Ngoku Ndiyavuya Kuba Ndiphila!
“Uyaqonda ukuba uza kufa, akunjalo?” ugqirha wabuza. Okothusayo kukuba, izihlandlo ezibini ngaphambili, ukufa kwakuya kuba sisiqabu sokwenene. Kodwa kungekuko ngeli xesha. Mandikucacisele.
NDAKHULISELWA kwihlomela ledolophu yaseLong Island, eNew York, apho utata wayengumqhubi weenqwelo-mafutha zomdyarho odumileyo. Wayengumntu othanda izinto ezigqibeleleyo yaye wayephumelela kukhuphiswano. Kwakhona wayetshintshatshintsha yaye kwakunzima kakhulu ukumkholisa. Kwelinye icala, uMama, wayengumntu onoxolo, isithuli, eyoyika into yokubandakanyeka kukaTata emdyarhweni kangangokuba wayengathandi nokumbukela oku.
Mna nomntakwethu safunda sisebancinane ukungathethi gqitha ekhaya, nto leyo uMama awayesele eyiqhelile. Kodwa oku kwakungelula. Sonke sasimoyika uTata. Loo nto yandichaphazela kangangokuba andizange ndicinge ukuba ikho into elungileyo endinokuyenza. Ndaphelelwa kukuzihlonela xa ndathi ndisemncinane, ndaxhatshazwa ngokwesini “ngumhlobo” wasekhaya. Ndingakwazi ukuhlangabezana neemvakalelo endandinazo, ndazama ukuzibulala. Eso yayisisihlandlo sokuqala endacinga ukuba ukufa kwakuya kuba sisiqabu sokwenene.
Ndaziva ndingaxabisekanga yaye ndingathandwa ndaza andabinamdla wakutya nto leyo eqhelekileyo kumabhinqa aphelelwe kukuzihlonela. Ndaqalisa ukuphila ubomi bokuthanda ulonwabo, ubomi bokuzikhobokisa, ukuhenyuza, nokuqhomfa—“ndikhangela uthando kuzo zonke iindawo ezingalunganga” njengokuba umgca wengoma usitsho. Ndaqalisa ukubandakanyeka kumdyarho wezithuthuthu, umdyarho weenqwelo-mafutha, iscuba diving, yaye ngezihlandlo ezithile ndandihamba ndiye eLas Vegas ukuya kungcakaza. Ndafuna necebiso kumxeli-thamsanqa yaye ndasebenzisa ibhodi yeOuija nje ukuzonwabisa, ndingabuqondi ubungozi bokusebenzelana nemimoya.—Duteronomi 18:10-12.
Ukongezelela, ukufuna ulonwabo kwandikhokelela ekubeni ndibandakanyeke kwizenzo ezingekho mthethweni njengokuthengisa iziyobisi nokuba ezivenkileni. Ukufuna kwam uthando nokukholisa abanye kwaphumela ekubeni ndibe nabahlobo abaninzi abangabafana nabanye ababendithembisa umtshato. Zonke ezi nkalo zadibana zaza zabangela indlela yobomi eyayiyingozi ngakumbi kunokuba ndandicinga.
Ngobunye ubusuku, emva kokuba ndandisele utywala neziyobisi kwindawo ekulungiswa kuyo izithuthi zomdyarho, ngobudenge ndavumela umfana endithandana naye ukuba andigoduse ngenqwelo-mafutha. Emva kokuba ndiye ndawa kwisitulo esingaphambili, kuyabonakala ukuba naye wawa. Ndothuswa sisithonga sokungqubana kweenqwelo-mafutha. Ndalala esibhedlele yaye ndenzakele kanobom, kodwa ekugqibeleni ndachacha ilidolo lasekunene kuphela elalingekaphili.
