Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Yini Engalungile Ngokuzixoxela Nje?

‘ASIPHOLI, simane siyazixoxela nje.’ Kungaleyondlela uDenny oneminyaka engu-17 ubudala abuchaza ngayo ubuhlobo bakhe noTina.a Bahlangana emhlanganweni woFakazi BakaJehova, futhi kusukela ngalesosikhathi njalo baye baba nezingxoxo ezinde ocingweni. UDenny uyavuma ukuthi bancane kakhulu ukuba bangaphishekela ukuqomisana okungathi sína. Kodwa akaboni lutho olungalungile ekuxoxisaneni nje kwabo.

Intsha eningi engavunyelwe abazali bayo ukuba iphole iyavunyelwa ukuba ikhulise ubungane nabobulili obuhlukile ngezingxoxo zasikhathi sonke nangezingcingo. Ingabe kuwukuzijabulisa okungenacala? Mhlawumbe. Kodwa abanye abazali bakhathazekile. “Kubonakala kunenkinga impela lapha ngentsha encane kakhulu ‘enobuhlobo’ nenye intsha encane,” kubhala omunye umzali okhathazekile. “Akukhona ukuthi iyaphola, kodwa ibheka omunye nomunye njengesoka nentombi.”

Enye intsha ihlakulela ubuhlobo bomfana nentombazana ngokubhala. Lezincwadi zingase zibe nje ukuzwakalisa ubungane okungenacala. Nokho, kaningi, ziya ziba ngezothando. Kungase futhi kube nokuhileleka ngothando lapho intsha ihileleka ekubhalelaneni nabantu abaziwayo ukuthi babeka isibonelo esibi bengamaKristu. Kungase kushiwo ukuthi ukubhalelana kwaqala kuwumzamo oqotho wokukhuthaza abanjalo.

Ingabe Ukuxoxa Noma Ukuphola?

IBhayibheli alikulahli ukuxoxa noma ukubhalela amalungu obulili obuhlukile. AmaKristu kumelwe ‘athande abazalwane,’ futhi lokho kuhlanganisa ontanga bobulili obuhlukile. (1 Petru 2:17) IBhayibheli liyaqhubeka litshela abesilisa abasha ukuba baphathe ‘abesifazane abasha njengawodadewabo ngenhlanzeko epheleleyo.’ (1 Thimothewu 5:2) Lapho lesimiso sisetshenziswa, izinsizwa nezintombi zingajabulela ubuhlobo obuhlanzekile, obakhayo—yebo, ubungane!

Nokho, intsha engamaKristu ngokuvamile ijabulela ubungane obunjalo ngokuhlangana njengeqembu. Ngakho lapho abasebasha ababili bekhiphana bodwa ukuze babonise ukunakekelana okukhethekile, ubuhlobo buqala ukubonakala njengothando, ukuqomisana. Ingabe lokhu kuyefana ngempela nokuphola? Cishe intsha eningi ibingathi cha. Nokho, intsha ayiqiniseki ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthi abantu abadala basho ukuthini ngokuphola.

Lapho elinye iqembu lentsha licelwa ukuba lichaze ukuphola, abangaphezu kwengxenye bathi kusho ‘ukuzikhipha nomuntu wobulili obuhlukile.’ Abanye bakuchaza njengokusho ‘ukwazi othile kangcono.’ Ukuhlola okungahleliwe okwenziwa eqenjini lentsha engamaKristu kwaveza imiphumela efanayo. Omunye umfana oneminyaka engu-13 wathi: “Ukuphola ukukhipha intombazana niye ebhayisikobho futhi nihlale kuze kuhlwe bese uyiyisa ekhaya.”

Isichazamazwi sichaza igama lesiNgisi elithi “ukuphola” “njengokuhlanganyela ubungane kwabantu ababili bobulili obuhlukile.” Ingabe lokhu ngeke kuhlanganise ukuba nezingxoxo zasikhathi sonke nothile? Futhi kuthiwani ngezingxoxo ezinjalo, noma ukuhlanganyela ubungane ocingweni? Insizwa egama layo linguIvan ithi: “Kuyilo uhlobo lokuphola, ikakhulukazi uma unosuku nesikhathi okuhlelwe kusengaphambili sokushayela lomuntu ucingo futhi ingxoxo igxile ezindabeni zomuntu siqu.”

