Ubulolo—Intuthumbo Efihlakeleyo

NGABA unokubahlula xa bephakathi kwesihlwele? Ngaba buyabonakala ebusweni babo? Xa bekubulisa, ngaba uncumo lubenza bungabonakali? Ngaba unokububona kwindlela abanyathela ngayo, okanye kwindlela abamile ngayo? Qwalasela indoda esele ikhulile ehleli yodwa kwisihlalo esisepakini, okanye ibhinqa eliselula elihleli lodwa kwimyuziyam—ngaba bathuthunjiswa bubulolo? Qwalasela izizukulwana ezithathu ezimelwe ngumama, intombi, nomzukulwana zihambahamba kwindawo eneevenkile. Babonakala bonwabile, kodwa ngaba unokuqiniseka? Qwalasela abantu osebenza nabo. Usenokuba ubazi njengabantu abonwabileyo abaneentsapho ezibakhathaleleyo nabafumana umvuzo owaneleyo wokubaxhasa ukuze baphile tofo tofo. Kanti, ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba omnye wabo unokuthi ngokunyanisekileyo, “Ndililolo”? Yaye ziziphi izinto ezinokwenza lowo ukwishumi elivisayo owonwabileyo nodlamkileyo abe lilolo? Iimpendulo zale mibuzo zisenokukumangalisa.

IWebster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary ichaza “ubulolo” ‘njengonobangela wemvakalelo yokudakumba okanye yokukhedama.’ Yimvakalelo yokuziva uswele into ethile, eyokuba likhamte, yaye ayisoloko iqondakala kwimbonakalo kabani yangaphandle. Omnye umphandi uthi: “Kwibutho lethu, ubulolo lihlebo—maxa wambi esingafuni ukulamkela nathi. Ubulolo bunebala obubekwa lona. Kukho ingcamango yokuba ukuba ulilolo, kumele ukuba nguwe unobangela woko. Ngapha koko, ngokuqinisekileyo ubunokuba nabahlobo abaninzi, ngaba oku kunjalo?” Maxa wambi oku kunokuba yinyaniso, ingakumbi ukuba silindele okanye sifuna okungakumbi kwabanye.

Amabhinqa Angamalolo

Iingcali zibonakala zivumelana nelokuba amabhinqa—ingakumbi amabhinqa atshatileyo—nokuba madala kangakanani alindele okungakumbi ebomini kunamadoda. Kuyaqondakala ukuba, abahlolokazi, abafazi abaqhawule umtshato namabhinqa angatshatanga amadadlana maxa wambi aba ngamalolo. Kodwa kuthekani ngamabhinqa atshatileyo aneentsapho abonakala onwabile? Ngokomzekelo, khawuqwalasele esi sikhalazo somfundisi-ntsapho oneminyaka engama-40 ubudala: “Andinalo ixesha lokuba nabahlobo bam; ndiyakukhumbula kakhulu oko. Kodwa ndiziva ndimadolw’ anzima ukukuthetha oko. Ndinokukhalaza njani ngokuba lilolo kwam . . . ? Ngapha koko, ndonwabile kakhulu emtshatweni wam, ndinabantwana abalungileyo, ikhaya elihle, nomsebenzi endiwuthandayo. Ndinelunda ngoko ndikuphumezileyo. Kodwa kukho nto ithile engekhoyo.”

Nangona amabhinqa esenokubathanda ngokunyanisekileyo abayeni bawo yaye azinikele kubo aze namaqabane awo abonakalise intsabelo efanayo, uthando olunjalo lusenokungazanelisi zonke iintswelo zawo zobuqabane. Lo mfundisi-ntsapho kucatshulwe amazwi akhe ngasentla uyachaza: “Nangona umyeni wam engoyena mhlobo wam, oko akuyivali indawo yabahlobo abangamabhinqa. Amadoda asenokuva, kodwa amabhinqa ayaphulaphula. Umyeni wam akafuni kwazi indlela endivakalelwa ngayo. Ufuna ukukhawuleza acombulule ingxaki. Kodwa abahlobo bam abangamabhinqa bayandivumela ndiyithethe. Yaye maxa wambi sukuba ndifuna nje ukuthetha.”

Xa ibhinqa lilahlekelwa ngumntu elimthandayo ngokufa okanye ngoqhawulo-mtshato, ukukhathazeka kwalo kunokuba nzulu. Kulapho kungenelela khona ubulolo. Umhlolokazi okanye umfazi oqhawule umtshato osentlungwini akamele aphethukele kwintsapho nabahlobo bakhe kuphela ukuze afumane inkxaso kodwa ukwamele azabalazele ukwenza uhlengahlengiso lokujamelana nemeko entsha akuyo. Nangona oko kulahlekelwa kwakhe kuya kusoloko kuyinxalenye yobomi bakhe, umele aqonde ukuba akunakuvunyelwa ukuba kube ngumqobo ekuqhubekeni kwakhe nobomi. Iingcali zifumanise ukuba abo banobuntu obomeleleyo ngokufuthi banokuboyisa ubulolo ngokukhawuleza kunabanye.

