Amanxeba Afihlakeleyo Abantwana Abaxhatshazwayo

“Ndizithiyile. Ndisoloko ndicinga ukuba ngendandenze okuthile, ngendandithethe okuthile ukuphelisa le nto. Ndiziva ndingcole gqitha.”​—⁠UAnn.

“Ndiziva ndilikheswa. Ngokufuthi ndihlangabezana neemvakalelo zokuphelelwa lithemba nokukrekrethwa ngumvandedwa. Maxa wambi kuthi mandife.”​—⁠UJill.

“UKUXHAPHAZA umntwana ngokwesini . . . kukuhlasela ngolunya, ukonakalisa nokuhlazisa ingqondo, umphefumlo nomzimba wakhe . . . Oku kukuhlasela zonke iinkalo zobuntu bukabani.” Itsho njalo iThe Right to Innocence, nguBeverly Engel.

Asingabo bonke abantwana abasabela ngendlela efanayo koku kuphathwa kakubi.a Abantwana banobuntu obungafaniyo, amandla awahlukahlukeneyo okuhlangabezana neengxaki neemvakalelo ezingafaniyo abanokukholosa ngazo xa kuyimfuneko. Kwakhona okuninzi kuxhomekeka kulwalamano analo umntwana naloo mntu umxhaphazayo, ubunzulu bokuxhatshazwa, ubungakanani bethuba lokuxhatshazwa, ubudala bomntwana nabanye oothunywashe. Ngapha koko, ukuba oku kuxhatshazwa kuyadandalaziswa aze umntwana afumane uncedo lomntu okhulileyo onothando, ngokufuthi umonakalo unokuncitshiswa. Phofu ke, amaxhoba amaninzi aba namanxeba anzulu angokweemvakalelo.

Isizathu Sokuba Kubangela Umonakalo

IBhayibhile isenza sisiqonde isizathu sokuba kubekho umonakalo onjalo. INtshumayeli 7:⁠7 ithi: “Ukucudisa kugezisa isilumko.” Ukuba oku kunjalo kumntu okhulileyo, khawuthelekelele umphumo onokubakho wokucudiswa ngenkohlakalo komntwana omncinane​—⁠ngokukodwa ukuba umxhaphazi ngumzali umntwana amthembileyo. Kumele kukhunjulwe ukuba iminyaka embalwa yokuqala ebomini ibaluleke gqitha ekukhuleni komntwana ngokweemvakalelo nangokomoya. (2 Timoti 3:​15) Kusebudeni baloo minyaka yobuntwana athi oselula aqalise ukukhulisa imilinganiselo yokuziphatha nokuzixabisa. Ngokuba nolwalamano olusenyongweni nabazali bakhe, kwakhona umntwana wazi oko kuthethwa luthando nokuba nentembelo.​—⁠INdumiso 22:⁠9.

UGqr. J. Patrick Gannon ucacisa athi: “Kubantwana abaxhatshazwayo, le nkqubo yokukhulisa ukuba nentembelo iyonakaliswa.” Umntu oxhaphaza umntwana ubangela ukuba loo mntwana angaze aphinde amthembe; umbandeza nakuphi na ukuziva ekhuselekile, ukuba neemfihlelo zobuqu, okanye ukuzihlonela yaye umsebenzisa njengento nje yokwanelisa iinkanuko zobuqu.b Abantwana abancinane abayiqondi intsingiselo yezenzo zokuziphatha okubi abanyanzelelwa kuzo, kodwa phantse kuyo yonk’ indawo oku kuyabacaphukisa, kuyaboyikisa yaye kuyabahlazisa.

Ngenxa yoko ukuxhatshazwa komntwana kuye kwathiwa “yeyona ndlela imbi yokuphelisa intembelo.” Oku kusikhumbuza umbuzo owabuzwa nguYesu othi: “Nguwuphi na umntu kuni ongathi, ukuba unyana wakhe uthe wacela isonka, amnike ilitye?” (Mateyu 7:⁠9) Kodwa umntu oxhaphaza umntwana akamniki uthando nenyameko, koko umnika elona “litye” lenkohlakalo kunawo onke​—⁠ukumhlasela ngokwesini.

