Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ngaba Ndifanele Ndenze Utyando Lokuphucula Inkangeleko Yam?

“Ngaphambi kokuba ndityandwe impumlo, ndandiyinto yokugculelwa. Ndandingafuni mpumlo itheni, kodwa ndandifuna nje eza kundifanela. Ndiyayithanda le ndinayo ngoku, yaye andinakuba nangxaki xa kunokufuneka ndenze olunye utyando.”—UEleni.a

“Kutheni ndimele ndiphenje-lelwe ziingcamango zabanye abantu ngokuphathelele ubuhle? Ukuba bendiya kutya-ndwa ngenjongo yokutshintsha indlela endikhangeleka ngayo, bendiya kufana nje nemali yomgunyathi. Ibingayi kuba ndim kwaphela.”—UMathias.

“Wonke umntu umele azigqibele. Kunzima ukwenzela omnye umntu isigqibo.”—UManuela.

“NABANI NA omhle kunam, ufake izinto zokulungisa ubuso.” Eso sisiqhulo esisetyenziswa ngabantu baseJamani abavakalelwa kukuba abakho bahle. Ukanti kwezinye iindawo namhlanje, loo mazwi anokuguqulwa kuthiwe: “Nabani na omhle kunam umele ukuba wenze utyando.” Enyanisweni, utyando lokuphucula inkangeleko sele luyinto eqhelekileyo ngoku.

Iphephandaba laseSwitzerland iNeue Zürcher Zeitung lithi: “Yaphela into yokuba utyando lokuphucula inkangeleko lwenziwe zizityebi kuphela.” Lisongezelela lathi: “Ngoku utyekelo olukhoyo kukuba: Uninzi lwamadoda luthontelana koogqirha abenza olu tyando . . . , yaye sele lusenziwa nangamantombazana aselula.” Ngokutsho kohlolisiso olwenziwe eJamani, malunga nama-20 ekhulwini kwabo kuye kwathethwa nabo abaphakathi kweminyaka eli-14 ukuya kuma-29 ubudala sele belwenzile olu tyando, baceba ukulwenza okanye bakhe bacinga ngalo.b Mhlawumbi phakathi kwabahlobo bakho, abo ufunda nabo okanye izalamane, bakho abasele belwenzile olu tyando.

Kuthekani ngawe? Ngaba wakha wacinga ukwenza utyando ngenjongo yokuphucula inkangeleko yakho? Ngaba uvakalelwa kukuba uneendlebe ezibhakubhaku, amabele akho makhulu okanye mancinane gqitha, uvakalelwa kukuba unengxukuma yesisu namathanga amakhulu okanye unempumlo embi? Ukuba kunjalo, asinguwe wedwa ovakalelwa ngolo hlobo. Iqela lamantombazana afunda kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo labhala inqaku kwiphephandaba laseJamani lathi: “Ayikho intombazana ekule ntanga yethu engazange ikhathazeke ngendlela emile ngayo.” Yinto eqhelekileyo ukufuna ukuba nomtsalane nokuthandwa ngabantu. Kodwa ngaba kufuneka ude wenze utyando ukuze uphucule inkangeleko?

Ngaba Luya Kuzicombulula Iingxaki Zakho?

Cinga nje ngolutsha olwaziyo. Ngaba unokumangaliswa kukuva ukuba uninzi lwalo—mhlawumbi nolo ucinga ukuba luhle—alwanelisekanga yinkangeleko yalo? Kodwa kusenokwenzeka ukuba uninzi lwalo luvakalelwa ngaloo ndlela. Kodwa umbuzo ngulo, Ngaba ucinga ukuba lufanele lwenze utyando lokuphucula inkangeleko yalo? Okanye ngaba ucinga ukuba lufanele lwaneliswe yindlela olukhangeleka ngayo? Kutheni wena ungaqiqi ngaloo ndlela kwimeko yakho?

