Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ngaba Sifanele Sibe Nomtshato Omkhulu?

“NguCindy, intombazana endandiza kutshata nayo eyaqala yakhankanya into yokuba sinokusuka nje sibhace size sizitshatele kungekho bantu baninzi, singaxelel’ mntu, kwanezalamane zethu. Emva kokuthetha ngalo mbandela, sobabini sacinga ukuba oku bekuya kuzenza izinto zibe lula kakhulu.”—Allen.a

UKUBA ukwixabiso lokutshata yaye kukho umntu oncuma naye, into yokusuka nje nigcagce isenokuvakala ilula. Kwezinye iimeko abanye basenokucinga ngokugcagca baze bangabaxeleli nabazali, baze batshate bebodwa. Yiyiphi imigaqo enokukunceda ukuze wenze isigqibo?

Ngaba Isithethe Sibalulekile?

Ngoxa zonke iintlanga zitshatisa, amasiko omtshato ahluke gqitha. Kubantu abaza kutshata abangamaKristu, asinto iphambili ukuqiniseka ukuba alandela onke amasiko asekuhlaleni. (Roma 12:2) Kunoko, umnqweno wawo oyintloko kukuhlala enyulu ngoxa esathandana aze atshate ngendlela ezukisa uYehova uThixo.—1 Korinte 10:31.

Ekubeni umtshato ubekekile, inkoliso yabantu abaza kutshata abanakuthand’ ukuyigcina loo nto iyindaba yakwamkhozi. Kumazwe amaninzi aseNtshona, ngokuqhelekileyo amaNgqina kaYehova alungiselela ukutshata kwiHolo yawo yoBukumkani yasekuhlaleni.b Emva koko, asenokukhetha ukuba netheko lomtshato, konwatyiswe iintsapho nabahlobo. Akuyomfuneko ukuba kwenziwe isibhadlalala setheko. Noko ke, kumele kuvunywe ukuba kungumsebenzi ukulungiselela umtshato netheko lawo yaye kumba eqolo. Ngokomzekelo, eMerika, umtshato udla ngokubiza amawaka ngamawaka eedola.

Bezam’ ukuphepha ukucinezeleka neendleko, abanye baye bakhetha indlela elula gqitha. UCindy uthi: “Sabaxelela abazali ukuba asifuni kwenza mtshato uqhelekileyo, kuba asifuni nto iza kuba nobugocigoci neza kuba ziindleko. Abazali bam bayiqonda imeko esasikuyo yaye bavuma. Bayixhasa ngokupheleleyo indlela esasicinga ngayo.” Kodwa xa uAllen, umasincumisane kaCindy, ekuthethwe ngaye ekuqaleni waxelela abazali bakhe ngendlela abacinga ukutshata ngayo, abazange bayiginye loo nto. UAllen uthi: “Bacinga ukuba ngabazali bakaCindy abasenze sacinga ngolu hlobo ngenxa yento bona abayenzayo. Kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo kwakungenjalo.”

Nabakho abazali basenokudana gqitha xa usithi ufuna umtshato omncinane, ekubeni besenokufuna kubekho izihlwele zabantu ezize kuvuyisana nani kolu suku lwenu lukhethekileyo. Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba ufuna ukutshata bengazi nokwazi abazali bakho, kuba usazi ukuba abasayi kuyivuma kwaleyo yokuba utshate?

Cinga Ngendlela Abavakalelwa Ngayo Abazali Bakho

Kusenokuba abazali bakho abasayi kuvuma kuba bekubona usemncinane gqitha ukuba ucinge ngokutshata. Basenokucinga ukuba izinto ozithandayo ziza kutshintsha njengoko ukhula yaye usenokungamthandi naloo myeni okanye loo mfazi ekuhambeni kwexesha. Okanye, basenokuvuma ukuba ukwixabiso lokutshata, kodwa babe bebona amakhwiniba kuloo mntu uza kutshata naye. Okanye basenokungavumi utshate kuba uthandana nomntu ohamba eny’ inkonzo.

Ukuba abazali bakho bangamaKristu okwenyaniso, kusenokuba nezizathu ezisekelwe eBhayibhileni ezibenza baxhalabe. Kuhle ukuba bakuxelele oko kubathandabuzisayo. Kaloku, uYehova uya kubajonga njengabangakhathaliyo nabangenaluthando ukuba abakuxeleli. Yaye kubalulekile ukuva uluvo lwabo.—IMizekeliso 13:1, 24.

Ukuzekelisa: Xa utheng’ impahla, usenokufuna uluvo lomny’ umntu enoba loo nto iyakufanela kusini na. Usenokungavumelani nabo ngamaxesha onke, kodwa ubuya kulindela ukuba abahlobo bakho abasenyongweni bakuxelele enoba loo mpahla iyakufanela okanye isemgangathweni. Uyakuxabisa oko bakuthethayo ekubeni besenokukunceda ungadlalisi ngemali. Ufanele ukuxabise ngakumbi oko kuthethwa ngabazali bakho ngomntu oza kutshata naye. Nangona usenokuyibuyisela impahla okanye uyilahle, uYehova ulindele ukuba nahlulwe kukufa nomfazi okanye umyeni wakho. (Mateyu 19:5, 6) Ukuba ukhetha ukutshata nomntu ongenabo ubuntu obuvumelana nobakho okanye oneenkolelo ezingafani nezakho, uya kube uziphembele olunenkume, nto leyo embi gqitha kunokunxiba nje impahla engakufaneliyo. (Genesis 2:18; IMizekeliso 21:9) Yaye ngenxa yoko, usenokuba uziphosanise nolonwabo lokwenene.—IMizekeliso 5:18; 18:22.

