Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kwenzekani Emzimbeni Wami?

IZINGUQUKO ezinhle seziqalile ukwenzeka emzimbeni wakho.

Nokho, njengamanje, zingase zibonakale zimangalisa. Ungase uzizwe udidekile, udumele, noma ngisho wesatshiswa yilokho okwenzeka kuwe. Enye intombazane yathi: “Ngangingakakulindeli neze. Ngacabanga, hhayi ngeke, angifuni ukuba lokhu kuqale ukwenzeka kimi okwamanje.” Omunye umfana wathi: “Angazi noma ngiyasangana noma ngiphile kahle. Ngineminyaka eyi-13 ubudala futhi kwenzeka izinguquko emzimbeni wami . . . Ngizizwa ngihluke ngempela futhi nginesizungu ngezinye izikhathi futhi ngempela ngesaba ukuthi kukhona ozohlekisa ngami.”

Kuyaqondakala ukuthi kungenzeka uzizwa ngendlela efanayo. Udlula kulokho enye intombazane eyeve eshumini elinambili eyakuchaza ngokuthi isikhathi ‘umzimba wayo owaqala ngaso ukusangana.’ Kodwa lokho okungase kubonakale “kuwukusangana” ngalesikhathi ngempela kuyinqubo ehlelekile ekushintsha ekubeni umntwana ikwenze umuntu omdala. Ibizwa ngokuthi ukuthomba. Futhi naphezu kwegama lakho elizwakala lethusa, ukuthomba akusona isifo, futhi awuyena owokuqala ukudlula kukho. Umama wakho nobaba bahlangabezana nakho. Ofunda nabo nabanye abangane olingana nabo ngokunokwenzeka basadlula kukho. Futhi qiniseka, uzonqoba.

Kodwa kahle-hle kuyini lokhu kukhula okungavamile osekulawula umzimba wakho?

Inqubo Engokwesayensi Yokuthomba

IBhayibheli lithi esikhathini esithile ngemva kokuba ehlanganise iminyaka eyi-12 ubudala, “uJesu waqhubeka ethuthuka . . . ekukhuleni ngokomzimba.” (Luka 2:52, NW) Yebo, ngisho noJesu Kristu wadlula ekuthombeni. Phakathi nesikhathi sokuthomba, uyohlangabezana nenkathi yokukhula ngokomzimba nokuvuthwa. Nokho, okwenza lokhu kukhula ukuba kwenzeke kuyimfihlakalo yangempela, isimangaliso! Sikhunjuzwa ngomfanekiso kaJesu akhuluma kuwo ngendoda eyatshala imbewu. UJesu wathi: “Imbewu imile, ikhule, engazi ukuthi kanjani.” (Marku 4:27) Ngokufanayo, odokotela bakwazi ukusinika kuphela uhlaka olungenamininingwane lwalokho okwenzeka phakathi nesikhathi sokuthomba.

Phakathi neminyaka yobudala eyisi-9 neyi-16, uqala ukuthomba. (Ubudala buyahlukahluka kuye ngomuntu, futhi ngokuvamile amantombazane aqala ngonyaka owodwa noma emibili kusengaphambili.) Ingqondo yakho iqalisa uchungechunge olumangalisayo lokusabela ngokushukumisa indlala encane ngenhla kolwanga lomlomo wakho ebizwa ngokuthi indlala ipituitary. Lendlala isabela ngokukhiqiza izithunywa ezingamakhemikhali ezibizwa ngokuthi amahormone. Lawa atshuza emithanjeni yakho yegazi futhi ashayele izitho zakho zokuzala uphawu lokuba ziqale ukukhiqiza amanye amahormone. Amasende omfana ngokuyinhloko akhiqiza amahormone esilisa, njengetestosterone; amaqanda entombazane, amahormone esifazane, njenge-estrogen.

Manje nalamahormone, abuye, ashayele ezinye izindlala nezitho uphawu lokuba ziqale ukushintsha indlela obukeka ngayo.

