Isahluko 6
Kwenzekani emzimbeni wami?
“Ngavele ngaba mude ngokuphazima kweso. Kwangiphatha kabi. Nakuba ukukhula kwakuja- bulisa, ngangibanjwa amajaqamba emilenzeni nasezinyaweni. Ngangikuzonda lokho!”—UPaul.
“Uyazi ukuthi umzimba wakho uyashintsha, kodwa uzitshela ukuthi akukho muntu okunakile. Kodwa kuthi kusenjalo, othile ongahlose bubi uzwe esethi, ‘unezinqulu ezinkulu’—uvele uswele umgodi wokucasha!”—UChanelle.
WAKE wathutha nomkhaya wakini nathuthela endaweni entsha? Lolo shintsho lwalunzima, akunjalo? Washiya ngemuva zonke izinto owawusuzijwayele—umuzi wakini, isikole owawufunda kuso, nabangane bakho. Cishe kwakuthatha isikhathi ukujwayela indawo entsha.
Ekuqaleni kokuthomba—iqophelo lokuphila lapho uvuthwa khona ngokomzimba—usuke ungena oshintshweni olukhulu ekuphileni. Kufana nokuthi usuke uthuthela “endaweni entsha.” Akumnandi yini lokho? Kumnandi! Kodwa ukushintshela ekubeni umuntu omdala kungase kukwenze ube nemizwa exubile, futhi kungase kungabi lula ukuyejwayela. Yini eyenzekayo phakathi nalesi sikhathi esivusa amadlingozi nokho esicindezelayo ekuphileni kwakho?
Izinguquko Ezenzeka Emantombazaneni
Isikhathi sobusha yisikhathi soshintsho olukhulu. Ezinye zezinguquko ezizokwenzeka kuwe ziyoba sobala. Ngokwesibonelo, ama-hormone aqala ukuveza izinza ezithweni zakho zobulili. Uqale futhi ukubona kukhula amabele, izinqulu, amathanga, nezinqe. Kancane kancane uyawushiya umzimba wobuntwana uqale ukuba nomzimba womuntu omdala. Akufanele kukwethuse lokhu—kulindelekile. Futhi kusuke kuwubufakazi bokuthi umzimba wakho uzilungiselela isikhathi oyokwazi ngaso ukudlulisela ukuphila ngokuzala!
Ngemva kwesikhashana uqalile ukuthomba, uzoqala ukuba nomjikelezo wokuya esikhathini. Uma ungayilungiselelanga kahle, le ngqophamlando ekuphileni kwakho ingakwethusa. “Kwangizuma ukuqala kwami ukuya esikhathini,” kukhumbula uSamantha. “Ngazizwa ngingcolile. Ngangiye ngizikhuhle esisefweni ngigeza futhi ngangicabanga ukuthi ‘ngiyenyanyeka.’ Ukucabanga nje ukuthi ngizoya esikhathini nyanga zonke iminyaka eminingi kwakungethusa.”
Nokho, khumbula ukuthi umjikelezo wokuya esikhathini uwubufakazi bokuthi amandla akho okuzala ayakhula. Nakuba kusazokuthatha iminyaka ngaphambi kokuba ukulungele ukuba umzali, ususonqenqemeni lokuwelela ebufazini. Noma kunjalo, ukuqala kokuya esikhathini kungase kukukhathaze. “Into embi kunazo zonke okwakufanele ngibhekane nayo kwakuwukushintshashintsha kwemizwelo,” kusho uKelli. “Kwakungidida ukuthi kwenziwa yini ngijabule kangaka imini yonke bese ngikhihla isililo ngabo lobo busuku.”
Uma uzizwa kanjalo njengamanje, bekezela. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi uzojwayela. U-Annette oneminyaka engu-20 uthi: “Ngiyakhumbula ngesikhathi sengikwamukela ukuthi yilokhu okungenza ngibe umuntu wesifazane futhi uJehova unginike isipho sokuba ngikwazi ukuba nabantwana. Kuthatha isikhathi ukukwamukela lokhu, futhi kunzima ngempela kwamanye amantombazane; kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi uyafunda ukwamukela lolu shintsho.”
Ingabe usuqalile ukuzwa noma ukubona ezinye zalezi zinguquko ezichazwe ngenhla emzimbeni wakho? Kule migqa elandelayo, bhala noma imiphi imibuzo onayo mayelana nezinguquko ozizwayo noma ozibonayo.
