Unokubanceda Njani Abazali Abangenamaqabane Omtshato?

ABAZALI abangenamaqabane omtshato, bengamadoda okanye bengamabhinqa, bafuna ulwazelelelo. Oonontlalo-ntle banamhlanje bakugqala kuyeyona nto ibalulekileyo ukuxhasa intsapho enomzali omnye.

Izazinzulu ngezentlalo, uLetha noJohn Scanzoni, bathi: “Iqela labahlobo abanenkxaso, izalamane ezinenkathalo, abafundisi-ntsapho abanomdla wobuqu nobubele, iinkonzo ezikhethekileyo zasekuhlaleni nezonqulo ezenziwe kucingwa ngeentsapho ezinjalo, zinokuba luncedo kakhulu kwimpilo-ntle engokweemvakalelo yabazali abayithwele bodwa idyokhwe yobuzali nasebantwaneni babo xa ukhuthazo lufuneka ngokukhethekileyo kubomi babo.” Ngoko, unokunceda njani?

Baxhase

Okokuqala, zama ukuqonda indlela abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato abazijonga ngayo izinto. Zibeke kwindawo abakuyo. UVukani! uye wadlan’ indlebe noMargaret, onabantwana ababini, oneminyaka esi-7 noneminyaka eli-14 ubudala. Umtshato wakhe waqhawuka kwiminyaka emihlanu edluleyo, yaye ukuza kuthi ga ngoku uyaphumelela. Akunakuthandabuza ukuba amagqabaza akhe enza kuthi qwenge.

UVukani!: “Njengomzali ongenaqabane lomtshato, ziziphi iingxaki ekuye kwafuneka ujamelane nazo?”

UMargaret: “Okokuqala ngqa, ndakufumanisa kunzima gqitha ukwamkela ukuba ndiye ndangumzali ongenaqabane lomtshato, nto leyo ndingazange ndiyicebe. Kwakundicaphukisa ukubizwa ‘njengomzali ongenaqabane lomtshato’ kuba abantu abaninzi iintsapho ezinomzali omnye bazijonga njengezikhangeleka zidandathekile yaye ziselusizini, zinabantwana abadume kakubi. Ngenxa yokuba olo yayingeloluvo lwam, okokuqala andizange ndilamkele icebiso. Kodwa ndiye ndaqonda ukuba into yokuba ngumzali ongenaqabane lomtshato ayimbi kangako.”

Ukuze uxhase abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato, kufuneka uphaphele iimvakalelo zabo. Zingisa ekuboniseni ububele kubo.

UVukani!: “Akufumani nkxaso kumyeni wakho wangaphambili. Uye wahlangabezana njani neengxaki zemali?”

UMargaret: “Kuye kwafuneka ndincame izinto ezininzi. Ndandiqhele ukuthenga iimpahla ezintsha xa ndisiya kwiimbutho. Phofu, sisazithenga izinto ezintsha, kodwa asinakuchitha imali eninzi njengoko sasiqhele ukwenza. Kakade ke, ndifuna abantwana bam babukeke, ngoko ndifanele ndiyiqingqe kakuhle imali. Ndaqala ngokulondoloza imalana veki nganye, ndayinika umhlobo endimthembileyo ukuba ayigcine kakuhle, ekubeni ndandisazi ukuba ndandisenokuyisebenzisa ukuba ndandinokuzigcinela.”

Ngaba unokuba ngumhlobo othembeke ngolo hlobo onceda abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato ukuba benze uqingqo-mali?

UVukani!: “Uye wahlangabezana njani nobulolo?”

UMargaret: “Ndisoloko ndizigcina ndixakekile ebudeni bemini. Ngokuhlwa, xa abantwana sele beyokulala, buvuka phantsi. Nditsalela umnxeba isalamane okanye umhlobo. Maxa wambi ndiye ndincokole ndinyembezana. Ndincokola ngezinto eziye zenzeka ebudeni bemini. Ukuba nje nomntu oya kuphulaphula kuluncedo gqitha.”

Mhlawumbi unokuthabatha inyathelo lokuqala utyelele umntu olilolo. Ukuphulaphula kwakho kunokumthuthuzela ngakumbi.

UVukani!: “Yintoni oyifumanisa iyeyona inzima njengomzali ongenaqabane lomtshato?”

UMargaret: “Ukukhulisa abantwana ukuba baziphathe ngendlela efanelekileyo. Ukuwohloka kwemilinganiselo yasentlalweni neyokuziphatha kwenza abantu bayithandabuze iminqweno yam yokubethelela imilinganiselo emihle ebantwaneni bam.”

Ukumisela kwakho umzekelo ekulondolozeni imilinganiselo yobuthixo ngokuqinisekileyo kuya kukhuthaza abanye ukuba benze into efanayo.

UVukani!: “Ukukhulisa abantwana ababini kudla ixesha lakho elininzi. Ulifumana njani ixesha lokwenza into ofuna ukuyenza?”

UMargaret: “Ndizama ukuzilondolozela ixesha. Ngokomzekelo, xa umhlobo othile efundisa abantwana umculo, oko kundenza ndifumane ixesha. Ndihlala phantsi ndingamvuli umabonwakude. Ndithi cwaka, ndicinge ngoko ndithe ndakwenza ebudeni bemini. Ndisoloko ndikuphaphele gqitha okulungileyo okanye okubi, yaye ngoko ndiyakuthanda ukubuyel’ umva ndicinge ngoko ndikwenzileyo ukuze ndibone ukuba andinakuphucula kusini na.”

Ukuba uyazinikela ukuba unyamekele abantwana bakhe ngamathuba athile, umzali ongenaqabane lomtshato uya kuba namathuba ayingenelo okucinga okunjalo.

Nikela Uncedo Olusebenzisekayo

UVukani!: “Luluphi uncedo oye walufumanisa lulolona lusebenziseka ngakumbi?”

UMargaret: “Ndiyakunandipha ukumenyelwa kwikhaya lenye intsapho. Xa uqonda ukuba abanye bakuxhalabele, oko kunceda gqitha. Maxa wambi ucinga ukuba nguwe wedwa oneengxaki. Kwakhona xa ubani endincoma ngendlela endibakhulisa ngayo abantwana bam, oko kuthetha lukhulu! Kwandule ke kubekho izinto, ezinjengokuhombisa, ukusebenza esitiyeni, ukuthenga. . . . Owu, kungatshon’ ilanga ndibala!”

Xa kukho umzali omnye kuphela, izinto zithabatha ixesha elide yaye kubonakala kunzima ukuhlangabezana nazo. Ngoko musa ukukujongela phantsi ukuxabiseka kwesipho esilixesha lakho. Kubazali abangenamaqabane omtshato sesinye sezona zipho zixabisekileyo kunazo zonke.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 9]

Ukuze ube luncedo lokwenene kubazali abangenamaqabane omtshato, chitha ixesha kunye nabo