Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingabenza Kanjani Abantu Ukuba Bangithande?

KUNGOKWEMVELO ukuthi ufuna ukuthandwa. Futhi kuxhomeke kuwe ukwenza abantu abengeziwe ukuba bakuthande. Nokho, kungase kubonakale sengathi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama kanzima kangakanani, wenza abanye bakubalekele; ukuthi ngaso sonke isikhathi uyaphahluka lapho uzama ukuqalisa ingxoxo; ukuthi njalo ungowokugcina omenywayo, ungowokugcina obalwayo, ungowokugcina ofunekayo. Khona-ke, ungaziguqula kanjani izinto futhi wenze abanye ukuba bakuthande?

Ingabe Wena Uyazithanda?

Okokuqala, livume iqiniso lokuthi akukhomuntu othandwa yibo bonke abantu. Ingani abanye abazange bathande ngisho noJesu Kristu—nakuba wayephelele! (Isaya 53: 1-3) Ngakho-ke kuyiqiniso elibuhlungu ukuthi abantu abathile bayomane bangakuthandi. Nokho, kunzima kakhulu ukwamukela leliqiniso elibonakala lidumaza uma ungazithandi. Lapho ukuzethemba kungekho, kungaba okonakalisayo ukuthola ukuthi umuntu othile akakuthandi. Uzizwa ungalondekile, ungase wenze ngisho nemizamo engenambuyiselo ukuze wamukelwe abantu bonke.

USean oneminyaka eyishumi nanhlanu ubudala wathola ukuthi ukwenza kanjalo kungaba okuphikisana nenjongo yakho: “Ngithola ukuthi lapho ngikhathazeka kakhulu ngokuba abantu bangithande, ngikhandleka kakhulu ukwenza ukuba bangithande kangangokuba baphawula [ukungalondeki] futhi empeleni bayangibalekela.”

Umyalo kaJesu “wokuthanda umakhelwane wakho njengalokhu uzithanda wena” ubonisa ukuthi isilinganiso esithile sokuzethemba sifanele futhi siyadingeka. (Mathewu 22:39) Ngakho qaphela ukubaluleka kwakho njengomuntu. Nakuba ngokungangabazeki unazo izici zakho, khumbula ukuthi nawe futhi unokuningi kokukunikela njengomuntu.a

Ukuzethemba okusesilinganisweni kuyakusiza ukuba ubhekane kangcono nomuntu okuthi ngezinye izikhathi angayinaki imizamo yakho yobungane. Liyakuvimbela futhi ekunamatheleni kakhulu ebunganeni. Ngokwesibonelo, uKelly osemusha wazizwa esongelwa ngokomuntu siqu, lapho umngane wakhe eqala ukujwayelana nenye intombazane. Nokho, ubungane abudingi ukuba bube obuvimbela abanye—njengokungathi kunomuntu oyedwa kuphela ezweni okwaziyo ukukuthanda. Zizwe wanelisekile ngawe ngokuzimisela ukuhlanganyela nabanye osondelene nabo. Ngempela, uKelly wathola ukuthi naphezu kokuba komngane wakhe nabanye abangane, ubungane babo obuyigugu babubuhle kakhulu!

Nokho, kungenzeka ukuthi inkinga yakho ayisikho kangako ukuthi uzibukela phansi kodwa ubuntu obunezici ezimbalwa ezingathandeki.

Ukufinyelela Ikhono Lokuxoxa

UTarah ufuna ukuthandwa abantu abadala. Nokho, lapho abantu abadala bezama ukumdonsa ngokumbuza imibuzo, ukusabela okudumazayo kukaTarah kuyidlulisa ngokushesha ingxoxo.

Umuntu oxoxisana nabanye ngokukhululeka ngokuvamile uthandwa kakhulu. Kodwa ingabe uyazinyeza futhi uzizwe ungakhululekile lapho uzama ukuxoxa? Ingabe umane uphelelwe izinto ongazisho? Okubi nangaphezulu, ingabe udina abanye ngokugxilisa ingxoxo kuwe njalo? Uma kunjalo, hlakulela ikhono lengxoxo enengqondo.

