Ukukhulisa Umntwana Wabanye Abantu—Ngasiphi Isizathu Yaye Njani?

KUTHENI liye lehla ngokuphawulekayo inani labantwana abakhuliswa ngabanye abantu eBritani ebudeni beminyaka engama-20 edluleyo? Kuye kwaboniswa izizathu ezibini—ukubakho kokuqhomfa okusemthethweni nokuvuma okwandayo kukamama ukuzikhulisela umntwana wakhe ngaphandle kwendoda. Ukuba yintsapho enomzali omnye sithetha nje kubonakala njengocelomngeni ekunokuhlangatyezwana nalo ngokunempumelelo kwibutho labantu lanamhlanje.

Noko ke, kwiminyaka nje engaphezu kwe-100 eyadlulayo, izinto zazahlukile. Xa uPolly, unina kaEdgar Wallace, umbhali oliNgesi weenoveli ezingolwaphulo-mthetho, wenziwa nzima ngunyana womqeshi wakhe, wahamba waya kubelekela kwindawo efihlakeleyo. UEdgar wayeneentsuku ezisithoba ubudala xa umbelekisi walungiselela ukuba anyanyekelwe ngumfazi kaGeorge Freeman, osebenza kwindawo ethengisa iintlanzi yaseBillingsgate eLondon. AbakwaFreeman babesele benabantwana babo abalishumi, yaye uEdgar wakhula esaziwa njengoDick Freeman. UPolly wayekhupha imali rhoqo ukuncedisa ekuxhaseni umntwana wakhe, yaye uyise akazange eve ngobukho bonyana wakhe.

Namhlanje xa iintsana zingafunwa, amagosa karhulumente adla ngokuyithabathela kuwo imbopheleleko. Abantwana abaninzi basiwa elugcinweni kuba befuna ukukhuseleka ekuxhatshazweni okanye kuba beneziphene emzimbeni okanye engqondweni. Abo baba ziinkedama ngenxa yeentlekele zemfazwe neentsana ezibakho ngenxa yokudlwengulwa bathe gqolo besandisa inani leentsana ezifuna umsa nenkuselo yomzali—ngokuthi zikhuliswe ngabanye abantu.

Ngaba Ndifanele Ndikhulise Umntwana Wabanye Abantu Okanye Ndingamkhulisi?

Ukukhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu akuyondlwan’ iyanetha, yaye akunakuze kube bubulumko ukwenza isigqibo ngokungxama xa uceba ukwenjenjalo. Ukuba uphulukene nosana lwakho, kunokuba kokufanelekileyo ukulinda de kuthi thimbilili okanye uyeke ukukhathazeka ngaphambi kokuba wenze isigqibo sokukhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu. Kusenokuba njalo nangesibini esiye saxelelwa ukuba asinakufumana bantwana.

Umntwana ngamnye uzuza iimpawu zemizila yemfuza ezahlukileyo. Abazali badla ngokumangaliswa yindlela abenza ngayo izinto abantwana babo, kodwa ukuqikelela ukuba luya kuba nengqondo neemvakalelo ezinjani usana xa bengaziwa abazali balo.

Ngaba imfundo uyibeke kwindawo yokuqala? Ukuba kunjalo, uya kuvakalelwa njani ukuba lo mntwana umkhulisayo wabanye abantu akawazalisekisi amabhongo akho? Ngaba umntwana ogula ngengqondo okanye onesiphene emzimbeni ulucelomngeni onokuhlangabezana nalo?

Abasebenzi abaqeqeshiweyo kumaziko afunela abantwana abantu bokubakhulisa okanye onoontlalontle baya kukubuza imibuzo efana nale ngaphambi kokuba uzibophelele. Bamele ukuba baxhalabele unqabiseko nolonwabo lomntwana.

Xa Usenza Isigqibo Sokukhulisa Umntwana Wabanye Abantu . . .