Izinguquko Ezenzeka Emantombazaneni

Uma uyintombazane, into yokuqala ongase uyiphawule iwukukhula kancane kancane kwamabele akho. Amahormone akho aye ashukumisa izindlala zakho zokukhiqiza ubisi ukuba ziqale ukuvela. (Lezindlala ezikhiqiza ubisi zenza omama ukuba bakwazi ukuncelisa izinsana zabo.) Amahormone akho abuye ashukumise ukukhiqizwa kwamafutha, okwenza amabele akho alolongeke. Amafutha futhi ayoba khona nasezinqulwini zakho, emathangeni, nasezinqeni. Uyokhuluphala futhi ukhule ngokushesha.

Nakuba amantombazane amaningi ezamukela lezinguquko ezingokomzimba, akuwona wonke amantombazane azamukela zonke. Ngokwesibonelo, uboya ezingalweni zakho, emilenzeni, nasemakhwapheni bungase buqine futhi bubensundu kakhulu. Manje, kwamanye amazwe, uboya obunjalo basemzimbeni bungase bubhekwe njengobungamfanele owesifazane noma obungekho esitayeleni. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iyini imfashini, kuwuphawu oluhle lokuthi ukhulela ekubeni ube umuntu wesifazane okhulile.

Olunye uguquko olungamukeleki kungase kube ukwanda komsebenzi wezindlala zakho zomjuluko—uyojuluka kakhulu. Iphunga elihambisana nakho lingase likudumaze. Kodwa uma ugeza umzimba njalo futhi ugqoka izimpahla ezihlanzekile, akuvamile ukuba kube nezinkinga ezingathi sína zephunga. Enye intsha futhi ikhetha ukusebenzisa iziqeda-phunga njengesivikelo esengeziwe ephungeni.

Okunye ukukhula okuyimfihlo kakhulu kuhilela ukukhula koboya ezithweni zakho zobulili. Lobuboya bubizwa ngokuthi izinza. Uma ungazange utshelwe ngalokhu kusengaphambili, ungase ukuthole kusabisa kancane. Kodwa kuyinto evamile futhi ayikho into okumelwe ikudumaze ngakho.

Ukuthomba kungase futhi kushukumise lokho iNew Teenage Body Book eyakubiza ngokuthi “ukukhathalela okungungqá phambili [ukubukeka] phakathi kwentsha”—izinkinga zesikhumba. Izinguquko ekwakhekeni komzimba wakho ngokuvamile ziphumela esikhunjeni esinamafutha amaningi. Izinduna namaqhubu kuyavumbuka. (Ngokokunye ukuhlola, izinkinga zesikhumba zahlasela cishe amaphesenti angama-90 entsha eyahlolwa!) Ngenhlanhla, lenkinga ngokuvamile inganqotshwa ngokusinakekela kahle isikhumba.—Bheka isihloko esithi “Ingabe Anginakwenza Lutho Ngesikhumba Sami Esonakalayo?” kuPhaphama! kaMarch 8, 1987.

Izinguquko Ezenzeka Kubafana

Uma ungumfana, imiphumela yokuqala yokuthomba ngeke ibonakale njengasentombazaneni. Njengoba isimiso sakho sokuzala siqala ukusebenza, izitho zakho zobulili ziyakhula kancane kancane. Uboya buyaqala ukukhula ezithweni zakho zobulili. Nalokhu, kuyinto engokwemvelo.

Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ungase ukhule ngokushesha okumangalisayo. Amafutha nezicubu zezinyama kuyanezelwa ezimbeni wakho. Uba mkhulu, ube namandla, amahlombe akho abe banzi. Isiqu sakho kancane kancane siyayeka ukubonakala njengesomntwana kodwa sibonakale njengesomuntu omdala.

Enye inguquko ethakazelisayo ihilela ukukhula koboya emilenzeni yakho, esifubeni, ebusweni, nasemakhwapheni. Nalokhu kushukunyiswa ihormone itestosterone. Incwadi iChanging Bodies, Changing Lives, ebhalwe uRuth Bell, icaphuna omunye osemusha ethi: “Lapho ngineminyaka eyishumi nane ngangehla ngenyuka amasonto amabili nalokhu kungcola okwakungenhla kodebe lwami lwangaphezulu. Ngangilokhu ngizama ukukugeza kodwa kungasuki. Khona-ke ngakubhekisisa kahle futhi ngabona ukuthi kwakungamadevu.”

