“Isikhathi Sokuphola”

UAnn wayewumuntu onozwela kuwo wonke umuntu odinga usizo; umsizi wanoma ubani onenkinga. Ehlelekile futhi ebonakala engenasici, wayengabonakali ngisho nakancane ukuthi wayenamanxeba angokomzwelo acashile, kwaze kwaba yilapho ngolunye usuku eqala ukukhumbula. “Ngangisemsebenzini,” kukhumbula uAnn, “futhi ngaqala ukuzwa ubuhlungu kanye nemizwa ejulile yehlazo. Ngangingakwazi ngisho nokusukuma! Kwangikhathaza izinsuku eziningi. Khona-ke ngakhumbula ubaba wami wokutholwa enginukubeza​—⁠empeleni, kwakuwukudlwengula. Futhi akazange nje akwenze kanye.”

SIKHONA “isikhathi sokuphola.” (UmShumayeli 3:⁠3, NW) Futhi ngezisulu eziningi zokuxhashazwa kwabantwana​—⁠njengoAnn⁠—​ukubuya kwezinkumbulo ezagqibeka kudala kuyingxenye ebalulekile yenqubo yokuphola.

Nokho, umuntu angakukhohlwa kanjani okuthile okubuhlungu njengokuhlaselwa ngokobulili? Cabangela indlela ingane engavikelekile ngayo ekusheleni kobulili kukababa noma omunye umuntu omdala onamandla. Ayikwazi ukubaleka. Ayinakulokotha imemeze. Futhi ayinakulokotha imcebe​—⁠kunoma ubani! Nokho, kungase kudingeke ibhekane nomxhaphazi wayo nsuku zonke futhi yenze sengathi akwenzekanga lutho. Ukulondoloza ubuzenzisi obunjalo kungaba nzima kumuntu omdala; kucishe kungabi nakwenzeka ngengane. Ngakho isebenzisa ukucabanga okukhulu izingane ezinakho bese ibaleka ngengqondo! Ishaya sengathi ukuxhashazwa akuzange kwenzeke, ikusula engqondweni noma yenza izinzwa zayo zibe ndikindiki kukho.

Empeleni, ngezikhathi ezithile, sonke siyazisusa engqondweni izinto esingafuni ukuzibona noma ukuzizwa. (Qhathanisa noJeremiya 5:​21.) Kodwa izisulu zokuxhashazwa zisebenzisa lelikhono njengendlela yokusinda. Ezinye izisulu ziyabika: “Ngangishaya sengathi kwakwenzeka komunye umuntu nokuthi mina ngangimane nje ngiyisibukeli.” “Ngangishaya sengathi ngangizumeke ubuthongo.” “Ngangicabanga ngezinkinga zami zezibalo.”​—⁠IStrong at the Broken Places, kaLinda T. Sanford.

Khona-ke, akumangalisi ukuthi incwadi iSurviving Child Sexual Abuse ithi: “Kulinganiselwa ukuthi amaphesenti afinyelela ku-50 abantu abasinda ekuxhashazweni ngokobulili beseyizingane abakuqapheli lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho.” Nokho, abanye bangase bakukhumbule ukuxhashazwa ngokwakho kodwa bayivimbele imizwa ehlobene nakho​—⁠ubuhlungu, intukuthelo, ihlazo.

Ukukucindezela ​—⁠Umshikashika Wengqondo

Khona-ke, ingabe akungcono kakhulu ukuba lezinto zihlale zigqitshiwe​—⁠ukuba izisulu zimane nje zizikhohlwe? Abanye bangase bakhethe ukwenza kanjalo. Abanye bamane nje abakwazi. Kunjengoba uJobe 9:​27, 28 esho: “Uma ngimoyizela futhi ngizama ukukhohlwa ukudabuka kwami, konke ukuhlupheka kwami kuyabuya kungikhathaze.” (Today’s English Version) Ukucindezela izinkumbulo ezesabekayo kuwumzamo wengqondo okhathazayo, umdlalo womshikashika onzima ongase ngisho ube nemiphumela engathi sína engokwempilo.

