Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kutheni Umntakwethu Efumana Ingqalelo Enkulu Kangaka?

“Into endikhathazayo yeyokuba xa abantakwethu noodade wethu bengenasimilo, bafumana ingqalelo enkulu—entle kwanembi. Kodwa ekubeni ndisoloko ndithobela, andinikelwa ngqalelo ingako.”—UKay oneminyaka eli-18 ubudala.a

“Abantakwethu noodade wethu banikwa ingqalelo engakumbi yaye baphethwe kakuhle. Nanini na ndifumana ingqalelo kuxa ndilulekwa. Bekunokundivuyisa ukwazi ukuba nabo bayalulekwa.”—URuth oneminyaka eli-15 ubudala.

“Kubonakala ngathi abakhuluwa bam noodade wethu abadala bafumana amalungelo nengqalelo engakumbi.”—UBill oneminyaka eli-13 ubudala.

UKUSUSELA kwimini esizalwa ngayo, sonke sifuna ingqalelo yabazali bethu. Yaye ukuba uziva ungayifumani ngokwaneleyo, yinto elindelekileyo ukuziva ukhathazekile yaye unomsindo. Ingakumbi ukuba kubonakala ngathi umntakwenu—oyena mdala, oyena mncinane, oyena unesimilo, okanye noyena ungathobeliyo—usoloko engundaba-mlonyeni. Usenokude uvakalelwe ngokufanayo noDavide xa wabhala wenjenje: “Ndilityelwe njengomfi ongasakhunjulwayo; ndinjengesitya esiza kulahlwa.”—INdumiso 31:12.

Ukubukela umnakwenu efumana ingqalelo obungathanda ukuyifumana kusenokuba buhlungu. Kodwa ngaba oko kuthetha ukuba akuthandwa? Akunjalo konke konke. Maxa wambi ulutsha lufumana ingqalelo eyongezelelekileyo kuba lunobuchule obukhethekileyo okanye lunobuhlobo. Uthi uKenneth oneminyaka eli-11 ubudala: “Nangona umninawa wam, uArthur, esekwibanga lokuqala, udlala kwiqela lamagubu lesithathu. Kwakhona uyagqwesa kwezemidlalo nakwimathematika. Enyanisweni, ufumana amanqaku aphambili kwizifundo zakhe esikolweni. Maxa wambi ndicinga ukuba abantu bathanda yena ngaphezu kwam, kodwa andimmoneli. Ewe, mhlawumbi kancinane nje.”

Kwakhona kukho ulutsha olubonakala lufumana inxalenye enkulu yexesha labazali balo kuba nje bengamazibulo—okanye bengamathunjana. IBhayibhile ithi ngendodana uYosefu: “USirayeli wayemthanda uYosefu ngaphezu kwabo bonke oonyana bakhe, ngokuba ebengunyana wokwaluphala kwakhe.” (IGenesis 37:3, 4) Kwelinye icala, uTodd oneminyaka eli-18 ubudala wayevakalelwa kukuba umkhuluwa wakhe wayethandwa kuba elizibulo. Ukhumbula oku: “Khwakhe kwathiwa masize nowona umfanekiso uthandekayo wosana ukuze siwusebenzise kumsebenzi wesikolo. Ndafumana nje imifanekiso yam embalwa yaye ndaphawula ukuba umkhuluwa wam unemininzi. Loo nto yandimangalisa.”

Noko ke, ngokufuthi ingqalelo engakumbi inikelwa kuba umntakwenu eneengxaki—mhlawumbi iingxaki ongazaziyo. “Xa ndandineminyaka enokuba li-16 ubudala, umntakwethu omkhulu wayejamelane neengxaki,” ucacisa esitsho uCassandra, ngoku oneminyaka engama-22 ubudala. “Wayengaqinisekanga ukuba ufuna ngokwenene ukukhonza uYehova, yaye abazali bam batsalela phantse yonke ingqalelo yabo kuye. Ngelo xesha, ndandingasiqondi isizathu. Ndavakalelwa ngokungathi abandikhathalele konke konke. Ndaziva ndibuhlungu yaye ndingahoywanga—ndinomsindo.”