Ilizwe ngalinye linemithetho nemigaqo yalo ngokukhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu efanele ifundwe. EBritani kukho imibutho engamakhulu efunela abantwana abantu bokubakhulisa, yaye ngokuqhelekileyo idla ngokusebenzisana namagosa karhulumente asekuhlaleni. Yonke imibutho inemigaqo yayo.

Ubukhulu becala eBritani kuxhaphake amaqela afunela abantwana abantu bokubakhulisa, apho abo basenokuba ngabazali banokudibana khona nabantwana ekunokuphiswa ngabo, ngaphandle kokonakalisa iimvakalelo ngokudibana nomntwana ngamnye. Le meko izolileyo yenza kube lula ngabo basenokuba ngabazali ukuba bangamamkeli yaye mhlawumbi kwenza loo mntwana angadani, ekubeni kungekho mntwana kunikelwa kuye ingqalelo ngokukhethekileyo.

Ngokuqhelekileyo umlinganiselo wobudala uyamiselwa kwabo bakhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu, mhlawumbi babe malunga neminyaka engama-35 okanye engama-40 ubudala—nangona oku kudla ngokusebenza xa kufunelwa iintsana abantu bokuzikhulisa, akunyanzelekanga kubantwana abasele bethe dlundlu. Imibutho efunela abantwana abantu bokubakhulisa ithi umlinganiselo wobudala wenzelwa ukunikela ingqalelo kumlinganiselo wobomi obusenokuphilwa ngabo basenokuba ngabazali. Noko ke, bayazi ukuba amava afanelekileyo ahamba nobudala.

Kwiminyaka edluleyo amalungiselelo okufunela abantwana abantu bokubakhulisa ayesenziwa nezibini ezitshatileyo kuphela. Namhlanje, abantu abangatshatanga banokwenza isicelo sokukhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu ngokunempumelelo. Kwakhona, ukungaqeshwa nokuba nesiphene asizozizathu ezibangela ukuba singavunywa isicelo sabo basenokuba ngabazali. Umbuzo oyintloko ngulo, Eli lungiselelo liya kumenzela ntoni umntwana?

Naxa umcimbi wokufunela umntwana abantu bokumkhulisa ugqityiwe, basenokuqhubeka bebekwe esweni aba bazali ukuqinisekisa ukuba izinto zihamba kakuhle.

Ngaba Ufanele Ukhulise Umntwana Wolunye Uhlanga?

Kwiminyaka engama-30 eyadlulayo eBritani kwakunzima ukuba abantwana abantsundu bafunelwe abantu bokubakhulisa kwiintsapho zabantsundu, yaye ngenxa yoko, abaninzi baya kubazali abamhlophe. Ukususela ngowe-1989 ibingumthetho karhulumente eBritani ukuba umntwana anikwe abazali bokumkhulisa bohlanga lakokwabo. Kukho imvakelelo yokuba ngale ndlela umntwana uya kulwazi ngakumbi uhlanga nenkcubeko yakokwabo. Noko ke, oku kuye kwakhokelela kwiimeko ezididayo.

Kutshanje iThe Sunday Times iye yanikela ingxelo yokuba abanye abazali abamhlophe baye “bathatyathwa njengabantu ‘abantsundu’” ukuze bakhulise umntwana ontsundu. Akuyonto ingaqhelekanga ukuba abazali abamhlophe bakhulise umntwana ontsundu, oko kuthetha ukuba baya kumnyamekela ixesha elithile. Kodwa ukuba kamva bohluthwa ilungelo lokukhulisa loo mntwana ngokusisigxina, imiphumo iba kukwenzakala ngokweemvakalelo emntwaneni nakubazali.

