Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Umthetho Wewashi Engiwubekelwe Uqine Kangaka?

ULEN wayethanda ukuhlala nabangane bakhe kuze kube sebusuku. Kodwa uyise ngokushesha wathola ukuthi lomkhuba kaLen wokubuya sekuhlwile wawungekhona ukuzijabulisa okunesisusa esihle. “Ngesinye isikhathi ngangena enkingeni enkulu,” kukhumbula uLen, “kangangokuba ngangingavunyelwe ukuphuma ekamelweni lami amasonto amabili—ngaphandle kwalapho ngiyokudla noma ngiya esikoleni. Ngangingafanele ngitholakale ngilunguze ngisho nangefasitele! Lapho isijeziso sami sesiphelile, ngahamba nabangane bami abathile futhi sangabuya kwaze kwaba phakathi kwamabili. Lapho ngingena ngemoto ngomgwaqo oholela ekhaya, ngabona ubaba ehleli kuvulandi wendlu ongaphambili engilindile . . .”

Intsha eningi icasulwa ukuba isikhathi sokubuya nesokuhamba kwayo silawulwe abazali bayo. Enye intombazane encane ithi: “Lapho ngifinyelela eminyakeni eyeve eshumini elinambili, abazali bami baqala ukungibekela lonke uhlobo lwemingcele, njengokungabuyi ekhaya phakathi kwamabili. Kwakungicasula ngempela.” Lapho intsha enjalo ibonakalisa ukucasuka kwayo ngokwedelela, umphumela ovamile, awubi inkululeko eyengeziwe, kodwa uba imingcele eyengeziwe nethé ukuqina.

Ngokweqa imithetho emincane isijeziso singamane sibe ukuthi nje umthetho wewashi ungase uqale ukusebenza ehoreni eliphambidlana. Ngamacala angathi sína ngokwengeziwe, osemusha angase ancishwe amalungelo athile, noma angase angavunyelwa ukuba aphume endlini okwesikhashana. “Lapho ubuya ebusuku kakhulu ngoMgqibelo,” kuchaza intombazane ethile eyeve eshumini elinambili, “ungase ungakwazi ngokuphelele ukuhamba ngoMgqibelo olandelayo.” Bese kuba khona ‘ukuvalelwa wedwa ekhaya’: ungavakashelwa, ungashayelwa zingcingo, ungabukeli ithelevishini. Kodwa ngenye intsha, isijeziso esibuhlungu kakhulu esokuba usolwe. “Yeka ukwenziwa ube nomuzwa wecala!” kubabaza umfana oweve eshumini elinambili. “Baqala ukukutshela ukuthi bebekhathazeke kakhulu kanjani ngawe. Lelicala libi kakhulu.”

Nokho, akulona yini iqiniso, ukuthi abazali bakho bayakuthanda futhi banegunya lokukutshela ukuthi bafuna ubuye ekhaya ngesikhathi esifanele? Futhi uma ungabuyi kufanele bazizwe bengakhululekile, bekhathazekile, mhlawumbe bengakwazi ngisho nokulala. Osemusha obathandayo nobakhathalelayo ngempela abazali bakhe ngokuqinisekile akanakufuna ukuba necala ngokukhathazeka okunjalo okungadingekile. Ingabe akunakubonisa ubugovu obedlulele?

Nokho, intsha eningi inomuzwa wokuthi abazali bayo bayibekele imingcele enokungacabangeli. “Bayahlanya, bazama ukungiphatha njengoneminyaka eyishumi nanhlanu ubudala,” kukhononda uFred oneminyaka engu-18 ubudala. “Ngimane ngenqabe ukwenza lokho athi ngikwenze futhi mina nobaba siyalwa ngempela ngakho.” Kodwa kunezindlela ezingcono zokusebenzelana nabazali bakho kunokuphendukela ekwedeleleni.

Ingabe Kuhle Noma Akukuhle?

Okokuqala nje, ingengalungile kangakanani lemingcele? Njengoba isihloko esandulelayo sabonisa, abazali bakho cishe banezizathu ezifanele zokwesaba ngokulondeka kanye nangenhlala-kahle yakho.a Ingabe enye intsha engamaKristu ayikho ngaphansi kwemingcele efanayo? Uma kunjalo, iziphi izizathu ezizwakalayo onazo zokungabaza ukwahlulela kwabazali bakho?

