Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .
Ukuqhomfa—Ngaba Kusisicombululo?
UJudy ukhumbula oku: “Xa iingxelo zokuxilongwa kwam zaphuma zisithi ndikhulelwe, kwangoko inkwenkwe endithandana nayo yathi mandiqhomfe. Yade yandinika nemali yokwenza oko.” UJudy wayeneminyaka eli-17 ubudala.a
XA UMARTA oneminyaka eli-15 ubudala wafumanisa ukuba ukhulelwe, wathetha nomcebisi kwikliniki yokuqhomfa. UMarta uthi: “Wandicacisela konke, wandixelela ukuba ndandinokuqhomfa, okanye wayeza kundinceda ndifumane iziko lokunyamekela abantwana abashiywe ngabazali okanye ikhaya labadlezana, ukuba ndandifuna oko.”
EUnited States kuphela angaphezu kwesigidi amantombazana afikisayo akhulelwayo nyaka ngamnye. Phakathi kwawo kukho iqela lolutsha oluthe, nangona luqeqeshwe ngamaKristu, lwatyeshela umyalelo kaThixo wokuba ‘lukhumke kulo uhenyuzo,’ okanye iintlobano zesini zangaphambi komtshato. (1 Tesalonika 4:3) Oku kuziphatha okubi kuphumela kwiimbandezelo ezininzi ezingeyomfuneko. Noko ke, uninzi lolu lutsha, luye lwazisola ngehambo yalo lwaza lwafuna ukulungisa ubomi balo. Kodwa lujongene nemeko eyoyikekayo yokuba nomntwana ngaphandle kweqhina lomtshato, lumbi lusenokuzibuza enoba ukuqhomfa akusosicombululo silula kusini na kwiingxaki zalo. Ngapha koko, nyaka ngamnye phantse isiqingatha samantombazana akhulelwayo eUnited States akhetha ukuqhomfa. Ngaba ngokwenene oku kunokuba sesona sicombululo ekukhulelweni okungafunekiyo?
Isizathu Sokuba Abanye Baqhomfe
Kuyaqondakala ukuba, iimvakalelo ezithile ezinamandla, kwaneziphikisanayo, zinokuba nempembelelo. Ibhinqa eliselula kulindelekile ukuba libe neemvakalelo ezithile ezingokwemvelo ngomntwana okhulayo ngaphakathi kulo, kodwa kwakhona lisenokuba nesizathu esivakalayo sokuba noloyiko nenkxalabo.
Ngokomzekelo, uVicky oneminyaka eli-18 ubudala, “wayefuna ukuya kwanokholeji, mhlawumbi ade afumane nesidanga see-master’s.” Engqondweni yakhe, ukuba nomntwana kwakunokuluphazamisa ucwangciso lwakhe. (Iphephancwadi i’Teen, kaMatshi 1992) Ngokukwanjalo uMarta waqukumbela ngokuthi: “Ukuba ungumama, uhlala ekhaya nomntwana wakho yaye akusoze uphinde uye esikolweni. Ndandingekakulungeli oko.” Ngokutsho kolunye uhlolisiso, ama-87 ekhulwini abeshumi elivisayo abaye baqhomfa banoloyiko lokuba ukuba nosana kunokubuguqula ngokuphawulekayo ubomi babo ngendlela abangakulungelanga ukuyamkela.
Kwakhona uloyiko lweengxaki zemali nenkxalabo yokuba ubani usenokungakwazi ukusingatha iimbopheleleko zokuba ngumzali omnye zizizathu eziqhelekileyo zokuba abaninzi bakhethe ukuqhomfa. UVicky ukubeka ngolu hlobo: “Ndandiphuma kwintsapho apho abazali bam babeqhawule umtshato, yaye umama wazikhulisela abantwana bakhe abathathu. Ndambukela etsala nzima . . . Ndandinombono wam sendingumzali omnye njengomama.”
Ingcinezelo esuka kwabanye, ngokukhethekileyo kwinkwenkwe athandana nayo, inokumqhubela ubani ekubeni anqamlele ukukhulelwa. Inkwenkwe athandana nayo uJudy yamsongela ngokuthi: “Ukuba akuqhomfi, andifuni ukuphinda ndikubone phambi kwam.” KuNancy ingcinezelo yokuba makaqhomfe yayisuka kunina nakwezinye izalamane.
Kwakhona imbono eqhelekileyo yokuba ngenene ukuqhomfa akubandakanyi ukubulala imveku inempembelelo enamandla. UVicky uthi: “Andizange ndizivumele ndicinge ngayo njengosana. . . . Ndandifunde ukuba kwiveki yesihlanu yokukhulelwa, imveku incinane kunozipho lukacikicane. Akunakukholelwa indlela endabambelela ngayo kuloo ngcamango. Ndazixelela into yokuba ukuba yayilingana nje kuphela nozipho lukacikicane, ngenene yayingelosana. Ndazama ukuyibetha ngoyaba ukuze ndikwazi ukuqhubeka ndiqhomfe.”