Ukunqwenela Into Elunge Ngakumbi
Nangona ndandingabuxabisanga ubomi bam, ndandizikhathaza kakhulu ngokhuseleko neemfanelo zabantwana nezezilwanyana nokukhusela imekobume. Ndandilangazelela ukubona ihlabathi elibhetele yaye, kumgudu endawenzayo ndizama elinye, ndazibhokoxa kwimibutho emininzi. Loo mnqweno wokufuna ihlabathi elibhetele yinto endenza ndaba nomdla kwizinto ezazithethwa ngulowo ndandisebenza naye owayengomnye wamaNgqina kaYehova. Wayethanda ukuthi “le nkqubo yezinto” ekhathazekile nanini na xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle emsebenzini. Xa ndambuza oko wayekuthetha ngaloo mazwi, wandicacisela esithi ngenye imini kungekudala onke amaxhala obomi aza kuphela. Ekubeni ndandimhlonela, ndaphulaphula ngomdla omkhulu.
Ngelishwa, asizange siphinde sibonane, kodwa andizange ndizilibale izinto awayezithethile. Ndandiqonda ukuba ngenye imini kwakuya kufuneka ndenze iinguqulelo ebomini bam ukuze ndimkholise uThixo. Kodwa ndandingakulungelanga oko. Sekunjalo, ndandiye ndibaxelele abo babeza kuba ngamaqabane am omtshato ukuba ngenye imini ndiya kuba liNgqina yaye ukuba babengakuthandi oko, elo yayilixesha lokwahlukana.
Ngenxa yoko, umfana endandithandana naye wokugqibela wafuna ukwazi okungakumbi, esithi ukuba ndinomdla, mhlawumbi naye usenokuba nawo. Ngoko saqalisa ukufuna amaNgqina. Kunoko, asifumana xa eza endlwini yam. Kwaqaliswa isifundo seBhayibhile, kodwa ekugqibeleni umfana endithandana naye wakhetha ukuyeka ukufundisisa waza wabuyela emfazini wakhe.
Isifundo sam seBhayibhile ngokufuthi sasingaqhutywa rhoqo. Ndathabatha ixesha ukuze ndiqonde imbono kaYehova ngobungcwele bobomi. Noko ke, ndathi ndakuyihlengahlengisa indlela endicinga ngayo, ndabona kuyimfuneko ukuba ndiyeke ukudlala iskydiving ndize ndiyeke nokutshaya. Njengokuba ndandiye ndibuxabisa ubomi, ndandikulungele ukuphila ubomi obuzinzileyo ndiyeke ukuphinda ndibubeke esichengeni kwakhona. Ngo-Oktobha 18, 1985, ndazahlulela kuYehova ngokubhaptizwa emanzini. Andizange ndiqonde ukuba kungekudala ubomi bam babuya kuba sengozini.
Kwakhona Ndinqwenela Ukufa
Kamva kwiinyanga nje ezimbalwa—ngobusuku bukaMatshi 22, 1986—ndandiphambi kwendlu yam, ndisothula impahla eyayivela kuhlanjwa kwinqwelo-mafutha yam, xa inqwelo-mafutha eyayibaleka ngesantya esiphakamileyo yanditshayisa yaza yandirhuqa umgama ongaphezu kweemitha ezingama-30! Ndaba lixhoba lengozi yenqwelo-mafutha eyanditshayisa yaza yabaleka. Nangona ndenzakala entloko, ndandisezingqondweni ngalo lonke elo xesha.
Ndilele phantsi kanye phakathi kwindlela eyayimnyama, ndandinoloyiko lokuphinda nditshayiswe kwakhona. Iintlungu endandinazo, zazinganyamezeleki. Ngoko ndaqhubeka ndicela ukuba uYehova andivumele ndife. (Yobhi 14:13) Kwavela elinye ibhinqa elabonakala lingumongikazi. Ndalicela ukuba lilungise imilenze yam, njengokuba yayixwesile. Lakwenza oko, lenza nebande ngelokhwe yalo, ukuze kunqumame igazi kwiindawo endandophuke kuzo kumlenze omnye. Izihlangu zam zafunyanwa ngakwenye indlu zizele ligazi!
