Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .
Ukumitha Kwabeshumi Elivisayo—Ifanele Yenze Ntoni Intombazana?
Ukumitha nokuqhomfa kwabeshumi elivisayo ziingxaki zehlabathi liphela. Kwaye nangona uninzi lwabafundi bethu ilulutsha olungamaKristu oluthi ngobulumko luziphephe iintlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato, uVukani! ukwafundwa zizigidi zabantu abaneemvelaphi ezingafaniyo. Ngoko ke le ngxubusho ilandelayo ilungiselelwe ukunceda nawuphi na umntu osemtsha ojamelene nengxaki yokuba ngumzali ongatshatanga, ngoxa kwangaxeshanye ibalaselisa imiphumo eyintlekele ebangelwa ziintlobano zesini zangaphambi komtshato.
UANN wathi: “Ndandineminyaka eli-15 ubudala yaye ndandimithi. Ndandingazi ukuba mandenze ntoni na—ndiqhomfe, ndiphise ngaye lo mntwana, okanye ndenzeni.” UAnn wayengomnye nje wamantombazana angaphezu kwesigidi akwiminyaka yeshumi elivisayo awamithayo ngaloo nyaka eUnited States.
Nangona kwiimeko ezimbalwa ezilusizi intombazana imitha ngenxa yokudlwengulwa, ngokuqhelekileyo ukumitha kwabeshumi elivisayo kubangelwa kukuba nenxaxheba ngokuvumayo kwiintlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato.a Nokuba imeko iyintoni na, ukumitha kwentombazana engatshatanga kuyenza ijamelane nezinto ezihlungisayo eziliqela ukuba ikhethe kuzo: Ngaba ifanele itshate? Ngaba ifanele iphise ngalo mntwana? Ngaba ukuqhomfa kusisicombululo? Kuyavunywa ukuba, kufuneka abantu ababini ukwenza umntwana, yaye nakanjani na utata womntwana ufanele athwale umthwalo wakhe wembopheleleko. (Bona ibhokisi.) Kodwa kwizihlandlo ezininzi, yintombazana (mhlawumbi ngoncedo lwabazali bayo) eshiyeka isenza olo khetho lunzima. Yaye oko yenza isigqibo sako kuya kuba nomphumo ohlal’ uhlel ongokwasemzimbeni, ongokweemvakalelo nakubumoya bayo nakumntwana emthweleyo.
‘Ngaba Sifanele Sitshate?’
Abaninzi basenokuvakalelwa kukuba ukutshata noyise womntwana kuya kuba sesona sicombululo sifanelekileyo. Ngapha koko, kuya kuquma intombazana leyo nentsapho yakowayo ekuhlazekeni ebantwini, yaye kuya kuvulel’ ithuba lokuba lo mntwana akhuliswe ngabazali ababini. Kodwa umtshato awungozifo zonke. Esinye isizathu soku kukuba, kuphela yinguquko engokobuthixo enokulungisa okuphosakeleyo emehlweni kaThixo.b (Isaya 1:16, 18) Ngaphezu koko, enyanisweni ukungxamela emtshatweni kunokuzandisa iingxaki zentombazana. Ekubeni le nkwenkwe nale ntombazana ‘besesentlahleni,’ abanakuba sele bekhulile ngokweemvakalelo nto leyo efunekayo ukwenza umtshato uphumelele. (1 Korinte 7:36) Kusenokuba le nkwenkwe ayingomKristu wokwenyaniso ibe ngaloo ndlela ayifaneleki njengeqabane lomtshato.—1 Korinte 7:39.
UGqr. Arthur Elster ngokubhekele phaya uthi: “Ngokufuthi ukuba ngumzali ngaphambi kwexesha kubangela aba tata bashiye isikolo, yaye oko kubabeka kwimeko yokuba bangafumani msebenzi wobugcisa ohlawula kakuhle.” Iinzima ezingokoqoqosho ezilandelayo zinokuwutshabalalisa umtshato. Enyanisweni, olunye uhlolisiso luthi kukho umlinganiselo woqhawulo-mtshato ophakathi kwama-50 ukuya kuma-75 ekhulwini kwimitshato ebangelwa kukumitha ngaphambi komtshato!
