle

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]

Enoba ulwenza ngayiphi indlela uqingqo-mali lwakho, hlala phantsi ubale iindleko zakho