Njengoba isisulu siya sikhula, ukucindezela kokuphila ngokuvamile kwenza buthakathaka ikhono laso lokucindezela izinto ezenzeka esikhathini esidlule. Iphunga lamakha, ubuso obubonakala bujwayelekile, umsindo othusayo, noma ngisho nokuhlolwa udokotela noma udokotela wamazinyo kungavusa ukuhlasela okuthusayo kwezinkumbulo kanye nemizwa.a Ingabe akufanele isisulu simane nje sizame kanzima ngokwengeziwe ukukhohlwa? Kuleliqophelo izisulu eziningi zithola ukukhululeka ekuzameni ukukhumbula! Owesifazane okuthiwa uJill uthi: ‘Lapho nje izinkumbulo zibuya, zitheneka amandla. Ukuzivalela ngaphakathi kubuhlungu futhi kuyingozi ngokwengeziwe kunokubhekana nazo.’

Ukubaluleka Kokuvuma

Kungani kunjalo? Esinye isizathu siwukuthi, ukukhumbula kuvumela isisulu ukuba sidabuke. Ukudabuka kuwukusabela okungokwemvelo esenzakalweni esibuhlungu; kusisiza ukuba sikhohlwe izenzakalo ezibuhlungu futhi siqhubeke nokuphila. (UmShumayeli 3:⁠4; 7:​1-⁠3) Nokho, isisulu esixhashaziwe siye sancishwa ithuba lokudlula kulenqubo yokudabuka, saphoqelelwa ukuba singakwamukeli njengento engokoqobo okuhlangenwe nakho kwaso okwesabisayo, saphoqelelwa ukuba sicindezele ubuhlungu baso. Ukucindezela imizwa okunjalo kungaphumela kulokho odokotela abakubiza ngokuthi isifo sokucindezeleka ngemva kwesenzakalo esibuhlungu​—⁠isimo sokuba ndikindiki cishe sokungasebenzi kwemizwelo.​—⁠Qhathanisa neHubo 143:​3, 4.

Njengoba izinkumbulo ziqala ukubuya, singakubona ngeso lengqondo konke ukuxhaphaza. Ezinye izisulu zize ngisho okwesikhashana zibe sesimweni sobuntwana. UJill uyakhumbula, “Lapho ingqondo ikhumbula isenzakalo sesikhathi esedlule, ngokuvamile ngiba nezimpawu ezingokomzimba. Ngezinye izikhathi izinkumbulo zicindezela kangangokuba ngizizwa sengathi ngiyasangana.” Intukuthelo yasebuntwaneni okuyisikhathi eside icindezelwe manje ingabuya ngokushesha. USheila uthi, “Ukukhumbula kungenza ngicindezeleke kakhulu futhi ngithukuthele.” Kodwa ukuthukuthela kufanelekile ngaphansi kwalezimo ezingavamile. Uyadabuka, uveza intukuthelo yokulunga evalelwe ngaphakathi! Unelungelo lokuzonda izenzo ezimbi ezenziwa kuwe.​—⁠Roma 12:⁠9.

Esinye isisulu sokuxhashazwa sithi: “Lapho ngangikwazi ukukhumbula ngempela, ngangiba nomuzwa omkhulu wokukhululeka . . . Okungenani manje ngangazi ukuthi ngangibhekene nani. Njengoba kwakunzima kimi ukukhumbula, kwangibuyisela ingxenye yokuphila kwami eyayibe nesibazi ngenxa yokuthi kwakungaziwa futhi kuyimfihlakalo.”​—⁠The Right to Innocence.

Ukukhumbula futhi kungasisiza isisulu ukuba sithole ezinye zezimbangela zezinkinga zaso. “Ngangilokhu ngazi ukuthi ngangizizonda futhi ngizithukuthelela ngokujulile kodwa ngangingazi ukuthi kungani,” kusho esinye isisulu sokuphathwa kabi ngokobulili. Ukukhumbula kusiza abaningi ukuba baqaphele ukuthi lokho okwenzeka kwakungelona iphutha labo, ukuthi benziwa izisulu.