Umtshato linyathelo elinzulu yaye awufanele ungxanyelwe. (Hebhere 13:4) Ngemva kokuwuqwalasela lo mbandela, bonke ababandakanyekileyo basenokuvumelana kwelokuba umtshato awuyi kuba likhondo lobulumko, kuya kulunga ngakumbi ukuba le ntombazana inokukhulisela lo mntwana kwikhaya layo ngoncedo lwentsapho yakowayo kunasemtshatweni ozele iingxaki.
Ukuqhomfa—Imbono YeBhayibhile
Enye intombazana yathi: ‘Ndifuna ukwenza okuninzi gqitha ngobomi bam, kwaye umntwana ebengayi kufaneleka.’ Ngaloo ndlela ukuqhomfa lukhetho lwamantombazana aphantse abe sisiqingatha sesigidi nyaka ngamnye kwelaseUnited States kuphela. Kodwa ngaba kulungile okanye kufanelekile ukuqhomfa ubomi bomntwana kuba ‘ebe ngayi kufaneleka’ kumalungiselelo kabani obuqu?
Phawula oko iBhayibhile ikutshoyo kwiEksodus 21:22, 23 mayela nobomi bomntwana ongekazalwa: “Xa athe amadoda abambana ngezihlwitha, agila umfazi emithi, waphuma isisu, akwenzakala nto noko: makahlawuliswe ngenene umfo lowo, . . . Ukuba uthe wenzakala, [umama okanye umntwana ongekazalwa] uze urhole umphefumlo ngomphefumlo.” Ewe, ukubulala umntwana ongekazalwa kwakugqalwa njengokubulala!
Enyanisweni, bambi oogqirha bathi umntwana ongekazalwa yimveku nje engekazalwa, okanye iiseli zento engekazalwa—kungekhona umntu. Kodwa uThixo uthetha okwahlukileyo. Kwanemveku esabumbekayo uyigqala njengomntu owahlukileyo, umntu ophilayo! (INdumiso 139:16) Ngaba ubani unokuqhomfa ubomi obungekazalwa aze aqhubeke enenkoloseko kaThixo, “obanika bonke ubomi”?—IZenzo 17:25.
Incwadi ethi Growing Into Love ithetha ngenye indlela nxamnye nokuqhomfa isithi: “Nangona imiphumo yokukhawula isenziwa lula ngokuqhomfa, ngokuqhelekileyo ukunqamla ukumitha kuyakhathaza yaye kuyaphazamisa kakhulu. . . . Umntu okwiminyaka yeshumi elivisayo . . . usenokukholelwa ukuba imveku engekazalwa iyiloo nto eyiyo—imveku engekazalwa . . . Kodwa ngaphakathi kuye, akukho nengakanani na ingcaciso engokwasemthethweni enokumenza alibale ukuba imveku engekazalwa awayeyikhawule yayinamandla okuba ibe nobomi.”
Omnye osemtsha ogama linguLinda wakufumanisa kuyinyaniso oku. Esoyikela ukuba ukufumana kwakhe umntwana kwakuya kuzisa ihlazo kwintsapho yakowabo, waqhomfa. Noko ke, ngemva koqhaqho ukhumbula oku: “Ndaqalisa ukungcangcazela kakhulu kangangokuba andakwazi kuzilawula. Ndaza ndaqalisa ukulila, yaye ngesiquphe kwandenzakalisa oko kanye ndandikwenzile. Ndandibulele usana lwam olungekazalwa, omnye umntu!” Ngoku uLinda ucinga ntoni ngokuqhomfa? “Kwakuyeyona mpazamo inkulu yobomi bam bonke.”