Abantu ababedlula ngendlela, bengaqondi ukuba bendingumhambi ngeenyawo, babendibuza ukuba iphi inqwelo-mafutha yam. Ndingazi ukuba ndandirhuqelwe kude kangakanani, ndandicinga ukuba ndisesecaleni kwayo! Xa abezonyango longxamiseko bafikayo, babecinga ukuba ndiza kufa. Babiza amapolisa angabacuphi, ekubeni ukubulala umntu ngenqwelo-mafutha ilulwaphulo-mthetho olunzulu. Ekugqibeleni loo mqhubi wabanjwa. Bawurhangqa loo mmandla bewuvakalisa njengendawo enobundlobongela yaye bathimba inqwelo-mafutha yam njengobungqina. Zombini iingcango kwicala elinye lenqwelo-mafutha yam zikrunculiwe.
Ukujamelana Nentlekele
Ngelo xesha, xa ndafika kwindawo yasekuhlaleni yabantu abenzakeleyo, ndinxibe isigqubuthelo esineoksijini, ndandiphindaphinda ndisithi: “Ningandithi igazi, ningandithi igazi. Ndingomnye wamaNgqina kaYehova!” Into yokugqibela endisayikhumbulayo yayikukuva isikere esikhulu seempahla sisehla emqolo nokuva iqela lezengozi likhwaza linikela imiyalelo.
Xa ndavukayo, ndamangaliswa kukuba ndibe ndisaphila. Ngokufuthi ndandingabikho zingqondweni. Ngalo lonke ixesha xa ndivuka, ndandicela intsapho yasekhaya ukuba ikhangele isibini endandifundisisa naso iBhayibhile. Intsapho yakowethu yayingayithandi into yokuba ndiye ndaliNgqina, ngoko ngabom “balibala” ukusixelela. Kodwa ndazingisa—yayiyinto yokuqala endandiyibuza ngalo lonke ixesha xa ndivula amehlo. Ekugqibeleni, ukuzingisa kwam kwaba nemiphumo emihle, yaye ngenye imini xa ndivuka, babelapho. Esinjani sona isiqabu! Abantu bakaYehova babeyazi indawo endandikuyo.
Noko ke, ndavuya nje okwexeshana, kuba umlinganiselo wegazi lam waqala ukuhla yaye ndaba nomkhuhlane omkhulu. Amathambo ekwakubonakala ukuba ayeza kubangela isifo asuswa, yaye kwafakelwa iintsimbi ezine emlenzeni wam. Kodwa ngokukhawuleza ndaphinda ndaba nomkhuhlane omkhulu, yaye umlenze wam wafa mnyama. Lo mlenze waqalisa ukubola, yaye ukusinda kwakuxhomekeke ekubeni ushunqulwe.
Ukunyanzelwa Ukuba Ndamkele Igazi
Ekubeni umlinganiselo wegazi lam wawehle ngokuphawulekayo, kwabonakala ukuba utyando lwalungenakwenziwa ngaphandle kotofelo-gazi. Oogqirha, abongikazi, amalungu entsapho, nabahlobo bakudala babizwa ukuze bandinyanzele. Emva koko, ndeva usebe-sebe emnyango. Ndeva ukuba kwakukho nto ithile oogqirha ababeyiceba, kodwa andizange ndiyazi. Ngethamsanqa, iNgqina elalindityelele ngelo xesha leva ukuba kucetywa ukuba ndinyanzelelwe ekubeni ndamkele utofelo-gazi. Ngokukhawuleza laqhagamshelana nabadala abangamaKristu basekuhlaleni, abandincedayo.
Kwacelwa ugqirha wezigulo zengqondo ukuba andihlole enoba ndiphilile na engqondweni. Injongo ecacileyo yayiyeyokuba andifumanise ndingekho zingqondweni yaye ngaloo ndlela angayisiso iminqweno yam. Eli cebo alizange liphumelele. Ngoko, kwaziswa omnye umfundisi, yena owayelamkele utofelo-gazi, ukuze andiqinisekise ukuba ukwamkela utofelo-gazi kwakuvumelekile. Ekugqibeleni, intsapho yakowethu yafumana umyalelo wenkundla wokundinyanzela ngegazi.
