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  • Ndinokuhlangabezana Njani Nokukheth’ Ubuso?
  • Vukani!—1997
  • Imixholwana
  • Amanqaku Afanayo
  • Lubambe Ulwimi Lwakho!
  • Ukungathobeli Okuchuliweyo
  • Ingozi Yokuzikhetha
  • Iingozi Zokuba Nomona
  • Kutheni Umntakwethu Efumana Ingqalelo Enkulu Kangaka?
    Vukani!—1997
  • Ndinokuhlangabezana Njani Nokulindela Kwabantu Ukuba Ndifane Nabantwana Basekhaya?
    Vukani!—2003
  • Ngaba Ndiya Kulandela Ikhondo Lomnakwethu?
    Vukani!—1993
  • Ndimele Ndenze Ntoni Xa Abazali Bam Bexambulisana?
    Imibuzo Yabantu Abaselula—Iimpendulo Eziluncedo, Umqulu 2
Khangela Okunye
Vukani!—1997
g97 12/8 iphe. 18-20

Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndinokuhlangabezana Njani Nokukheth’ Ubuso?

“Udade wethu ndimshiya ngeminyaka emibini ibe kunikelwa ingqalelo kakhulu kuye . . . Andiqondi ukuba oko kufanelekile.”—URebecca.a

OKUKHONA umntakwenu okanye udadewenu efumana ingqalelo engakumbi, kokukhona uya kuziva ulikheswa. Ibe ukuba umntakwenu unobuchule obubalaseleyo, uneengxaki ezinzulu, okanye izinto azithandayo okanye iimpawu zakhe zobuntu ziyafana nezabazali bakho, kusenokufuneka unkantse gqitha ukuze ufumane naluphi na uhlobo lwengqalelo! Okukhona ucinga ngako, kokukhona uya kukhathazeka uze ube nomsindo ngakumbi.b

Noko ke, iBhayibhile ilumkisa ngelithi: “Qumbani, ningoni; thethani neentliziyo zenu ezinkukweni zenu, nithi cwaka.” (INdumiso 4:4) Xa ucaphukile yaye unomsindo, kulula gqitha ukuba uthethe okanye wenze into oya kuzisola ngayo kamva. Khumbula indlela uKayin awacatshukiswa ngayo kukuthandwa komntakwabo uAbheli nguThixo. UThixo wamlumkisa wathi: “Isono sibuthumile ngasesangweni, singxamele wena; ke wena, silawule.” (Genesis 4:3-16) UKayin woyiswa kukulawula iimvakalelo zakhe, ibe umphumo waba yintlekele!

Liyinyaniso elokuba, akusayi kuba sisibulala-mntu njengoKayin. Sekunjalo ukukheth’ ubuso kunokukubangela ube nenzondo. Ngoko kunokubuthuma iingozi emnyangweni wakho! Ziziphi ezinye zazo? Ibe unokuyilawula njani le meko?

Lubambe Ulwimi Lwakho!

Xa uBeth wayeneminyaka eli-13 ubudala, wayecinga ukuba abazali bakhe babethanda umntakwabo ibe yena bemphethe kakubi. Ukhumbula oku: “Mna nomama sasidla ngokwenza isankxwe sixambulisana, kodwa oko akuzange kuyenze ibe bhetele imeko. Akakho owayephulaphula omnye, ngoko ingxaki ayizange izinziswe.” Usenokuba nawe uye wafumanisa ukuba ukuxambulisana kuye kwenza imeko yamaxongo ngakumbi. Eyabase-Efese 4:31 ithi: “Mabususwe kuni bonke ubukrakra bolunya nomsindo nengqumbo nokunkqangaza nentetho etshabhisayo kunye nabo bonke ububi.”

Akuyomfuneko ukuba uphakamise ilizwi ukuze iviwe into oyithethayo. Ukuthetha ngendlela ezolileyo kusoloko kuluncedo kakhulu. IMizekeliso 25:15 ithi: “Umlawuli uyarhwebesheka ngokuzeka kade umsindo; ulwimi oluthambileyo lwaphula ithambo.” Ngoko ukuba abazali bakho bakhangeleka bekheth’ ubuso, musa ukuxambulisana nabo okanye ubabek’ amabala. Lindela ixesha elifanelekileyo, uze uthethe nabo ngendlela ezolileyo, ebonisa intlonelo.—Thelekisa IMizekeliso 15:23.