Njengoba kulindelekile, akubona bonke abakhumbula ukuxhashazwa kwabo ngokukhanyayo nangokucacile njengabanye. Futhi abeluleki abaningi bayavuma ukuthi akudingekile ukukhumbula yonke imininingwane yokuxhashazwa kwakho ukuze welapheke emiphumeleni yakho. Ukukuvuma nje ukuthi waxhashazwa kungaba isinyathelo esikhulu esiyisa ekusimameni.​—⁠Bheka ibhokisi.

Ukuthola Ukusekelwa

Uma uyisisulu esaxhashazwa ngokobulili useyingane, ungazibekezeleli uwedwa izinkumbulo ezibuyayo. Kuyasiza ukuxoxa ngokugcwele ngemizwa yakho. (Qhathanisa noJobe 10:⁠1; 32:​20.) Abanye abacindezeleke kakhulu bangase banqume ukufuna usizo lukadokotela ofanelekile, umeluleki, noma isazi esiwuchwepheshe wempilo yengqondo. Kunoma ikuphi, umngane omethembayo, umlingane womshado, amalungu omkhaya, noma ababonisi abangamaKristu abayokulalela ngozwela nangenhlonipho nabo futhi bangaba abasekeli ababalulekile.b UJanet uthi, “Usizo lwami olukhulu luye lwaba umngane wami omkhulu uJulie. Uye wangivumela ukuba ngikhulume ngenkumbulo yami ngokuphindaphindiwe. Ungivumela ukuba ngiyizwe imizwelo eba umphumela. Uyalalela futhi asabele ngokuqonda.”

Ukwethemba kuyinto eyingozi, futhi ungase uzizwe ungakufanelekele ukuthola usizo lothile​—⁠noma ube namahloni kakhulu ukuba ukhulume ngokuxhashazwa kwakho. Kodwa umngane weqiniso “uzalwa ekuhluphekeni” futhi angakunikeza usizo olubalulekile uma umnika ithuba. (IzAga 17:​17) Nokho, khetha ukuthi ubani owembula kuye isifuba sakho. Funda ukuveza izinto ezikukhathazayo kancane kancane. Uma umngane ebonakala enozwela futhi enokuhlakanipha, khona-ke ungase uzame ukuveza okwengeziwe.

Kuyasiza futhi ukuzinakekela kahle ngokomzimba. Phumula ngokwanele. Vivinya umzimba ngokusesilinganisweni. Yidla ukudla okunempilo. Uma kunokwenzeka, yenza ukuphila kwakho kube lula. Zizwe ukhululekile ukukhala. Ubuhlungu bungabonakala bungenakuphela, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi buyophela. Khumbula: Wabekezelela ukuxhashazwa uyingane engakwazi ukuzisiza​—⁠futhi wasinda! Njengomuntu omdala, unemithombo namandla owawungenakho emuva ngalesosikhathi. (Qhathanisa neyoku-⁠1 Korinte 13:​11.) Ngakho bhekana nezinkumbulo zakho ezibuhlungu futhi uzenze zingakukhathazi. Thembela kuNkulunkulu ngamandla. Umhubi wathi: “Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kukhulu kangakanani ukukhathazeka kwenhliziyo yami, induduzo yakho iyangelapha.”​—⁠IHubo 94:​19, iNew Jerusalem Bible.

Ukususa Umuzwa Wecala Nowehlazo

Ukuqeda umuzwa wokuzibeka icala kungomunye umsebenzi obalulekile wokululama. “Ngisho namanje kusenzima ngami ukucabanga ukuthi ngangingenacala,” kusho isisulu okuthiwa uReba. “Ngiyazibuza, kungani ngingamnqandanga?”

Nokho, khumbula ukuthi abaxhaphazi basebenzisa izindlela zobuqili obukhulu zokuphoqelela: igunya (‘Nginguyihlo!’), ukusongela (‘Ngizokubulala uma utshela abanye!’), ukuphoqelela ngobudlova, futhi ngisho nomuzwa wecala (‘Uma usho, uBaba uzoboshwa.’). Ngokuphambene, abanye basebenzisa ukuheha komusa noma izipho kanye nokukwenzela izinto. Abanye babuchaza ngokungeyikho ubuhlobo bobulili njengomdlalo noma uthando lobuzali. “Wathi lokhu kwenziwa abantu lapho bethandana,” kukhumbula esinye isisulu. Ingane encane yayingamelana kanjani nokusontwa okunjalo kwemizwelo kanye nobuqili? (Qhathanisa neyabase-Efesu 4:​14.) Yebo, umxhaphazi ngokunganaki usizakala ngokuthi izingane azikwazi ukuzisiza, azivikelekile, ‘ebubini ziyizingane.’​—⁠1 Korinte 14:⁠20.

