Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ukuxhaphaza Ngaba Kuyingozi?

‘Hayi! Bendidlala nje. Yintoni embi apho? Ngaphezu koko, oko kumfanele uRon.’

USENOKUBA umkhulu yaye womelele kunoontanga bakho. Okanye mhlawumbi unempoxo, uthetha rhabaxa, yaye ungqwabalala. Enoba kuyintoni na, ukoyikisa, ukuqhula, okanye ukuhleka omnye umntu ngoxa ekhathazekile kubonakala kulula kuwe.

Nangona ukuxhaphaza abanye kusenokubahlekisa abahlobo bakho, oku akuyondlwan’ iyanetha. Eneneni, abanye abaphandi bafumanise ukuba ukuxhaphaza kuba buhlungu ngakumbi kwelo xhoba kunokuba babecinga. Kolunye uhlolisiso lwabantwana abaselula baseUnited States abahamba isikolo kwaphawulwa ukuba “ama-90 ekhulwini abo baxhatshazwayo athi aba nemiphumo ebuhlungu—amanqaku abo ehlile, basoloko bexhalabile, baphelelwa ngabahlobo okanye ngumdla kubomi basekuhlaleni.” EJapan omnye oneminyaka eli-13 ubudala “wazixhoma emva kokuba ebhale uxwebhu olude olwaluchaza iinkcukacha zokuxhatshazwa kangangeminyaka emithathu.”a

Kodwa yintoni eyenza umntu abe ngumxhaphazi? Yaye ukuba nawe ungumxhaphazi, ungatshintsha njani?

Kukuthini Ukuxhaphaza?

IBhayibhile isixelela ngabaxhaphazi ababephila ngaphambi koMkhukula kaNowa. Babebizwa ngokuba ziiNgxilimbela—gama elo lithetha “abawisi.” Ebudeni bolawulo lwabo olunengcwangu, “ihlabathi lalizele lugonyamelo.”—Genesis 6:4, 11.

Noko ke, ukuba ngumxhaphazi akuthethi ukubetha okanye ukusoloko utyhiliza abanye. Nabani na ophatha abanye abantu—ngakumbi abo babuthathaka okanye benzakeleyo—ngendlela ekhohlakeleyo okanye eyenyelisayo ungumxhaphazi. (Thelekisa INtshumayeli 4:1.) Abaxhaphazi bazama ukoyikisa, ukugrogrisa nokulawula. Kodwa inkoliso isebenzisa imilomo kungekhona amanqindi. Enyanisweni, ukuxhaphaza ngokweemvakalelo lolona hlobo luxhaphakileyo lokuxhaphaza. Ngoko ke kunokuquka ukuthuka, ukuphoxa, ukugculela, nokubonakalisa indelelo.

Noko ke, maxa wambi, ukuxhaphaza kunokuba kokuchuliweyo. Ngokomzekelo, phawula oko kwenzeka kuLisa.b Wakhula eneqela labahlobo. Kodwa xa wayeneminyaka eli-15 ubudala, izinto zaqalisa ukutshintsha. ULisa waba yinzwakazi yaye kwanikelwa ingqalelo engakumbi kuye. Uthi: “Abahlobo bam baqalisa ukungandimemi xa besenza izinto yaye baye bandihleba—okanye bathethe ndisiva.” Kwakhona basasaza ubuxoki ngaye, bezama ukonakalisa udumo lwakhe oluhle. Ewe, beqhutywa ngumona, bamxhaphaza ngendlela engenabubele nekhohlakeleyo.

Yintoni Ekubangela Ube Ngumxhaphazi

Ngokufuthi ukuba ngqwabalala kunxulunyaniswa nemeko yekhaya likabani. “Utata wayengqwabalala,” utsho njalo oselula ogama linguScott, “ngoko nam ndaba ngqwabalala.” UAaron naye wajamelana nobomi obunzima basekhaya. Ukhumbula oku: “Ndaqonda ukuba abantu babesazi ngemeko yentsapho yasekhaya—ukuba yayahlukile—yaye ndandingathandi xa abantu besoloko bendisizela.” Ngoko ke xa uAaron wayedlala imidlalo, wayemele aphumelele. Kodwa ukuphumelela kwakunganele. Wayede abahlazise abo wayedlala nabo—ngokuthi abagculele ngokungaphumeleli kwabo.