Kambe, ukuthi uboya obungakanani basemzimbeni ogcina unabo akusho lutho ngokuthi uyindoda kangakanani; kumane nje kuyindaba yofuzo. Ngamanye amazwi, uma uyihlo enesifuba esinoboya, kunokwenzeka kakhulu ukuba nawe uyoba nabo. Kungokufanayo nangoboya basebusweni. Nokho, ngokuvamile kuthatha isikhathi kuze kube yilapho usuphumile eminyakeni yobusha noma useminyakeni yokuqala yama-20 ngawe ukuba kudingeke ushefe njalo.

Ngokuqinisekile, uyoba nazo izikhathi zokudumazeka. Nabafana bathola ukuthi izindlala zabo zomjuluko zisebenza kakhulu. Kungase kudingeke ukuba uyikhathalele ngokukhethekile inhlanzeko yakho siqu ukuze ugweme izinkinga zephunga. Nawe futhi ungase ubhekane nenkinga yokonakala kwesikhumba ngenxa yesikhumba esinamafutha.

Phakathi neminyaka yakho yokukhula, ilarynx yakho iyokhula; imithambo yakho yezwi ikhuluphale futhi ibe mide. Ngenxa yalokho, izwi lakho liyondonda. Abanye abafana baba nokushintsha kwezwi okushesha ngokumangalisayo lisuka kwelincane kuya kwelindondayo. Kodwa kwabanye, izwi lishintsha kancane kancane lithathe isikhathi eside esingamasonto noma izinyanga. Izwi elihle, elindondayo linqanyulwa imisinjwana eyehlisayo yokuklabalasa. Nokho, khululeka. Izwi lakho liyolunga ngesikhathi esifanele. Okwamanje, uma ungase ukwazi zihleke, kuzosiza ekunciphiseni ukudumazeka.

Ukukhula Okubaluleke Kakhulu

Ukukhula kuhle futhi kuyathakazelisa! Futhi kungaba okudumazayo nokwesabisayo. Into eyodwa iba sobala: Awunakukusheshisa noma ukulibazise ukukhula. Ngakho kunokuba ubingelele izinguquko ezibangelwa ukuthomba ngenzondo nangokwesaba, azikumangalise, zamukele ngenjabulo—nangokuzihleka. Qaphela ukuthi isikhathi sokukhula asisona isiphelo kodwa simane siyinguquko edlulayo. Lapho isivunguvungu sokuthomba sesidlulile, uyophuma uyindoda noma owesifazane okhule ngokugcwele!

Nokho, ungalokothi ukhohlwe ukuthi ukukhula kwakho okubaluleke kakhulu akuhileli nje ubude bakho, ukulolongeka kwakho, noma izici zobuso, kodwa ukukhula kwakho njengomuntu—ngokwengqondo, ngokomzwelo, nangokomoya. Umphostoli uPawulu wathi: “Lapho ngisengumntwana, ngakhulumisa okomntwana, ngaqondisa okomntwana, ngazindlisa okomntwana; kuthé sengiyindoda, ngayeka okobuntwana.” (1 Korinte 13:11) Akwanele ukubukeka njengomuntu omdala. Kancane kancane kumelwe ufunde ukwenza, ukukhuluma, nokucabanga njengomuntu omdala. Ungakhathaleli kakhulu lokho okwenzeka emzimbeni wakho kangangokuthi ukhohlwe ukunakekela ‘umuntu ongaphakathi.’—2 Korinte 4:16, The Jerusalem Bible.

Nakuba kunjalo, ezinye izici zokuthomba zingase zikubangele usizi ngokukhethekile. Indlela ongabhekana nazo ngayo iyoxoxwa ezihlokweni ezizayo.

[Isithombe ekhasini 23]

Ukukhula ngokushesha kwenza imikhono yebhantshi ibe mifushane kakhulu