Kukho ukwahluka kwezimvo ngokuba nguwuphi na ova ubuhlungu kakhulu—umhlolokazi okanye umfazi oqhawule umtshato. Iphephancwadi i-50 Plus lathi: “Nanini na simemela abantu abaqhawule umtshato kumaqela axhasa abahlolokazi, la macala mabini agqibela ngokuphikisana ukuba nguwuphi ova ubuhlungu kakhulu. Umhlolokazi uthi, ‘Wethu, elakho iqabane lisaphila,’ ngoxa umntu oqhawule umtshato esithi, ‘Wethu, awulahlwanga ngendlela endalahlwa ngayo. Awunayo imvakalelo yokungaphumeleli.’”

Amadoda Angamalolo

Xa kuthethwa ngobulolo, amadoda awanakuzingomba isifuba ngokuba omelele kunabafazi. UAnne Studner, oyingcaphephe yeNkonzo yaBantu Abangabahlolokazi yeAARP (American Association of Retired Persons [uMbutho waseMerika waBantu Abadla Umhlala-phantsi]) wathi, “Kwizinto ezininzi amadoda awasebenzisi zimvakalelo asebenzisa amandla. Abafazi baya kusoloko bethetha ngentlungu yabo, kodwa amadoda aya kuzama ukuphinda atshate kunokuba ajamelane nentlungu.” Abacebisi abangamadoda basenokuchitha ixesha elide namadoda aphantsi kwelifu elimnyama ngaphambi kokuba aqalise ngokuthe ngcembe ukuxubusha ngeemvakalelo zawo.

Iingcaphephe ziye zafumanisa ukuba, ngokungafaniyo namabhinqa, amadoda afuna abahlobo abangamabhinqa ukuze aphalazele kubo imbilini yawo kunokuba ayiphalazele emadodeni. UGqr. Ladd Wheeler, oyingcaphephe yobulolo kwiYunivesithi yaseRochester, utyhila ukuba amadoda akayiphalazeli imbilini yawo kwamanye ngokunzulu ukuze axole ngokweemvakalelo. “Into yokufuna kwawo ukuphepha intlungu yokuba yinkom’ edla yodwa emva kokufelwa ngumfazi, nokuthi emva koko anxibelelane nomhlobo olibhinqa, inokusichazela isizathu sokuba amadoda aphinde atshate ngokukhawuleza emva kokufelwa ngabafazi okanye abe ngawona aqhawula umtshato kunamabhinqa.”—Iphephancwandi i-50 Plus.

Abantu Abaselula Abangamalolo

Kukho izizathu ezininzi zokuba abantwana kunye nabo baqalisa ukuba ngabantu abakhulu babe ngamalolo—ngokufuthi ezifana nezo zichaphazela abantu abadala kunabo. Ukufudukela kwindawo entsha nokushiya abahlobo ngasemva; ukungathandwa ngabo bafunda nabo kwisikolo esitsha; imvelaphi yonqulo neyamaqela obuzwe; uqhawulo-mtshato ekhaya; imvakalelo yokungathandwa ngabazali; ukungamkeleki kubantu besini esahlukileyo—izinto ezinjalo ngokucacileyo zifak’ isandla kubulolo.

Nabancinane kakhulu bafuna umntu abanokudlala naye. Bafuna ukuxhaswa nokuqondwa ngokweemvakalelo. Bafuna ukuthandwa nokwamkelwa ngendlela ebalingeneyo. Bamele bazi ukuba abanye baya kunyaniseka baze bathembeke. Xa bethandwa, baziva benqabisekile yaye bakwafunda ukubonakalisa uthando kwabanye. Inkxaso evela ebuthweni inokuphuma kwimithombo eyahlukahlukeneyo—entsatsheni, koontanga, kwanakwizilwanyana.

Abafundi abangabafana nabangamabhinqa, ukususela kwakumabanga aphantsi kuse kwimfundo yasekholeji, ngokufuthi baphathwa ngomlinganiselo olinganayo bubulolo, amaxesha amaninzi bubangelwa kukungamkeleki koontanga babo. Enye intombazana efunda kumabanga aphakamileyo yakhalaza yathi, “Ndiziva ndikhathazekile kuba ndindedwa yaye andithethi. Ndisuka nje ndiphulaphule umfundisi-ntsapho, ndenze umsebenzi wam wesikolo kuphelele apho. Xa ndingenzi nto, ndiyahlala nje ndisuke ndizobe okanye ndenze enye into. Wonke umntu unaye umntu anokuthetha naye, kodwa akukho mntu uthetha nam. . . . Ndiyazi andinakuhlala unaphakade ndinganxibelelani nabantu. Okwangoku, kuphela kwento endiyenzayo.”

Noko ke, ityala alinakusoloko libekwa ekuzikhetheni kwabanye abantu. Umntu usenokuba nengxaki yendlela aziphatha ngayo okanye iingxaki zasekuhlaleni, ezifana nokuba neentloni kakhulu, ubuntu bakhe bemvelo, nokuba sisingxami kakhulu nokuba nengxaki yokuqhubana noontanga bakhe. Ukuba nesiphene kunokuba negalelo elikhulu ekwenzeni lonke ulutsha lube ngamalolo ngaphandle kokuba abo basebatsha banesiphene bomelele yaye bathanda abantu.