Kwelinye icala, uBrent, wakhuliswa ngabazali aboyik’ uThixo. Kodwa uyavuma esithi: “Ndandibahlekisa abantu, kodwa maxa wambi ndandingazi ukuba ndiyeke nini, yaye ndandizenza buhlungu iimvakalelo zomntu.” Umnqweno kaBrent wokuzuza uyolo nokutsalela ingqalelo kuye kwabangela ukuba angazikhathaleli iimvakalelo zabanye abantu.—IMizekeliso 12:18.

Kubonakala ngathi olunye ulutsha luphenjelelwa ngumabonwakude. Imidlalo ebonisa ulwaphulo-mthetho izukisa ‘amadoda omeleleyo’ yaye ibenza bacinge ukuba ukuba unobubele uligwala. Amabali ayolisayo nadumileyo azaliswe yimpoxo. Ngokufuthi iingxelo zeendaba zibalaselisa umlo nentetho erhabaxa esetyenziswa kwezemidlalo. Abahlobo bethu basenokuyiphembelela indlela esibaphatha ngayo abanye. Xa oontanga bethu bengabaxhaphazi, kuba lula ukubancedisa kuba siphepha ukuhlaselwa nathi.

Enoba imeko iyintoni na, ukuba uyingcaphephe ekuxhaphazeni abanye, ngoko ke akwenzakali amaxhoba akho kuphela.

Imiphumo Ehlala Ithuba Elide

Iphephancwadi iPsychology Today linikela le ngxelo: “Ukuxhaphaza kusenokuqala ebuntwaneni, kodwa kuqhubeka de ufikelele ebuntwini obukhulu.” Kolunye uphando olwapapashwa kwiThe Dallas Morning News kwafunyaniswa ukuba “ama-65 ekhulwini amakhwenkwe agqalwa njengabaxhaphazi kunyaka wesibini aye abandakanyeka kulwaphulo-mthetho olunzulu xa eneminyaka engama-24 ubudala.”

Liyinyaniso elokuba, asingabo bonke abaxhaphazi ababa zizaphuli-mthetho. Kodwa ukwenza umkhwa wokuqhubeka ungazikhathaleli iimvakalelo zabanye kunokubangela ube neengxaki ezingakumbi kamva ebomini. Ukuba loo mkhwa uyaqhubeka emtshatweni, unokuphumela kunxunguphalo oluqatha kwiqabane lakho nasebantwaneni bakho. Ekubeni abaqeshi bekhetha abantu abaqhubana kakuhle nabanye, oko kusenokukunciphisela amathuba okufumana umsebenzi. Ngokufanayo, usenokungafumani malungelo ebandleni lobuKristu. UBrent uthi: “Ngenye imini, ndingathanda ukuba ngumdala, kodwa utata wandinceda ndaqonda ukuba abantu abayi kuza kum neengxaki zabo kuba becinga ukuba ndisenokubaphoxa.”—Tito 1:7.

Indlela Onokwenza Ngayo Inguqulelo

Asisoloko sizibona ngokucacileyo zonke iimpazamo zethu. IZibhalo ziyasilumkisa zisithi umntu usenokuziphatha ‘ngokugudileyo emehlweni akhe, ade abufumanise ubugwenxa bakhe abuthiye.’ (INdumiso 36:2) Ngoko usenokuzama ukucela umzali, umhlobo omthembileyo, okanye umKristu onamava ukuba akuhlole. Inyaniso isenokukukhathaza, kodwa inokukunceda ubone apho umele wenze iinguqulelo khona. (IMizekeliso 20:30) UAaron uthi: “Ndicinga ukuba ukuphulaphula yeyona nto yandincedayo, abo babenyanisekile bandixelela apho ndandiphazame khona. Leyo yayingeyonto endandifuna ukusoloko ndiyiva, kodwa yinto endandiyifuna ngokwenene.”

Ngaba oku kuthetha ukuba umele wenze inguqulelo yokwenene kubuntu bakho buphela? Akunjalo, kusenokuba kufuneka ulungise nje indlela ocinga ngayo nendlela oziphethe ngayo. (2 Korinte 13:11) Ngokomzekelo, mhlawumbi de kube ngoku ubuzicingela njengophakame kakhulu ngenxa yesiqu, amandla, okanye ubukrelekrele onabo. Kodwa iBhayibhile isikhuthaza ukuba ‘ngokuthobeka kwengqondo sibagqale abanye njengabongamileyo kunathi.’ (Filipi 2:3) Qonda ukuba abanye—ngaphandle kwesiqu okanye amandla—baneempawu ezithandekayo ongenazo wena.