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Izinguquko Ezenzeka Ebafaneni
Uma ungumfana, ukuthomba kuzoyishintsha kakhulu indlela obukeka ngayo. Ngokwesibonelo, isikhumba sakho singase sivame ukuncinca amafutha, okungakwenza umilwe izinduna namaqhubu.a “Kunesicefe futhi kuyacasula ukuvelwa yilezi zinduna,” kusho uMatt oneminyaka engu-18. “Yimpi yangempela—kufanele ulwe nazo. Awazi noma ziyoke ziphele yini noma ziyokushiya namabala noma abantu bayokubukela phansi ngenxa yazo.”
Nokho, okuhle ukuthi ungase uphawule ukuthi uyazimuka futhi uba namandla nokuthi amahlombe akho ayaqala ukuba banzi. Phakathi nalesi sikhathi sokuthomba, kungase kuvele noboya emilenzeni, esifubeni, ebusweni nasemakhwapheni. Khumbula-ke, uboya onabo emzimbeni abuhlangene ngalutho nokuba kwakho indoda; kumane kuwufuzo.
Njengoba kungezona zonke izingxenye zomzimba ezikhula ngezinga elifanayo, ungase uzizwe sengathi awakhekile kahle ngalesi sikhathi. “Ngangithi uma ngenza izinto, kube sengathi ngiyindlulamithi ehamba ngezicathulo ezinamasondo,” kukhumbula uDwayne. “Kwakuba sengathi lapho ingqondo yami ithi angenze okuthile, izitho zomzimba wami ziwuthole ngemva kwesonto lowo myalezo!”
Phakathi neminyaka yakho yobusha izwi lakho liya lindonda, kodwa leyo nqubo ayisheshi. Okwesikhathi esithile, izwi lakho elihle nelindondayo ngokungazelelwe lingase liphazanyiswe imisinjwana edumazayo yokuklabalasa nokunswininiza. Kodwa ungakhathazeki. Ekugcineni, izwi lakho liyoshelela. Okwamanje, ukufunda ukuzihleka kuzokusiza ekunciphiseni indumalo.
Njengoba isimiso sakho sokuzala sivuthwa, izitho zakho zobulili zizokhula, kukhule nezinza emaceleni. Zizoqala nokwakha amalotha. Lolu ketshezi oluqukethe izigidi zesidoda esibonakala kuphela ngesibona-khulu, luphuma ngesikhathi kuhlanganyelwa ubulili. Isidoda siyakwazi ukuvundisa iqanda lowesifazane bese kwakheka ingane.
Amalotha akheka emzimbeni wakho. Amanye amuncwa umzimba, kodwa ngezikhathi ezithile amanye angase aphume ebusuku ngesikhathi ulele. Lokhu ngokuvamile kubizwa ngokuthi ukushaywa izibuko. Ukuphuma okunjalo kwesidoda kungokwemvelo. Ngisho neBhayibheli liyakhuluma ngakho. (Levitikusi 15:16, 17) Kubonisa ukuthi isimiso sakho sokuzala siyasebenza nokuthi usukhulela ebudodeni.
Ingabe usuqalile ukuzwa noma ukubona ezinye zezinguquko ezichazwe ngenhla emzimbeni wakho? Kule migqa elandelayo, bhala noma imiphi imibuzo onayo mayelana nezinguquko ozizwayo noma ozibonayo.
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Ukubhekana Nemizwa Emisha
Njengoba isimiso sokuzala sivuthwa, kokubili abafana namantombazane kuba sengathi bayaqabukana. “Lapho ngifika ezingeni lokuthomba, ngabe sengiphawula ukuthi kanti maningi kangaka amantombazane amahle,” kusho uMatt. “Kwakucasula lokho ngoba ngaqaphela ukuthi akukho engingakwenza kuze kube yilapho sengikhulile.” ISahluko 29 sale ncwadi sizosichaza ngokuningiliziwe lesi sici sokukhula. Kodwa okwamanje, kufanele uqaphele ukuthi kubalulekile ukufunda ukulawula izifiso zakho zobulili. (Kolose 3:5) Nakuba kubonakala sengathi kunzima, ungakwazi ukukhetha ukuba zingakulawuli!
Kuneminye imizwa okungase kudingeke ubhekane nayo phakathi nokuthomba. Ngokwesibonelo, kulula ukuzenyeza. Isizungu kanye neziqubu zomzwangedwa kuvamile entsheni. Ngezikhathi ezinjalo, kuhle ukuxoxa nomzali noma omunye umuntu omdala othembekile. Bhala igama lomuntu omdala ongakhuluma naye ngemizwa yakho.