ULen osemusha, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni, akazange aqonde ukuthi uyise wayenesithakazelo esijulile kuye. Uzokhumbula ukuthi wawephula umthetho wewashi ayewubekelwe, wathola uyise emlindile kuvulandi wendlu ongaphambili. ULen wabona ukuthi liyini ikhambi? Ukungalaleli okwengeziwe. “Njengoba imoto yayingena ngomgwaqo oholela ekhaya, ngashona phansi esihlalweni semoto ukuze uBaba angangiboni, futhi ngacela umngane wami ukuba aphume ngemoto. Nganquma ukuba ngihambe ekhaya.” ULen wahamba ngempela ekhaya futhi waqala ukuzihlanganisa nesixuku esingalawuleki esambangela ukuba aziphathe kabi ngokobulili, ebe izimoto, futhi asebenzise izidakamizwa. Ekugcineni, wagqunywa ejele. Ingabe kuyisenzakalo esingavamile? Mhlawumbe. Kodwa sibubonisa kahle ubuqiniso bamazwi ezAga 1:32 athi: “Ngokuba ukuhlehla kwabangenalwazi kuyakubabulala.”

Enye intsha ngokuyisisekelo ingase ingamelani nomqondo womthetho wewashi, nokho ingacasulwa ukuthi abafowabo noma odadewabo babonakale benenkululeko eyengeziwe kunayo. “Umfowethu omdala uMark wayevame ukuhamba abuye ebusuku ngesikhathi asithandayo,” kukhononda osemusha othiwa nguPatti, “kodwa wayenganqatshelwa ukuba aphume endlini. Mina—uma ngangephuze ngisho nangemizuzu embalwa nje, kwase kwenele! Akukuhle neze.” Kulula ukubona ukuthi kungani isimo esinjena singase sikukhathaze. Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba ukhale ngokuthi “akukuhle!” cabangela izimiso zeBhayibheli ezikwabaseGalathiya 6:4, 5: “Kepha makube-yilowo nalowo ahlole owakhe umsebenzi, yikhona eyakuba-nokubongwa ngokungokwakhe yedwa, kungengokomunye, ngokuba yilowo nalowo uyakuthwala owakhe umthwalo.”

Ungumuntu ohlukile. Futhi iqiniso lokuthi umfowenu noma udadewenu omdala ujabulela amalungelo athile akusho ngempela ukuthi nawe kufanele uwajabulele. Cishe umfowenu noma udadewenu omdala esikhathini esithile kwadingeka azibonakalise njengonokwethenjelwa. Nawe uyowanikezwa. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ingabe awukuzondi yini ukuba umzali akuqhathanise nomfowenu noma udadewenu omdala? Kungani-ke wena wenza okufanayo ngokuqhathanisa amalungelo enu ahlukene? Encwadini yakhe ethi “After All We’ve Done for Them,” uDkt. uLouis Fine uyaphawula: “Abazali ngokuvamile baphatha futhi baqeqesha abantwana babo ngokwehlukile komunye nomunye. Lokhu kungase kubangelwe ukuthi bayaqaphela ukuthi abantwana babo bangabantu abehlukene abanezidingo kanye namakhono ahlukene futhi kufanele babhekwe njengabehlukene.”

Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi intsha iba nomuzwa wokuthi ijeziswa ngenxa yamaphutha abafowabo noma odadewabo abadala. “Ngenxa nje yokuthi udadewethu wathatha imoto wahamba kwaze kwahlwa kakhulu, ngokuzenzekelayo nami ngiyenqatshelwa ukubuya sekuhlwile. Anginikwa ngisho nethuba lokuziveza ukuthi nginjani!” Nokho, lesisimo, cishe singase singabi ngesingalungile njengoba sibonakala sinjalo. Abazali bakho sebebadala futhi sebehlakaniphe ngaphezu kokuba babenjalo lapho bekhulisa umfowenu noma udadewenu. Ngenxa yokungafuni ukuphinda amaphutha abo, bangase babe nemithetho ethe ukuqina kancane kuwe.

Kodwa kungani kumelwe ujeziselwe ukubuya sekwephuzile kancane ekhaya? Ngokungangabazeki, ukungavunyelwa ukuba uphume endlini akuwona umdlalo. Ngakho ngokuvamile uyacabangisisa ngokuphinda ubuye sekwephuzile. UMarcus osemusha ukubeka ngalendlela: “Ngiye ngajeziswa izikhathi eziningi. . . . Uma wawungajeziswa, wawungeke ufunde lutho.” Njengoba iBhayibheli lisho, “onaka ukulaywa usendleleni yokuphila.”—IzAga 10:17.

