Ukunceda Amabhinqa Abethwayo

YINTONI enokwenziwa ukuze kuncedwe amabhinqa angamaxhoba ogonyamelo? Okokuqala, sifanele siqonde izinto atyhubela kuzo. Amadoda abetha abafazi adla ngokungapheleli apho. Izithuko nezisongelo zidla ngokulandela ukuze ixhoba lizive lingaxabisekanga yaye lingenakuzenzela nto.

Khawucinge nje ngoRoxana, obali lakhe lichazwe kwinqaku lokuqala. Maxa wambi umyeni wakhe umhlasela ngamazwi. URoxana uthi xa ezityand’ igila: “Usebenzisa amazwi okundithoba. Uthi: ‘Wayeka phakathi nasesikolweni. Ungabanyamekela njani abantwana ngaphandle kwam? Ulinqenerha nje lomama ongazi nto. Ucinga ukuba amagunya ebenokukuvumela ugcine aba bantwana ukuba unokundishiya?’”

Umyeni kaRoxana ulawula izinto ngokutsala iintambo kwimicimbi ephathelele imali. Akamvumeli ukuba asebenzise inqwelo-mafutha, yaye utsala umnxeba ebudeni bemini ukuze akhangele ukuba wenza ntoni na. Xa evakalisa olwakhe ukhetho, umyeni wakhe usuka agqabhuke ngumsindo. Ngenxa yaloo nto, uRoxana uye wafunda ukungaluvakalisi olwakhe uluvo.

Sinokubona ukuba ukuxhatshazwa liqabane kungumbandela onzima. Ukuze ukwazi ukunceda, phulaphula ngovelwano. Khumbula ukuba kudla ngokuba nzima ukuba ixhoba lichaze obekuqhubeka kulo. Usukelo lwakho lufanele lube kukulomeleza ixhoba njengoko lihlangabezana nale meko ngendlela yalo.

Amanye amabhinqa abethwayo asenokufuna uncedo kumagunya. Maxa wambi, inkalo ebalulekileyo—enjengokungenelela kwamapolisa—inokubangela indoda exhaphazayo ibone ukuba nzulu kwezenzo zayo. Noko ke, kuyavunywa ukuba, naluphi na ukhuthazo lokuba itshintshe iindlela zayo ludla ngokuphela emva kokuphela kwesihelegu.

Ngaba umfazi obethwayo ufanele amshiye umyeni wakhe? IBhayibhile ayikuthabathi lula ukwahlukana kwamaqabane omtshato. Kwangaxeshanye, ayinyanzeli umfazi obethwayo ukuba ahlale nendoda ebeka engozini impilo yakhe yaye mhlawumbi nobomi bakhe. Umpostile ongumKristu uPawulos wabhala wathi: “Ukuba okunene uyemka, makahlale engatshatanga okanye kungenjalo axolelane nendoda yakhe.” (1 Korinte 7:10-16) Ekubeni iBhayibhile ingakwaleli ukwahlukana phantsi kweemeko ezigabadeleyo, ibhinqa liya kuzenzela isigqibo sobuqu kulo mbandela. (Galati 6:5) Akakho umntu omele arhorhonyele umfazi ukuba ashiye indoda yakhe, kodwa kungekho nomntu ofanele anyanzele umfazi obethwayo ukuba ahlale nendoda emxhaphazayo ngoxa impilo yakhe, ubomi bakhe kwanemeko yakhe yokomoya isengozini.

Ngaba Likho Ithemba Ngamadoda Abetha Abafazi?

Ukuxhaphaza iqabane lakho kukuyaphula ngokuphandle imigaqo yeBhayibhile. KumaEfese 4:29, 31, sifunda oku: “Makungaphumi lizwi libolileyo emlonyeni wenu . . . Mabususwe kuni bonke ubukrakra bolunya nomsindo nengqumbo nokumemeza nokutshabhisa nabo bonke ububi.”