Isizathu Sokuba Babonakalise Ukukhetha

Noko ke, ngamanye amaxesha abazali babekeka ityala ngokukhetha. Omnye umama wavuma esithi: “Ndiyazi ukuba unyana wam uPaul, kuyamkhathaza ukuphawula ukuba sineqhayiya ngentombi yethu. Usixelele ezinkonqeni, ‘Wena noTata nisoloko nijongana xa uLiz ethetha okuthile.’ Ekuqaleni sasingazi ukuba uthetha ngantoni. Sandula ke saphawula ukuba sisoloko sijongana ngokungathi sithi ‘sii, ukrelekrele lo mntwana.’ Akuba esazisile, siye senza umgudu wokwenene wokungayenzi loo nto kwakhona.”

Kwasekuqaleni, yintoni ebangela abazali babe nekhethe? Indlela abakhuliswe ngayo isenokuba ngunobangela. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba umama wakho ukhule eliphelo, usenokuthi nca kwelakhe iphelo ngokufanayo. Engayiphawulanga loo nkalo, usenokubonakala ekhetha. Okanye, umzali usenokubonakalisa uvelwano kumntwana onesimilo esifanayo nesakhe nonomdla kwizinto anomdla kuzo. Phawula oko iBhayibhile ikuthethayo ngoIsake noRebheka ngokuphathelele oonyana babo abangamawele, uYakobi noEsawu: “Akhula ke amakhwenkwe; uEsawu waba lizingela, indoda yasendle; uYakobi waba yindoda egqibeleleyo, ihleli ezintenteni. UIsake wathanda uEsawu, ngokuba inyamakazi ibimnandi emlonyeni wakhe; ke yena uRebheka wathanda uYakobi.”—IGenesis 25:27, 28.

Umele wenzeni ukuba abazali bakho babonakala bethanda omnye wabantakwenu?b Usenokuzama uthethe nabazali bakho ngaloo nto ngendlela ezolileyo, ungababeki ityala. (IMizekeliso 15:22) Ngokubaphulaphula ngokuhloniphekileyo, usenokuzibona izinto ngendlela abazibona ngayo. Oku kusenokunceda uthomalalise unxunguphalo onalo. (IMizekeliso 19:11) Omnye okwishumi elivisayo uthi: “Yayindikhathaza ngokwenene into yokuba uMama wayenomdla kakhulu kumninawa wam kunam. Xa ndambuzayo ngako oko wacacisa ukuba ekubeni efana twatse noTata, utsaleleka kuye. Yaye ekubeni mna naye sifana, uTata uyatsaleleka kum. Ngokufanayo, ngokuba mna naye sifana, siyacaphukisana. Yaye ngenxa yokuba utata nomninawa wam befana bayaphazamisana. Ekubeni wandicacisela ngolo hlobo—nangona ingazange indichulumancise loo nto—ndakwazi ukuyamkela.”

Ukuphathwa Ngokungafaniyo—Ngaba Kukungabikho Sesikweni?

Noko ke, kutheni abazali bengakwazi ukubaphatha bonke ngendlela efanayo? UBeth, ngoku oneminyaka eli-18 ubudala, uthi: “Xa ndandineminyaka enokuba li-13 ubudala, ndandivakalelwa kukuba mna nomninawa wam sasimele siphathwe ngokufanayo—ngokufana twatse. Kodwa ndandisoloko ndingxoliswa, ngoxa yena wayesoloko esinda. Yaye wayechitha ixesha elingakumbi noTata besebenza kwinqwelo-mafutha. Loo nto yayibonakala ingalunganga.”

