Amadoda Awabethela Ntoni Amabhinqa?
EZINYE iingcali zithi amabhinqa asengozini engakumbi yokubulawa ngamaqabane awo angamadoda kunazo naziphi na ezinye izaphuli-mthetho zidibene. Ngelokuzama ukuphelisa lo mkhwa wokuxhatshazwa kwamaqabane, kuye kwenziwa uhlolisiso izihlandlo ezininzi. Luhlobo olunjani lwendoda ebetha umfazi? Ikhule njani? Ngaba yayiyindlobongela ngexesha lokuthandana kwabo ngaphambi komtshato? Lo ubethayo usabela njani xa enyangwa?
Enye into efunyaniswe ziingcali kukuba akafani onke amadoda abethayo. Kwelinye icala iba yindoda eba nogonyamelo ngamaxesha athile. Ayisebenzisi sixhobo kwaye ayidumanga ngokulixhaphaza iqabane layo. Ukuba ndlongondlongo akufani nayo yaye kubonakala ngathi ikhuthazwa zezinye izinto. Kanti kwelinye icala iba yindoda ekusegazini kuyo ukubetha. Iyaqhubeka ixhaphaza, kwaye ayizisoli kangako, ukuba phofu iyazisola kwaukuzisola.
Noko ke, isibakala sokuba kukho iindidi ezahlukeneyo zamadoda abetha amabhinqa asithethi kuthi ezinye iindlela zokubetha azimbi kangako. Enyanisweni, naluphi na uhlobo lokuxhaphaza emzimbeni lunokwenzakalisa—lude lubulale. Ngenxa yoko, isibakala sokuba ugonyamelo lwenye indoda lungafane lwenzeke okanye lungekho kangako kunolunye loo nto ayilwenzi luxoleleke. Ayikho nje into ebizwa ngokuba kukubetha “okwamkelekileyo.” Noko ke, yintoni enokubangela ukuba indoda ixhaphaze ngokwasemzimbeni ibhinqa eyafungayo ukuba iya kuligcina ubomi bayo bonke?
Inxaxheba Yentsapho
Akumangalisi ukuba, iqela lamadoda axhaphazayo azalwa kwiintsapho ezixhaphazayo. UMichael Groetsch, ochithe ngaphezu kwamashumi amabini eminyaka ephanda ngokuxhatshazwa kwamaqabane ubhala athi: “Uninzi lwamadoda abetha amabhinqa akhulele kumakhaya ‘angamathafa edabi.’ Beseziintsana nabantwana abancinane, bakhulele phakathi kwabantu abakhohlakeleyo apho ugonyamelo olungokweemvakalelo nolungokwasemzimbeni beluyinto ‘eqhelekileyo.’” Enye ingcali ithi, indoda ekhulele kwimeko enjalo “inokuphenjelelwa yindlela uyise awajonga ngayo amabhinqa isencinane gqitha. Inkwenkwe ifunda ukuba indoda imele isoloko iwalawula amabhinqa yaye indlela yokuwalawula kukuwoyikisa, ukuwenzakalisa uze uwajongele phantsi. Kwangaxeshanye, ifunda ukuba eyona ndlela inokufumana ngayo uthando lukayise kukwenza izinto kanye njengaye.”
IBhayibhile isenza sicace isibakala sokuba indlela yokwenza izinto yomzali inokuba negalelo elibonakalayo emntwaneni, enoba lilungile okanye libi. (IMizekeliso 22:6; Kolose 3:21) Kambe ke, imeko-bume yentsapho ayiyithetheleli indoda ebetha umfazi, kodwa inokunceda nje ekuboneni ukuba lwaqala phi lonke olu gonyamelo.
Igalelo Lendawo Ekhulele Kuyo
Kwezinye iindawo ukubetha umfazi kujongwa njengento eyamkelekileyo neqhelekileyo. Ingxelo yeZizwe Ezimanyeneyo ithi: “Ilungelo lendoda lokubetha okanye lokoyikisa inkosikazi yayo liyeyona nto iphambili kwiindawo ezininzi.”
Kwanakwiindawo apho ukuxhaphaza okulolo hlobo kungamkelekanga, abantu abaninzi babhenela kugonyamelo. Iyothusa indlela amanye amadoda angaqiqi ngayo kulo mba. Ngokutsho kweWeekly Mail and Guardian yaseMzantsi Afrika, kuhlolisiso olwenziwa kwiCape Peninsula kwafunyaniswa ukuba uninzi lwamadoda awayesithi wona akawaxhaphazi amaqabane awo ayevakalelwa kukuba ukubetha ibhinqa kwakuyinto eyamkelekileyo yaye ukwenza loo nto akunakuthiwa lugonyamelo.
Kuyabonakala ukuba, imbono egqwetheke ngolo hlobo idla ngokuqala ebuntwaneni. Ngokomzekelo eBritani, olunye uhlolisiso lwabonisa ukuba amakhwenkwe angama-75 ekhulwini aneminyaka eli-11 neli-12 ubudala avakalelwa kukuba kwamkelekile ukuba indoda ibethe ibhinqa xa icaphukile.
Asikho Isizathu Sokubetha
Ezi nkalo zingasentla zisenokusinceda sibone ukuxhatshazwa kwamaqabane, kodwa azisosizathu sokwenza oko. Xa siyibeka ngamafutshane, ukubetha iqabane lakho kusisono esinzulu emehlweni kaThixo. KwiLizwi lakhe eliyiBhayibhile, sifunda oku: “Amadoda afanele abathande abafazi bawo njengemizimba yawo. Lowo umthandayo umfazi wakhe uyazithanda, kuba akukho mntu wakha wayithiya eyakhe inyama; kodwa uyayondla aze ayiphathe ngononophelo, njengoko noKristu esenjenjalo kulo ibandla.”—Efese 5:28, 29.