Ayikho indoda ezibanga ingumlandeli kaKristu enokuthi ngokwenene iyamthanda umfazi wayo xa imxhaphaza. Ukuba imphatha kakubi umfazi wayo, ibiya kuxabiseka njani eminye imisebenzi emihle eyenzayo? “Umbethi” akawafanelekeli amalungelo akhethekileyo kwibandla lamaKristu. (1 Timoti 3:3; 1 Korinte 13:1-3) Enyanisweni, nabani ozibanga engumKristu othi ngokuphindaphindiweyo yaye engaguquki ayekelele kumsindo ovuthayo unokususwa kubudlelane bebandla lamaKristu.—Galati 5:19-21; 2 Yohane 9, 10.

Ngaba amadoda anogonyamelo anokuyitshintsha indlela yawo yokwenza izinto? Amanye aye atshintsha. Noko ke, ngokuqhelekileyo indoda ebetha umfazi ayinakutshintsha ngaphandle kokuba (1) ivume ukuba ikhondo layo liphosakele, (2) ifuna ukutshintsha ikhondo layo yaye (3) ifuna uncedo. AmaNgqina kaYehova aye afumanisa ukuba iBhayibhile inokuba nempembelelo enamandla ekutshintsheni umntu. Abaninzi abanomdla abafundisisa iBhayibhile kunye nawo baye banomnqweno onamandla wokukholisa uThixo. Ngokuphathelele uYehova uThixo, bafunda ukuba “umphefumlo wakhe umthiyile ngokuqinisekileyo nabani na othanda ugonyamelo.” (INdumiso 11:5) Kambe ke, ukutshintsha kwendoda ebetha umfazi kufuna okungaphezulu kunokuyeka ukubetha. Kwakhona kuquka ukutshintsha isimo sengqondo ngokuphathelele umfazi wayo.

Xa indoda ifumana ulwazi ngoThixo, ifunda ukujonga umfazi wayo kungekhona njengesicaka kodwa ‘njengomncedi’ kungekhona njengomntu ongaphantsi kodwa njengalowo ufanele ‘abekwe.’ (Genesis 2:18; 1 Petros 3:7) Kwakhona ifunda uvelwano nemfuneko yokuphulaphula imbono yomfazi wayo. (Genesis 21:12; INtshumayeli 4:1) Inkqubo yokufundisisa iBhayibhile enikelwa ngamaNgqina kaYehova iye yanceda izibini ezininzi. Umntu olawula ngegqudu, umayitshe okanye uzwilakhe, akanandawo kwintsapho yamaKristu.—Efese 5:25, 28, 29.

“Ilizwi likaThixo liphilile, linamandla.” (Hebhere 4:12) Ngenxa yoko, ubulumko obuseBhayibhileni bunokunceda izibini zihlolisise iingxaki ezijamelene nazo buze buzinike inkalipho yokujamelana nazo. Ngaphezu koko, iBhayibhile inethemba eliqinisekileyo nelithuthuzelayo lokubona ihlabathi elingenalugonyamelo xa uKumkani kaYehova wasezulwini elawula uluntu oluthobelayo emhlabeni. IBhayibhile ithi: “Uya kumhlangula lowo ulihlwempu ukhalela uncedo, kwanalowo uxhwalekileyo nabani na ongenamncedi. Uya kuwukhulula umphefumlo wabo kwingcinezelo nakugonyamelo.”—INdumiso 72:12, 14.

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 12]

Umntu olawula ngegqudu, umayitshe okanye uzwilakhe, akanandawo kwintsapho yamaKristu

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 8]

Ukulungisa Iimbono Ezingachananga

• Abafazi ababethwayo bangoonobangela bezenzo zamadoda abo.