Khona-ke, mhlawumbe udinga ukuzikhumbuza ukuthi wawungavikelekile futhi ungakwazi ukuzisiza lapho useyingane. Ungase uzame ukuchitha isikhathi unezingane ezincane noma ubuka izithombe zakho useyingane. Abangane abasekelayo bangakusiza futhi ngokukukhumbuza njalo ukuthi ukuxhashazwa kwakungelona iphutha lakho.

Nakuba kunjalo, omunye owesifazane uthi: “Ngiyenyanya lapho ngikhumbula imizwa ubaba angivusela yona.” Ezinye izisulu (amaphesenti angu-58 kokunye ukuhlola) zikhumbula zivukwa izifiso zobulili phakathi nalokho kunukubezwa. Ngokuqondakalayo, lokhu kubangela ukuba zibe namahloni kakhulu. Nokho, incwadi iSurviving Child Sexual Abuse isikhumbuza ukuthi “ukuvuka kwesifiso somzimba kumane nje [kuwukusabela] okuzenzakalelayo komzimba lapho uthintwa noma ushukunyiswa ngezindlela ezithile” nanokuthi ingane “ayikwazi ukulawula lokhu kuvuka kwesifiso.” Ngakho umxhaphazi yedwa onecala ngokugcwele ngalokho okwenzeka. KWAKUNGELONA IPHUTHA LAKHO!

Duduzeka futhi ngokwazi ukuthi uNkulunkulu ukubheka ‘njengongasolekiyo nongenacala’ kulendaba. (Filipi 2:​15) Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi noma yimuphi umuzwa wokuzilimaza ungase uphele, futhi ungase ufunde ukuyithanda inyama yakho.​—⁠Qhathanisa nabase-Efesu 5:⁠29.

Ukuthethelela Abazali Bakho

Lokhu kungabonakala kungenye yezinto ezinzima kakhulu zokululama. Abanye bayaqhubeka begcwele intukuthelo, ukucabanga ngokuziphindiselela​—⁠noma umuzwa wecala. Esinye isisulu esaxhashazwa sathi: “Ngicindezelekile ngenxa yokuthi ngicabanga ukuthi uJehova ulindele ukuba ngimthethelele umuntu owanginukubeza, futhi angikwazi.” Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungase uphile ngokumesabisa okwenyoka owakuxhaphaza. Noma ungase ube nemizwa yenzondo ngomama wakho uma akushalazelela ukuxhaphaza noma enza sengathi akwenzekanga lutho noma asabela ngentukuthelo lapho kwembulwa lesenzo sokuxhaphaza. “UMama wangitshela ukuthi kufanele ngingakhathazeki ngalokho [ubaba] akwenzayo,” kukhumbula omunye owesifazane ngentukuthelo.

Kumane nje kungokwemvelo ukuba umuntu azizwe ethukuthele lapho exhashaziwe. Nakuba kunjalo, izibopho ezihlanganisa imikhaya zingaqina, futhi ungase ungafuni ukunqamula konke ukuxhumana nabazali bakho. Ungase ngisho uzimisele ukucabangela ukumxolela. Nokho, okuningi kungaxhomeka ezimweni. Ngezinye izikhathi izisulu zithambekela ekubathetheleleni zisuka nje abazali bazo​—⁠kungekhona ukuthi zithethelela ukuxhashazwa, kodwa zenqaba ukuba nenzondo noma ukulawulwa ukwesaba. Bekhetha ukugwema impi engokomzwelo, abanye baneliswa ‘ukuzindla enhliziyweni’ futhi bakhohlwe.​—⁠IHubo 4:⁠4.

