Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kuthekani Ukuba Abazali Bam Abavumelani Nokutshata Kwam?

ULakesha nenkwenkwe athandana nayo bacinga ngokutshata, kodwa unina akakwamkeli oku. ULakesha uthi: “Ndiza kuba neminyaka eli-19 ubudala kulo nyaka, kodwa umama uthi kufanele silinde de ndibe neminyaka engama-21 ubudala.”

UKUBA ucinga ngokutshata, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukufuna abazali bakho bavuyisane nawe. Kusenokuba buhlungu kakhulu xa abazali bakho bengakholiswa liqabane olikhethileyo. Ufanele wenze ntoni? Ngaba ufanele uyityeshele iminqweno yabo, uze uqhubeke ngamalungiselelo akho okutshata?a

Oku kusenokuba sisilingo ukuba umdala ngokwaneleyo yaye ngokomthetho unako ukutshata ngaphandle kwemvume yabazali. Sekunjalo, iBhayibhile ayimiselanga budala obuthile ekubonakaliseni imbeko nentlonelo kubazali bakabani. (IMizekeliso 1:8) Yaye ukuba uyazityeshela iimvakalelo zabo, usenokubangela umonakalo oya kuhlala uhleli kulwalamano lwakho nabo. Ngapha koko, kusenokwenzeka—okanye kunjalo—ukuba abazali bakho banezizathu ezivakalayo zokungavumelani nokuba utshate.

Umncinane Xa Utshata Uneminyaka Emingaphi?

Ngokomzekelo, ngaba abazali bakho bakuxelela ukuba umncinane kakhulu ukuba ungatshata? Eneneni, iBhayibhile ayimiseli iminyaka ethile yokuba ubani angatshata. Kodwa incomela ukuba ngaphambi kokuba ubani atshate, umele ‘adlule entlahleni yobutsha’—iminyaka yokufikisa xa iminqweno engokwesini isiza ngamandla. (1 Korinte 7:36) Ngoba? Kuba abantu abaselula abanjalo basaqalisa ukukhulisa iimvakalelo zabo, ukuzeyisa, kwaneempawu zokomoya ezifunekayo ukuze baqhubane ngokuphumelelayo nobomi bomtshato.—Thelekisa eyoku-1 kwabaseKorinte 13:11; Galati 5:22, 23.

Xa uDale oneminyaka engama-20 ubudala wagqiba kwelokuba atshate, wadana xa abazali bakhe bengavumelani noku. Uthi: “Bathi ndandimncinane kakhulu yaye ndingenamava. Ndandivakalelwa kukuba sasikulungele ukutshata yaye sasinokuya sifunda ngokuhamba kwexesha lokutshata kwethu, kodwa abazali bam babefuna ukuqinisekisa ukuba ndandingaqhutywa ziimvakalelo nje kuphela. Bandibuza imibuzo emininzi. Ngaba ndandikulungele ukusingatha izigqibo zemihla ngemihla, imicimbi yemali, indlela yokwenene yokunyamekela intsapho ngezinto eziphathekayo, ngokweemvakalelo nangokomoya? Ngaba ndandikulungele ukuba ngumzali? Ngaba sendifunde ngokwenene ngendlela yokunxibelelana? Ngaba ndandiziqonda ngokwenene iimfuno zeqabane? Babevakalelwa kukuba kwakufuneka ndizazi mna siqu kuqala njengomntu omkhulu ngaphambi kokuba ndiqalise ukunyamekela omnye umntu omkhulu.

“Nangona sasingafuni ukulinda, sawumisela elinye ixesha umtshato wethu ukuze sizinike ixesha lokukhula. Xa ekugqibeleni satshata, saluqalisa ulwalamano sinesiseko esibhetele yaye sineempawu ezifanelekileyo kwaneendlela zokuxhasana.”

Xa Ukwahlukana Konqulo Kuyimbambano

Xa uTerri waba neemvakalelo zothando ngendoda enonqulo olwahlukileyo kolwakhe, wenza amadinga nayo ngasese. Emva kokuvakalisa amalungiselelo abo okutshata, uTerri wakhathazeka xa wafumanisa ukuba unina wayengavumelani nalo mtshato. UTerri uthi: “Andifuni ukuba umama avakalelwe ngale ndlela ngam. Ndifuna ukuba nolwa lwalamano oluphakathi komama nentombi.”