Njengokutsho kukaEleni, kwezinye iimeko, ukwenza utyando lokuphucula inkangeleko kunokwenza abantu bayeke ukukugculela nokwenza intlekisa ngawe. Kwelinye icala, ukwenza olu tyando akunakuziphelisa zonke iingxaki onazo. Akunakukwenza ube sempilweni, nto leyo eyiphuculayo inkangeleko. Yaye nangona ugqirha enokuyiphucula indlela okhangeleka ngayo, akanakubutshintsha ubuntu bakho, engenakukunceda nakwizinto ezikuxhalabisayo okanye akwenze uzive unesidima.

Kwakhona, khumbula ukuba, ezinye iikliniki okanye oogqirha benza izithembiso abangenakukwazi ukuzifezekisa. Banokukuthembisa ngokufumana ulonwabo. Ukanti enyanisweni, abanamsebenzi nolonwabo lwakho, bazifunela nje imali. Okulusizi kukuba, kukho imbinana yoogqirha abangamaqhophololo, eyenza utyando olungeyomfuneko, isazi ukuba aluyi kuba luncedo, okanye lunokukubeka engozini—kuba nje iza kufumana intlawulo.

Kwakhona ufanele ucinge ngemiphumo yolo tyando. Ngokomzekelo, izinto ezisenokuba ziyakuxhalabisa kwinkangeleko yakho xa uneminyaka eli-16, zisenokutshintsha xa uneminyaka engama-21. UGqr. Urs Bösch, owenza utyando lokuphucula inkangeleko uthi: “Ngokomthetho, olu tyando alufanele lwenziwe kubantwana abakwishumi elivisayo. Inkangeleko yomntwana okwishumi elivisayo nendlela avakalelwa ngayo ngomzimba wakhe iyatshintsha.” Ukongezelela, kudla ngokufuneka ukuba ulutsha lwenze utyando lokuphucula inkangeleko ngokuphindaphindiweyo. Yaye njengoko ukhula, neziva zotyando ziyanwebeka.

Bala Iindleko

IBhayibhile icebisa ukuba sibale indleko ngaphambi kokuba senze nantoni na ebalulekileyo. (Luka 14:28) Inkoliso yolutsha, ayikucingi nokukucinga ukwenza utyando lokuphucula inkangeleko ngenxa yokuba kubiza imali eninzi. Yaye ezo ndleko zisenokungayiquki imali oyihlawulayo xa uye kuhlolwa emva kotyando—okanye xa kulungiswa ezinye izinto ezibangelwe lolu tyando.

Baliqela abantu abaphulukene nentywenka yemali baza basala benempilo enkenenkene ngenxa yolu tyando. Ngokutsho kwe-American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, ezinye zeengxaki ezinokubangelwa lolu tyando, kukudumba okwexeshana, iziva ezingapheliyo, ukungasebenzi kweziva-mvo ukuba nengxaki yokuncancisa nokopha ngokugqithiseleyo. Ngokomzekelo, uAnna waphantse wafa xa wayesikwa amanqatha. Uthi: “Ngoku isisu sam sineziva ezibi nesifotho.” Ngokuphathelele ukusikwa amanqatha, iphephandaba laseJamani lithi: “Kukho iingxelo ezininzi ezibonisa ukuba kubakho iingxaki xa kusenziwa olu tyando yaye abanye bade bafe.” Musa ukulibala ukuba: “Utyando alwahlukanga kolunye, yaye zisoloko zikho iingxaki,” latsho njalo iphephandaba lezempilo iApotheken Umschau. Ngoko ke, bala iindleko ngaphambi kokuba wenze utyando—ingakumbi xa ungaguli.

Kwakhona zibuze: ‘Baya kucinga ntoni abantu ngam? Ngaba abayi kucinga ukuba ndizixhalabise ngokugqithiseleyo ngenkangeleko? Oku kuya kubaphembelela njani oontanga bam okanye abantwana abandalekelayo?’c

Iintshukumisa Zakho

Enye into ofanele ucingisise nzulu ngayo, ziintshukumisa zakho. Yaye mhlawumbi kusenokuba nzima ukuqonda esona sizathu sokuba ufune ukwenza olu tyando. Ngokomzekelo, usenokuzibuza: ‘Ngaba ndifuna ukuziphumza ekubeni sisisulu sentsini? Okanye ngaba ndiqhutywa nje kukuzingca? Ngaba ndifuna ukuphucula inkangeleko kuba nje ndifuna ukuxelisa oontanga, okanye ngaba ndiphenjelelwa zizibhengezo, okanye ndifuna ukufana nabadlali abadumileyo? Ngaba ndiphenjelelwa ngamajelo eendaba asoloko ebalaselisa ukuba mhle ngokugqithiseleyo?’