Malunga nentsimbi yesibini ekuseni, iqela loogqirha, umchwethezi wasenkundleni, igosa lasemthethweni, amagqwetha amela isibhedlele, nomgwebi bangena kwigumbi lam lasesibhedlele. Ityala laliqhubeka. Andizange ndixelelwe kusengaphambili, ndandingenaBhayibhile, ndingalungiselelanga, yaye ndandisezwe amayeza amaninzi ngenxa yeentlungu. Waba yintoni umphumo welo tyala? Ijaji yawala umyalelo wenkundla, isithi ichukumiseke ngakumbi yingqibelelo yamaNgqina kaYehova kunangaphambili.
Isibhedlele esiseCamden, eNew Jersey, savuma ukundinceda. Ekubeni abalawuli besibhedlele eNew York babecaphukile, bayeka ukundinyanga kuquka nokundinika izibulala-ntlungu. Abazange bayivumele ukuba ihlale inqwelo-ntaka eyayize kundiphuthuma ukundisa kwisibhedlele saseNew Jersey. Endikubulelayo kukuba, ndakwazi ukukhwela inqwelo-mafutha yabaguli ukuya apho. Ekufikeni kwam, ndeva la mazwi akhankanywe ekuqaleni kweli bali: “Uyaqonda ukuba uza kufa, akunjalo?”
Utyando—Impumelelo
Ndandibuthathaka kakhulu kangangokuba umongikazi kwafuneka andincede ndenze uphawu olungu-X kwifomu ukuze ndinikele imvume yokutyandwa. Umlenze wam wasekunene kwafuneka ushunqulwe emantla edolo. Emva koko, umlinganiselo wam wegazi wehla ngaphantsi kwesi-2, yaye oogqirha babekrokrela ukuba ndenzakele gqitha ebuchotsheni. Oku kwabangelwa kukuba bengakwazanga ukufumana impendulo xa bendibiza ngokuthi, “Virginia, Virginia”—igama endazibhalisa ngalo ukungena kwam esibhedlele. Kodwa emva kwethuba, ndeva mntu uthile esebeza esithi, “Ginger, Ginger,” ndavula amehlo ndaza ndabona inene endingazange ndilibone ngaphambili.
UBill Turpin wayesuka kwelinye lamabandla asekuhlaleni lamaNgqina kaYehova eNew Jersey. Wayelivile igama elithi Ginger—gama elo endandisaziwa ngalo—ngamaNgqina aseNew York. Wabuza imibuzo endandinokuyiphendula kuphela ngokuqhwanyaza, ekubeni ndandifakwe umatshini wokuphefumla ndingenakuthetha konke konke. Wandibuza, “Ngaba ufuna ndiqhubeke ndikutyelela, yaye ndiwaxelele namanye amaNgqina aseNew York ngawe?” Ndaqhwanyaza ngamandla ndivuma! UMzalwana uTurpin wabeka ubomi bakhe esichengeni ngokuza kundibona egumbini lam, ekubeni intsapho yakowethu yayithe ndandingamele ndityelelwe ngamaNgqina.
Emva kokulala ngandletyana nye esibhedlele kangangeenyanga ezintandathu, yimisebenzi elula yemihla ngemihla endandikwazi ukuyenza, enjengokuzityisa nokuzihlamba amazinyo. Ekugqibeleni, ndafumana umlenze ofakelwayo yaye ndakwazi ukuhambahamba ngomsimelelo. Ekuphumeni kwam esibhedlele ngoSeptemba 1986 ndabuyela endlwini yam, ndahlala nomongikazi kangangeenyanga ezinokuba ntandathu.
Uncedo Oluvela Kubazalwana Bethu
Kwanaphambi kokuba ndibuyele ekhaya, ndaqalisa ukukuqonda ngokunyanisekileyo oko kuthethwa kukuba yinxalenye yobuzalwana bamaKristu. (Marko 10:29, 30) Abazalwana noodade ngothando abazange banyamekele iimfuno zam zokwenyama nje kuphela kodwa nezokomoya. Ngoncedo lwabo lothando, ndakwazi ukuphinda ndiye kwiintlanganiso zamaKristu yaye, ekuhambeni kwexesha, ndaba nesabelo koko kubizwa ngokuba bubuvulindlela bobuncedani.