Kodwa ngubani ngokwenene owayethintela olo lwalamano? Ngaba unina kaTerri wayekhohlakele okanye engaqiqi? Akunjalo, kuphela nje wayebambelela kwisiluleko seBhayibhile sokuba amaKristu atshate “kuphela eNkosini.” (1 Korinte 7:39) Enyanisweni, iBhayibhile iyalela isithi: “Musani ukubotshwa edyokhweni ngokungalinganiyo kunye nabangakholwayo.” (2 Korinte 6:14, 15) Kutheni kunjalo?

Kungenxa yokuba, ukuvisisana ngokonqulo kubaluleke kakhulu kumtshato owonwabileyo nophumelelayo. Iingcaphephe zithi uxinezeleko nobunzima obuxhaphakileyo kwimitshato yabantu abakwiinkonzo ezahlukeneyo ngokuqhelekileyo bukhokelela kuqhawulo-mtshato. Noko ke, isizathu esiyintloko sikukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba ubani afumane ingcinezelo ukuze alalanise kwiinkolelo zakhe—okanye azishiye ngokupheleleyo. Kwanokuba iqabane elingakholwayo alikuphazamisi kunqulo lwakho, ubuya kuhlala unentliziyo ebuhlungu ngenxa yokungakwazi ukwabelana ngeenkolelo zakho ezinzulu naye. Ngaba oku kuvakala kuyindlela ekhokelela kulonwabo lomtshato?

Ngoko uTerri kwakumele enze isigqibo esingelula. UTerri wathi: “Ndiyamthanda uYehova uThixo, kodwa andifuni ukuphulukana nenkwenkwe endithandana nayo.” Akunakuzibamba zombini. Akunakwaphula imilinganiselo kaThixo uze kwakhona unandiphe inkoliseko kwaneentsikelelo zakhe.

Noko ke, mhlawumbi abazali bakho abakuvumeli ukuba ungatshata nomKristu othile. Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba ubotshwe edyokhweni ngokungalinganiyo nekholwa? Ewe, ukuba loo mntu akanalo usukelo lokomoya olufanayo nolwakho okanye engazinikelanga kuThixo njengawe. Ukuba oku kunjalo okanye ukuba loo mntu ‘akunikelwa ngxelo intle ngaye’ ngabazalwana abakwibandla lakhe, abazali bakho ngokufanelekileyo basenokuba nexhala ngokutshata kwakho naloo mntu.—IZenzo 16:2.

Kuthekani Ngokwahluka Ngokobuhlanga Okanye Indlela Yokuphila?

Abazali bakaLynn ngenxa yezinye izizathu ezahlukileyo abazange bavumelane noku: Wayefuna ukutshata nomntu wohlanga olwahlukileyo. IBhayibhile ifundisa ntoni ngoku? Isixelela ukuba “uThixo akakhethi buso” yaye “wazenza ngokuphuma kumntu omnye zonke iintlanga zabantu.” (IZenzo 10:34, 35; 17:26) Abantu banemvelaphi enye yaye bayalingana emehlweni kaThixo.

Nakuba kunjalo, nangona zonke izibini ezitshatileyo ‘zisiba nembandezelo enyameni yazo,’ izibini ezahlukeneyo ngokobuhlanga zisenokujamelana nocelomngeni olongezelelekileyo. (1 Korinte 7:28) Ngoba? Ngenxa yokuba abantu abaninzi kwihlabathi lanamhlanje elizele yintiyo abayamkeli imbono kaThixo ngobuhlanga. Nangona imitshato yeentlanga ezahlukileyo iyinto eqhelekileyo kumazwe eseNtshona, kusekho iindawo apho izibini ezingafaniyo ngokobuhlanga zijamelana nekhethe. Ngoko ke abazali bakho basenokuba noloyiko lokuba akukulungeli ukuhlangabezana neengcinezelo ezinjalo.

ULynn uyavuma: “Abazali bam babecinga ukuba siza kuphila ubomi bentshontsho.” Ngobulumko, uLynn wazihlonela iimvakalelo zabo yaye akazange angxamele emtshatweni. Njengoko abazali bakaLynn babembona ekhula yaye esiya esazana bhetele naloo mntu amthandayo, ngokuthe ngcembe baqalisa ukuqiniseka ukuba uya kukwazi ukuzisingatha iingcinezelo zaloo mtshato. ULynn uthi: “Xa bavakalelwa kukuba sisenokonwaba ngokwenene, nabo bavuyisana nathi.”

