Yintoni Ephembelela Isimo Sengqondo Sakho?

MALUNGA neminyaka engama-2700 eyadlulayo, umbhali ophefumlelweyo wabhala lo mzekeliso uxhokonx’ iingcinga: “Ukwenza amanyala kunjengokudlala kwisidenge.” (IMizekeliso 10:23) Ubunyaniso boku buye babonakala ingakumbi ukususela kwixesha leenguqu kwindlela yokuziphatha ngokwesini. Ngaphambi kwexesha lokoyika uGawulayo, isimo sengqondo esasesamele sasikukuba iintlobano zesini ‘ngumthambo nje umntu anokuzihlaziya ngawo,’ ibe inkanuko yesini ifanele yaneliswe ‘enoba oko kuya kuphumela entwenini na.’ Ngaba esi simo sengqondo sitshintshile? Akunjalo.

Namhlanje ukuthi phithi thwanga sisini kusavelisa “abantu abakhotyokiswe sisini,” ‘abantu ababa neentlobano zesini namaqabane amaninzi’ “nabantu abasinqulayo isini,” abema ngelithi abanakuxelelwa mntu ngemilinganiselo yokuziphatha ibe ukheth’ omthandayo kwintaphane yamaqabane uyinto eqhelekileyo. (Bona ibhokisi ethi “Iindidi Ezahlukeneyo Zokuziphatha Ngokwesini,” ekwiphepha 6.) Bema ngelithi ‘akukho mntu wenzakaliswa’ kukuba neentlobano zesini naye nabani na, logama nje kusenziwa ngabantu abakhulu abavumeleneyo. Ngowe-1964, isazi ngentlalo yoluntu seYunivesithi yeSizwe yaseIowa uIra Reiss wakubiza oku ngokuthi “kukuhambisana nokuthandana.”

Ubhishopu waseTshetshi e-Edinburgh, eSkotlani, kubonakala ukuba uvakalelwa ngendlela efanayo, kuba wathi abantu babedalelwe ukuba bathandane nabantu abaninzi. Kwintetho yakhe engesini nobuKristu, wathi: “Xa wayesidala uThixo wayesazi ukuba wakhele ngaphakathi kuthi inkanuko yesini ukuze sihambe sityala imbewu ekuthi. Usinike imizila yemfuza esiqhubela ukuba sithandane naye nabani na. Ndicinga ukuba bekuya kuba kuphosakele ngecawa ukuba igwebe abantu abalandele into abadalwe nayo.”

Ngaba kufanelekile ukulandela loo mbono? Yiyiphi imiphumo efumaneka kukheth’ omthandayo? Ngaba ukuba neentlobano zesini namaqabane ngamaqabane kuzisa ulwaneliseko nolonwabo?

Ubhubhani osehlabathini lonke wezifo ezidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini nezigidi zabo bakhulelwa ngaphandle kweqhina lomtshato, ingakumbi phakathi kwabakwishumi elivisayo, ungqina ukusilela kwale ntanda-bulumko. Ngokutsho kwephephancwadi iNewsweek, eUnited States kuphela, izifo ezidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini zithwaxa abakwishumi elivisayo abaqikelelwa kwizigidi ezithathu nyaka ngamnye. Ngaphezu koko, uninzi “lwabantu abakhulu abavumeleneyo” lubonakala ‘lungenawo umsa wemvelo’ okanye aluziva lunembopheleleko ngemveku engekazalwa nto leyo esoloko ingumphumo wokuziphatha kwalo, ibe ngokukhawuleza luye luzame ukuqhomfa. (2 Timoti 3:3) Oku kubulala imveku engekazalwa, njengoko isahlulwa ngenkohlakalo kunina. Unina oselula usenokudandatheka ngokunzulu aze azive enetyala nto leyo enokumngcungcuthekisa ubomi bakhe bonke.

Ngokobalo lukaGqr. Patrick Dixon, kwiminyaka yee-1990 eBritani nje kuphela, iindleko zemali ezibangelwe ziinguqu kwiindlela zokuziphatha ngokwesini ziye zaxabisa imali enkulu ezii-R93 400 ezigidi nyaka ngamnye. Kwincwadi yakhe ethi The Rising Price of Love, uGqr. Dixon walifumana eli nani ngokubala iindleko zokunyanga izifo ezidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini, kuquka uGawulayo; iindleko zokuqhawula ulwalamano lwexesha elide; iindleko zeentsapho ezinomzali omnye; neendleko zokunyanga intsapho nomntwana. Ngokwengxelo eyanikelwa kwiThe Globe and Mail, eliphephandaba lemihla ngemihla laseKhanada, uGqr. Dixon uqukumbela ngelithi: “Iinguqu kwiintlobano zesini ebezikhangeleka ngathi zingasinika inkululeko zishiye abaninzi bengamakhoboka, kwihlabathi elisebugxwayibeni ngenxa yokungabi namilinganiselo yokuziphatha, intlekele, ubulolo, intlungu engokweemvakalelo, ugonyamelo nokuxhaphaza.”