Ukuba unikela ingqalelo kwiziphoso zabazali bakho okanye ubahlaze ngenxa yokuba “bekudlel’ indlala” uya kubenza bachasele okanye bazame ukuzithethelela. Kunoko nikela ingqalelo kwindlela izenzo zabo eziye zakuchaphazela ngayo. (‘Ndikhathazeka gqitha xa nindikhetha.’) Oko kuya kubashukumisela ekubeni bayithabathe nzulu indlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Kwakhona, ‘khawuleza ukuva.’ (Yakobi 1:19) Kusenokwenzeka ukuba abazali bakho banezizathu ezivakalayo zokunikela ingqalelo ekhethekileyo kumntakwenu. Mhlawumbi uneengxaki ongazaziyo wena.

Kodwa kuthekani ukuba utyekele ekucaphukeni msinya uze uthethe ngokungxama xa unomsindo? IMizekeliso 25:28 ithelekisa “indoda engenakuzibamba umoya wayo” nesixeko ‘esingenaludonga’; kunokuba lula ukuba yoyiswe ziintshukumisa zayo zokungafezeki. Kwelinye icala, ukukwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho kubonisa ukuba unamandla ngokwenene! (IMizekeliso 16:32) Ngoko, kutheni ungalindi de uzole ngaphambi kokuchaza indlela ovakalelwa ngayo, mhlawumbi ulinde de ibe lusuku olulandelayo? Usenokukufumanisa kuluncedo ukuhamba apho, mhlawumbi ubethwe ngumoya okanye wenze umthambo. (IMizekeliso 17:14) Ngokulawula umlomo wakho, unokukuphepha ukuthukisa okanye uthethe ngobudenge.—IMizekeliso 10:19; 13:3; 17:27.

Ukungathobeli Okuchuliweyo

Omnye umgibe ofanele uwuphephe kukungathobeli. UMarie oneminyaka eli-16 ubudala waphawula ukuba umntakwabo omncinane wayengohlwaywa xa ephazamise isifundo seBhayibhile sentsapho. Ekhathazekile koku kwakubonakala ikukukheth’ ubuso, “wagwayimba,” akathabatha nxaxheba esifundweni. Ngaba wakha wangenwa ngumoya wezikhova okanye waqalisa ukungabi nantsebenziswano ngoxa wawuvakalelwa kukuba wawudlelw’ indlala ngandlel’ ithile?

Ukuba kunjalo yazi ukuba ukungathobeli okuchuliweyo kuchasene nomyalelo weBhayibhile wokubeka uze uthobele abazali bakho. (Efese 6:1, 2) Ukongezelela, ukungathobeli kulwenza buthathaka ulwalamano lwakho nabazali bakho. Okona kulungileyo kukuyandlala kubazali bakho ingxaki onayo. IMizekeliso 24:26 ibonisa ukuba “ophendula ngamazwi athe gca” uyahlonelwa ngabanye. Xa uMarie wawuxubusha nonina lo mbandela, bevana, ibe kwaqal’ ukulunga.

Ingozi Yokuzikhetha

Enye indlela eyingozi yokucombulula ingxaki yokukheth’ ubuso kukuzikhwebula kwintsapho yakowenu okanye ukufuna ingqalelo yabangakholwayo. Oku koko kwenzeka kuCassandra: “Ndazahlula kwintsapho yasekhaya ndaza ndasondela kubahlobo behlabathi endandinabo esikolweni. Ndada ndathandana namakhwenkwe, ibe abazali bam babengakwazi oko. Emva koko ndadandatheka gqitha ndibhuqwa sisazela esinetyala ngenxa yokuba ndandisazi ukuba oko ndandikwenza kwakungafanelekanga. Ndandifuna ukwahlukana nako konke oku, kodwa ndandingazi ukuba ndingabaxelela njani abazali bam.”

Kuyingozi ukuzikhetha kwintsapho yakowenu nakwabo ukholwa nabo—ingakumbi xa ucaphukile nengqondo ingasebenzi kakuhle. IMizekeliso 18:1 ilumkisa ngelithi: “Ozahlulayo ufuna umnqweno wakhe; into yonke ezimasayo uyayivungamela.” Ukuba ukufumanisa kunzima ukuthetha nabazali bakho ngoku, yiya kumhlobo ongumKristu onjengalowo uchazwe kwiMizekeliso 17:17: “Umhlobo [wokwenene, NW] uthanda ngamaxesha onke; umzalwana uzalelwe imbandezelo.” Ngokuqhelekileyo “umhlobo wokwenene” onjalo usoloko efumaneka lula phakathi kwamalungu aqolileyo ebandla.

