‘Kwenzekani Kimi?’

“Kwakunjengokungathi ngivuke ekuseni ngolunye usuku ngathola yonke into ishintshile. Ngangingumuntu ohlukile emzimbeni engingawazi.”—USam.

BUYINI ubusha? Kalula nje, buyisigaba sokuphila esiphakathi kobuntwana nobudala. Buyisikhathi lapho ubhekana khona nezinguquko ezinkulu—ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo ngisho nakwezobudlelwane. Ukungena enkathini yobusha kuyajabulisa ngandlela-thile. Phela, kusho ukuthi usuphokophele ebudaleni. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kuba nemizwa emisha eqala ukuvela phakathi nalesi sigaba sokuphila, futhi eminye yayo ingadida—futhi isabise ngisho nokusabisa.

Nokho, akudingeki ukuba uyesabe inkathi yobusha. Yiqiniso, inezinkinga zayo. Kodwa futhi ikunika ithuba elihle lokwenza ushintsho olugculisayo lokuya ebudaleni. Ake sibone ukuthi lokhu kwenzeka kanjani—okokuqala, ngokubhekisisa ezinye zezinselele intsha ebhekana nazo.

Ukuqala Kwenkathi Yokuthomba

Lapho usakhula, kwenzeka izinguquko emzimbeni wakho ezikulungiselela ukuzala. Le nqubo, okuthiwa ukuthomba, ithatha iminyaka, futhi ayithinti kuphela ukukhula kwezitho zakho zokuzala, njengoba sizobona.

Ngokuvamile amantombazane aqala ukuthomba lapho ephakathi kweminyaka eyishumi nengu-12 ubudala, kanti abafana abaningi baqala beneminyaka engu-12 kuya kwengu-14. Nokho, lokhu ukulinganisela nje. Ngokwe-New Teenage Body Book, “umuntu ngamunye unewashi elikhethekile lomzimba elinqumayo ukuthi izinguquko ezihlukahlukene zokuthomba zizoqala nini.” Iyanezela: “Kunezinto ezihlukahlukene kakhulu ezingenzeka ezibhekwa njengezivamile.” Ngakho akonakele lutho ngawe uma uqala ukuthomba ngaphambi—noma ngemva—kontanga yakho.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuqala nini, ukuthomba kungathinta indlela obukeka ngayo, indlela ozizwa ngayo, nendlela olibheka ngayo izwe elikuzungezile. Cabangela ezinye zezici ezithakazelisayo kodwa eziyinselele zalesi sigaba sokuphila esiyingqayizivele.

‘Kwenzekani Emzimbeni Wami?’

Inkathi yokuthomba iqala ngokukhuphuka kwamazinga ama-hormone, ikakhulukazi i-estrogen emantombazaneni ne-testosterone kubafana. Ukushintsha kwama-hormone kunendima ekuguqukeni komzimba okulandelayo okunjengesimangaliso. Empeleni, ngemva kokuqala kokuthomba, umzimba wakho ukhula ngezinga elishesha kakhulu kunasebuntwaneni.

Phakathi nalesi sikhathi izitho zakho zokuzala ziqala ukuvuthwa, kodwa lokho kuyisici esisodwa nje sokukhula ngokomzimba. Ungase uthole nokuthi uba mude ngokushesha. Nakuba ngesikhathi useyingane wawukhula ngamasentimitha amahlanu ngonyaka, kungenzeka phakathi nenkathi yokuthomba ukhule ngezinga eliphindwe kabili kunalelo.

Phakathi nale nkathi, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi izitho zomzimba wakho azakhekile kahle ngandlela-thile. Lokhu kungokwemvelo. Khumbula, izingxenye ezihlukene zomzimba wakho kungenzeka zikhula ngamazinga angafani. Kungaba khona ukungakhululeki okuthile. Kodwa bekezela—ngeke uhambe ungqubuzeka yonke inkathi yakho yokuphila. Ukungakhululeki okungokomzimba kwenkathi yokuthomba kuzodlula.

Phakathi nenkathi yokuthomba amantombazane aqala ukuya esikhathini, okuwukuphuma kwanyanga zonke kwegazi, uketshezi, nezicubu ezingadingekile esibelethweni.a Ngokuvamile ukuya esikhathini kuhambisana nesilumo kanye nokwehla kwama-hormone. Njengoba lokhu kuthinta umuntu ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo, ukuqala kokuya esikhathini kungaphazamisa kakhulu. UTeresa, manje oneminyaka engu-17 ubudala, uyakhumbula: “Kungazelelwe, kwavela lesi simo esisha okwakufanele ngibhekane naso. Sangiphazamisa ngokomzwelo, futhi sasibuhlungu. Futhi sasifika nyanga zonke!”