Isibini saseSkotlani, esakhulisa abantwana abangamaIndiya kangangeminyaka emithandathu, kutshanje siye sajamelana nengxaki efanayo yokukhulisa abantwana bolunye uhlanga. Inkundla yabavumela ukuba babakhulise kuba iqonda ukuba aba bazali “bawa bevuka bezama ukuqinisekisa ukuba aba bantwana baya kwenziwa balwazi [uhlanga] lwakokwabo ibe bakhule beyiqonda imvelaphi yabo yobuhlanga nezithethe zabo,” yatsho njalo iThe Times. Kule meko aba bazali bakhulisa aba bantwana babesele besenjenjalo. Aba bantwana babefundiswa intetho esisiPunjabi, yaye maxa wambi banxityiswe iimpahla zabo zemveli.

Abaninzi baya kuvumelana nohlolisiso lwesithethi seenkonzo zasekuhlaleni saseBritani esathi ukukhulisa umntwana wolunye uhlanga kufanele kuvunyelwe ngokulula ngakumbi. Sathi: “Siphila kwibutho labantu elineenkcubeko ezininzi, ukunyamekela nokukhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu kufanele kukubonise oko.”

Ngaba Bafanele Bathatyathwe Kumazwe Asemzini?

Ngokutsho kwephephandaba iThe Independent, ukukhuliswa kwabantwana abasuka kwamanye amazwe ‘lurhwebo oluhambela phambili.’ Nangona iingxelo zibonisa ukuba ezinye iindlela olwenziwa ngazo azikho mthethweni, iMpuma Yurophu yeyona iphambili ekuxhaseni iBritani.

Ngokomzekelo, abanye abantwana abaye bazalwa ngenxa yokudlwengulwa ebudeni bokuqhekeka kwendawo eyayisakuba yiYugoslavia baye balahlwa. Kuthiwa abanye, ngebabeqhomfiwe ukuba kwakungazange kungenelele “igosa elifunela abantwana abantu bokubakhulisa,” elalithembisa ngokukhulisa umntwana ukuba lalimnikwa ngokusisigxina. Noko ke, oorhulumente bamazwe aseNtshona, baxhalabele intlawulo eyenziwayo xa kuthengwa abanye babo.

Eyona nkxalabo inkulu inokuthanani nezityholo zokwenziwa kwamaxwebhu obuxoki ngoogqirha ngexesha lokuzalwa kwabo. Iphephandaba iThe European lanikela ingxelo ngezityholo zokuba abanye abazali eUkraine baxelelwa ukuba iimveku zabo zazalwa zifile. Kwakhona kwathiwa aba bantwana baye bathengiswa kamva. Abanye oomama basenokuba baxelelwa ukuba abantwana babo babegula ngengqondo. Phantsi koxinezeleko olunjalo, oomama abakhathazekileyo kulula ukubaphembelela ukuba batyobele ukuba kuphiswe ngabantwana babo. Kanti abanye abantwana abazange baye kufika kumzi wokugcina iinkedama apho babethunyelwe khona kodwa basenokuba baphelela kumazwe asemzini.

Kuvela ingqumbo kumazwe asakhasayo. Athi iNtshona efumileyo ifanele yenze okungakumbi ukunceda iintsapho zomthonyama ukuba zinyamekele inzala yazo ekhaya kunokuba ziyithabathe ukuze ikhuliswe ngabanye abantu ngezithethe zasemzini.

Kwakhona iNtshona imele iqonde isiko elidala leentsapho ezandisiweyo, intsika yabemi kumazwe amaninzi. Ngokuqhelekileyo umntwana akasoze anganyanyekelwa xa ephila nabantu besizwe sakokwabo, kwanokuba abazali bakhe bayafa. Ngaphandle kwamalungu asondeleyo entsapho, njengabazali babazali, imilowo engoodadobawo noomalume iya kumthabathela kuyo loo mntwana, yaye nabani osuka ngaphandle ofuna ukumkhulisa ngokwakhe oko kusenokungaqondwa ibe kusenokujongwa njengokugxuphuleka okungamkelekanga.a

Ukulungiselela ukukhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu akuyondlwan’ iyanetha, ibe naxa sele kuqoshelisiwe, kufuneka usebenze nzima ukuze ukwenze kuphumelele. Njengoko siza kubona, kukwakho nolwaneliseko olukhulu.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 21]

Ngaba Unyana Wam Uza Kundikhangela?