Noko ke, maxa wambi umbandela awubi bubuhlanga kodwa indlela yokuphila. Abazali bakho basenokuba nenkxalabo yokuba, ekuhambeni kwexesha, kuza kuba nzima ukuhlala nomntu onendlela yokuphila, iimbono, kwanokutya, umculo, kwanendlela yokuzonwabisa eyahluke kakhulu kweyakho. Nokuba kunjani na, ukutshata nomntu owahlukileyo ngokobuhlanga okanye ngendlela yokuphila kusenokuba lucelomngeni olukhulu. Ngaba ngokwenene ukulungele ukuhlangabezana nalo?

Xa Ukungavumi Kwabazali Kubonakala Kungekho Ngqiqweni

Kodwa kuthekani ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba ukungavumi kwabazali bakho akukho ngqiqweni? Lithetha ngonina ibhinqa eliselula elinguFaith lithi: “UMama waqhawula umtshato kangangezihlandlo eziliqela. Uthi akunakumazi umntu omtshatayo kude kube sekophulwe. Uqinisekile ukuba andisoze ndonwabe emtshatweni.” Maxa wambi, abazali abangakhange babe nomtshato ophumelelayo abakwazi ukuwujonga umtshato womntwana wabo njengoza kuphumelela. Ngamanye amaxesha, abazali baneenjongo ezingafanelekanga ngokungavumelani nokutshata komntwana wabo, njengomnqweno wokufuna ukulawula ubomi bomntwana.

Ukuba abazali bakho abakulungelanga ukukuphulaphula, yintoni omele uyenze? Phakathi kwamaNgqina kaYehova, kunokubizwa abadala bebandla ukuze banikele uncedo ekuzinziseni iingxaki zentsapho. Ngaphandle kokuthabath’ icala, banokunceda intsapho ukuba ixubushe izinto ngendlela ezolileyo, enoxolo nephumelelayo.—Yakobi 3:18.

Funa Uxolo

Kakade ke, kukho nezinye izinto ezinokubangela ukuba abazali bakho bangavumi ukuba utshate, izinto ezinjengokuxhalabela imali okanye ubuntu balowo uza kuba liqabane lakho. Yaye kwesi sizukulwana sikaGawulayo kwanezinye izifo zeentlobano zesini, abazali bakho ngokufanelekileyo basenokuba nexhala ngempilo yakho ukuba lowo uza kutshata naye ebephila ubomi bokuziphatha okubi ngaphambi kokuba abe ngumKristu.b

Ngoxa usahlala endlwini yabazali bakho, umele uligqale igunya abanalo kuwe. (Kolose 3:20) Kodwa nokuba uyazihlalela yaye umdala ngokwaneleyo ukuba uzenzele izigqibo, musa ukungxama ukuyityeshela inkxalabo yabazali bakho. Kulungele ukuphulaphula. (IMizekeliso 23:22) Yiqwalasele ngenyameko imiphumo yokutshata.—Thelekisa uLuka 14:28.

Emva kokwenjenjalo, usenokugqiba ngokufanelekileyo kwelokuba usafuna ukutshata. Ngokuqhelekileyo, kuya kufuneka uhlangabezane ngokuzeleyo neembopheleleko zesigqibo esinjalo. (Galati 6:5) Ukuba wenze yonke imizamo ukuqwalasela iimbono zabazali bakho, mhlawumbi baya kushukunyiselwa ekubeni basixhase isigqibo sakho, nangona bekuthandabuza oko. Kodwa ukuba basaqhubeka bengavumelani naso, zama ukuba ungabi bukhali okanye ube nomsindo. Khumbula: Abazali bakho bayakuthanda yaye balukhathalele ulonwabo kwikamva lakho. Qhubeka uzama ukugcina uxolo nabo. Njengoko usiba nempumelelo emtshatweni wakho, mhlawumbi isimo sabo sengqondo siya kutshintsha.

Kwelinye icala, ukuba ucinga ngako konke okuthethwa ngabazali bakho uze uzihlolisise kwanaloo mntu ungxamele ukumtshata, musa ukumangaliswa xa ufikelela kwisigqibo sokuba eneneni kusenokuba abazali bakho bebechanile.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 31]

Abazali bakho basenokuva-kalelwa kukuba usemncinane kakhulu ukuba ungatshata