Isimangalo esifakwa ngabezomthetho nxamnye nomqhubi wenqwelo-mafutha, ngokuqhelekileyo esidla ngokuthabatha ubuncinane iminyaka emihlanu ukuba sifakwe kuludwe lwamatyala enkundleni, saconjululwa kwiinyanga nje ezimbalwa—nto leyo eyalimangalisayo igqwetha lam. Ngenxa yemali endayifumanayo emva koko, ndakwazi ukuya kuhlala kwindlu ebhetele. Ukongezelela, ndathenga iveni enesixhobo sokuphakamisa isitulo sabaguli eqhutywa ngezandla. Ngaloo ndlela, ngowe-1988, ndaqalisa ukuba nguvulindlela othe ngxi, ndisenza ubuncinane iiyure ezili-1000 emsebenzini wokushumayela nyaka ngamnye. Ebudeni bale minyaka, ndiye ndakunandipha ukusebenza imimandla ekumazwe aseMntla Dakota, eAlabama naseKentucky. Ndiye ndahamba iikhilomita ezingaphezu kwezili-150 000 ngale veni yam, ezininzi zazo kubulungiseleli bobuKristu.
Ndiye ndanamava ahlekisayo ekusebenziseni isithuthuthu esincinane sombane esihamba ngamavili amathathu. Izihlandlo ezibini ndafumana ingozi ngoxa ndandisebenza nabafazi babaveleli abahambahambayo. Ngesinye isihlandlo eAlabama, ndiphazama ndacinga ukuba ndingatsiba umlanjana ngaso yaye ndazibona sendiphantsi, ndandizele ludaka. Noko ke, ukuzihleka ezi zinto nokungakhathali kakhulu ngesiqu sam kuye kwandinceda ndakwazi ukuba nesimo sengqondo esihle.
Ukomelezwa Lithemba Eliqinisekileyo
Maxa wambi iingxaki zempilo phantse ziye zandoyisa. Kwiminyaka embalwa eyadlulayo kwafuneka ndiyeke ukuba nguvulindlela izihlandlo ezibini ngenxa yokuba kwabonakala ukuba omnye umlenze wam usenokufuna ukunqunyulwa. Isisongelo sokuphulukana nomlenze wam sisaqhubeka nangoku, yaye kwiminyaka emihlanu edluleyo kuye kwanyanzeleka ukuba ndisoloko ndihleli kwisitulo esinamavili sabaguli. Ngowe-1994, ndaphuka ingalo. Kwaye ndafuna ukuncediswa ukuzihlamba, ukuzinxibisa, ukupheka, ukucoca nokusiwa kuyo yonke indawo endiya kuyo. Sekunjalo, ngenxa yoncedo lwabazalwana, ndaye ndakwazi ukuqhubeka ndinguvulindlela phezu kwayo nje le ngxaki.
Kubo bonke ubomi bam ndiye ndafuna oko konwabisayo, kodwa ngoku ndiyaqonda ukuba elona xesha lokonwaba liseza. Ithemba endinalo lokuba uThixo uya kuphilisa zonke iziphene ezikhoyo kwihlabathi lakhe elitsha eliza ngokukhawuleza yinto ebangela ndivuye kuba ndiphila ngoku. (Isaya 35:4-6) Kwelo hlabathi litsha, ndikhangele phambili ekuqubheni neminenga namahlengesi, ekuhambeni ezintabeni nengonyama namathole ayo, nokwenza eyona nto ilula enjengokuhamba elwandle. Kuyandivuyisa ukuba nombono wazo zonke izinto ezadalwa nguThixo ukuba sizinandiphe kulo mhlaba uyiParadesi.—Ngokubaliswa nguGinger Klauss.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 23]
Xa ukungcakaza kwakuyinxalenye yobomi bam
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 25]
Amathemba kaThixo andomeleza