Kwakhona bambi bathi, ubuncinane kumazwe ahambele phambili ngobugcisa, ukuqhomfa kukhuselekile—mhlawumbi kukhuseleke ngakumbi kunokuba umntwana ofikisayo okhulelweyo azale. Emva kokuba kucingwe ngazo zonke izinto ezibandakanyekileyo, ukuqhomfa kusenokubonakala kufanelekile. Sekunjalo, izibakala zibonisa ukuba abaninzi abakhetha ukuqhomfa kamva baye bazisola. Elinye ibhinqa lithi: “Ndaqhomfa ndineminyaka engama-20 ubudala. Ngoku ndinama-34, yaye kunzima kum ukuhlangabezana noko ndakwenzayo. Ndandifuna usana lwam, kodwa inkwenkwe endandithandana nayo yayingafuni nokuva. Ndisenzakele ngokweemvakalelo; ungcungcutheka ubomi bakho bonke.”
Izivubeko Ezingokweemvakalelo
Kunokuba ibe yindlela elula yokuzikhupha engxakini, ukuqhomfa kunokuzenza mandundu iingxaki zikabani. Ubuncinane, kunxamnye nengqiqo yethu engaphakathi yokwazi okulungileyo nokubi—isazela esatyalwa nguThixo eluntwini. (Roma 2:15) Ngaphezu koko, ukuqhomfa kufuna ukuba ibhinqa eliselula lingabi namfesane ngobomi obuncinane obukhulayo ngaphakathi kulo. (Thelekisa eyoku-1 kuYohane 3:17.) Okunjani kona ukonakala!
UMarta uthi: “Akuzange kubekho ngxaki de kwaqengqeleka iqela leeveki [emva kokuqhomfa] endathi ndaqalisa ukuba nemvakalelo yokuba ndonile neyokuzisola okuthile ngoko ndikwenzileyo.” Izinto zaba nzima ngakumbi xa uFebruwari wafikayo—inyanga ekwakufanele luzalwe ngayo olo sana. UEliasa ukhumbula oku: “Kwiminyaka elishumi elinesihlanu eyadlulayo ndaqhomfa. Emva koko, ndadandatheka ngokunzulu yaye kwafuneka ndinyangwe ekliniki izihlandlo eziliqela. Ndade ndafuna nokuzibulala.”
Liyinyaniso elokuba, asingawo onke amabhinqa aselula asabela ngale ndlela. Ngokunyanisekileyo amaninzi akholelwa kwelokuba imveku asibobomi bomntu. Kodwa uthini uMdali—“ithende lobomi”—ngokuphathelele oku? (INdumiso 36:9) IBhayibhile ikwenza kucace ukuba umntwana ongekazalwa okhulayo ngaphakathi esibelekweni ungaphezu kokuba abe sisicwili nje kuYehova uThixo. Waphefumlela uKumkani uDavide ukuba abhale oku: “Amehlo akho andibona ndiseyimbumba, zazibhaliwe encwadini yakho iimini zonke ziphela.” (INdumiso 139:16) Ngaloo ndlela kwanemveku engekazalwa uMdali uyibona njengomntu owahlukileyo, umntu ophilayo. Ngenxa yesi sizathu, wathi umntu wayeya kubekek’ ityala ngokwenzakalisa umntwana ongekazalwa. (Eksodus 21:22, 23) Ewe, ngokukaThixo, ukubulala umntwana ongekazalwa kukubulala umntu. Ngoko ke, intombazana efuna ukukholisa uThixo, ayinakukujonga ukuqhomfa njengokhetho olwamkelekileyo—kungakhathaliseki ingcinezelo ejamelene nayo.b
Ukufumana Inkxaso
UJudy, okhankanywe ekuqaleni, wakhetha ukungaluqhomfi usana lwakhe. Uthi: “Udadewethu omdala wakufumanisa oku, yaye kwangoko, wanikela inkxaso, ngakumbi ngokweemvakalelo. Wade wathi wayeza kuqhubeka endixhasa emva kokuba ndifumene usana. Oko koko ndandifuna ukukuva ukuze ndenze oko ndandivakalelwa ukuba kulungile emazantsi entliziyo yam. Ndahambela phambili namalungiselelo yaye ndalufumana usana.” Oko kwenzeka kwiminyaka esithoba eyadlulayo. Xa ebuka unyana wakhe oneminyaka esibhozo ubudala, uJudy uthi: “Ukuhambela phambili nokuqhomfa kwakunokuba yeyona mpazamo inkulu ebomini bam.”
