Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndingamenza Njani Umfana Endithandana Naye Ukuba Ayeke Ukundixhaphaza?

“Namhlanje umfana endithandana naye uye wandibetha okokuqala ngqa. Uye wacela uxolo, kodwa ngoku andiyazi into emandiyenze.”—UStella.a

“MALUNGA nomfundi olibhinqa om-1 kwaba-5 uthi wakha wabethwa okanye waxhatshazwa ngokwesini ngumntu athandana naye,” itsho njalo i-The Journal of the American Medical Association. Kuphando olwenziwa eJamani kulutsha oluneminyaka eli-17 ukusa kwengama-20 ubudala, amantombazana angaphezu kwekota akha anyanzelwa ukuba abandakanyeke kwiintlobano zesini, ebethwa, ethukwa enyanzelwa nokuba asebenzise iziyobisi okanye asele utywala. Ngokutsho kolunye uphando olwenziwa eUnited States, ama-40 ekhulwini abakwishumi elivisayo athi akha abeva abo afunda nabo “benyelisa abantu abathandana nabo.”b

Ngaba ungoselula oceba ukutshata nomntu okunyelisayo okanye okungxolisa kabukhali, okugculelayo, okutyhalayo okanye akuqhwabe ngempama? Inqaku elingaphambili kolu ngcelele liye labonisa ukuba impatho enjalo ixhaphake kakhulu.c Labonisa ukuba uYehova uThixo akakholiswa ngumntu onyelisa okanye oxhaphaza omnye, labonisa nokuba amaxhoba akamele ayamkele ihambo enjalo acinge ukuba ifanelekile okanye acinge ukuba kukho nto ayenzileyo ebangela ukuba aphathwe ngolo hlobo. (Efese 4:31) Sekunjalo, akulula ukwazi oko umele ukwenze xa ukule meko. Usenokuba usamthanda umfana othandana naye—nakuba eziphatha ngale ndlela. Okanye okubi nangakumbi, usenokoyika indlela anokusabela ngayo xa ugatya le hambo yakhe. Yintoni ofanele uyenze?

Hlolisisa Imeko Yakho

Okokuqala, kufuneka uzole uze ukucingisise kakuhle oko kwenzekileyo. (INtshumayeli 2:14) Ngaba ngokwenene uye wangcikivwa? Ngaba lo mfana uthandana naye ubekugculela ngabom okanye ngaba ‘uthethe nje engacinganga’? (IMizekeliso 12:18) Kwenzeke izihlandlo ezingaphi oku? Ngaba yimpazamo nje eyenzeke kwakanye onokusuka nje uyibethe ngoyaba? Okanye ngaba unomkhwa wokuthetha izinto ezikuthob’ isidima okanye ezinyelisayo?

Ukuba akuqiniseki ngendlela ovakalelwa ngayo ngalo mbandela, thetha nomntu othile—kungekhona untanga wakho kodwa umntu omdala nonamava. Mhlawumbi unokuzityand’ igila kubazali bakho okanye komnye umKristu oqolileyo. Ingxubusho enjalo inokukunceda uqonde enoba nguwe obaxa izinto okanye kukho ingxaki enzulu kusina na.

Ukuba akunakuzibek’ engozini ngokwenjenjalo, yenza amalungiselelo okuthetha nomfana othandana naye ngale ngxaki. (IMizekeliso 25:9) Ngomoya ozolileyo, mxelele indlela ovakalelwa ngayo ngokuziphatha kwakhe. Mxelele ngokungqalileyo eyona nto iye yakukhubekisa. Mbekele imiqathango ecacileyo ngokuphathelele oko ungenakukwazi ukukunyamezela. Usabela njani? Ngaba akayikhathaleli loo nto uyithethayo okanye ngaba uba nomsindo nangakumbi? Oku kubonisa ngokucacileyo ukuba akazimisele kuguquka.

Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba ubonakalisa ukuzithoba kobuthixo yaye uyazisola ngokunyanisekileyo? Xa kunjalo ke ubuhlobo busenokulondolozwa. Noko ke, kufuneka ulumke! Abantu abathetha rhabaxa badla ngokusebenzisa amazwi achuliweyo bavakale ngathi bayazisola ngokukhubekisa othile—baze babuyele kumkhwa wabo xa kukho into ebacaphukisileyo. Ukunyaniseka kwakhe ekwenzeni iinguqulelo kuya kucaca ekuhambeni kwexesha. Enye indlela anokubonisa ngayo ukuba uzimisele ngokwenene, kukuba azame ukufuna uncedo kubadala abangamaKristu.—Yakobi 5:14-16.

Yiqonde into yokuba “bonke bonile baza basilela kuzuko lukaThixo.” (Roma 3:23) Akusayi kuze ufumane mntu ufezekileyo. Ukusa kumlinganiselo othile, zonke izibini ezitshatileyo ziya kuba ‘nembandezelo enyameni’ ngenxa yokungafezeki. (1 Korinte 7:28) Enyanisweni, nguwe ekufuneka enze isigqibo sokuba uya kukwazi kusini na ukunyamezela ezi ziphako anazo. Kwakhona, eyona nto inokuba luncedo ukuze ukwazi ukwenza esi sigqibo, kukulinda.

Xa Kukho Ugonyamelo

Noko ke, le meko yahlukile ukuba umntu othandana naye akapheleli nje ekukugxekeni kodwa uyakunyelisa okanye wenza izisongelo zogonyamelo okanye uyakuxhaphaza—mhlawumbi uyakutyhala okanye akuqhwabe ngempama. Oku kubonisa ukungabi nakuzeyisa; yaye le meko inokuba mbi nangakumbi de ikhokelele kugonyamelo.

Kububulumko ukuba abantu ababini abangatshatanga bakuphephe ukuhlala bobabini kuphela. Kodwa ukuba kuyenzeka ube wedwa kunye nendoda elugcwabevu ngumsindo, ‘musa ukubuyisela ububi ngobubi.’ (Roma 12:17) Khumbula ukuba: “Impendulo, xa inobulali, isusa umsindo, kodwa ilizwi elibangela intlungu linyusa umsindo.” (IMizekeliso 15:1) Zola. Mcele ukuba akugoduse. Ukuba kuyimfuneko, hamba—okanye ubaleke!

Kuthekani ukuba indoda izama ukunyanzela ibhinqa ukuba libe neentlobano zesini nayo? Kakade ke, kububulumko ukuba isibini, sisaqala nje ukuthandana, sibeke imiqathango ecacileyo ngokuphathelele indlela esibonakalisa ngazo uthando. (1 Tesalonika 4:3-5) Ukuba umfana unyanzela ibhinqa eliselula ukuba laphule imigaqo yeBhayibhile, lifanele limxelele ngokuthe ngqo ukuba alizukulalanisa. (Genesis 39:7-13) UAnne owanikezelayo xa wayenyanzelwa ukuba abe neentlobano zesini uthi: “Musa ukunikezela. Londoloza isidima sakho. Nceda, ungayenzi le mpazamo kungakhathaliseki ukuba umthanda kangakanani na!” Ukuba akafuni kukuphulaphula, mxelele ukuba nayiphi na enye into ayenzayo uya kuyigqala njengokudlwengulwa. Ukuba akayeki, cela uncedo uze uzame ukulwa naye njengoko ubuya kwenjenjalo kuye nawuphi na umntu ozama ukukudlwengula.d

Kuzo zombini ezi meko, icebiso leBhayibhile elikwiMizekeliso 22:24 lifanelekile: “Musa ukuba liqabane lakhe nabani na onomsindo; yaye ungahlali nomntu obhabhama ngumsindo.” Akunyanzelekanga konke konke ukuba uqhubeke unolwalamano nomntu okuxhaphazayo. Ngokucacileyo, ibiya kuba bubudenge ukuxelela loo ndoda ikuxhaphazayo ukuba manahlukane, ninobabini kuphela. Ngoko ke, eyona nto ifanelekileyo unokuyenza kukuxelela abazali bakho ngoko kwenzekileyo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, baya kuba nomsindo ngenxa yokuba uye waphathwa kakubi. Kodwa banokukunceda ngokuphathelele amanyathelo omele uwathabathe.e