Nokho, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi izinto zingaxazululwa kuphela ngokutshela abazali bakho ngalokhu kuxhashazwa​—⁠wena siqu, ngocingo, noma ngencwadi. (Qhathanisa noMathewu 18:​15.) Uma kunjalo, qiniseka ukuthi usululeme ngokwanele​—⁠noma okungenani unokusekelwa okwanele⁠—​kokumelana nokuphazamiseka okungokomzwelo okungase kube khona. Njengoba kukuncane okungase kufezwe ngokuklabalasa, zama ukuqina kodwa wehlise umoya. (IzAga 29:11) Ungase ukwenze ngokusho (1) lokho okwenzeka, (2) indlela okuye kwakuthinta ngayo, (3) nokuthi yini manje oyilindele kubo (njengokuxolisa, ukukhokhelwa izindleko zikadokotela, noma ushintsho ekuziphatheni). Okungenani, ukukhuluma ngenkinga kungasiza ekususeni noma imiphi imizwa elokhu ikhona yokuthi awunamandla. Futhi kungase kuvule nendlela yobuhlobo obusha nabazali bakho.

Ngokwesibonelo, uyihlo angase avume ukuthi wakuxhaphaza, azwakalise ukuzisola okujulile. Kungenzeka futhi ukuthi uye wenza imizamo eqotho yokushintsha, mhlawumbe ngokuthola ukwelashelwa ukuba umlutha wotshwala noma ngokuphishekela isifundo seBhayibheli. Umama wakho kungenzeka ngokufanayo acele ukuba umxolele ngenxa yokuhluleka kwakhe ukukuvikela. Ngezinye izikhathi umphumela ungaba ukubuyisana ngokuphelele. Nokho, ungamangali uma usazizwa ungaqiniseki ngabazali bakho futhi ukhetha ukungasheshi ukuba nobuhlobo obuseduze nabo. Nakuba kunjalo, okungenani ungakwazi ukuvuselela ukusebenzelana komkhaya okusesilinganisweni.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukukhuluma ngakho kungavusa ukukuphika okukhulu ukuxhashazwa kanye nokuthukwa yilowo owakunukubeza kanye namanye amalungu omkhaya. Okubi kakhulu, ungase uthole ukuthi usewusongo kuwe. Khona-ke ukuxolela kungase kungafaneleki, ubudlelwane obuseduze bungase bungenzeki.​—⁠Qhathanisa neHubo 139:⁠21.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani, kungase kuthathe isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuba imizwa yakho elimele iphele. Kungase kudingeke ukuba uzikhumbuze ngokuphindaphindiwe ukuthi ukwahlulela kokugcina kobulungisa kungokukaNkulunkulu. (Roma 12:​19) Ukuxoxa izinto nomuntu olalelayo owumsekeli noma ngisho nokuveza imizwa yakho ngokubhala nakho kungakusiza ukuba ubhekane nentukuthelo yakho. Ngosizo lukaNkulunkulu ungakuqonda futhi uyinqobe intukuthelo yakho. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, imizwa ebuhlungu ngeke isabusa ukucabanga kwakho.​—⁠Qhathanisa neHubo 119:​133.

Ukululama Ngokomoya

Isikhala esikulomagazini asisivumeli ukuba sixoxe ngazo zonke izinto ezingokomzwelo, ezingokokuziphatha, nezingokomoya ezihilelekile. Esingakusho nje ukuthi ungenza okuningi ekusheshiseni ukululama kwakho ‘ngokuguqula ingqondo’ yakho ngosizo lweZwi likaNkulunkulu. (Roma 12:⁠2) ‘Zelulele kokungaphambili,’ ugcwalise ukuphila kwakho ngemiqondo nemisebenzi engokomoya.​—⁠Filipi 3:​13; 4:​8, 9.

Ngokwesibonelo, izisulu eziningi zokuxhashazwa zithola induduzo enkulu ngokumane nje zifunde amaHubo. Nokho, izinzuzo ezinkulu ziba khona ngisho nangokusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli ngenkuthalo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ukucindezeleka kwasemshadweni kungaphela. (Efesu 5:​21-33) Imikhuba yokuzilimaza ingaphela. (1 Korinte 6:​9-11) Imizwa emibi yobulili ingaphola. (IzAga 5:​15-20; 1 Korinte 7:​1-⁠5) Ungafunda futhi ukulinganisela ebuhlotsheni bakho siqu futhi wakhe imingcele eqinile yokuziphatha.​—⁠Filipi 2:⁠4; 1 Thesalonika 4:⁠11.