ABAZALI bam baqhawula umtshato xa ndandineminyaka eli-11 ubudala. Ndandifuna ukuthandwa ngeyona ndlela. Xa ndandikwanokholeji, ndathandana; leyo yayiyindlela yam yokuzuza umsa. Emva koko ndadana ndakufumanisa ukuba ndandikhulelwe. Kwakungaqhelekanga gqitha. Mna nendandifunda naye sasiselula gqitha. Ndandingazange ndizisebenzise iziyobisi, utywala, okanye icuba, kodwa inkwenkwe endandithandana nayo yayonakaliswe sisiyobisi esiyi-LSD eyayikade isisebenzisa.

Ndacetyiswa ukuba ndiqhomfe, kodwa utata wam akazange avume. Ndandingafuni ukukhulelwa, kodwa kwakhona ndingafuni nokutshabalalisa ubomi. Ukuzalwa konyana wam ngowe-1978, ndagqiba ekubeni ndingalifaki igama likayise kwisiqinisekiso sakhe sokuzalwa ukuqinisekisa ukuba uyise wayengenakumfumana. Enyanisweni, ndavuma ukuba umntwana wam kuphiswe ngaye kwasekuzalweni kwakhe; ngoko wathatyathwa kum kwangoko wabekwa kwindawo awayeza kunyanyekelwa kuyo okwexeshana. Andizange ndimbone. Kodwa emva koko ndaluguqula uluvo lwam. Ndamkhupha umntwana wam kule ndawo anyanyekelwa kuyo ndaza ndawa ndivuka ndizama ukuzikhulisela. Kodwa ndatsho phantsi, yaye ndaphantse ndaphazamiseka engqondweni.

Unyana wam wayemalunga neenyanga ezintandathu ubudala ukuphunyezwa komyalelo wokuba kuphiswe ngaye ibe ndandifanele ndinikezele ngaye. Ndikhumbula imvakalelo endandinayo ngokungathi kwakukho ubani owasuka wandihlaba ngesitshetshe. Ndafa ngokweemvakalelo. Kuphela kusemva kokuba ndifumene icebiso kwiingcali ebudeni beminyaka emibini edluleyo endathi ndakwazi ukwakha ulwalamano olunentsingiselo. Ndandingakhali—unyana wam wayengafanga. Kodwa ndandingacingi ngaye—ndandingazivumeli ukuba ndenze oko. Kwakubuhlungu.

Okona kubuhlungu kukuva abantu besithi: “Ukuba uphisa ngomntwana wakho, akumthandi umntwana wakho.” Kodwa oko kwakungeyonyaniso kweyam imeko! Kungenxa yokuba ndandimthanda unyana wam yiloo nto ndaphisa ngaye! Kwade kwangumzuzu wokugqibela, ndiqhubeka ndizibuza: ‘Ndiza kwenza ntoni emhlabeni? Ndinokwenza ntoni?’ Kwakungekho ndlela yimbi. Ndandisazi ukuba ndandingenakuhlangabezana nayo le meko ibe usana lwam lwaluza kubandezeleka ukuba ndandinokuzama ukulugcina.

ENgilani, sithetha nje ibutho labantu liyazamkela iintsapho ezinomzali omnye—kodwa kwakungenjalo xa ndandifumana usana. Akwaba ndandinokukwazi ukunyamekela unyana wam kakuhle. Ndiyacinga ukuba, icebiso endisandul’ ukulifumana kutshanje ngelalincedile, kodwa ngoku sendishiywe lixesha. Ngaba unyana wam usaphila? Uyinkwenkwe enjani ngoku akhulileyo? Xa beneminyaka eli-18 ubudala, abantwana abakhuliswa ngabanye abantu banikwa ilungelo elisemthethweni lokuba bakhangele abazali babo. Ndidla ngokucinga enoba unyana wam uza kundikhangela kusini na.—Linikelwe.