‘Andinakumnika Okona Kungileyo’
Abanye oomama abangatshatanga bakhetha ukuphisa ngabantwana babo. Ngokufuthi bavakalelwa njengoHeather, intombazana ecatshulwe kwiphephancwadi iSeventeen, owathi: “Maxa wambi kuluxanduva olwaneleyo ukunyamekela isiqu sam, singekathethi nto ngosana oluncinane. Ngenene ndibathanda kakhulu abantwana, yaye ndiyazithanda iintsana, kodwa ndandisazi ukuba lo mntwana ndandingenakumnika okona kulungileyo.”
Kuyinyaniso ukuba ukuphisa ngomntwana kulungile kunokuphelisa ubomi bakhe ngokuqhomfa. Yaye kuyavunywa ukuba, ingcamango yokuzikhulisela umntwana ngokwayo isenokubonakala isoyisa kwintombi eselula nengenamava. Njengokuba omnye umama ongatshatanga waxelela uVukani! oku: “Uthabatha, imbopheleleko enkulu ebangela ubulolo yaye eqobayo yaye efuna ukuzincama okuninzi.” Noko ke, khumbula ukuba uThixo umbek’ ityala umzali ukuba ‘akabakhathalele abakhe.’ (1 Timoti 5:8) Kwiimeko ezininzi, bekuya kulunga ngakumbi ngentombazana ukumkhulisa ngokwayo lo mntwana.
Noko ke uAnn, okhankanywe ekuqaleni wenza ukhetho lobulumko—nangona lwalungelula. Uthi: “Ndagqiba kwelokuba ndilugcine usana, abazali bam bandinceda yaye basenjenjalo.” Kuyavunywa ukuba, ukuba ngumama ongatshatanga kunzima. Kodwa akunto ingenakwenzeka, yaye oomama abaselula abaninzi baba ngabazali abaphumelelayo. Oku kunjalo ngokukhethekileyo ukuba lo mama ungatshatanga ngomthandazo ugqiba kwelokuba amkhulisele umntwana wakhe “ekuqeqesheni nasekululekeni kweNkosi.”c (Efese 6:4) Abazali abaphiwe umntwana basenokukwazi ukumlungiselela kakuhle ngokwezinto eziphathekayo. Kodwa ngaba baya kulungiselela ulwalathiso lokomoya umntwana alufunayo ukuze akhule emthanda uThixo wokwenyaniso, uYehova?—Duteronomi 6:4-8.
Yaye, khumbula ukuba nangona umzali ongatshatanga esenokungakwazi ukunika umntwana wakhe okona kulungileyo kwizinto eziphathekayo, unokumnika into ebaluleke ngakumbi: uthando. “Ulungile umxhesho womfuno kunye nothando, ngaphezu kwenkomo etyetyisiweyo [“eyona nyama ilungileyo,” Today’s English Version] kunye nentiyo.”—IMizekeliso 15:17.
Kambe ke, ubuhlungu obuninzi obungeyomfuneko bunokuthintelwa ukuba ubani kwasekuqaleni uyasiphepha isono sokuhenyuza.d Kodwa ukuba intombazana iye yaphambuka kule nkalo, akuyomfuneko ukuba igqibe kwelokuba akukho nto inokuphinda iyenze ebomini. Ngokwenza izinto ngobulumko, inokukuphepha ukwandisa isiphoso sayo ize iyisebenzisele okona kulungileyo imeko yayo. Eneneni, isenokude ifumane uncedo nenkxaso kuThixo, ‘obaxolela ngokukhulu’ abo baguqukayo kwikhondo elibi.—Isaya 55:7.