Ibhinqa eliselula elibizwa ngokuba nguNatisa libalisa okufanayo lisithi: “Kwiminyaka emihlanu edluleyo ndandihleli kwikliniki yokuqhomfa, ndilinde ithuba lam. Kunokuba ndilisebenzise elo thuba lam, ndacinga kabini ndaza ndaphuma kuloo kliniki. Ngoku ndinonyana omhle gqitha oneminyaka emine ubudala, omnye umntwana sele eza kuzalwa, yaye nditshate notata onothando.”
Nabani na okhulelweyo engatshatanga akafanele enze izigqibo buphuthuphuthu. Njengoko izinto zinokubonakala zimbi ngolo hlobo, lisekhona ithemba. Kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo abanjalo bayayifuna inkxaso nolwalathiso lwabantu abaqolileyo. Ukuzityand’ igila kubazali bakabani sisiqalo esihle, ingakumbi ukuba bangamaKristu. (IMizekeliso 23:26) Liyinyaniso elokuba, ngokungathandabuzekiyo ekuqaleni baya kuba buhlungu yaye babe nomsindo. Noko ke, ekugqibeleni, basenokushukunyiselwa ukuba banikele uncedo. Ngokomzekelo, basenokucwangcisela ukuba kunikelwe inyameko ngaphambi kokubeleka. Kwakhona basenokunceda ukuba kusetyenziswa nawaphi na amalungiselelo karhulumente kwabo basenokuwafanelekela. Okubaluleke nangakumbi kukuba, basenokukhuthaza lowo ungumoni ukuba azuze uncedo lokomoya olufunekayo kubadala bebandla.—Yakobi 5:14, 15.
Bambi oomama abangatshatanga baye banikezela ngeentsana zabo ukuba kuphiswe ngazo, bevakalelwa kukuba abanakukwazi ukunikela kuzo oko kuzifaneleyo. Ngoxa ukuphisa ngaye ngokuqinisekileyo kulunge ngakumbi kunokubulala umntwana, uThixo uphathise umzali imbopheleleko yokuba ‘alungiselele abendlu yakhe.’ (1 Timoti 5:8) Umzali omnye usenokungakwazi ukunikela kumntwana wakhe okona kumfaneleyo ngokwezinto eziphathekayo, kodwa unako ukunikela okona kubaluleke nangakumbi—uthando. (IMizekeliso 15:17) Ngoko phantsi kweemeko ezininzi, kunokuba kokulunge ngakumbi ngomama ongatshatanga ukuba azikhulisele umntwana.
Kuthekani ngomsebenzi wokukhulisa usana—nangeenguqulelo ezinkulu kwindlela yokuphila ngokungathandabuzekiyo ekufuneka zenziwe? Konke oku kusenokubonakala kungaphaya kwamandla. Noko ke, iBhayibhile inikela isiluleko esisebenzayo esinokunceda abantu ukuba bakwazi ukuhlangabezana nolu celomngeni. Kwakhona oomama abangatshatanga abaguqukayo banokungenelwa kuncedo lokomoya olusekelwe ngokuqinileyo kwiLizwi likaThixo. Ewe, ngenkxaso enothando nolwalathiso olufanelekileyo, aba banokuyisingatha ngeyona ndlela ilungileyo le meko.c Ngokucacileyo ukuqhomfa akusiso isicombululo!
[Imibhalo esemazantsi]
a Wambi amagama aguquliwe.
b Nabani na owenze isiphoso kwixa elidluleyo waza waqhomfa ubomi obungekazalwa akafanele agqibe ngelithi akusekho themba lakuxolelwa. Abanjalo banokuba nentembelo yokuba uYehova uyabaxhasa abenzi bobubi abaguqukayo yaye ‘uxolela ngokukhulu.’ (Isaya 55:7) Ngoxa izivubeko ezingokweemvakalelo zisenokuzingisa, umdumisi uyaqinisekisa: “Kunjengokuba kude kwempumalanga entshonalanga, ukulukhwelelisa kwakhe kuthi ukreqo lwethu.”—INdumiso 103:12.
c Bona IMboniselo kaMatshi 15, 1981, inqaku elithi “Abazali Abangabanye Bahlangabezana Neengxaki Kwihlabathi Lanamhlanje.” Bona nelithi, “Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . . Oomama Abangatshatanga Bangayisingatha Njani Ngeyona Ndlela Ilungileyo Imeko Yabo?” kwinkupho kaVukani! kaOktobha 8, 1994.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 29]
Ngokufuthi amakhwenkwe azama ukunyanzela amantombazana athandana nawo ukuba aqhomfe