Qiniseka: Ukululama kudinga ukuzimisela kwangempela kanye nomzamo omkhulu! Nokho, iHubo 126:⁠5 liyasiqinisekisa: “Abahlwanyela ngezinyembezi bayakuvuna ngokuthokoza.” Khumbula futhi, ukuthi uNkulunkulu weqiniso, uJehova, unesithakazelo enhlala-kahleni yakho. “Useduze nabo abanenhliziyo eyaphukileyo; uyabasindisa abanomoya odabukileyo.” (IHubo 34:​18) Esinye isisulu sokuxhashazwa sithi: “Lapho ekugcineni ngiqaphela ukuthi uJehova wayeyibona yonke imizwa enganginayo nanokuthi wayengikhathalela​—⁠engikhathalela ngempela⁠—​khona-ke ekugcineni ngezwa ukuthula ngaphakathi.”

UNkulunkulu wethu onothando, uJehova, unikeza ngisho nokungaphezu kokuthula kwengqondo. Uthembisa izwe elisha lokulunga, lapho eyosusa zonke izinkumbulo zobuhlungu bezinto ezenzeka ebuntwaneni. (IsAmbulo 21:​3, 4; bheka futhi noIsaya 65:​17.) Lelithemba lingakusekela likuqinise lapho uthuthukela ekululameni ngokugcwele.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 9]

Izindlela Zokululama

◻ Ukukhumbula nokuvuma ukuthi waxhashazwa

◻ Ukudabuka ngenxa yokuxhashazwa

◻ Ukuxoxa ngemizwa yakho nomuntu olalelayo futhi osekelayo

◻ Ukunqoba imizwa yecala nehlazo

◻ Ukubuyisana nabazali bakho

◻ Ukusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli ukuze ushintshe ukuziphatha okulimazayo

◻ Ukwelapha imizwa emibi ngobulili

◻ Ukuzibekela imingcele enempilo wena siqu nengokokuziphatha

◻ Ukwakha ubuhlobo obuseduze noNkulunkulu kanye namaKristu okanye nawo

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Ukubuya Kwezinkumbulo

Ngokuvamile izinkumbulo zibuya ngemva kwesikhathi esingamasonto, izinyanga, noma iminyaka, inkumbulo ngayinye ebuyayo iletha ukukhathazeka kwesikhashana. IRight to Innocence ithi ngezinye izikhathi “ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi uphindela emuva. Akunjalo. Uba ngcono. Empeleni, usuthole amandla adingekile okubhekana nemizwa ejulile, nebuhlungu ngisho nangokwengeziwe kanye nokuqonda.” Nokho, ngesizathu esihle ukululama kungase kube yinto eyinhloko umuntu ayikhathalelayo.​—⁠IzAga 18:⁠14.

Ezinye izisulu zikuthola kuzuzisa ukufunda noma ukuzwa okushiwo ezinye izisulu. Ukubheka izithombe zomkhaya nezinkumbulo zezinto owawuzenza usemncane, ukuvakashela izindawo owakhulela kuzo, nokuxoxa nabangane abasekelayo kanye namalungu omkhaya kungase kuzivuse izinkumbulo. Okuphumelela ngokukhethekile ukubhala. Ezinye izisulu zibhala encwadini konke ezikukhumbulayo ngosizi lwazo. Abanye baveza imizwa yabo encwadini abayibhalela umxhaphazi​—⁠incwadi engathunyelwa⁠—​ngokuvamile evusa ezinye izinkumbulo. Umthandazo futhi uyithuluzi elinamandla lokululama. Njengomhubi ungathandaza uthi: “Ngihlole, Nkulunkulu, wazi inhliziyo yami; ngilinge, wazi imicabango yami, ubone, uma kukhona indlela yosizi kimi, ungiholele endleleni yaphakade.”—IHubo 139:23, 24.

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Ukubhekana nezinto ezenzeka esikhathini esidlule kanye nokuzikhumbula futhi kungaba isinyathelo sokuqala esiyisa ekwelaphekeni