Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kutheni Abazali Bam Benamaxesha Okungatyhileki Kangaka?

UJEANETTEa oselula uthi: “Umama kunzima ukuqhubana naye. Ukuba udiniwe, usoloko ewukhuphela kum umsindo wakhe. Akukho nto ndiyithethayo evakala ilungile.” UJim unengxaki efanayo. Uthi: “Xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle, abazali bam basuka babe nomsindo nje ngaphandle kwesizathu esivakalayo. Ngokomzekelo ukuba inqwelo-mafutha ayivumi ukuhamba. Utata usuka andingxolise—ngokungathi lityala lam!”

Esi sisikhalazo esixhaphakileyo kwabakwishumi elivisayo: Abazali babo banamaxesha okungatyhileki, banomsindo okhawulezayo ibe abagqibeki. Ngenye imini bonwabile, bavuyile yaye bayabathemba. Kusuku olulandelayo, abakhululekanga yaye bagxeka yonke into oyithethayo noyenzayo. Omnye oselula ukhalaza athi: “Bandingxolisa ngaphandle kwesizathu.”

Phofu ke, naxa kusenokubonakala kudida maxa wambi, phantse wonke ubani—kuquka nabazali—usenokuba kubume obahlukahlukeneyo amaxesha ngamaxesha. Oku kuyinxalenye yobuntu. Ngaloo ndlela iBhayibhile isixelela ngabantu abathile ‘ababenentliziyo emnandi,’ ‘ababenobubele’ okanye ‘abaqumbileyo.’ (Estere 1:10; Yobhi 11:19; IZenzo 12:20) Maxa wambi ukutshintsha kubangelwa yimijikelo eyahlukahlukeneyo yeenguqulelo zomzimba. Ngokomzekelo, abafazi, ngokufuthi baba neemvakalelo ezahlukahlukeneyo ebudeni bomjikelo wokuba sexesheni. Yaye akunto ingaqhelekanga ngamadoda nabafazi ukuziva bedakumbile emzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo ngexesha lasemva kwemini nelangokuhlwa.

Ucinezeleko Nokubulaleka

Inqaku elikwiphephancwadi elithi American Health liphawula oku: “Amaxesha amaninzi iimvakalelo zokungonwabi zibangelwa ziingxaki zasemzimbeni. Ngoxa ukugula nokungafumani ukutya okusempilweni kusenokuba ngoonobangela abancinane, ukudinwa ngokuqhelekileyo kungoyena nobangela uyintloko.” La “ngamaxesha anomngcipheko,” ibe kwiintsapho ezininzi okanye phantse kuzo zonke umama notata kufuneka basebenze kude nekhaya. (2 Timoti 3:1) Imiphumo eqhelekileyo iba kukudinwa nokutyhafa. Bephazamisekile ngokweemvakalelo ngenxa yeengcinezelo ezingapheliyo, abanye abazali banokuvakalelwa njengoYobhi olilungisa, owazichaza ‘njengohluthiyo kukucukucezwa.’—Yobhi 10:15; 14:1.

Xa abazali bexakeke gqitha ziingxaki zabo, ukuncokolisana kunokuba nzima. UJason oselula ukhalaza athi: “Bakuxelela ukuba wenze into ethile, ibe uyayenza. Baze kwakhona bakhalazele ukuba bebekuthume ukuba wenze enye into, baze bacaphuke. Uyacaphuka, baze kwakhona bakohlwaye ngenxa yokucaphuka kwakho!”

Maxa wambi iingcinezelo zobomi zinokubangela abazali bangabi nawo amandla eemvakalelo okusabela kwiimfuno zakho. IMizekeliso 24:10 ithi: “Uthe waphelelwa ngemini yembandezelo, oba ebandezelwe amandla akho.” Omnye umzali wavuma: “Ngokufuthi ndilanda uDiana esikolweni xa ndivela emsebenzini. Udla ngokungena kwinqwelo-mafutha aze aqalise ukundixelela ngazo zonke izinto ezenzekileyo esikolweni ngolo suku—ibe ngezinye iintsuku ndiye ndingabi namandla okuphulaphula. Ndiba ndidinwe gqitha ibe ndixinwe zizinto ezenzeke kum ebudeni bemini kangangokuba ndingabi namonde wakuphulaphula ezakhe.” Kusenokubonakala ngathi ulahlwa kwesinomhlwa xa abazali besenza ngale ndlela, kodwa oko ngokufuthi kuthetha okungaphezulu kunokudinwa nje.

