Amanxeba Afihlekile Okuxhashazwa Kwabantwana

“Ngiyazenyanya. Ngihlala ngicabanga ukuthi kukhona okuthile okwakufanele ngikwenze, okwakufanele ngikusho ukuze ngikunqande. Ngizizwa ngingcole kakhulu.”​—⁠Ann.

“Ngizizwa ngihlukanisiwe nabantu. Ngokuvamile ngibhekana nemizwa yokungabi nathemba neyokudangala. Ngezinye izikhathi ngifuna ukufa.”​—⁠Jill.

“UKUXHASHAZWA kwezingane ngokobulili . . . kuwukuhlasela okukhungathekisayo, okulimazayo, nokwehlisayo engqondweni, emphefumlweni, nasemzimbeni wengane . . . Ukuxhashazwa kuhlasela zonke izici zokuba khona komuntu.” Isho kanjalo iRight to Innocence, kaBeverly Engel.

Akuzona zonke izingane ezisabela ngendlela efanayo ekuxhashazweni.a Izingane zinobuntu, amakhono okubhekana nezinkinga, kanye namandla angokomzimba okwehlukahlukene. Okuningi futhi kuxhomeke ebuhlotsheni bengane nomxhaphazi, ukungathi sína kokuxhaphaza, ukuthi ukuxhaphaza kwathatha isikhathi esingakanani, ubudala bengane, nezinye izici. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma ukuxhashazwa kudalulwa futhi ingane ithola ukusekela kothando komuntu omdala, ngokuvamile umonakalo ungancishiswa. Nokho, izisulu eziningi zikhathazwa amanxeba ajulile angokomzwelo.

Isizathu Esenza Kulimaze

IBhayibheli linikeza ukuqonda ukuthi kungani umonakalo onjalo wenzeka. UmShumayeli 7:⁠7 uyaphawula: “Impela ukucindezela kuyamhlanyisa ohlakaniphileyo.” Uma lokhu kwenzeka kumuntu omdala, cabanga ngomphumela wokucindezela konya enganeni encane​—⁠ikakhulukazi uma umxhaphazi ewumzali emethembayo. Kufanele kukhunjulwe ukuthi, iminyaka embalwa yokuqala yokuphila ingebucayi kakhulu ekukhuleni kwengane okungokomzwelo nokungokomoya. (2 Thimothewu 3:​15) Kuphakathi naleyominyaka ebucayi lapho umntwana eqala khona ukwakha imingcele engokokuziphatha kanye nomuzwa wokubaluleka kwakhe siqu. Ngokunamathela kubazali bayo, ingane futhi ifunda lokho okushiwo uthando nokwethemba.​—⁠IHubo 22:⁠9.

UDkt. J. Patrick Gannon uyachaza: “Ezinganeni ezixhashaziwe, lenqubo yokwakha ukwethemba iyaphazamiseka.” Umxhaphazi uqeda konke ukwethemba kwengane; uyiphuca noma yiluphi uhlobo lokulondeka, ukuphepha, noma ukuzihlonipha futhi uyisebenzisa njengento nje engelutho yokuzanelisa.b Izingane ezincane azikuqondi okushiwo izenzo zokuziphatha okubi eziphoqelelwa kuzo, kodwa cishe emhlabeni wonke zikuthola kucasula, kusabisa, kululaza.

Kanjalo ukuxhashazwa kwezingane kuye kwabizwa ngokuthi “indlela embi kunazo zonke yokuqeda ukwethemba.” Sikhunjuzwa ngombuzo kaJesu: “Ngumuphi umuntu kini ongathi, uma indodana yakhe icela isinkwa, ayinike itshe?” (Mathewu 7:⁠9) Kodwa umxhaphazi akayiniki ingane uthando, kodwa uyinika “itshe” elinonya kunawo wonke​—⁠ukuyihlasela ngokobulili.

Isizathu Sokuba Amanxeba Angapheli

IzAga 22:⁠6 zithi: “Khulisa umntwana ngendlela eyakuba-ngeyakhe; kuyakuthi lapho esekhulile, angasuki kuyo.” Ngokusobala, ithonya labazali lingahlala sonke isikhathi sokuphila. Kodwa kuthiwani uma ingane iqeqeshwe ukuba ikholelwe ukuthi ayinawo amandla okuvimbela ukuhlaselwa ngokobulili? Iqeqeshwe ukuba yenze ubulili obuphendukezelwe ukuze ithole “uthando”? Iqeqeshwe ukuba izibheke njengengelutho nengcolile? Ingabe lokho ngeke kuholele ekubeni iziphathe ngokulimazayo kukho konke ukuphila kwayo? Akukhona ukuthi ukuxhashazwa komuntu eseyingane kuvuna ukungaziphathi kahle kwakhe kwakamuva njengomuntu omdala, kodwa kungasiza ekuchazeni ukuthi kungani izisulu zokuxhashazwa zingathambekela ekwenzeni noma ekuzizweni ngendlela ethile.