Abazali Abavikela Ngokweqile

Kuyavunywa, ngezinye izikhathi kubonakala sengathi isijeziso sisedlula kude “esobugebengu.” Abazali bangase babe ngabavikela ngokweqile futhi mhlawumbe babeke izimfuneko eziqine kakhulu. Nokho, ukukhulumisana okuhle, ngokuvamile kuvimbela izinkinga zisaqala. Uma wazisa abazali bakho ukuthi uyaphi, uyobe wenzani, uyobe unobani, nokuthi uyobuya nini, bangase bafune ukukunikeza inkululeko ethile. Uma bebonakala bengazimisele ukukuzwa, zama ukuya kubo ‘ngesikhathi esifanele’—mhlawumbe lapho umoya wabo uphansi futhi bephumule. (IzAga 25:11) Bonga ngokwesaba nangokukhathalela kwabo. Baqinisekise ngothando lwakho ngabo kanye nesifiso sakho sokubambisana nabo. Basize baqonde ukuthi ukuzuza inkululeko eyengeziwe kuyingxenye yokukhula.

“Kumelwe ubazise ukuthi siyini ngempela isimo,” kusho intombazane ethile eyeve eshumini elinambili. “Uma uchaza ukuthi kungani ungenakubuya ngokushesha ngesikhathi esithile, ngokuvamile bayaqonda.” Ngokuxoxa ngendlela ebonisa ukuvuthwa, ubonisa abazali bakho ukuthi ungawamukela umthwalo wemfanelo—ungothile ongase ethenjwe. Uma abazali bakho besenokungabaza futhi, mhlawumbe ungasikisela okuthile okunengqondo eningavumelana ngakho.

Kuthiwani uma unikezwa imvume? Khona-ke ‘uyebo wakho makabe nguyebo,’ futhi ubuye ekhaya ngesikhathi! (Mathewu 5:37) Yiqiniso, ngisho namacebo acetshwe kahle angase aphazamiseke. (Qhathanisa noJakobe 4:13, 14.) Kungase kwenzeke ushintsho oluphuthumayo kulokho obukucebile. Uma kunjalo, uma kungenzeka bashayele ucingo ekhaya, wazise abazali bakho ukuthi kwenzekani. “Uma nje umama azi ukuthi ngikuphi nokuthi ngisendleleni, uzizwa ngcono,” kusho othile oweve eshumini elinambili.

Ukuzakhela umlando omu-hle kungesinye isinyathelo esibalulekile. IzAga 20:11 zithi: “Naye umntwana uyaziwa ngezenzo zakhe, uma isenzo sakhe sihlanzekile, noma siqotho.” Uma ubonisa inkambo yokulalela nokuziphatha okuhle, abazali bakho bangase babe nomoya ophansi lapho ubuya sekwephuzile kancane ngesinye isikhathi. Yiqiniso, ngisho nakuba uJesu ayenomlando wokuziphatha okuhle, abazali bakhe baba ‘lusizi’ lapho elahlekile. (Luka 2:48) Ngakho ungamangali uma abazali bakho bekhathazeka—bakhathazeke kangangokuba ekuqaleni bangakuvumeli ukuba uchaze ukuthi kungani wephuzile!

IzAga 29:11 zithi: “Isiwula sikhipha lonke ulaka lwaso, kepha ohlakaniphileyo uyalugodla [kuze kube sekugcineni].” Linda ukufutheka kwabo kubohle. Lapho umoya wabo sewuxolile kancane, nikeza incazelo. Kodwa ‘ukhulume iqiniso.’ (Efesu 4:25) Ungenzi izaba ezingelona neze iqiniso; eziyomane zibonise ukuthi awunakwethenjwa. Uma kungukuthi awuzange unake noma ukhohliwe, xolisa ngobuqotho, futhi uzimisele ukwamukela isijeziso. Mhlawumbe abazali bakho ngeke babone sidingo sokuqhubekisela phambili izimo. Kodwa futhi, bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi kufanele ubekelwe imingcele eyengeziwe, futhi kuyofanele umane wenze ukuba baphinde bakwethembe.

Imithetho yewashi ingase icasule, kodwa ayilona unya noma isijeziso esingavamile. Yamukele ngaphandle kokucasuka. Uma ubambisana nabazali bakho futhi ugwema umoya wokwedelela, bangase banqume ngisho nokuthi kufanele bathambise kancane futhi bakunike inkululeko eyengeziwe.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 23]

Ukwedelela abazali bakho ngokuvamile kubangela ukubekelwa imingcele eyengeziwe enkululekweni yakho