Umbhali uClayton Barbeau uphawula oku: “Kusenokwenzeka ukuba abazali bakho baneengxaki ongazaziyo wena. Ulutsha oluninzi luzijongela phantsi iingxaki zoqoqosho zobomi bentsapho. Behlolisisa iindleko zendlu nezokutya kwanezokungakhuseleki komsebenzi kwiindawo zengqesho zale mihla, abazali basenokuba bakhathazeke ngezinto abangakuxelelanga ngazo kodwa abazithetha bodwa.” Okanye basenokuba basingatha izinto eziyimfihlo. Omnye ubawo ongumKristu ukhonza njengomveleli kwibandla lamaNgqina kaYehova. Intombi yakhe ithi: “Maxa wambi xa ecinga ngeengxaki ezininzi zebandla, uba nomsindo okhawulezayo ngenene. Uyazama ukungawukhupheli kuthi, kodwa uba noxinezeleko kangangokuba akanakuzenza ezinye izinto.” IMizekeliso 12:25 ikubeka kakuhle oku xa isithi: “Isithukuthezi esisentliziyweni yendoda siyenza igobe.”

Abazali bakho basenokuzama ngamandla ukukufihlela ezo zinto zibakhathazayo. Kodwa kunjengokuba umzekeliso usitsho: “Ekubulalekeni kwentliziyo umoya uthi dakumba.” (IMizekeliso 15:13) Maxa wambi loo ntlungu ingaphakathi isenokuboyisa, ibe izinto nje ezincinane ezicaphukisayo zinokubangela balukhuphe lonke olo nxunguphalo bebeluvalele ngaphakathi. Enye intombazana ekwishumi elivisayo ithi: “Maxa wambi xa utata evela emsebenzini ufika ekhaya ecatshukiswe koko kwenzeke emsebenzini. Ibe ukuba ndilibele ukwenza okuthile, uye andikhumbuze ngaloo nto. Andule ke afune enye into anokundingxolisela yona.”

Kaloku, ngokuqinisekileyo intetho eyenzakalisayo ifanele iphetshwe. (Kolose 3:8) Abazali bayalelwa nguThixo ukuba bangabacaphukisi abantwana babo. (Efese 6:4) Kodwa kwanendoda elilungisa uYobhi, icinezelwe ziimeko ezinxunguphalisayo, yaziva seyithetha ‘amazwi okubhuda.’ (Yobhi 6:3) Ngoko ngaphambi kokuba uqalise ukubagweba kabukhali abazali bakho, zibuze: ‘Ndivakalelwa njani mna xa bendinosuku olubi okanye xa ndiziva ndicinezeleke kakhulu? Ngaba maxa wambi ndiyakruquka okanye ndicaphuke?’ Ukuba unjalo, mhlawumbi usenokubaxolela ngakumbi abazali bakho.—Thelekisa uMateyu 6:12-15.

Oselula okwishumi elivisayo ogama linguChad wazibonela indlela ubomi bukayise obucinezeleke ngayo. Uthi: “Ndisebenza notata kwishishini lakhe lokupeyinta nokukhanda iinqwelo-mafutha, ibe ngoku ndiyayiqonda indlela acinezeleka ngayo. Lonke usuku uhla esenyuka ezama ukulungisa zonke izinto ezifuna yena!”

Ubunzima Ngexesha Leminyaka Yobuqina

Kweyesi-2 kwabaseKorinte 7:5 (NW) umpostile uPawulos wavuma ukuba waba ‘noloyiko lwangaphakathi.’ Maxa wambi ukungatyhileki kwabazali bakho kunokubangelwa lunxunguphalo lwangaphakathi. Incwadi ethi The Healthy Adolescent ithi: “Kanye njengokuba ulutsha olufikisayo lusilwa neengxaki zobutsha, ngokunjalo nabazali balwisana neengxaki zobudala. Abazali basondela kwiminyaka yobuqina, nayo, ethi ngokufanayo neminyaka yobutsha, ibe lixesha elinzima elizaliswe ziinzima zalo.”

