Ukukhulisa Umntwana Wabanye Abantu—Ndifanele Ndikujonge Njani?

NGOKUQINISEKILEYO zinokuphakama iingxaki xa abazali abakhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu beqhawula umtshato okanye kusifa elinye iqabane. Kodwa ngumntwana lowo ukhuliswayo osenokuxinezeleka gqitha. Kutheni?

Uninzi lwethu luyabazi abazali balo bokwenene. Kwanokuba baye basishiya siselula, sineenkumbulo, okanye mhlawumbi iifoto ezithile, zokuzenzela umfanekiso opheleleyo. Noko ke, kuthekani ngosana ekuye kwaphiswa ngalo lisandul’ ukuzalwa? Umbutho ofunela abantwana abantu bokubakhulisa ugcina iinkcukacha zikanina, kodwa loo nkcazelo idla ngokungakhutshwa de loo mntwana afikelele kubudala obuthile. Kwezinye iimeko, umama ubhalisa igama lakhe kwisiqinisekiso sokuzalwa kodwa alikhuphe elikayise. Abanye abantwana bayacholwa—bafunyanwe emva kokuba abazali babo abangaziwayo bebalahlile. Abantwana abakwezi meko zikhankanyiweyo abawazi umnombo wabo—basenokuziva besusiwe kwimvelaphi yabo.

Kuyinyaniso Kangakanani Oku?

Imithi ifuna inkqubo efanelekileyo yeengcambu ukuze yomelele. Ihlumelo elimiliselwe kwisikhondo esidala lisenokukhula kakuhle, kodwa lisenokubuna lize lingavelisi iziqhamo. Ngokufanayo, nangona abazali abakhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu besenokumnyamekela baze bazinikele ngothando kangangoko banako, abanye abantwana abade bachache kumothuko wokushenxiswa kumnombo wabo.

Khawucinge ngemeko kaKate.a Wazalwa ngabazali bakwii-West Indies, uKate wathatyathwa eselusana sesinye isibini esimhlophe esinothando, nesinenkathalo, kodwa wayengakwazi ukuyamkela imeko entsha awayekuyo. Akuba neminyaka eli-16 ubudala, walifulathela ikhaya, akaphinda abuye. Umsindo awayenawo ngelo xesha waguquka wayinzondo yokungaqiqi. Wabuza: “Kwakutheni ukuze umama aphise ngam kuni?” Okulusizi kukuba, le ntsapho yayingakwazi ukuwuvala loo msantsa.

UMervyn wasiwa kwiziko lasekuhlaleni ukuzalwa kwakhe emva koko wanikwa abazali bokumnyamekela. Akuba neenyanga ezisithoba ubudala, kwaphiswa ngaye. Imvelaphi yakhe enganqabisekanga yangaphambili, kunye nenzondo evuthayo ngenxa yokuba engowolunye uhlanga, nto leyo eyaphumela ekubeni abe nesimo sengqondo semvukelo waza waneengxaki kwazenza buhlungu iintliziyo zabazali abamkhulisayo, ababemenzela yonke into. Unina wathi: “Ukuba nabani ebenokucela icebo kum ngokukhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu, kungokunje bendinokuthi, ‘Cingisisa nzulu ngako.’”

Ngokwahlukileyo koko, khawucinge ngamava kaRobert noSylvia. Babenonyana omnye ibe babengenakuphinda babe nabanye abantwana. Babuzwa: “Ngaba nikhe nacinga ngomntwana wolunye uhlanga?” Kungekudala babekhulisa uMak-Chai, usana oluyintombazana oluneenyanga ezisithoba ubudala lwaseHong Kong. UMak-Chai uthi: “Ndidla ngokuzibuza isizathu sokuba ndilahlwe, yaye enoba ndinabo kusini na abantakwethu noodadewethu. Kodwa ndicinga ukuba ndisondelelene ngakumbi nomama notata wam abandikhulisayo kunabantwana abaninzi abahlala nabazali babo bokwenene. Ukuba bendisazi ukuba babengoobani abazali bam bokwenene, bekungenakwenza mahluko ungako, mhlawumbi, ngaphandle nje kokuba bendinokuqonda iimpawu zam zemfuza ezimbalwa.” Ngaba abazali abamkhulisayo bayakuncomela ukukhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu? “Ewe,” batsho njalo, “kuba apha kuthi ibingamava amangalisayo!”

Izizathu Zokuba Kufanele Kwenziwe Ngobulumko

UGraham noRuth bathabatha abantwana ababini beseziintsana, inkwenkwe nentombazana, ukuze bahlale nonyana nentombi yabo. Bobane aba bantwana bahlala kunye njengentsapho emanyeneyo neyonwabileyo. URuth uthi: “Bonke abantwana bethu balifulathela ikhaya kwiminyaka eyadlulayo baze bahamba ngabayibonayo. Sinxibelelana rhoqo yaye sibathanda bonke.” Kodwa okulusizi kukuba, bobabini abantwana esabakhulisayo baye baneengxaki. Siyintoni isizathu?