Liyinyaniso elokuba, abanye abazali basenokuba nezizathu ezingentle zokungafuni abantwana babo batshate—ngokomzekelo, kuba befuna ukusoloko bebalawula. Noko ke, ngaphambi kokuthi abazali bakho bakudlel’ indlala ngokungafuni ukuba utshate, kutheni ungakhe uhlale phantsi uze ucingisise ngezizathu ezibenza bangafuni?

Izizathu Zokulumka

Liyinyaniso elokuba izinto ozithandayo ziza kutshintsha njengokuba ukhula. Umpostile uPawulos wathi: “Xa ndandilusana, ndandifudula ndithetha ngokosana, ndicinga ngokosana, ndiqiqa ngokosana; kodwa ekubeni ngoku ndiyindoda, ndizibhangisile iimpawu zobusana.” (1 Korinte 13:11) Ngokufanayo, iimpawu ozithandayo emntwini ngoku uselula kusenokwenzeka ukuba azisayi kufana nezo uya kuzithanda xa umdadlana. Ngenxa yoko, iBhayibhile ithi ufanele ulinde de ‘udlule entlahleni yobutsha’—iminyaka xa ungasonganyelwa ziinkanuko zesini—ngaphambi kokwenza isigqibo esinzulu sokukhetha iqabane lomtshato.—1 Korinte 7:36.

Kuthekani ukuba abazali bakho bayamgxeka loo mntu uncuma naye? Ngenxa yokuba kudala bekho, abazali bakho basenokuba banamandla okuqonda angakumbi okwahlula okulungileyo kokubi. (Hebhere 5:14) Ngoko ke, kusenokwenzeka ukuba babona iziphako ezinzulu kuloo mntu ukuphandlileyo, ngoxa wena ungaziboni. Khawucinge ngalo mgaqo owabhalwa sisilumko esinguSolomon: “Othetha kuqala kwelakhe ityala ulilungisa; yaye idlelane lakhe ngokuqinisekileyo lifika limgocagoce.” (IMizekeliso 18:17) Ngokufanayo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba eso sithandwa sakho sishiye esililibeleyo sizama ukukubonisa ukuba akakho omnye ngaphandle kwaso. Noko ke, emva kokuba abazali bakho ‘besigocagocile,’ basenokukubonisa ezinye izinto ekusenokuba bubulumko ukucinga ngazo.

Ngokomzekelo, basenokukukhumbuza ukuba iBhayibhile iyalela amaKristu okwenyaniso ukuba atshate “kuphela eNkosini.” (1 Korinte 7:39) Usenokuphikisa ngelithi abanye baye batshata nomntu ongengomKristu, kodwa ngoku bobabini bakhonza uYehova yaye bonwabile. Uchan’ ucwethe. Noko ke, oku kwenzeka kubantu abambalwa gqitha. Ukuba utshata nomntu ongakholwayo, oku kusenokungabi kukutyeshela nje imigaqo kaYehova, kodwa kukufake kwingozi engokomoya.—2 Korinte 6:14.c

Isizathu Esingesihle Sokutshata

Abanye abaselula baye bagcagca baza batshata emva kokuziphatha okubi ngokwesini nothile becinga ukuba ukutshata naye kuya kusikhulula isazela sabo. Okanye basenokwenjenjalo benethemba lokugquka iziqhamo zesono abasenzileyo, njengokukhulelwa bengalindelanga.

Ukuba utshata kuba ufihl’ isono, usenokuba uzihlikihla ngetyuwa enxebeni. USolomon walumkisa: “Okugubungelayo ukunxaxha kwakhe akayi kuphumelela, kodwa okuvumayo aze akushiye uya kwenzelwa inceba.” (IMizekeliso 28:13) Uyise nonina kaSolomon, uDavide noBhatshebha, bafunda kubuyatha bokuzama ukukufihla ukuziphatha kwabo okubi. (2 Samuweli 11:2–12:25) Kunokusifihla isono osenzileyo, xelela abazali bakho nabadala bebandla. Oku kufun’ inkalipho, kodwa unokuqiniseka ukuba uYehova uya kukuxolela ukuba uguqukile. (Isaya 1:18) Wakuba unesazela esicocekileyo, uya kukwazi ukwenza isigqibo esilungeleleneyo ngomtshato.

Kuphephe Ukwenza Izinto Oza Kuzisola Ngazo

Xa ecinga ngomtshato wakhe, uAllen uthi: “Isigqibo sethu sokuba nomtshato omncinane kwasenzel’ izinto zalula. Ekuphela kwento endizisola ngayo kukuba andizange ndibancede abazali bam baziqonde izizathu zokuba sifikelele kweso sigqibo.”

Enyanisweni, enoba abo batshatayo nabaqolileyo bakhetha ukwenza umtshato oqhelekileyo okanye owahlukileyo, eso sisigqibo sabo. Noko ke, xa usenza isigqibo ngombandela womtshato, musa ukungxama, thetha nabazali bakho, uze ‘uwaqwalasele amanyathelo akho.’ Ngokwenjenjalo, uya kuzinciphisa izizathu zokuzisola.—IMizekeliso 14:15.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 17]

Xa usenza isigqibo ngombandela womtshato, thetha nabazali bakho