Qala ngokwakha ikhono lakho lokukhuluma ngezindaba ezihlukahlukene. Ngokwesibonelo, ungase uzame ukuzigcina unolwazi ngezenzakalo ezisematheni. Uma ukuthola kunzima ukuthola isikhathi sokufunda iphephandaba, ophathelene nezinkulumo uDorothy Sarnoff usikisela ukuthi “ngesikhathi ugqoka gcina uhlelo lwezindaba zeTV noma zomsakazo luvuliwe, futhi uqoqe imithonseyana ezokwenza ingxoxo ethakazelisayo.” Ukuba ngumfundi wePhaphama! ovamile kungenye indlela yokugcina inqolobane yakho yezihloko zengxoxo yanda futhi ingapheli.

Elinye ikhono lengxoxo ukufunda indlela yokugcina indaba iqhubeka. Ngokwesibonelo, othile ukubuza ukuthi uyijabulele yini impela-sonto. Musa ukunqamula ingxoxo ngokumane uphendule ngoyebo. Chaza lokho okwenze ngempela-sonto nokuthi kungani ukujabulele. Qhubekisela ingxoxo phambili ngokubuza indlela yena asebenzise ngayo isikhathi sakhe.

Nokho, kuthiwani uma wazi okuncane noma ungazi lutho ngendaba okuxoxwa ngayo? Noma ake sithi imane nje ayikuthakazelisi? IBhayibheli lisinxusa ukuba ‘sibheke . . . nokwabanye.’ (Filipi 2:4) Ngakho zama ukubuza imibuzo ethile. Abantu bayokuthanda ngokuthakazelela lokho okubathakazelisayo.

Bonisa inhlonipho enhle ezingxoxweni zakho. Musa ukuxosha abanye ngokukhulumela futhi noma ngokubakhahla lapho ungavumelani nabakushoyo. (Qhathanisa noThithu 3:2.) Abantu bayakuzonda ukuziphatha okunjalo okucasulayo. Vumela abanye ukuba bakhulume. Funa amaphuzu ongavumelana nabo kuwo uzame ukunamathela kuwo. Uma unomuzwa wokuthi kumelwe ubonise ukungavumelani ephuzwini elithile elibalulekile, yenza kanjalo ‘ngobumnene nenhlonipho ejulile’ ngemibono yomunye umuntu.—1 Petru 3:15.

Yazi Indlela Yokupha Neyokwamukela

Izenzo zomusa eziwusizo, amazwi aqotho okwazisa, nokukhulumela okukhuthazayo konke kutshela abanye ukuthi uyacabanga ngabo nokuthi awubathathi kalula. Lokhu kuhamba ibanga elide ekuzenzeni uthandeke kwabanye. Kunjengoba isAga sikubeka: “Ophuzisayo uyakuphuziswa naye.” (IzAga 11:25) Umphostoli uPawulu ungomunye owalandela lesimiso. Funda ukulandisa kweBhayibheli kuzEnzo 20:31-38, futhi uphawule indlela uPawulu asebenza ngayo ngokungagodli ekukhuthazeni izisebenzi ezikanye naye zase-Efesu. Waba yini umphumela? AmaKristu e-Efesu amthanda kakhulu kangangokuba lapho ezwa ukuthi wayezowashiya, “Bakhala kakhulu, bamgona uPawulu ngentamo, bamanga.”—IzEnzo 20:37.

Ingabe nawe ngokufanayo uyanikela ngawe ngokwakho—isikhathi sakho, amandla akho? Ingabe uyasinika isikhuthazo, ukusekela, nosizo kwabanye? Uma kunjalo, abantu bayokuthanda ngempela. UJesu wathi: “Yiphani, khona niyakuphiwa.”—Luka 6:38.

Nokho, uyosabela kanjani lapho abanye befuna ukukwenzela okuthile? Mhlawumbe benamahloni ngokuboniswa ukunakwa, abathile, bayenqaba ukwenzelwa izinto ezinjalo. Nokho, bavumele abanye badonsekele kuwe ngokuba owamukela ngomusa. (Kolose 3:15) Ngesinye isikhathi, uJesu Kristu wamukela amafutha anephunga elimnandi okungenzeka lowo owayemupha ambiza umholo wonyaka. (Johane 12:3-6) Khumbula, abanye futhi bafuna injabulo yokupha. Bonisa ukuthi uyazazisa izenzo zabo zobungane, futhi abantu bazokuthanda ngalokho.