Kwabanye abazali ukuqonda ukuba bayaluphala kuyabaphazamisa. Omnye ubawo wathi: “Ndaqalisa ukuziva ngathi ubomi bam babuphela. Umsebenzi wam wawungasabangeli mdla, abantwana bam babelungiselela ukuhamba ekhaya, ndaziva ndaluphele, ibe kwakungekho nto endandinokukhangela phambili kuyo ngaphandle komhlalaphantsi.” Ngoxa unandipha ixesha ‘lobudodana,’ basenokuba banyamezela iingxaki zasemzimbeni ezinxulumene nokuhamba kweminyaka. (INtshumayeli 11:10, Appleyard Version) Ngokomzekelo, umama wakho, usenokuba namava eenguqulelo zamadlala ezibangelwa kukuyeka ukuba sexesheni kunye neempawu zako ngokufuthi ezicaphukisayo—ukudinwa, iintlungu zomqolo, ukuba shushu nokutshintshatshintsha kobuntu bakhe, ukukhankanya nje ezimbalwa.b

Okukhona ukhulela kubuntu obukhulu, kokukhona abazali bakho bemele bajamelane nobunyaniso bamazwi eBhayibhile akwiGenesis 2:24 athi: “Indoda yomshiya uyise nonina.” Kaloku, usenokuba sele uthabatha amanyathelo amakhulu ekubeni ngozimeleyo! Incwadi ethi Talking With Your Teenager ithi: “Oku kunokuba buhlungu ngokwenene. . . . Thina [bazali] sinokuvakalelwa kukuba asisathandwa ngendlela esasithandwa ngayo . . . Abantwana bethu abafikisayo ngokufuthi bakude ngakumbi kuthi, abazibonakalisi ngokuphandle iimvakalelo zabo ibe bafunda ukuzikhusela ngokwabo. Umnqweno wabo wokungabi kunye nathi, wokungafuni ukwenza izinto njengentsapho, bazenzele izigqibo okanye bazicebele ngaphandle kokulawulwa sithi, ubonisa ukuba asisabalulekanga kakhulu kubomi babo kunakuqala.”

Ngoko ke kulula ukubona isizathu sokuba maxa wambi abazali bakho bangatyhileki okanye bacaphuke msinya xa kufikelelwa kumbandela obandakanya inkululeko yakho engakumbi. USteve oselula uthi: “Abazali bam balibala msinya. Uyabaxelela ukuba uza kuhamba, ibe kamva bayabuza, ‘Uya phi?’ Uthi, ‘Bendinixelele ukuba ndiza kuya kudlala ivolleyball.’ Bathi, ‘Awukhange usixelele,’ baze baqalise ukukungxolisa. Oku kusoloko kusenzeka lonke ixesha.” Kodwa oko usenokukubona kuyinto encinane okanye ukuba nomsindo kwabo ngokukhawuleza kusenokutyhila uthando lwabo olunzulu nokuba nenkathalo ngawe. Bayayazi indlela elonakele ngayo ihlabathi, ibe nangona beyiqonda imfuneko yokukunika inkululeko, maxa wambi banokuba nenkxalabo ngempilo-ntle yakho. (Thelekisa eyesi-2 kwabaseKorinte 11:3.) Basenokusabela ngendlela ebaxiweyo kwizinto ezithile okanye babe ngabaguquguqukayo. Ngaba umele uphelelwe luthando ngabo?

Ukuba Nembono Ephangaleleyo Ngabazali

Xa wawuselula, usenokuba wawubajonga abazali bakho njengabazi konke nabanamandla. Njengokuba ukhula yaye usiba nobulumko ngakumbi, mhlawumbi iintsilelo zabo ziya zibonakala. Ibe xa abazali maxa wambi bengatyhileki okanye beba nomsindo okhawulezayo, kusenokuba lula ukubajongela phantsi. Kodwa iBhayibhile iyalumkisa nxamnye ‘neliso eligculela uyise.’ (IMizekeliso 30:17) Ngokubhekele phaya, kusenokwenzeka ukuba asingabo kuphela abanamaxesha okungatyhileki ekhayeni lakho. Enye intombazana yavuma: “Maxa wambi nam ndiye ndingatyhileki.” Mhlawumbi nawe ukhawuleza ucaphuke, okanye kunzima ngakumbi ukuba bancokolisane nawe kunokuba uqonda.

Enoba imeko iyintoni na, kunokujonga abazali ngeliso eligxekayo, zama ukukhulisa ‘uvelwano’ ngabo. (1 Petros 3:8) Njengoko inqaku elilandelayo kolu ngcelele liza kubonisa, oku kuya kukunceda uqhubane namaxesha okungatyhileki kwabo.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

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