Izisulu eziningi zokuxhashazwa zikhathazwa uhide lwezimpawu, kuhlanganise nesifo sokucindezeleka. Ezinye futhi zihlushwa imizwa ephikelelayo futhi ngezinye izikhathi ekhungathekisayo yokuba necala, ihlazo, kanye nentukuthelo. Ezinye izisulu zingase zibhekane nokungasebenzi kwemizwelo, ukungakwazi ukuveza noma ngisho nokuzwa umzwelo. Ukuzinyeza kanye nemizwa yokungabi namandla nayo iyabakhathaza abaningi. USally, owaxhashazwa uninalume, uyakhumbula: “Isikhathi ngasinye lapho enginukubeza ngangizizwa ngingenamandla ngingakwazi nokwenzani, ngindikindiki, ngigongobele, futhi ngikhungathekile. Kungani lokhu kunukubezwa kwakwenzeka?” Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uCynthia Tower siyabika: “Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi ngokuvamile abantu ababexhashazwa beseyizingane kukho konke ukuphila kwabo bayoqhubeka bezibheka njengesisulu.” Kungenzeka bashade nendoda exhaphazayo, babe nomuzwa wokuba yizisulu zokuhlaselwa, noma bazizwe bengenamandla okuzivikela lapho besongelwa.

Ngokuvamile, izingane zineminyaka engu-12 noma ngaphezulu yokulungiselela imizwelo evuka esikhathini sokuthomba. Kodwa lapho izenzo zokukhohlakala ziphoqelelwa enganeni encane, ingazizwa igajwa imizwa evusiwe. Njengoba okunye ukuhlola kwabonisa, kamuva lokhu kungaphazamisa ikhono layo lokujabulela ubuhlobo bobulili basemshadweni. Isisulu okuthiwa uLinda siyavuma: “Ngithola uhlangothi lobulili emshadweni luyinto enzima kakhulu ekuphileni kwami. Ngithola umuzwa owesabekayo kakhulu wokuthi ubaba olapho, bese ngethuka.” Ezinye izisulu zingase zisabele ngendlela ehluke kakhulu bese ziba nezinkanuko zokuziphatha okubi ezingathibeki. “Ngaphila ukuphila okuxekethile futhi ngenxa yalokho ngangigcina sengibe nobuhlobo bobulili nabantu engingabazi kwanhlobo,” kuvuma uJill.

Izisulu zokuxhashazwa zingase futhi zibe nobunzima ekulondolozeni ubuhlobo obuhle. Abanye bamane nje bangakwazi ukuba nobuhlobo nabantu besilisa noma abantu abanegunya. Abanye bona ubungane nemishado ngokuba abaxhaphazayo noma abalawulayo. Nokho abanye bathambekela ekubugwemeni ngokuphelele ubuhlobo obuseduze.

Kukhona ngisho nezisulu eziphendulela imizwa elimazayo kuzo ngokwazo. “Ngangiwuzonda umzimba wami ngenxa yokuthi wawuvumele ukuba ukuxhaphaza kuwuvusele inkanuko,” kuvuma uReba. Ngokudabukisayo, ukuphazamiseka kwemikhuba yokudla,c isifiso esingathibeki sokusebenza, ukusebenzisa kabi utshwala nezidakamizwa, kuvamile phakathi kwezisulu zokuxhashazwa​—⁠okuyimizamo emikhulu yokugqiba imizwa yazo. Abanye bangase baveze ukuzizonda kwabo ngezindlela eziqonde ngokwengeziwe. “Ngiye ngazisika, ngazimba ngezinzipho ezingalweni, ngazishisa,” kunezela uReba. “Ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi ngangikufanele ukuxhashazwa.”