Isizathu Sokuba Amanxeba Engapholi

IMizekeliso 22:⁠6 ithi: “Mfundise umntwana ngendlela efanele umntwana; naxa athe wamkhulu, akasayi kumka kuyo.” Kuyacaca ukuba impembelelo yabazali inokuhlala ihleli. Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba umntwana ufundiswe ukuba akholelwe kwelokuba akanamandla okuthintela ukuhlaselwa ngokwesini? Kuthekani ukuba ufundiswe ukwenza izinto ezigqwethekileyo ukuze afumane usinga-luthando? Kuthekani ukuba ufundiswe ukuzijonga njengongaxabisekanga nongcolileyo? Ngaba oko akunakukhokelela ekonakalisweni kwehambo okuhlala kuhleli? Oku akuthethi kuthi abantu abakhulileyo abanehambo engafanelekanga bamele basithele ngesebe lenkawu besithi baxhatshazwa besengabantwana, koko kunokucacisa isizathu sokuba amaxhoba okuxhatshazwa esenokutyekela ekwenzeni izinto okanye avakalelwe ngendlela ethile.

Amaxhoba amaninzi okuxhatshazwa eva ubunzima ngeendlela ezininzi, kuquka ukudandatheka. Wambi athwaxwa ziimvakalelo ezinganyangekiyo nezo maxa wambi zikrekrethayo zokuziva enetyala, ukuba neentloni nokuba nomsindo. Amanye amaxhoba asenokungabi nazimvakalelo, ukungakwazi ukubonakalisa okanye kwanokuvakalisa iimvakalelo. Abaninzi bakwakhathazwa kukuzicekisa nokuziva bengenamandla. USally, owaxhatshazwa nguninalume, ukhumbula oku: “Sihlandlo ngasinye endihlasela ndandiziva ndingenamandla yaye ndiqothole, ndindindisholo, ndingenazimvakalelo, ndididekile. Kwakutheni ukuze andenze into embi ngolu hlobo?” Isazi ngezengqondo uCynthia Tower sinikela le ngxelo: “Uphengululo lubonisa ukuba ngokufuthi abantu ababexhatshazwa besengabantwana ubomi babo bonke bazigqala bengamaxhoba.” Basenokutshata nendoda eza kubaphatha kakubi, bazive bechanabekile, okanye bengenamandla okuzikhusela xa besongelwa.

Ngokuqhelekileyo, abantwana baneminyaka eli-12 okanye ekobo buthuba yokuzilungiselela iimvakalelo ezivuselelekayo xa befikisa kubuntu obukhulu. Kodwa xa izenzo zokungcola zinyanzeliswa kumntwana omncinane, iimvakalelo ezithi zivuselelwe zisenokubangela ukudideka. Njengoko olunye uphengululo lubonisa, kamva oku kusenokuphazamisa amandla akhe okunandipha ubuhlobo bomtshato. Elinye ixhoba eligama linguLinda liyavuma lisithi: “Eyona nto ndiyifumanisa inzima emtshatweni sisini. Ndiba neyona mvakalelo yoyikisayo yokuvakalelwa kukuba ngutata obandakanyekileyo, ndize ndiqalise ukoyika.” Amanye amaxhoba asenokusabela nje ngendlela eyahlukileyo aze abe neenkanuko zokuziphatha okubi ezingalawulekiyo. UJill uyavuma esithi: “Ndandithe saa iinzwane yaye ngenxa yoko ndandiba neentlobano zesini nabantu endingabaziyo ngokupheleleyo.”

Kwakhona amaxhoba okuxhatshazwa asenokuba nobunzima ekulondolozeni ulwalamano oluhle. Wambi akufumanisa kunzima ukuba nobuhlobo namadoda okanye abantu abanegunya. Wambi aya kubonakalisa ubuhlobo nomtshato ngokuba nogonyamelo okanye umoya wokulawula. Ukanti amanye atyekele ekukuphepheni ngokupheleleyo ukuba nolwalamano olusondeleyo nabanye.

Kukwakho namaxhoba athi azijolise kuwo ezi mvakalelo ziphazamisayo. UReba uyavumelana noku esithi: “Ndandiwuthiyile umzimba wam kuba wawuvuseleleka xa wawuxhatshazwa.” Into elusizi kukuba iindlela ezingalungelelananga zokudla,c ukuzibhokoxa ngokugqith’ emgceni emsebenzini, ukusebenzisa kakubi utywala neziyobisi, zizinto eziqhelekileyo phakathi kwamaxhoba okuxhatshazwa​—⁠ngamalinge akatyileyo okuphosa kwelokulibala iimvakalelo zawo. Kwakhona amanye asenokubonakalisa ukuzicekisa kwawo ngeendlela ezingqale ngakumbi. UReba walek’ umsundulo esithi: “Ndiye ndazisika, ndakrwempa iingalo zam ngeenzipho, ndazitshisa. Ndandinoluvo lokuba ndandikufanele ukuxhatshazwa.”

