ULUTSHA LUYABUZA
Ndinjani?
Kutheni ufanele uyihoye indlela onxiba ngayo? Kungenxa yokuba iimpahla zithetha lukhulu ngawe. Zithini ezakho ngawe?
Iimpazamo ezinkulu ezintathu zefashoni neendlela esinokuziphepha ngazo
Impazamo #1: Ukuvumela ezentengiso zikugqibele ngendlela ofanele unxibe ngayo.
UTheresa okwishumi elivisayo uthi: “Ngamanye amaxesha ndiye nditsaleleke kwindlela ethile yokunxiba ngenxa yokuba ndiyibona qho kwizibhengezo. Xa ingqondo yakho izele yimifanekiso yabantu abanxiba ngendlela ethile, kunganzima ukungayilandeli.”
Asingomantombazana kuphela aphenjelelwa zezentengiso. Incwadi ethi The Everything Guide to Raising Adolescent Boys ithi: “Amakhwenkwe ayaphenjelelwa nawo luhlobo oluthile lokunxiba. Abathengisi befashoni baye bazame ukuwarhwebesha esemancinane.”
Indlela efanelekileyo: IBhayibhile ithi: “Nabani na ongenamava ukholwa ngamazwi onke, kodwa onobuqili uyawaqwalasela amanyathelo akhe.” (IMizekeliso 14:15) Ngokuhambisana nalo mgaqo, zifundise ukuyihlolisisa into oyibona kwizibhengezo. Ngokomzekelo, xa ubona izibhengezo zeempahla ezivuselela inkanuko zibuze:
‘Ngubani ofumana imali xa ndilandela le ndlela yokunxiba?’
‘Indichaza njengomntu ophila njani?’
‘Ngaba loo ndlela yokuphila ichaza mna noko ndikumelayo?’
Icebiso ngefashoni: Kangangeveki, jonga izibhengezo zeempahla. Yiyiphi indlela yokuphila eziyikhuthazayo? Ngaba kukho imiyalezo echuliweyo eyenzelwe ukukwenza ubone kuyimfuneko ukulandela loo ndlela yokunxiba? UKaren okwishumi elivisayo uthi: “Kukho ingcinezelo enkulu yokufuna ukubonakala umhle, unxibe kakuhle nokubonisa ngokumila kwakho kakuhle. Abathengisi befashoni abakuqondayo oku, kulula ngabo ukuthengisela ulutsha.”
Impazamo #2: Ukulinganisa indlela exhaphakileyo yokunxiba kuba nje ufuna ukwamkeleka kwabanye.
UManuel okwishumi elivisayo uthi: “Ukuba indlela ethile yokunxiba ixhaphakile, wonke umntu uza kufuna ukunxiba ngaloo ndlela. Ukuba awunxibi ngaloo ndlela, abantu baza kuthetha kakubi ngawe.” NoAnna okwishumi elivisayo utheth’ intw’ efanayo. Uthi: “Akubalulekanga kangako ukunxiba ifashoni, kodwa eyona nto iphambili kukufuna ukwamkeleka.”
Indlela efanelekileyo: IBhayibhile ithi: “Musani ukumilisa okwale nkqubo yezinto.” (Roma 12:2) Ngokuhambisana neli cebiso, jonga iimpahla zakho uze uzibuze:
‘Ziziphi ezona zinto ziphembelela uhlobo lwempahla endiyikhethayo?’
‘Kubaluleke kangakanani kum ukuba nempahla yegama?’
‘Ngaba ndizama ukwanelisa abantu ngempahla endiyinxibayo?’
Icebiso ngefashoni: Endaweni yokujonga ezi ndlela zokunxiba zimbini kuphela—eyamkelekileyo okanye engeyofashoni—jonga indlela yesithathu: eyona ikwanelisayo. Okukhona usaneliseka yindlela onxiba ngayo, kokukhona uya kuyeka ukuzixhalabisa ngokufuna ukwamkeleka.
Impazamo #3: Ukucinga ukuba ‘unxibe kakuhle xa unxibe ngendlela evuselela inkanuko.’
UJennifer uyavuma ukuba: “Enyanisweni ngamanye amaxesha ndiye ndikunqwenele ukunxiba iimpahla ezivuselela inkanuko, ezindibambayo okanye ezimfutshane kakhulu.”
Indlela efanelekileyo: IBhayibhile ithi: “Yaye ukuhomba kwenu makungabi kokokulukwa kwangaphandle . . . kodwa makube kokomntu ofihlakeleyo wentliziyo.” (1 Petros 3:3, 4) Ngokuhambisana neli cebiso, cinga ngezinto ezinomtsalane ngakumbi—iimpahla ezitsala amehlo okanye ubuhle bangaphakathi.
Icebiso ngefashoni: Esona sinxibo ‘sifanelekileyo sefashoni’ kukunxiba ngokundilisekileyo. Yinyaniso ukuba ukundiliseka asilogama lisetyenziswayo namhlanje. Kodwa cinga ngale ndlela:
Ngaba wakha wancokola nomntu othetha kakhulu nothetha ngesiqu sakhe kuphela? Eyona nto imbi kukuba, loo mntu uye angazi ukuba wena uyakukruqula!
Njengencoko, indlela yokunxiba, inokuthi ‘ndijonge’ ize ikhubekise abantu abasecaleni kwakho
Xa unxibe ngokungandilisekanga, uba njengala mntu ukruqulayo. Indlela onxibe ngayo idlulisa umyalezo othi ‘ndijonge,’ ibe loo nto inokwenza ubonakale ungumntu ongazithembanga okanye ozicingelayo. Inokwenza nokuba ubonakale ukufuna ngamandla ukuhoywa nangayiphi na indlela—nkqu nangendlela engalunganga.
Kunokuba ubhengeze into ongayithengisiyo, zama ukunxiba ngokundilisekileyo. UMonica okwishumi elivisayo uthi: “Ukundiliseka akuthethi kuthi ufanele unxibe njengomakhulu wakho. Kuthetha ukuthi wena uyazihlonela kunye nabantu abakufutshane nawe.”