[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 24]

Kwasebenza Kuthi

SINAMAKHWENKWE ethu amabini akwishumi elivisayo, sasiyintsapho yamaNgesi emanyeneyo neyanelisekileyo. Ingcamango yokuba nentombi—yaye eyolunye uhlanga—ayizange ithi qatha ezingqondweni zethu. Kamva kwangenelela uCathy kubomi bethu. uCathy wazalelwa eLondon, eNgilani. Wakhuliswa njengomRoma Katolika, kodwa njengomntwana oselula, waya nonina kwiintlanganiso ezimbalwa kwiHolo yoBukumkani yamaNgqina kaYehova. Noko ke, akuba neminyaka elishumi, wasiwa kwikhaya eligcina abantwana abahlelelekileyo.

Nangona izinto zazimhambela nzima apho, wayekwazi ukuziyela kwiintlanganiso zebandla kwiHolo yoBukumkani, apho sasidibana naye khona. UCathy wayeyintombazana ekrelekrele. Xa mna nenkosikazi yam samtyelelayo kwikhaya eligcina abantwana, saphawula ukuba udonga olusecaleni kwakhe lwaluzaliswe yimifanekiso yezilwanyana neyeendawo zasezilalini, ngokungafaniyo namanye amantombazana awayencamathisele imifanekiso yabadlali bomculo wepop.

Ethubeni kamva uCathy wayeza kuvela phambi kwekomiti ecebisayo, eyambuza ukuba angathanda kusini na ukushiya eli khaya ukuze aye kuhlala nentsapho ethile. Waphendula: “Nentsapho yamaNgqina kaYehova kuphela!” Xa uCathy wasibalisela ngoku noko wakuthethayo, satsho sacinga okuthile ngako. Sasinegumbi elingasetyenziswayo. Ngaba sasifanele siyithabathe le mbopheleleko ilolu hlobo? Njengentsapho, sathethana saza sakuthandazela oku. Safumanisa kamva ukuba le ndlela—yokubuza uluvo lomntwana—yayiyinkqubo entsha kwiinkonzo zasekuhlaleni, ulingelo olwathi kamva lwabhalwa phantsi.

Iinkonzo zasekuhlaleni nabakwantsasana nogqirha wethu zasibeka esweni zaza zathabatha neenkcukacha zobuqu. Kungekudala kwenziwa isigqibo. Saxelelwa ukuba sasinokumfuna uCathy okwexeshana yaye sasinokumbuyisela ukuba sasingamthandi! Kwasenza buhlungu oku, ibe sasiqinisekile xa sisithi sasingenakuze sikwenze oko. UCathy wayeneminyaka eli-13 ubudala ukumthabathela kwethu ekhayeni lethu ngokusemthethweni.

Intambo egqibeleleyo yothando phakathi kwethu sonke iya isomelela ngakumbi. Sithetha nje uCathy ukhonza njengovulindlela (umhambisi welizwi wexesha elizeleyo) nebandla lesiFrentshi lamaNgqina kaYehova kumntla weLondon. Kunyaka awemka ngawo ekhaya eyokuba nguvulindlela, wasibhalela le leta echukumisayo: “Kukho isaci esithi ‘awunakuzikhethela intsapho yakokwenu.’ Noko ke, ndithanda ukunibulela ngokusuka entliziyweni yam ngokukhetha mna.”

Sinombulelo gqitha ngokuza kukaCathy! Ukumenza inxalenye yentsapho yethu kwabuhlaziya ubomi bethu. Kwasebenza kuthi!—Linikelwe.

[Umfanekiso]

UCathy nabazali abamkhulisayo nabantakwabo

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 23]

Abantwana abaninzi bafuna umsa nenkuselo yabazali