Asikho isizathu sokwethuka uma uqala ukuya esikhathini. Phela, kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi umzimba wakho usebenza kahle. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uyofunda ukuthi ungazisingatha kanjani izici ezingajabulisi zokuya esikhathini. Ngokwesibonelo, abanye bathola ukuthi ukuvivinya umzimba njalo kunciphisa izinhlungu zesilumo. Kodwa abantu abafani. Ungase uthole ukuthi kudingeka uzinciphise kakhulu izinto ezikhandla umzimba lapho usesikhathini. Funda “ukulalela” umzimba wakho futhi uwunike lokho okudingayo.

Phakathi nenkathi yokuthomba, kokubili amantombazane nabafana bakhathazeka kakhulu ngokubukeka kwabo. UTeresa uyavuma: “Ngaqala ngaleso sikhathi ukuqaphela—nokukhathazeka—ngokuthi abanye abantu babecabanga ukuthi ngibukeka kanjani.” Uyaqhubeka: “Futhi ngiqaphela ukuthi isangikhungathekisa indlela engibukeka ngayo ngokuvamile. Izinwele zami azilungiseki, izingubo zami azingifaneli, futhi angisazitholi ngisho nezingubo engizithandayo!”

Umzimba wakho ungase ukuxake nangezinye izindlela. Ngokwesibonelo, izindlala zakho zomjuluko ziqala ukusebenza kakhulu ngenkathi yokuthomba, okungase kukwenze ujuluke kakhulu. Ukugeza njalo, kanye nokuqiniseka ukuthi izingubo ozigqokayo zihlanzekile, kungakusiza ulawule iphunga lomzimba. Ukusebenzisa isiqedaphunga nako kungasiza.

Phakathi nenkathi yokuthomba izindlala zamafutha esikhunjeni nazo zisebenza kakhulu, okungaveza izinduna. “Kubonakala sengathi njalo ngihlaselwa yizinduna ngesikhathi engisuke ngifuna ukuba muhle ngaso,” kukhala intombazane okuthiwa u-Ann. “Ingabe kuyazenzakalela nje noma izinduna ziyezwa ukuthi kunini lapho zingafuneki khona?” UTeresa naye unenkinga yezinduna. Uthi: “Zingenza ngizizwe ngimubi futhi ngizinyeze, ngoba uma abantu bengibuka, ngisuke ngicabange ukuthi babuka zona!”

Kuyiqiniso ukuthi nabafana bangaba nezinkinga zesikhumba. Empeleni, abanye ochwepheshe bathi le nkinga ivame kakhulu kubafana kunasemantombazaneni. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyibhungu noma itshitshi, ungazuza ngokuzigeza njalo izingxenye zomzimba wakho ezinamafutha, kuhlanganise ubuso, intamo, amahlombe, umhlane nesifuba. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukugeza ikhanda njalo kungasiza ekuvimbeleni amafutha angehleli esikhunjeni. Kunanemikhiqizo etholakalayo esiza ekulweni nezinduna. “Abazali bami bangisiza ukuba ngithole izinto zokugeza isikhumba nezokusigcoba,” kusho uTeresa. “Bangisiza nokuba ngingadli ukudla okuningi okungenamsoco. Uma ngingakudli ukudla okungenamsoco futhi ngiphuza amanzi amaningi, izinduna ziyanyamalala.”

Olunye ushintsho lomzimba oluthinta ikakhulukazi abafana yiphimbo. Cishe imisipha yephimbo lakho izokhula futhi inwebeke phakathi nenkathi yokuthomba, okuyokwenza iphimbo lakho libhodle. KuBill, lokhu kwenzeka engaqapheli ngisho nokuqaphela. Uthi: “Ngangingaqapheli ukuthi iphimbo lami lase lishintshile, ngaphandle kokuthi abantu babengasangididanisi nomama noma udadewethu lapho ngiphendula ucingo.”