Imfuneko Yokuba Uzincede

Umfundisi-ntsapho wezempilo uDolores Delcoma waseCal State Fullerton wachaza undoqo wenyaniso xa wachaza ngokuzama komntu ukulwa nobulolo: “Kufuneka enze umgudu ngokusuka kuye. Ekugqibeleni kufuneka ayiqonde ingxaki yakhe kuba kungakhathaliseki ukuba abanye abantu bangazama kangakanani ukumnceda, okuphela komntu onokumnceda abe ngumntu odlamkileyo nguye.”

Abo benza ukuba kube nzima ukuphucula imeko yabo uGqr. Warren Jones ubachaza njengabo banobuntu obubenza babe ngamalolo: “Aba bantu bengaqondi benza izinto ezibathintelayo ukuba bazive besondele kwabanye. Bambi abakwazi kuphulaphula, yaye bafuna ibe ngabo bodwa abathethayo xa kuncokolwa. Batyekele ekuhlabeni amadlala gqitha ngeziqu zabo nangabanye abantu; babuza imibuzo nje embalwa, yaye ngokufuthi bayabuphelisa ubuhlobo ngokuthetha izinto ezingabhadlanga okanye ezikhubekisayo.”

Ukongezelela kwabo banjalo ngokusisiseko, abaswele uxabiso ngeziqu zabo, kukho nabo bangenabo ubuchule obuyimfuneko ukuze basebenzisane nabanye. Ngokuphathelele abo, ingcali yezonyango uEvelyn Moschetta uthi: “Abantu abangamalolo abanelisekanga ziziqu zabo. Bezinikele kwelokuba abafunwa, abazikhathazi ngokwenza uphuculo.”

Noko ke, ngokuchasene nokuba oku kwamkelekile ngokuqhelekileyo, abaphandi bafumanise ukuba amabhinqa namadoda asele ekhulile awabi ngamalolo kakhulu njengabantu abaselula. Abaqinisekanga ngesizathu soku. Bakwafumanise nokuba xa abantu abadala bengamalolo, kuba ngenxa yokungabikho kakuhle kwabahlobo kunokungabikho kwezizalwana. “Asikuko ukuba izizalwana azibalulekanga kubantu abakhulu. Bayaya entsatsheni xa befuna uncedo. Kodwa banokuba namalungu entsapho amaninzi okubanceda, sekunjalo banokuziva bengamalolo gqitha ukuba abanabahlobo.”

Imfuneko Yabahlobo Abasondeleyo

Kubo bonke abantu enokuba bangakanani na, maxa wambi abahlobo abasondeleyo bavala isithuba esikhulu kuneso sinokuvalwa yintsapho nazizalamane. Abantu bafuna umhlobo, umhlobo osondeleyo, lowo banokuziphalaza imbilini kuye ngaphandle kokoyika ukuviswa ubuhlungu. Ngaphandle komhlobo onjalo, ubulolo bunokwanda. Ngumhlobo onjalo owathi umbhali wemibongo waseMerika uRalph Waldo Emerson wabhala oku: ‘Umhlobo ngulowo ndinokukwazi ukuthetha izinto endizicingayo ekhona.’ Umntu onjalo unokuphalaza imbilini yakho kuye ngokupheleleyo ungenaloyiko lakungcatshwa okanye ixhala lokuba amahlebo akho kuya kutshilwa ngawo ukuze uthotywe okanye kuhlekiswe ngawo kwabanye. Abanye ekusenokuba uye wabagqala njengamaqabane anyanisekileyo kusenokuba abakhange bathembeke, kodwa kukho “umhlobo” ‘ongaluhlakaziyo ucweyo lomnye,’ lowo ‘unamathelayo kunomzalwana.’—IMizekeliso 18:24; 25:9.

Kukho abo bathanda ukuzenza babonakale njengabantu abomeleleyo nabangafuni mntu. Bathi bangoozimele geqe yaye abafuni ncedo lomnye umntu. Sekunjalo, ngokufuthi bayaziqokelela babe ngamaqela abo babizwa ngokuba bomelele. Abantwana banemibutho, bakha izindlu zemibutho, baseka amaqela; ulutsha oludadlana lunamaqela ahamba ngezithuthuthu; izaphuli-mthetho zinamaqabane angenakuzichaza izinto ezizenzayo; abo banengxaki yokusela bazidibanisa noMbutho Onceda Amakhoboka Otywala; abo banengxaki yokutyeba kakhulu bazidibanisa noMbutho Oncedisana Nabantu Abanengxaki Yokutyeba. Abantu bayakuthanda ukuhlala ngamaqela; benza iqela ukuze bafumane inkxaso. Kwanaxa besembandezelweni, bayathanda ukuhlala nabanye abantu ababandezekileyo. Yaye ngamxhelo-mnye babuthiyile ubulolo. Kunokwenziwa ntoni ngobulolo?

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 26]

“Abantu abangamalolo abanelisekanga ziziqu zabo”