Ukuzifaka Engozini!

Yebo, ukuba ngokhululekile nokubonisa isithakazelo soqobo kwabanye kuyingozi kancane, ikakhulukazi ekuqaleni. Ungase wesabe ukuthi bayobheka imizamo yakho njengokushiyeka noma ukuthi abathile bangase bakuphoxe ngokuzama ukuba nobungane. Yileyondlela omunye osemusha ogama lakhe linguGlen azizwa ngayo. Ngenxa yalokho, wayengakhulumi kakhulu lapho exoxa nabanye. Nokho, uGlen waphawula ngokushesha ukuthi nakuba ukuzehlukanisa kwakumvikela ekuhlaselweni, wayengatholi bangane. Khona-ke uGlen waqala ukukhuluma kakhudlwana, ebonisa isithakazelo kubantu. “Okokuqala kwakuyinto engiyiphoqelelayo,” kusho uGlen, “kodwa kwaba lula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.” UGlen manje ujabulela ubuhlobo obungcono kakhulu nabangane bakhe.

Kuyavunywa, kunabathile abangase bangayazisi imizamo yakho yokuba nobungane. Kodwa uma umuntu ekweyisa noma ehlekisa ngawe, nguye onenkinga—hhayi wena. Kunabaningi abanye abayosabela emizamweni yakho. Ngakho ungesabi ukubhekana nezingozi eziza ngokuba nesithakazelo kwabanye.

INkosi uSolomoni yathi “umsebenzi uyazuzisa.” (IzAga 14:23, The Living Bible) Yebo, umzamo wakho omkhulu uyadingeka ukuze uthole imiphumela. Ngakho zijwayeze futhi ulungisise amakhono ukuze ujabulele ubuhlobo obuhle nabanye. Zijwayeze inhlonipho nemikhuba yengxoxo enomusa, futhi ubonise isithakazelo esiqotho ngenhlalakahle yabanye. NjengoSamuweli osemusha wangezikhathi zeBhayibheli, uyoqiniseka ngokuba “muhle kuJehova nakubantu.”—1 Samuweli 2:26.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

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Inhlanzeko Yomuntu Siqu Nokubonakala Kwakho—Kusho Okuthile Ngempela!

Omunye omusha wazithola egwenywa ngontanga yakhe. Ingabe wayenobuntu obungathandeki? Cha, lona omusha wayengayinaki inhlanzeko yakhe siqu. Wanquma ukunikeza ukunakekela okuthile kulokhu—futhi abangane bakhe banda kakhulu! Lokhu akufanele kumangaze, ngoba ngokwengxenye enkulu, ukuhlanzeka komuntu siqu kubonisa izinga lokukhathalela kwakho imizwa yabanye. Ngempela, ubani ofuna ukuba seduze nomuntu ongahlanzekile noma onephunga elibi?

Izingubo zakho nokubonakala kwakho siqu kumelwe futhi kunikezwe ukunakekela. Umlobi uMilo O. Frank uyaphawula: “Ekugcineni, akukhathaliseki ngempela ukuthi iwadilopu yakho idule kangakanani, noma ukuthi iyisidala noma isemfashinini kangakanani, uma nje inikeza umqondo wokuthi uyakhathalela. Uma ukukhathalela ngokwanele ukuzilungisa ngangokunokwenzeka, khona-ke abantu bayokukhathalela.”

Yiqiniso, kunalabo abayohlatshwa umxhwele uma izingubo zakho ziwubudlabha noma zeqisa ngobutayela. Kodwa ingabe laba abantu ofisela ukubakhanga nangabangane? Cishe akunjalo. Ingabe akunangqondo yini ukufuna abangane abaletha okungcono kakhulu kunabaletha okubi kakhulu kuwe? (IzAga 13:20; 1 Korinte 15:33) Ukubonakala okuzothile nokuhlanzekile kuyozisebenzela kahle kakhulu izithakazelo zakho kulendaba.—1 Thimothewu 2:9.

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Labo abenzela abanye izinto ngokuvamile bathandwa kakhulu