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Ukukhula Okubaluleke Kunakho Konke
Ukukhula kwakho okubaluleke kunakho konke akuhileli ubude bakho, ukuma, noma izici zobuso, kodwa kuwukukhula kwakho njengomuntu—ngokwengqondo, ngokomzwelo futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, ngokomoya. Umphostoli uPawulu wathi: “Ngesikhathi ngiseyingane, ngangikhuluma njengengane, ngicabanga njengengane, ngisebenzisa ingqondo njengengane; kodwa njengoba sengiyindoda, sengizilahlile izici zobungane.” (1 Korinte 13:11) Isifundo sisobala. Akwanele ukubukeka njengomuntu omdala. Kumelwe ufunde ukwenza, ukukhuluma, nokucabanga njengomuntu omdala. Ungakhathazeki ngokweqile ngokuthi kwenzekani emzimbeni wakho uze udebeselele ukunakekela umuntu wangaphakathi!
Khumbula futhi, uNkulunkulu “ubona lokho inhliziyo eyikho.” (1 Samuweli 16:7) IBhayibheli lithi iNkosi uSawule yayiyinde futhi iyinhle, kodwa yaba isehluleki kokubili njengenkosi nanjengendoda. (1 Samuweli 9:2) Kanti uZakewu “wayemncane,” kepha wayenamandla angaphakathi okuguqula ukuphila kwakhe ukuze abe umlandeli kaJesu. (Luka 19:2-10) Ngokusobala, okubaluleke ngempela yilokho okungaphakathi.
Yinye into eqinisekile: Ayikho indlela ephephile yokusheshisa noma yokubambezela le nqubo yokukhula ngokomzimba. Ngakho, kunokuba zikucasule noma zikwesabise lezi zinguquko, zamukele ngomusa—nangenjabulo. Ukuthomba akusona isifo, futhi akuqali ngawe. Qiniseka futhi ukuthi uyodlula ngempumelelo kukho. Lapho lesi sishingishane esiwukuthomba sesidlulile, uyoba umuntu omdala ngokugcwele!
Kuthiwani uma ungazithandi lapho uzibuka esibukweni? Ungaba kanjani nombono olinganiselayo ngokubukeka kwakho?
[Umbhalo waphansi]
a Amantombazane nawo ayabhekana nalesi simo. Ngokuvamile le nkinga ingalawulwa ngokusinakekela kahle isikhumba.
UMBHALO OYINHLOKO
“Ngizokudumisa ngoba ngenziwe ngokumangalisayo ngendlela eyesabekayo.”—IHubo 139:14.
ICEBISO
Njengoba umzimba wakho uqala ukukhula, gwema izitayela zokugqoka ezivusa inkanuko. Ngaso sonke isikhathi gqoka “ngesizotha nango-kuhluzeka kwengqondo.”—1 Thimothewu 2:9.
UBUWAZI . . . ?
Umuntu angasheshe aqale ukuthomba, aqale lapho eneminyaka engu-8 noma ephuze kuze kube yilapho eseneminyaka engaba ngu-16. Izimo ziyehlu-kahluka kakhulu.
ENGIZOKWENZA!
Njengoba ngikhulela ekubeni umuntu omdala, isici sobuntu bami okudingeka ngisebenzela kuso yilesi ․․․․․
Ukuze nginakekele intuthuko yami engokomoya ngizo- ․․․․․
Engingathanda ukukubuza umzali (abazali) wami ngale ndaba ․․․․․
UCABANGANI?
● Kungani kunzima kangaka ukubhekana nezinguquko ezingokomzimba nezingokomzwelo zokuthomba?
● Yini oyithola iyinselele kakhulu ngalezi zinguquko?
● Kungani uthando lwakho ngoNkulunkulu lungase lunciphe phakathi nesikhathi sokuthomba kodwa ungakuvimba kanjani lokhu kungenzeki?
[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 61]
‘‘Kuningi ukungazethembi okuhambisana nesi-khathi sobusha, futhi awuqiniseki ngempela ukuthi umzimba wakho ubhekephi. Kodwa njengoba ukhula, ufunda ukwamukela ushintsho, olunye uze uluthande nokuluthanda.’’—U-Annette
[Ibhokisi ekhasini 63, 64]
Ngingaxoxa Kanjani Ngobulili Nobaba Noma Umama?
“Ukube benginombuzo omayelana nobulili, bengingeke ngiwubuze abazali bami.”—UBeth.
“Bengingeke ngibe nesibindi sokukhuluma ngobulili.”—UDennis.