Ngezinye izikhathi iphimbo elishintshayo libangela ukuqhuma kwegilo—ukubhodla noma ukunswininiza okungalindelekile. “Kwakubangela amahloni kakhulu,” kusho uTyrone, ekhumbula ubusha bakhe. “Kwakuvele kwenzeke njalo uma nginovalo futhi ngesese. Ngangizama ukuzibamba ngizole, kodwa ngangihluleka.” UTyrone uyanezela, “Ngemva konyaka noma cishe emibili, kwanqamuka kwangabe kusenzeka.” Uma lokhu kwenzeka kuwe, ungalilahli ithemba! Maduzane nelakho iphimbo elisha, elibhodlayo lizozinza.

‘Kungani Ngizizwa Ngale Ndlela?’

Akuyona into engavamile ukuba intsha ibe nemizwelo ehlukahlukene ekhathazayo. Ngokwesibonelo, ungase uthole ukuthi wena nabangane bakho abakhulu owakhula nabo seniqale ukuqhelelana. Akukhona ukuthi niye nalwa. Mhlawumbe anisenaso isithakazelo esifanayo ngezinto. Ngisho nabazali bakho—owawugijimela kubo uma ufuna induduzo nokulondeka—bangase babonakale sebeyisidala futhi bengangeneki.

Konke lokhu kungase kwenze osemusha azizwe enesizungu. Incwadi ethile ithi: “Abacwaningi abathile baye babonisa ukuthi abantu bavame ukuba nesizungu kakhulu lapho besebasha kunalapho beseyizingane noma sebebadala.” Ngenxa yokwesaba ukuthi abanye bazothi uyinqaba, ungase uthambekele ekugodleni imicabango nemizwa yakho. Noma mhlawumbe uyanqikaza ukusondela kwabanye, unomuzwa ojulile wokuthi akekho ngempela umuntu ongafuna ukuba ube umngane wakhe.

Intsha eningi iba nesizungu ngezikhathi ezithile, ngokufanayo nabantu abaningi abadala. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, le mizwa izophela.b Khumbula, ngenxa yokuthi usakhula, cishe konke kuwe kuyashintsha. Umbono wakho ngokuphila, ngabanye abantu, ngisho nangawe imbala ushintsha njalo. Yebo, umuntu ombona esibukweni angase ngezinye izikhathi afane nomunye umuntu kuwe! Ungase uzizwe njengoSteve, oneminyaka engu-17, owavuma, “Kunzima ngempela ukuthi uthi uyazazi uma umzimba wakho ushintsha ngokushesha okukhulu kangaka.”

Enye yezindlela eziphumelela kakhulu zokuqeda isizungu ukusondela kwabanye. Lokhu kungase kusho ukwazi abanye abangebona ontanga yakho. Ingabe bakhona asebekhulile obaziyo abangakujabulela ukuvakashelwa kobungane? Ungabenzela yini imisebenzi ethile, ikakhulukazi uma bedinga usizo? IBhayibheli likhuthaza bonke—abasha nabadala—ukuba ‘banuleke’ othandweni lwabo ngabanye. (2 Korinte 6:11-13) Ukwenza kanjalo kungavula amathuba amahle kakhulu.

Ivesi leBhayibheli elicashunwe ngenhla limane lingesinye sezimiso eziye zasiza intsha engamaKristu ukuba ibhekane nezinselele zobusha. Njengoba ufunda isihloko esilandelayo, cabangela indlela iZwi likaNkulunkulu elingaba nethonya elinamandla ngayo ekuphileni kwakho njengoba ukhulela ebudaleni.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

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Abazali Abaphelele

“Lapho ngisemncane, ngangicabanga ukuthi abazali bami baphelele. Lapho ngeva eminyakeni eyishumi nambili, kwaba sengathi ukuhlakanipha kwabo kuyancipha ngandlela-thile. Ngiqonde ukuthi ngaqaphela ukuthi abazali bami abaphelele, futhi lokhu kwangiphazamisa. Ngeshwa, ukuqaphela leli qiniso kwangenza ngangabaza indlela abacabanga futhi bahlulele ngayo. Nokho, ukuphila kwangifundisa kanzima ukuba ngiphinde ngibahloniphe ngokugcwele. Cha, abaphelele, kodwa ngokuvamile baqinisile. Ngisho noma benephutha, basengabazali bami. Kancane kancane sesiba abangane, okuyinto engicabanga ukuthi ngokuvamile iyenzeka phakathi kwezingane nabazali bazo.”—UTeresa, oneminyaka engu-17.

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Intsha eningi iye yakha ubungane obuseduze nasebekhulile