Noko ke, ungakhawulezi ugqibe kwelokuba nabani na ovakalelwa okanye owenza izinto ngolu hlobo ngokuqinisekileyo uye waxhatshazwa ngokwesini. Kusenokuba kubandakanyeke abanye oothunywashe basemzimbeni okanye beemvakalelo. Ngokomzekelo, iingcaphephe zithi iimpawu ezinjalo ziqhelekile phakathi kwabantu abakhulileyo abakhuliselwa kwiintsapho ezingemanga kakuhle​—⁠apho abazali babo babebabetha ngokugqithisileyo, bebacukuceza baze babanyelise, bezityeshela iintswelo zabo ezingokwenyama, okanye kwezo abazali babengamakhoboka eziyobisi okanye omdiliya ofaxangiweyo.

Umonakalo Wokomoya

Owona mphumo uyingozi kunayo yonke okunokuba nawo ukuxhatshazwa komntwana ngumonakalo onokubakho wokomoya. Ukuxhaphaza umntwana ngokwesini ‘kukudyobha inyama nomoya.’ (2 Korinte 7:⁠1) Ngokwenza izenzo ezigqwethekileyo emntwaneni, ngokuhlasela imilinganiselo yakhe yempilo neyokuziphatha, ngokuphelisa intembelo anayo, umntu oxhaphaza umntwana ungcolisa umoya, okanye utyekelo olubalaseleyo lwengqondo lomntwana. Oku kamva kunokukubambezela ukukhula kwemilinganiselo yokuziphatha neyokomoya yexhoba.

Incwadi ethi Facing Codependence, nguPia Mellody, yongezelela oku: “Nakuphi na ukuxhatshazwa ngokugqithiseleyo . . . kukwakukuxhaphaza ngokomoya, kuba konakalisa intembelo yomntwana kOwongamileyo.” Ngokomzekelo, ibhinqa elingumKristu neligama linguEllen libuza oku: “Ndinokumthatha njani uYehova njengoBawo xa ubawo wasemhlabeni ndimgqala njengendoda ekhohlakeleyo nengcole ngolu hlobo?” Elinye ixhoba, eligama linguTerry lithi: “Andizange ndibhekisele kuYehova njengoBawo. Ewe, ndingathi unguThixo, uyiNkosi, unguMongami, unguMdali! Kodwa unotshe ukuba ndingaze ndithi unguBawo!”

Ngokuqinisekileyo akunakuthiwa abantu abanjalo babuthathaka ngokomoya okanye baswele ukholo. Ngokwahlukileyo koko, imigudu abaqhubeka beyenza yokulandela imigaqo yeBhayibhile inikela ubungqina bokuba bomelele ngokomoya! Kodwa khawuthelekelele indlela bambi abasenokuvakalelwa ngayo xa befunda indinyana yeBhayibhile enjengeNdumiso 103:​13, ethi: “Kunjengokusikwa yimfesane koyise kubantwana, ukusikwa yimfesane kukaYehova kwabamoyikayo.” Bambi basenokukuqonda oko ngokwengqondo. Kodwa, ekubeni bengenayo ingcamango entle ngobawo, kusenokuba nzima ngabo ukusabela ngokweemvakalelo kule ndinyana!

Bambi basenokukufumanisa kunzima ukuba “njengomntwana” phambi koThixo​—⁠ukuba ethe-ethe, ukuthobeka nokuba nentembelo. Basenokuba mathidala ukuzityand’ igila kuThixo xa bethandaza. (Marko 10:​15) Basenokuba mathidala ukuwasebenzisa kubo amazwi eNdumiso 62:7, 8 athi: “KunoThixo ukusindiswa kwam nozuko lwam; iliwa lokunqaba kwam nehlathi lam likuThixo. Kholosani ngaye ngamaxesha onke, nina bantu; phalazani intliziyo yenu phambi kwakhe. UThixo ulihlathi kuthi.” Ukuziva benetyala yaye bengaxabisekanga kusenokude kulwenze buthathaka ukholo lwabo. Elinye ixhoba lathi: “Ndikholelwa gqitha kuBukumkani bukaYehova. Noko ke, andicingi ukuba ndilunge ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndingene kubo.”

Kambe ke, asingawo onke amaxhoba achatshazelwa ngendlela efanayo. Wambi aye asondela kuYehova njengoBawo oluthando yaye azive engathintelekanga ngokupheleleyo ukwenza ubuhlobo naye. Enoba kuyintoni na, ukuba ulixhoba lokuxhatshazwa ngokwesini ebuntwaneni, usenokukufumanisa kuluncedo kakhulu ukuqonda indlela okuye kwabuchaphazela ngayo ubomi bakho. Bambi basenokukhetha ukukubetha ngoyaba oku. Noko ke, ukuba umonakalo ubonakala umkhulu, yomelela. Amanxeba akho anokunyangeka.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]