Ukuzama Ukumtshintsha

Eneneni, asiyombopheleleko yakho ukuphembelela umfana othandana naye ukuba atshintshe. UIrena uthi: “Ucinga ukuba uyamthanda, unako ukuhlangabezana nale meko yaye unako ukumnceda. Kodwa akunakukwazi.” Ngokufanayo, uNadine uthi: “Ndisoloko ndicinga ukuba ndinako ukumtshintsha.” Inyaniso kukuba, nguye ‘onokutshintsha ingqondo yakhe’ aze aguquke. (Roma 12:2) Yaye ukwenjenjalo, kuya kuba nzima kwaye kuya kuthabatha ixesha.

Ngoko ke, bambelela kwisigqibo osenzileyo, ungamphulaphuli xa ezama ukukuqhatha. Zama kangangoko ukuba kungabikho nto inidibanisayo. Ungamvumeli ukuba akucenge okanye akunyanzele ukuba nibuyelane. Xa uIrena wahlukana nomfana onogonyamelo awayethandana naye, lo mfana wathi uza kuzibulala. Ngokucacileyo, umntu onjalo ufuna uncedo, kodwa akanakuncedwa nguwe. Indlela onokumnceda ngayo kukuchasa ihambo engeyoyabuKristu. Ukuba ufuna ukutshintsha, ukhululekile ukuba angafuna uncedo.

Noko ke, abanye baye bacinge ukuba umtshato uya kuyicombulula le ngxaki. Omnye umphengululi uthi: “Amabhinqa atshata nabafana abaxhaphazayo namadoda atshata namantombazana axhaphazayo adla ngokumangaliswa kukufumanisa ukuba iqabane lisaqhubeka linogonyamelo emva komtshato. Abantu abaninzi bayayikholelwa intsomi yokuba bakuba betyikitye isivumelwano somtshato sasemthethweni, zonke iingxaki ezinjalo ziyaphela. Musa ukuyikholelwa loo nto.” Inyaniso kukuba, ukuba umntu uye waqalisa ukuxhaphaza umntu athandana naye ngaphambi komtshato ngokuqhelekileyo udla ngokuqhubeka emxhaphaza naxa sele betshatile.

IBhayibhile ithi: “Onobuqili ubona intlekele azifihle.” (IMizekeliso 22:3) Kunzima ukwahlukana nomntu omthandayo. Kodwa kunzima nangakumbi ukuhlala neqabane lomtshato elinogonyamelo. Ngapha koko, akumele ube noloyiko lokuba akusokuze ulifumane iqabane elifanelekileyo. Ngenxa yokuqonda osele unako, uya kutyekela ngakumbi ekufuneni umntu ozolileyo, onobubele nokwaziyo ukuzeyisa.

Ukupholisa Amanxeba

Ukuba lixhoba lokuthukwa nokubethwa kunokuba yeyona nto ibuhlungu. Elinye ixhoba elibizwa ngokuba nguMary linikela eli cebiso: “Funa uncedo—xelela umntu othile ngale meko ngokukhawuleza. Ndandicinga ukuba ndingakwazi ukuyicombulula ngokwam le ngxaki, kodwa ndiye ndancedwa kukuthetha nabantu.” Phalaz’ imbilini yakho kubazali bakho, kumhlobo oqolileyo onokumthemba okanye kumdala ongumKristu.f

Abanye baye bakufumanisa kuluncedo ukuzigcina bexakekile ngokufunda izinto ezakhayo, ukubandakanyeka kwezemidlalo okanye ukwenza izinto ezithile zokuzonwabisa. UIrena uthi: “Eyona nto ibalulekileyo yayikukufundisisa iBhayibhile nokuya kwiintlanganiso zamaKristu.”

Licacile elokuba uYehova akakholiswa kukuthukwa komntu okanye kukuphathwa kwakhe ngenkohlakalo. Ngoncedo lwakhe, unokuzikhusela ukuze ungaphathwa kakubi.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 22]

Ukuxhatshazwa ngaphambi komtshato kudla ngokuqhubeka nasemva komtshato

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 23]

Musa ukuvuma xa unyanzelwa ukuba ubonakalise uthando ngeendlela ezingafanelekanga