Uma uzizwa njengoBeth noma uDennis, usenkingeni. Uyafuna ukwazi ngobulili, kodwa abantu abanezimpendulo yibona kanye ongathandi ukubabuza—abazali bakho! Ukhathazwa izinto eziningi:
Bazocabangani ngami?
“Angifisi baqale ukungisola ngenxa nje yokuthi ngiye ngabuza.”—UJessica.
“Bafuna uhlale uyingane futhi umsulwa njalo, kodwa mhla uqala ukuxoxa nabo ngobulili, kuyashintsha lokho ngezinga elithile.”—UBeth.
Bazosabela kanjani?
“Ngingesaba ukuthi abazali bami bangase bafinyelele iziphetho eziyiphutha ngingakaqedi nakuqeda ukukhuluma, bese benginikeza intshumayelo ende.”—UGloria.
“Abazali bami abakwazi ukufihla imizwa yabo, ngakho ngingesaba ukubona indumalo ebusweni babo. Empeleni, ubaba angabe ecabanga iseluleko azonginika sona ngesikhathi ngisakhuluma.”—UPam.
Ingabe bazozihumusha ngokungeyikho izizathu zokubuza kwami?
“Bangase basabele ngamawala baqale ukubuza imibuzo enjengokuthi, ‘Ukhona yini oseye wakuyenga ukuba uhlanganyele ubulili?’ noma ‘Ingabe ontanga yakho bayakucindezela?’ Mhlawumbe wena umane uyazibuzela nje.”—ULisa.
“Ubaba uvele akhathazeke uma ngikhuluma ngomfana othile. Bese engena endabeni yobulili. Mina bese ngiyacabanga, ‘Hawu, baba, ngithe muhle nje kuphela. Angishongo lutho ngomshado noma ngobulili!’”—UStacey.
Makukududuze ukwazi ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi abazali bakho banamahloni okuxoxa nawe ngobulili njengoba nje nawe unamahloni okuxoxa nabo! Mhlawumbe lokhu kuyichaza kahle imiphumela yenhlolo-vo okwathi abazali abangamaphesenti angu-65 babika ukuthi babexoxile nezingane zabo ngobulili kodwa yizingane ezingamaphesenti angu-41 kuphela ezaziyikhumbula leyo ngxoxo.
Iqiniso liwukuthi abazali bakho bangase babe manqikanqika ukuxoxa nawe ngobulili. Ezimweni eziningi, abazali babo babengaxoxi nhlobo nabo ngobulili! Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi siyini isizathu, zama ukubabekezelela. Mhlawumbe kungase kube uwena oqala indaba—okuyisinyathelo esidinga isibindi esiyozuzisa wena nabo. Kanjani?
Ukwethula Indaba
Abazali bakho banolwazi nezeluleko eziningi endabeni yobulili. Kodwa kudingeka wazi ukuthi kufanele uqale kanjani. Zama lokhu okulandelayo:
1 Kuveze ngokungagwegwesi lokho okwesabayo, kubeke obala.
“Angikhululeki ukukhuluma ngale ndaba ngoba ngesaba ukuthi ningase nicabange ukuthi . . ”
2 Yibe usutshela umzali wakho isizathu sokuza kwakho kuyena.
“Kodwa nginombuzo engifisa kube nguwe owuphendulayo kunokuba kube omunye umuntu.”
3 Yisho umbuzo wakho. “Umbuzo wami uwukuthi . . ”
4 Ekupheleni kwengxoxo, qikelela ukuthi uvulekile umnyango wokukhulumisana ngesikhathi esizayo. “Uma kukhona okunye okufika engqondweni, ngingaxoxa yini nawe futhi ngale ndaba?”
Ngisho noma wazi ukuthi impendulo izoba nguyebo, ukuzwa umzali wakho ekusho kuyogcina umnyango wokukhulumisana uvulekile futhi kukwenze uzizwe ukhululeke ngokwengeziwe esikhathini esizayo lapho udinga ukuxoxa. Ngakho kuzame! Ungase ugcine usuvumelana noTrina. Manje uneminyaka engu-24, uthi: “Ngesikhathi ngixoxa nomama, ngikhumbula ngifisa sengathi sasingenayo leyo ngxoxo. Kodwa manje ngiyajabula ngokuthi umama wayengafihli lutho futhi engagwegwesi. Kuye kwaba isivikelo sangempela!”
[Isithombe ekhasini 59]
Ukusuka esikhathini sobuntwana kungafaniswa nokuthutha kini—kodwa ungakwazi ukuzivumelanisa nako