Kude kudala iBhayibhile yaxela kwangaphambili ukuba ebudeni ‘beentsuku zokugqibela’ zale nkqubo yezinto abaninzi baya kuba ‘ngabanyelisi,’ ‘abangenamsa wemvelo,’ ‘abanengcwangu.’ (2 Timoti 3:1-3; The New English Bible) Ukuxhaphaka kokuxhatshazwa kwamaqabane kuyenye imbonakaliso yokuba siphila kumaxesha awachazwa sesi siprofeto. Kodwa yintoni enokwenziwa ukuze kunikelwe inkxaso kumaxhoba okuxhatshazwa emzimbeni? Ngaba likho ithemba lokuba abantu ababetha abafazi banokuliyeka ikhondo labo?
[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 5]
“Indoda ebetha umfazi wayo iyafana nje nendoda ephosa inqindi kumntu engamaziyo.”—Xa Amadoda Ebetha Amabhinqa
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 6]
Ugonyamelo Lwasekhaya—Ingxaki Esehlabathini Lonke
Amadoda anekratshi athanda ukuxhaphaza amabhinqa ayingxaki ehlabathini lonke, njengoko ezi ngxelo zilandelayo zibonisa.
EYiputa: Uhlolisiso olwenziwe kangangeenyanga ezintathu eAlexandria lwabonisa ukuba ugonyamelo lwasekhaya lungoyena nobangela wokwenzakala kwamabhinqa. Lungunobangela wokutyelela kwamabhinqa angama-27,9 ekhulwini kwiindawo zalapho zokunceda abantu abenzakeleyo.—Résumé 5 of the Fourth World Conference on Women.
EThailand: Kwelinye ihlomela-dolophu elikhulu laseBangkok, ama-50 ekhulwini amabhinqa atshatileyo abethwa rhoqo.—Pacific Institute for Women’s Health.
EHong Kong: “Inani lamabhinqa athi abethwe ngamaqabane awo liye lantinga ngaphezu kwama-40 ekhulwini kunyaka odluleyo.”—South China Morning Post, July 21, 2000.
EJapan: Inani lamabhinqa afuna ikhusi liye lantinga lisuka kuma-4 843 ngowe-1995 laya kutsho kuma-6 340 ngowe-1998. “Malunga nelinye kwamathathu lathi lifuna ikhusi ngenxa yokuphathwa ngogonyamelo ngumyeni walo.”—The Japan Times, September 10, 2000.
EBritani: “Ukudlwengula, ukubetha okanye ukuhlaba kuyaqhubeka kwikhaya eliseBritani kwimizuzwana emithandathu.” Ngokutsho kwengxelo yeScotland Yard, “amapolisa atsalelwa umnxeba ngamaxhoba ogonyamelo lwasekhaya ali-1 300 mihla le—angaphezu kwama-570 000 ngonyaka. Ama-81 ekhulwini ngamabhinqa ahlaselwa ngamadoda.”—The Times, October 25, 2000.
EPeru: Ama-70 ekhulwini alo lonke ulwaphulo-mthetho oluye lwaxelwa abandakanya amabhinqa abethwa ngabayeni bawo.—Pacific Institute for Women’s Health.
ERashiya: “Ngonyaka nje omnye, amabhinqa aseRashiya ali-14 500 abulawa ngabayeni bawo, yaye amanye angama-56 400 ashiywa engenakuzenzela nto okanye enzakele kakubi ngenxa yohlaselo lwasekhaya.”—The Guardian.
ETshayina: UNjingalwazi Chen Yiyun, umalathisi weJinglun Family Center uthi: “Intsha ke le ingxaki. Intinga ngokukhawuleza, ingakumbi ezidolophini. Abamelwane abasenakulunceda ugonyamelo lwasekhaya.”—The Guardian.
ENicaragua: “Ugonyamelo nxamnye namabhinqa eNicaragua luthabath’ unyawo. Olunye uhlolisiso lwabonisa ukuba kulo nyaka nje uphelileyo ama-52 ekhulwini amabhinqa aseNicaragua ayephathwa ngogonyamelo ngamadoda awo.”—BBC News.
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 7]
Imiqondiso Yengozi
Ngokohlolisiso olwalukhokelwa nguRichard J. Gelles kwiUniversity of Rhode Island, eUnited States, kuye kwafunyaniswa le miqondiso yengozi ilandelayo yokuxhatshazwa ngokomzimba nangokweemvakalelo ekhaya.
1. Le ndoda yakha yanegxalaba kugonyamelo lwasekhaya.
2. Ayiphangeli.
3. Isebenzisa iziyobisi ezingekho mthethweni ubuncinane kanye ngonyaka.
4. Isekowayo yabona uyise ebetha unina.
5. Esi sibini asitshatanga; siyahlalisana.
6. Ukuba iyaphangela, ifumana imali encinane emsebenzini wayo.
7. Ayizange iphumelele kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo.
8. Ineminyaka ephakathi kwe-18 nengama-30 ubudala.
9. Omnye kubo okanye bobabini babaphatha ngogonyamelo abantwana ekhaya.
10. Ingeniso yabo ingaphantsi kwaleyo igqalwa njengeyamahlwempu.
11. Le ndoda neli bhinqa basuka kwiintlanga ezahlukeneyo.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]
Ugonyamelo lwasekhaya lunokuba negalelo elibonakalayo ebantwaneni