Kodwa kutheni abantu beqhubeka bethe phithi thwanga sisini, bekhetha ukuba neentlobano zesini namaqabane ngamaqabane baze bengafuni nokuva baqhubeke nokheth’ omthandayo ngaphandle kokuzibophelela? Xa sele zicace nakuthathatha iziqhamo ezibi kule minyaka engamashumi amathathu edluleyo, yintoni ebangela le nkanuko iyingozi?

Izinto Ezibonisa Amanyala Ziyasigqwetha Isini

Kuye kwanikelwa ingxelo yokuba izinto ezibonisa amanyala ziyenye yezinto ezibangela abantu bathi phithi thwanga sisini. Ikhoboka lesini elazityand’ igila libhala oku kwiphephancwadi iThe Toronto Star: “Ndayeka ukutshaya imidiza kwiminyaka emihlanu edluleyo, ndayeka utywala kwiminyaka emibini edluleyo, kodwa andiqondi ukuba ikho into ekukhe kwanzima ukwahlukana nayo ebomini bam bonke njengokukhotyokiswa sisini nezinto ezibonisa amanyala.”

Kwakhona leyisekile kwelokuba abakwishumi elivisayo abahleli nje bondla iingqondo zabo ngezinto ezibonisa amanyala bade babe nembono egqwethekileyo ngendlela yokuziphatha ngokwesini. Baba nentelekelelo ngoko isini sikuko kodwa xa bekwenza ngokwenene bakufumanisa kwahluke ngokupheleleyo koko bebekucinga. Oku kukhokelela ekubeni babe ngoonkom’ edla yodwa nakwezinye iingxaki, nenye ingxaki esingenakho ukuyiyayaza nje ekukungakwazi ukwakha iqhina elihlala lihleli lothando.

Ezolonwabo Zisisebenzisa Kakubi Isini

Ubomi obuvakalala obuquka ukuba neentlobano zesini namaqabane amaninzi, enoba utshate ngokusemthethweni nawo okanye akunjalo, buye benziwa baza baboniswa uwonkewonke zezolonwabo. Le miboniso ingenaluthando nethob’ isidima engendlela yokuziyolisa ngokwesini yenza abantu bathi phithi thwanga sisini, inika esi sizukulwana imbono egqwethekileyo yokuziphatha ngokwesini. Iinkqubo zokuzonwabisa zisoloko ziqab’ abantu intshongw’ emehlweni ngokufanisa isini sangaphandle komtshato nothando. Abo banqula abantu abaphambili kwezolonwabo babonakala bengakwazi ukwahlula phakathi kwenkanuko evuthayo nothando, phakathi kweentlobano zesini namaqabane ngamaqabane nokuzibophelela kumntu omnye, okanye umahluko phakathi kwamaphupha nje nezinto zokwenene.

Ngokufanayo, ezentengiso ziye ngokufuthi zasebenzisa isini njengesixhobo sokuthengisa. Ingcali ngesini yathi, siye saba “sisixhobo nje enjongo yaso ikukutsalela ingqalelo koko kuthengiswayo.” Ababhengezi baye basisebenzisa kakubi isini baza banxulumanisa ukuba neentlobano zesini kunye nobomi obusemgangathweni, ukongezelela oku kokunye “ukugqwethwa kwendlela esijongwa ngayo isini” kwinkulungwane yama-20, njengoko ulindixesha othi Family Relations wabonisayo.

Ukutshintsha Kwendima Yabo Kugqwetha Izimo Zengqondo

Ukuguquka kwemekobume yasentlalweni nokungena kwentengiso yeepilisi zoqingqo-nzala ngowe-1960 kwatshintsha indlela yokuziphatha ngokwesini yezigidi zamabhinqa. Ezi Pilisi zenza amabhinqa acinga ukuba ayalingana namadoda ngokwesini, akhululeka aza azimela geqe ngendlela engazange icingwe ngaphambili. Njengamadoda, ngoku aziva amandla ngokuba neentlobano zesini namaqabane ngamaqabane, engathintelwa kukoyika ukumitha okungafunwayo. Ngenxa yokuziphosa ngamandla kwinkululeko yawo engokwesini, amadoda namabhinqa ngokufanayo aye alilahla kwesinomhlwa ilungiselelo lentsapho yokwemvelo nendima anayo ngesini.

Umbhali weBhayibhile wenkulungwane yokuqala wathi ngabantu abanjalo: “Amehlo abo azele lukrexezo yaye abakwazi kusiyeka isono . . . Intliziyo yabo iqeqeshelwe inkanuko. . . . Bewushiya umendo othe tye, baye balahlekiswa.”—2 Petros 2:14, 15.

Imfundo Yesini Ezikolweni

Olunye uhlolisiso olwenziwa eUnited States kumabhinqa ali-10 000 angatshatanga asele ekubudala bokufunda kwizikolo zamabanga aphakamileyo lwatyhila ukuba “ulwazi njengoko luboniswa zizifundo ezingesini nalulwazi olungoqingqo-nzala abazibanga benalo,” alukhange luwanciphise amanani abo bakwishumi elivisayo abakhulelwayo nabangatshatanga. Noko ke, intsabelo yezinye izikolo zikawonke wonke kulo bhubhani ibe kukunika abafundi iicondom simahla, nangona oku kushukuxwa ngokushushu.