Kodwa ukuphathwa ngokungafaniyo akuthethi kuthi oko kukungabikho sesikweni. Cinga ngendlela uYesu Kristu awayebaphatha ngayo abapostile bakhe. Ngokungathandabuzekiyo wayebathanda boli-12, sekunjalo wamema aba-3 kuphela kubo ukuze bazibonele iziganeko ezithile ezikhethekileyo, kuquka ukuvuswa kwentombi kaYayiro nokwenziwa kumila kumbi kwakhe. (Mateyu 17:1; Marko 5:37) Ukongezelela, uYesu ngokukhethekileyo wayenolwalamano olusenyongweni nompostile uYohane. (Yohane 13:23; 19:26; 20:2; 21:7, 20) Ngaba oku kwakuthetha ukungafani? Ngokuqinisekileyo. Ngaba loo nto yayingalunganga? Akunjalo konke konke. Kuba nangona uYesu ngokukhethekileyo wayesondele kwabathile, wayengazityeshelanga iimfuno zabanye abapostile bakhe.—Marko 6:31-34.

Ngendlela efanayo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba omnye wabantakwenu ufumana ingqalelo ekhethekileyo ngenxa yobugcisa, ubuntu okanye iimfuno. Ngokuqhelekileyo, kusenokuba buhlungu ukuyiphawula loo nto. Kodwa umbuzo ngulo, Ngaba iimfuno zakho zityeshelwe? Xa ufuna icebiso, uncedo nenkxaso yabazali bakho, ngaba bakulungele ukwenjenjalo? Ukuba kunjalo, ungatsho ngokwenene ukuba ulixhoba lokungekho sikweni? IBhayibhile isikhuthaza ukuba siqhubane nabanye “ngokweemfuno zabo.” (Roma 12:13) Ekubeni wena nabantakwenu ngamnye eneentswelo ezahlukahlukeneyo, akunakwenzeka ukuba abazali bakho baniphathe ngokufanayo ngamaxesha onke.

UBeth, okhankanywe ngaphambilana, waqonda ukuba ukuphathwa ngokungafaniyo akulunganga ngamaxesha onke yaye ukuphathwa ngokulungileyo akufani ngamaxesha onke. Uthi: “Ndayiqonda ukuba mna nomnakwethu singabantu ababini abohlukileyo yaye sifuna ukuphathwa ngokwahlukileyo. Xa ndicinga emva, andikholelwa ukuba andizange ndiyibone loo nto ngoxa ndandisemncinane. Ndicinga ukuba yinto nje enento yokwenza nendlela ozijonga ngayo izinto xa ukuloo minyaka.”

Ukufunda Ukuqonda

Ewe, “indlela ozijonga ngayo izinto” inento yokwenza kakhulu nendlela osabela ngayo kwimeko yakho. Njengeendondo eziluzizi, iimvakalelo zakho zisenokukwenza uzibone izinto ngendlela ezibonakala ngayo kuwe. Yaye uyifuna ngamandla ingqalelo yabazali bakho nenkoliseko yabo. Umphengululi uStephen Bank noMichael Kahn bathi: “Nokuba abazali basenokukwazi ukufikelela iphupha elingenakufikeleleka lokubaphatha ngokufanayo abantwana babo abahluke kakhulu, mntwana ngamnye ebenokubona ukuba abazali bathanda omnye umntwana kunabanye.”

Ngokomzekelo, khawuphinde uqwalasele oko kwathethwa ngabantu abaselula abathathu ekucatshulwe amazwi abo ekuqaleni. Imeko yabo isenokubonakala iyedimazayo ngaphandle nje kwento enye: Ngabantwana bomntu omnye! Ewe, ngamnye kubo ucinga ukuba abanye bafumana ingqalelo engakumbi yaye yena akahoywanga! Ngokufuthi, indlela esizibona ngayo izinto igqwethekile. IMizekeliso 17:27 ithi: “Omoya upholileyo yindoda enengqondo.” Ukuqonda kukuzijonga izinto njengokuba zinjalo nangokungathabathi icala, kungekho ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuqonda kusenokukunceda ubone ukuba nangona abazali bakho basenokunganiphathi ngokufanayo, banomdla osuka entliziyweni kuni nonke! Ukuqonda oko kunokukunceda uphephe ukuba nomsindo nokuba bukhali.

Kuthekani, ukuba eneneni kubonakala ngathi akufumani ngqalelo ifanelekileyo? Unokwenza ntoni? Oku kuza kuqwalaselwa kwinkupho elandelayo kaVukani!

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 18]

Ukuphathwa ngokungafaniyo kusenokubonakala kungalunganga