[Imibhalo esemazantsi]
a Ukuziphatha kakubi ngokwesini akunyamezelwa phakathi kwamaNgqina kaYehova, kanye njengokuba kwakunganyamezelwa phakathi kwamaKristu ngenkulungwane yokuqala. (1 Korinte 5:11-13) Sekunjalo, abanxaxhayo banokufumana uncedo lwabadala bebandla abanothando. (Yakobi 5:14, 15) Ngokuguquka kwikhondo labo elingafanelekanga lehambo, abanjalo banokunandipha ukuxolelwa nguThixo nalibandla lamaKristu.
b Ngaphantsi koMthetho kaMoses, uThixo wathi indoda eyayilukuhle intombi enyulu ukuba ilale nayo kwakufuneka iyitshate. (Eksodus 22:16, 17; Duteronomi 22:28, 29) Kodwa loo mthetho wenzelwa iimfuno zabantu bakaThixo phantsi kweemeko zaloo mihla nelo xesha. Kwaye kwanangoko, umtshato wawungazenzekeli, njengoko uyise wayenokuwalela.—Bona iqabane lalo lindixesha IMboniselo, kaNovemba 15, 1989, “Imibuzo Evela Kubafundi.”
c AmaNgqina kaYehova ancede iintsapho ezininzi zenza ucwangciso oluthe rhoqo lwemfundo engokweBhayibhile. Kunokuqhagamshelwana nawo ngokubhalela kubapapashi beli phephancwadi.
d Bona isahluko sama-24 sencwadi ethi Imibuzo Yabantu Abaselula—Iimpendulo Eziluncedo, epapashwe yiWatchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc.
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 21]
Ukumitha Kwabeshumi Elivisayo—Imiphumo Kumakhwenkwe
Eqhutywa luloyiko—okanye kukungakhathali kokuzingca—amanye amakhwenkwe aye angootata ngaphandle kweqhina lomtshato azama ukuziphepha ngokupheleleyo iimbopheleleko zawo. Enye inkwenkwe eyathi intombazana eyayithandana nayo yamitha yathi: “Ndasuka ndamxelela ndathi, ‘Sakube sibonane.’”
Ngethamsanqa, uninzi lwamakhwenkwe ubuncinane lubonakala lufuna ukubandakanyeka kwinzala yalo. Xa umtshato ubonakala ungacebiseki (njengokuba ngokufuthi kunjalo), uninzi luthembisa ukunceda ngokwasemalini. Amanye ade athembise ukuba nesabelo ekunyamekelweni kosana kwemihla ngemihla. Kodwa ngokufuthi imigudu enjalo isuka iphelele emoyeni, itshitshiswa ngumvuzo olinganiselweyo le nkwenkwe enokuwufumana kwanokungabi nawo kwayo kwaphela umonde nobuchule obufunekayo ukuhlangabezana neemfuno zosana oluncinane.
Kwaye, maxa wambi abazali bentombazana baye bakuchase ngokukrakra ukuba le nkwenkwe ibe neenkqubano ezingakumbi nentombi yabo, besoyikela ukuba oku kusengakhokelela ekuziphatheni okubi ngokwesini okungakumbi—okanye kumtshato wangaphambi kwexesha. Basenokuyalela ukuba ibe naso nasiphi na isabelo kwizigqibo eziza kwenziwa ngokunxulumene nomntwana, mhlawumbi bemkhuphel’ ecaleni ngokungenaluncedo njengoko umntwana eqhomfwa okanye kuphiswa ngaye, bephelisa nawaphi na amathuba okuze abe nesabelo kubomi bomntwana anguyise kuye. Kwelinye icala, eneneni inkwenkwe isenokuvunyelwa ukwakha uthando ngomntwana wayo—lusuke olo nxibelelwano luqhawulwe ngenkohlakalo xa intombazana itshata ize enye indoda ithabathe indima katata.
Ngoko, ngokungathandabuzekiyo isikhuni sibuya nomkhwezeli nakootata abangatshatanga ngehambo yabo yokungakhathali. Omnye utata ongatshatanga one-16 leminyaka ubudala uthi: “Kukho iimvakalelo ezininzi ongakwaziyo nje ukuhlangabezana nazo. Kufana nokuba uthandazela ukubuyela kwimeko owawukuyo ngaphambili, kodwa akukho ndlela ongabuyela ngayo.”—Iphephancwadi i“’Teen,” kaNovemba 1984.