Xa kwakudliwan’ indlebe naye liphephandaba iCalgary Herald, umfundi kwizikolo zamabanga aphakamileyo oneminyaka eli-17 ubudala wathi: “Liyinyaniso elokuba uninzi lwabakwishumi elivisayo kwizikolo zamabanga aphakamileyo luba neentlobano zesini . . . , kwanabanye abaneminyaka eli-12 ubudala.”

Luyintoni Uthando Nokuzibophelela?

Uthando, ukuthembana nomanyano oluxabisekileyo asizozinto ezizenzekelayo ngenxa yomtsalane wesini ozenzekelayo okanye ukwanelisa iminqweno yesini. Iintlobano zesini zizodwa azinakubangela uthando lokwenene. Uthando nolwalamano olusenyongweni luvuseleleka kwiintliziyo zabantu ababini abanenkathalo abazibophelele ekwakheni ulwalamano oluhlala luhleli.

Ekugqibeleni iintlobano zesini namaqabane ngamaqabane zishiya ubani engaxabisekanga, elilolo yaye mhlawumbi ethiwe nqo sisifo esidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini njengoGawulayo. Abo baxhasa ukheth’ omthandayo banokuchazwa kakuhle ngamazwi afumaneka kweyesi-2 kaPetros 2:19: “Ngoxa bebathembisa inkululeko, bona ngokwabo bangamakhoboka okonakala. Kuba nabani na owoyiswa ngomnye uyakhotyokiswa ngulowo.”

Iqumrhu leCawa yaseTshetshi elijongene nemicimbi yentlalo lakhupha ingxelo yalo ngoJuni 1995, enomxholo othi “Into Emele Ibhiyozelwe.” Ngokwahluke kwaphela kwisiluleko seBhayibhile, iThe Toronto Star ithi, eli qumrhu labongoza icawa ukuba “iliphelise ibinzana elithi ‘ukwenza isono’ ize yahlukane nesimo sengqondo sayo sokuhlab’ amadlala abo baba neentlobano zesini ngaphandle komtshato.” Le ngxelo yancomela ukuba “amabandla afanele abamkele abo bahlalisanayo, abaphulaphule, afunde kubo, . . . ukuze bonke babuve ubukho bukaThixo kubomi babo.”

UYesu ngewayezibize njani iinkokeli zonqulo ezilolo hlobo? Ngokungathandabuzekiyo ngewayethe ‘zingabakhokeli abaziimfama.’ Ibe kuthekani ngabo balandela abakhokeli abanjalo? Waqiqa ngelithi: “Ukuba, ngoko, umntu oyimfama ukhokela umntu oyimfama, bobabini baya kuwela emhadini.” Qiniseka ukuba, uYesu wakwenza kwacaca ukuba “ukukrexeza” ‘nohenyuzo’ kuphakathi ‘kwezinto ezidyobha umntu.’—Mateyu 15:14, 18-20.

Phezu kwazo nje ezi zinto zahlukeneyo zigqwetha nezisebenzisa kakubi isini, umntu, nolutsha ngokukhethekileyo unokuphuncula njani ekuthini phithi thwanga sisini? Yiyiphi imfihlelo esa kulwalamano oluvuyisayo noluhlala luhleli? Inqaku elilandelayo liya kugxininisa koko kunokwenziwa ngabazali ukuze bancede ulutsha lulungiselele ikamva.

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 5]

Eunited States Kuphela, Izifo Ezidluliselwa Ngeentlobano Zesini Zithwaxa Abakwishumi Elivisayo Abaqikelelwa Kwizigidi Ezithathu Nyaka Ngamnye

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 6]

Iindidi Ezahlukeneyo Zokuziphatha Ngokwesini

Abantu abakhotyokiswe sisini: Bayakuvuyela ukuthandana nothile, ngoko bathandana nabantu abahlukeneyo baze bathi bakudikwa ngabo babashiye. Eli binzana leza noGqr. Michael Liebowitz, weNew York State Psychiatric Institute.

Abantu ababa neentlobano zesini namaqabane amaninzi: Abantu abathandana nabantu abaninzi abade babatshate ngokusemthethweni, babalahle baphinde batshate nabanye bachazwa ngolu hlobo zizazi ngezentlalo.

Abantu abasinqulayo isini: Bafuna ukubonisa ukuba bangamaqhawe ngokwesini ngokuba namaqabane amaninzi, utsho njalo uLuther Baker, unjingalwazi wezifundo ezingentsapho nengcali evunyiweyo ngemibandela yesini. Ngoku eli binzana liyasetyenziswa nakwabo baxhaphaza abantwana ngokwesini.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]

Izinto ezibonisa amanyala ziyakhobokisa ibe zikhokelela kwimbono egqwethekileyo ngendlela yokuziphatha ngokwesini