Nokho, ungasheshi ufinyelele esiphethweni sokuthi noma ubani ozizwa ngalendlela noma owenza izinto ngalezindlela ngokunokwenzeka uye waxhashazwa ngokobulili. Kungenzeka ukuthi kuhileleke ezinye izimpawu ezingokomzimba noma ezingokomzwelo. Ngokwesibonelo, ochwepheshe bathi izimpawu ezifana nezingenhla zivamile kubantu abadala abakhulele emikhayeni engaqhubeki kahle​—⁠lapho abazali babo babebashaya, bebalulaza noma bebehlisa isithunzi, bengazinaki izidingo zabo ezingokomzimba, noma lapho abazali babeyimilutha yezidakamizwa noma imihuqa yotshwala.

Ukulimala Okungokomoya

Umphumela oyingozi kunayo yonke ukuxhashazwa kwezingane okungaba nawo ukulimala okungokomoya okungenzeka. Ukunukubezwa ‘kuwukungcola kwenyama nokomoya.’ (2 Korinte 7:⁠1) Ngokwenza izenzo zobulili obuphendukezelwe enganeni, ngokweqa imingcele yayo engokomzimba nengokomoya, ngokuqeda ukwethemba kwayo, umxhaphazi ungcolisa umoya wengane, noma ukuthambekela okuyibusayo okungokwengqondo. Kamuva lokhu kungaphazamisa ukukhula kwesisulu ngokokuziphatha nangokomoya.

Incwadi iFacing Codependence, eyabhalwa uPia Mellody, ngokuqhubekayo ithi: “Noma ikuphi ukuxhaphaza okungathi sína . . . kuwukuxhaphaza futhi okungokomoya, ngenxa yokuthi konakalisa ukuthembela kwengane eMandleni Aphakeme.” Ngokwesibonelo, owesifazane ongumKristu okuthiwa uEllen uyabuza: “Ngingacabanga kanjani ngoJehova njengoBaba kuyilapho nginalomcabango womuntu ononya, nobudlova ngobaba wasemhlabeni?” Esinye isisulu okuthiwa uTerry, sithi: “Angikaze ngimbheke uJehova njengoBaba. Yebo, ngangimbheka njengoNkulunkulu, iNkosi, uMbusi, uMdali! Kodwa, hhayi njengoBaba!”

Abantu abanjalo akukhona ngempela ukuthi babuthaka ngokomoya noma bantula ukholo. Ngokuphambene nalokho, imizamo yabo ephikelelayo yokulandela izimiso zeBhayibheli inikeza ubufakazi bamandla angokomoya! Kodwa cabanga ngendlela abanye abangase bazizwe ngayo lapho befunda umbhalo weBhayibheli ofana neHubo 103:​13, othi: “Njengoyise ehawukela abantwana bakhe, kanjalo uJehova uyabahawukela abamesabayo.” Abanye bangase bakuqonde lokhu ezingqondweni zabo. Nokho, uma bengenawo umqondo okahle ngalokho ubaba ayikho, kungase kube nzima ngabo ukuba basabele ngokomzwelo kulombhalo!

Abanye bangase futhi bakuthole kunzima ukuba babe “njengomntwana” phambi kukaNkulunkulu​—⁠osengozini, ozithobayo, othembayo. Bangase bayigodle imizwa yabo yangempela kuNkulunkulu lapho bethandaza. (Marku 10:​15) Bangase bakungabaze ukuwasebenzisa kubo ngokwabo amazwi kaDavide eHubo 62:​7, 8: “Insindiso yami nodumo lwami kukuNkulunkulu; idwala lami eliqinileyo nesiphephelo sami kukuNkulunkulu. Thembani kuye ngezikhathi zonke nina-bantu, nithulule inhliziyo yenu phambi kwakhe; uNkulunkulu uyisiphephelo sethu.” Imizwa yecala kanye nokungafaneleki ingase ngisho yenze buthaka ukholo lwabo. Esinye isisulu sathi: “Ngiyakholelwa kakhulu eMbusweni kaNkulunkulu. Nokho, ngempela angizizwa ngilunge ngokwanele ukuba ngibe lapho.”

Njengoba kulindelekile, akuzona zonke izisulu ezithinteka ngendlela efanayo. Abanye baye badonseleka kuJehova njengoBaba onothando futhi abazizwa neze bephazamiseka ekubeni nobuhlobo naye. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yikuphi, uma uyisisulu esaxhashazwa ngokobulili useyingane, ungase ukuthole kuyinzuzo kakhulu ukubona ukuthi kuye kwakuthinta kanjani ukuphila kwakho. Abanye bangase baneliswe ukwamukela isimo njengoba sinjalo. Kodwa uma kuwena kubonakala sengathi umonakalo mkhulu, yima isibindi. Amanxeba akho angaphola.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]