Amadoda amaninzi abetha abafazi bawo athi akanatyala ngezenzo zawo, esithi abafazi bawo bayawachukusha. Kwanabanye abahlobo bale ntsapho basenokwamkela ingcamango yokuba kunzima ukusebenzisana nalo mfazi, yiloo nto umyeni wakhe ethanda ukuphuncukelwa ngumsindo maxa wambi. Kodwa le nto ifana nokubek’ ityala ixhoba uthethelela isikhohlakali. Enyanisweni, abafazi ababethwayo badla ngokwenza imigudu ekhethekileyo yokuzixolelanisa nabayeni babo. Enoba kutheni, ukubetha iqabane lakho akuthetheleleki naphantsi kwaziphi iimeko. Incwadi ethi The Batterer—A Psychological Profile ithi: “Amadoda athunyelwa ziinkundla ukuze ancedwe ngenxa yokuhlasela abafazi, angamakhoboka ogonyamelo. Asebenzisa lona ukuzikhulula kumsindo nakuxinezeleko, njengendlela yokulawula neyokucombulula ukungavisisani neyokuphelisa imilo. . . . Adla ngokungabuqondi ububi bale nto okanye angayithabathi nzulu le ngxaki.”

• Butywala obubangela ukuba indoda ibethe umfazi wayo.

Kuyavunywa ukuba, amanye amadoda aba nogonyamelo xa esele. Kodwa ngaba kusengqiqweni ukuthi ingxaki ibangelwa butywala? UK. J. Wilson ubhala athi kwincwadi yakhe ethi When Violence Begins at Home: “Ukunxila kubangela indoda ebetha umfazi ibe nento enokuyibeka ityala, kunokuba ilibeke kuyo, ngenxa yezenzo zayo.” Uqhubeka athi: “Kubonakala ngathi kwibutho lethu, ugonyamelo lwasekhaya lwamkeleka bhetele xa lusenziwa ngumntu onxilileyo. Ibhinqa elixhatshazwayo lisenokungafuni ukugqala iqabane lalo njengelixhaphazayo, kunoko lisenokuligqala njengenxila okanye ikhoboka lotywala.” UWilson uthi, ukucinga ngolo hlobo kunokunika ibhinqa ithemba elingancedi nto lokuba “ukuba le ndoda inokuyeka ukusela, lungadamba nogonyamelo.”

Okwangoku, abaphengululi abaninzi bakujonga ukunxila nokubetha umfazi njengezinto ezimbini ezahluke kwaphela. Ngapha koko, amadoda amaninzi asebenzisa kakubi iziyobisi akawabethi amaqabane awo. Ababhali bencwadi ethi When Men Batter Women bathi: “Eyona nto ibangela ukuba abafazi baqhubeke bebethwa kukuba amadoda akufumanisa oko kuphumelela ekubalawuleni, ukuboyikisa nokubagagamela. . . . Ukusetyenziswa kakubi kotywala neziyobisi kuyinxalenye yobomi bendoda ebetha umfazi. Kodwa bekuya kuba yimpazamo ukucinga ukuba ukusebenzisa isiyobisi kubangela olu gonyamelo.”

• Amadoda abetha abafazi anogonyamelo kumntu wonke.

Indoda ebetha umfazi idla ngokuba ngumhlobo wokwenene kwabanye. Ubuntu bayo butshintsha ngokupheleleyo. Yiloo nto abahlobo bale ntsapho benokukufumanisa kunzima ukukholelwa amabali ogonyamelo enalo. Kodwa, inyaniso isekubeni, indoda ebetha umfazi ikhetha ulunya njengendlela yokulawula umfazi wayo.

• Amabhinqa akanangxaki nokuphathwa kakubi.

Kusenokwenzeka ukuba le ndlela yokucinga ivela ekungayiqondini imeko yokungakwazi ukuzinceda eliba kuyo ibhinqa elingenandawo yokubalekela. Umfazi obethwayo usenokwamkelwa ngabahlobo kangangeveki okanye ezimbini, kodwa uza kuthini emva koko? Ukufuna umsebenzi nokuhlawula indawo yokuhlala kusenokumenza buhlungu xa ecinga ngako. Yaye umthetho usenokungakuvumeli ukubaleka nabantwana. Abanye baye bazama ukubaleka kodwa baleqwa baza babuyiselwa umva, ngenkani okanye baqhathwa. Abahlobo abangayiqondiyo imeko ngempazamo basenokucinga ukuba amabhinqa anjalo akanangxaki nokuphathwa kakubi.