Abanye bacinga ukuba ukutshintsha inkangeleko kunokubenza bafumane amaqabane omtshato okanye bafumane umsebenzi ohlawulayo. Kodwa ngaba nyhani bonke abantu abatshatileyo obaziyo bahle? Abakwimisebenzi ehlawulayo bona? Ukufumana ezo zinto akuxhomekekanga ngokupheleleyo kwinkangeleko. Khona, ngaba kusengqiqweni ukude uzibek’ esichengeni sokwenza utyando ngenxa yokuba umntu oza kutshata naye okanye oza kukuqesha, exabise inkangeleko yakho ngaphezu kweempawu onazo?

Njengoko ucingisisa nzulu ngeentshukumisa zakho, xubusha nabazali okanye umhlobo wakho oqolileyo ngendlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Ukuba ngokwenene uvakalelwa kukuba unento ongayithandiyo ngesiqu sakho, bacele ukuba bakuchazele ngokunyaniseka indlela abavakalelwa ngayo kulo mbandela. Indlela ozijonga ngayo wena inokukukhohlisa. Ngokuphathelele iziphako esizibona kwinkangeleko yethu, uNana uthi: “Uye uzixhalabise gqitha ngenkangeleko yakho babe abanye abantu bengaboni gxeke kuwe.” Abaphengululi beLandau University yaseJamani bathi amaxesha amaninzi, umntu uye afune ukwenza utyando lokuphucula inkangeleko “nokuba akanangxaki kodwa ngenxa nje yokuba yena ebona ngathi unengxaki.”

Njengoko uhlolisisa kakuhle zonke izibakala, musa ukungxama. Yikhumbule into yokuba, akunakuyijika imiphumo yotyando. Enoba kuyintoni na, mhlawumbi kuya kufuneka uhlale unjalo okwethutyana.

Obona Buhle Umele Ubuxhalabele

Ulonwabo aluxhomekekanga kwinkangeleko. Ngoxa inkangeleko inokukwenza uzive unesidima okanye uzive ungenaso, eyona nto ibalulekileyo bubuntu nesimo sengqondo sakho. Emva kokujika emlonyeni wengcwaba, uAnna wathi: “Ndifunde ukuba ubuhle abunanto yakwenza nendlela okhangeleka ngayo.”

Ngoxa ithetha ngobuhle, iBhayibhile ithi abubalulekanga njengeempawu ezintle zokomoya: “Umtsalane usenokuba yinkohliso, nobuhle busenokuba lilize; kodwa ngumfazi owoyika uYehova oya kudunyiswa.” (IMizekeliso 31:30; 1 Samuweli 16:7) Ukuba uzibona ngolu hlobo izinto uya kuba noxolo lwengqondo, enoba unezinto ongazithandiyo ngesiqu sakho.

Enoba ufikelela kwesiphi isigqibo, khumbula ukuba akukho nzwana ingenasiphako, engekho nomntu owonwabe ngokupheleleyo. Ukungafezeki kwabantu kubonakala ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. (Roma 3:23) Akunakuze uyijike ke loo nto. Ekuphela kwento onokuyijika bubuntu bakho—obubizwa yiBhayibhile ngokuba ‘ngumntu ofihlakeleyo wentliziyo.’ (1 Petros 3:3, 4) Phucula ubuntu bakho ngokuhlakulela iimpawu ezithandwa nguThixo. Ukwenjenjalo akunabungozi, kungezizo neendleko, kunoko kuya kukunika umvuzo ongenakuthelekiswa nanto!

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 17]

Ngaba “unengxaki” ngokwenene okanye kufuneka nje ulungise isimo sakho sengqondo?