“Ugqirha wethu wasixelela ukuba imeko aphila phantsi kwayo umntwana ibaluleke gqitha,” utsho njalo uGraham, kungokunje ovakalelwa kukuba iimpawu zemfuza zingunobangela ophambili. Walek’ umsundulo wenjenje: “Kwakhona, kuthekani ngempilo kamama ngoxa wayethwele usana lwakhe? Iziyobisi, ukusela necuba, sithetha nje, siyazi ukuba zinokumchaphazela umntwana ongekazalwa. Ndincomela ukuba kwenziwe uhlolisiso olucokisekileyo ngabazali bobabini, kwanangabazali babazali ukuba kunokwenzeka, ngaphambi kokuba kuvunyelwane ngokukhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu.”

Umama kaPeter waphinda watshata, yaye uPeter wayexhatshazwa emzimbeni nasengqondweni nguyise womtshato wesibini. Akuba neminyaka emithathu, wafunelwa umntu wokumkhulisa. UPeter wathi: “Ndandingafuni nokubabona abazali bam abandikhulisayo kwandisaphuma enkundleni.” Walek’ umsundulo wenjenje: “Ndatshabalalisa yonke into endandinokuyibamba ngesam isandla. Xa ndilele, ndandiphupha kakubi gqitha. Xa ndikhangela emva ngoku, ndiyayibona indlela endandiphazamiseke kakhulu ngayo. Emva kokuba abazali abandikhulisayo beqhawule umtshato, izinto zaba mbi ngakumbi kum—ndandisebenzisa iziyobisi, ndilisela, ndisonakalisa izinto zabantu, ndihamba amatheko mihla le.

“Xa ndandinemiyaka engama-27 ubudala, ndandingasiboni isizathu sokuqhubeka ndiphila yaye ndaceba ukuzibulala. Kwathi ngenye imini umntu endingamaziyo wandinika iphecana elisekelwe eBhayibhileni elalisithi kungekudala lo mhlaba uza kuba yiparidisi. Esi sigidimi saba nomtsalane kum. Sasivakala sichan’ ucwethe. Ndaqalisa ukulesa nokufundisisa iBhayibhile ndaza ndaqalisa ukutshintsha ubomi bam nesimilo sam, kodwa ndandidla ngokuvukwa likakade. Emva kokhuthazo noncedo lokunxulumana namaKristu, sithetha nje ndiziva ndonwabile yaye ndinqabiseke ngakumbi ekukhonzeni uThixo kunoko ndandikhe ndakuphupha kwiminyaka embalwa edluleyo. Kwakhona ndiye ndakwazi ukuvuselela ulwalamano lomsa, nolumyoli nomama wam.”

Ukujamelana Nezinto Njengoko Zinjalo

Xa kufikelelwa kumbandela wokukhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu, kubakho iimvakalelo ezahlukahlukeneyo. Ngoxa abanye bebonakalisa uthando olunzulu nombulelo abanye babonisa intiyo nokungabi nambulelo. Ngokomzekelo, uEdgar Wallace, ngendlela awayezijonga ngayo izenzo zikanina, akazange amxolele. Waya kumbona kunyaka wakhe wokugqibela wokudla ubomi, wayefuna uncedo lwemali ngeyona ndlela, kodwa uEdgar, efume enjalo ngelo xesha, wazalela endle. Kungekudala emva koko, akuva ukuba unina ngewayengcwatyelwe kumangcwaba abantu abangaziwayo kodwa ngenxa yobubele abahlobo bahlawulela umngcwabo wakhe, wazisola ngokunzulu ngokungakhathali kwakhe.

Abantu abacinga ngokukhulisa umntwana wabanye abantu bamele balungele ukujamelana neengxaki njengoko zinjalo kunye nocelomngeni olunokuphakama. Abantwana abasoloko benombulelo ngoko bakwenzelwe—ngabazali ababakhulisayo okanye ngabazali babo bokwenene—kwanakwezona meko zilungileyo. Enyanisweni, iBhayibhile, ithetha ngabantu abathile bomhla wethu ‘njengabangenawo umsa wemvelo’ yaye “abangenambulelo” yaye “abanganyanisekanga.”—2 Timoti 3:1-5.

Kwelinye icala, ukuvula ikhaya lakho—nentliziyo yakho—kumntwana ofuna abazali kunokuba ngamava awakhayo, ahlaziyayo. Ngokomzekelo, uCathy, ubamba ngazibini kubazali abamkhulisayo ngokumnika ikhaya lamaKristu nangokunyamekela iimfuno zakhe zokwenyama nezokomoya.—Bona ibhokisi ethi “Kwasebenza Kuthi,” iphepha 24.

Xa bechaza indlela abavakalelwa ngayo ngoonyana neentombi zabo abazikhulisayo, abazali babantwana abanjalo basenokuwakhumbula kakuhle amazwi omdumisi: “Abantwana basisipho esivela eNkosini; bayintsikelelo yokwenene.”—INdumiso 127:3, Today’s English Version.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]