UCassandra wafumana “umhlobo wokwenene” ngexesha lokuswela kwakhe: “Xa umveleli wesiphaluka [umlungiseleli ohambahambayo] watyelela ibandla lethu, abazali bam bandikhuthaza ukuba ndisebenze naye. Yena nowakwakhe kwakulula ukuthetha nabo, ibe babenomdla kakhulu kum. Ngokwenene ndandikwazi ukuthetha nabo. Andizange ndiyicinge nokuyicinga into yokuba banokundihlab’ amadlala. Babeyazi ukuba ukukhuliswa njengomKristu akuthethi ukuba ufezekile.” Ekuphela kwento awayeyifuna uCassandra yayilukhuthazo necebiso labo elisengqiqweni!—IMizekeliso 13:20.

Iingozi Zokuba Nomona

IMizekeliso 27:4 ilumkisa ngelithi: “Ubujorha bunobushushu, umsindo sisiphango; nekhwele, ngubani na onokuma phambi kwalo?” Umona nekhwele ngenxa yokuthandwa komnye umntwana kuye kwaqhubela olunye ulutsha ukuba lutyhuthuzele. Elinye ibhinqa lavuma lathi: “Xa ndandisemncinane, ndandineenwele eziyasuyasu nezimdaka ngebala ngoxa ezikadadewethu zazinkulu zibengezela yaye zibeth’ esinqeni. Utata wayesoloko ezincoma ezi nwele zakhe. Wayesithi ‘nguRapunzel’ wakhe. Ngoxa wayelele ngobunye ubusuku, ndathabatha isikere sikamama sokuthunga, ndachwechwa ukuya kukhwela kumandlalo wakhe ndaza ndazigranyuza kangangoko ndinako ezo nwele zakhe.”—Siblings Without Rivalry, nguAdele Faber noElaine Mazlish.

Ngoko, akumangalisi ukuba, eBhayibhileni umona uchazwa njengomnye ‘wemisebenzi yenyama’ engendawo. (Galati 5:19-21; Roma 1:28-32) Noko ke, sonke ‘sityekele ekumonelaneni.’ (Yakobi 4:5) Ngoko ukuba uceba ukufaka umntakwenu enkathazweni, ufuna ukumenza angathandwa, okanye ngandlel’ ithile umdobelele phantsi, ikhwele lisenokuba ‘libuthume ngasesangweni,’ lizama ukukulawula!

Ngoko ufanele wenze ntoni xa ufumanisa ukuba uneengcinga eziyingozi ngolo hlobo? Okokuqala, zama ukuthandaza kuThixo ucele umoya wakhe. EyabaseGalati 5:16 ithi: “Hlalani nihamba ngomoya yaye anisayi kuphumeza mnqweno wanyama konke konke.” (Thelekisa uTito 3:3-5.) Kusenokukunceda ukucinga ngeyona ndlela uvakalelwa ngayo ngokwenene ngomntakwenu. Ngaba ngokwenene unokuthi akunayo nentlantsi le yothando ngaye—phezu kwayo nje ingqumbo onayo? Ngoko, iZibhalo zisixelela ukuba “uthando alunakhwele.” (1 Korinte 13:4) Ngoko musa ukugcina iingcinga ezingafanelekanga nezikubangela ube nomona. Zama ukuvuyisana nomntakwenu xa efumana ingqalelo ekhethekileyo kubazali bakho.—Thelekisa eyabaseRoma 12:15.

Ukuncokola nabazali bakho kunokukunceda kule nkalo. Ukuba bayeyiseka kwelokuba bafanele bakunike ingqalelo engakumbi, oku kuya kukunceda kakhulu ekoyiseni ukuba nomona ngomntakwenu. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba izinto azibi bhetele ekhaya yaye ukukheth’ ubuso kuthabath’ unyawo? Musa ukuba nomsindo, ungxole, okanye uvukele abazali bakho. Zama ukuba nesimo sengqondo sokuthobeka nesiya kukunceda. Ukuba kuyimfuneko, funa inkxaso kwabaqolileyo kwibandla lamaKristu. Ngaphezu kwako konke, sondela kuYehova uThixo. Khumbula amazwi omdumisi: “Ngokuba ubawo noma bandishiyile, wesuka uYehova wandichola.”—INdumiso 27:10.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

a Wambi amagama aguquliwe.

b Bona inqaku elithi “Kutheni Umntakwethu Efumana Ingqalelo Enkulu Kangaka?” kwinkupho kaVukani! kaNovemba 8, 1997.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 19]

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