Kusenokufuneka wahlukane notyekelo lokuba ngqwabalala okanye ukuba nguzwilakhe. Zabalazela ‘ukuphosa iliso, kungekhona kwizilangazelelo zobuqu kwimibandela nje yakho, kodwa nakwizilangazelelo zobuqu kuleyo yabanye.’ (Filipi 2:4) Ukuba ufuna ukuvakalisa uluvo lwakho, kwenze oko, ngaphandle kokuba krwada, ngophoxayo okanye ngothukayo.—Efese 4:31.

Ukuba uhendelwa ekuxhaphazeni, khumbula ukuba uThixo wazitshabalalisa iiNgxilimbela ezazingabaxhaphazi. (Genesis 6:4-7; 7:11, 12, 22) Kwiinkulungwane kamva, ngemihla yomprofeti uHezekile, uThixo akazange akholiswe ngabo bantu babenetyala ‘lokutyhala’ ‘nokuhlaba’ ababuthathaka. (Hezekile 34:21) Ukwazi ukuba uYehova ukuthiyile ukuxhaphaza kungalukhuthazo kubani akwazi ukwenza iinguqulelo eziyimfuneko!

Kwakhona kunceda ubani akwazi ukucamngca ngemigaqo yeBhayibhile ngomthandazo. UMthetho Omkhulu uthi: “Zonke izinto, ke ngoko, enifuna abantu bazenze kuni, nani nimele nenze ngokunjalo kubo.” (Mateyu 7:12) Xa ulingelwa ekubeni ugrogrise othile, zibuze: ‘Ngaba mna ndiyakuthanda ukutyhilizwa, ukugrogriswa, okanye ukuhlaziswa? Ngoko kutheni ndibaphatha ngaloo ndlela abanye?’ IBhayibhile iyasiyala ukuba sibe ‘nobubele omnye komnye nemfesane yofefe.’ (Efese 4:32) UYesu wamisela umzekelo ogqibeleleyo kule nkalo. Nangona wayemkhulu kubo bonke abantu, wonke umntu wayemphatha ngobubele, uvelwano, nentlonelo. (Mateyu 11:28-30) Zama ukwenza ngokufanayo ukuba ujamelana nomntu obuthathaka kunawe—okanye okucaphukisa kakhulu.

Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba isimilo sakho esingqwabalala sibangelwa ngumsindo ngenxa yendlela ophethwe ngayo ekhaya? Kwezinye iimeko, loo msindo usenokuthetheleleka. (Thelekisa INtshumayeli 7:7.) Sekunjalo, iBhayibhile isixelela ukuba indoda elilungisa uYobhi yalunyukiswa: “Kuba ubushushu mabungakuxhokonxeli ekutyhwakrazeni izandla . . . Lumka ungaguqukeli konobutshinga.” (Yobhi 36:18, 21) Enoba uphethwe kakubi wena, akunalungelo lokuphatha abanye kakubi. Bekuya kulunga ngakumbi ukuzama ukuthetha nabazali bakho. Ukuba ulixhoba lokuphathwa kabuhlungu, uncedo oluvela kwabanye abantu lunokufuneka ukuze lukuthintele engozini engakumbi.

Ukutshintsha kusenokungabi lula, kodwa kuyinto enokwenzeka. UBrent uthi: “Ndathandaza ndikuthandazela yonke imihla oku, yaye uYehova uye wandinceda ndenza uhlengahlengiso.” Ngokufanayo njengokuba usenza uhlengahlengiso kwindlela oqhubana ngayo nabantu, akuthandabuzeki ukuba abantu baya kukuthanda ngakumbi. Khumbula, abantu basenokuboyika abaxhaphazi, kodwa eneneni akukho mntu ubathandayo.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 23]

“Ukuxhaphaza kusenokuqala ebuntwaneni, kodwa kuqhubeka de ufikelele ebuntwini obukhulu”

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 22]

Ukusebenzisa kakubi amazwi yenye yeendlela zokuxhaphaza