Incwadi iFamily Handbook of Adolescence iyaphawula: “Ukuxhumana komfana nentombazana . . . ngokuvamile kuba ngamapheshana, izincwadi, nangocingo. Ngalunye lwalwezinhlobo zokuxhumana luyaziswa [phakathi kwentsha] ngoba lunivumela ukuba nisondelane nakuba niqhelelene.” Nakuba kunjalo, njenganoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuphola, kungaqalisa ukuhileleka okungathi sína. Cabangela insizwa egama layo linguJack. Lapho iba nesithakazelo kowesifazane osemusha njengongaba umngane womshado, yachitha isikhathi esiningi ikhuluma naye ocingweni. “Ukumazi umuntu ngokukhuluma naye ocingweni kuyinto engenzeka,” kusho uJack. “Ngocingo ungadlulisela imicabango futhi ngisho nemizwa.” UJack nentombi yakhe bashada. Ngenxa yokuqhelelana, imibhanqwana eminingi iye yaphola ngokushayelana izingcingo nangezincwadi!

Khona-ke, impikiswano ayikhona ukuthi wena uthi umbhanqwana umane nje uyaxoxa, uyabonana, noma uyaphola, kodwa iwukuthi luhlobo luni lobuhlobo oluhlakulelayo. Futhi lapho umfana nentombazana bezikhipha bodwa, lokhu kunganikeza okungenani umbono wothando olufufusayo. Futhi ngokuvamile kungaphezu nje kwalokho okubonakalayo. Njengoba umbhali osemusha uJane Rinzler echaza encwadini yakhe iTeens Speak Out: “Uma abantu bethandana . . . bayoqala ukubonana. Kungenzeka kuyoqala ngokuba bakhulume ocingweni mhlawumbe kanye, mhlawumbe kaningana.”

Izingozi Zokushesha Uphole

Manje kungase kube okulungile ngabantu ababili ukuba baqale ubuhlobo bothando uma nje besesimweni sokuphishekela umshado. Kodwa imbalwa imibhanqwana yabasebasha ephola inombono wokushada. Ngokwencwadi iAdolescent Development, ebhalwe uBarbara noPhilip Newman, ukuphola kwabasebasha ngokuvamile kumane nje “kuwuhlobo lokuzilibazisa,” indlela ‘yokuthola isithunzi’ phakathi kwenye intsha, nendlela “yokufunda ngabobuhlobo obuhlukile.”

Kodwa kumaKristu, umshado ungcwele, uhloniphekile. (Heberu 13:4) Ngakho ukuqomisana kwanoma yiluphi uhlobo kuyindaba engathi sína—akusilo uhlobo lomdlalo. Futhi lapho umuntu emncane kakhulu ukuba ashade, ubuhlobo obuseduze nowobulili obuhlukile bungaphetha kalula kakhulu ngomunyu nosizi. IBhayibheli likubeka ngalendlela: “Umuntu angaphatha umlilo esifubeni sakhe, izingubo zakhe zingashi, na?”—IzAga 6:27.

Lapho uMaria eneminyaka engu-13 ubudala, waqala ukuphola ngocingo. Kwakujabulisa okwesikhashana. Kodwa njengoba ayengakhulile ngokwanele ukuba ashade, ukuphola okunjalo kwamane kwamshiya edumele futhi ekhungathekile. “Ithemba elilitshazisiweyo ligulisa inhliziyo,” kusho izAga 13:12. Kwakumelwe futhi abhekane nokucindezeleka kokugcina ukuphola kwakhe kuyimfihlo kubazali bakhe. “Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho ucingo lukhala, ngangikhathazeka ngokuthi ucingo lwaluzothathwa omunye—ikakhulukazi umama. Ngangiphathwa amahloni lapho ebuza, ‘Ubani okhulumayo?’ futhi aluvale ngoba kungekho ophendulayo.”

Ngisho nokubhala izincwadi kunezingozi zako. Ngokwesibonelo, uCharlene waba nemizwa ejulile ngongakholwa. Uyavuma: “Ngaqala ngokumbhalela, futhi sesiye saba okungaphezu kwabangane nje. Uwumlutha wotshwala, kodwa ngizama ngokusemandleni ami ukumsiza. Ingabe ucabanga ukuthi likhona ithemba lokuthi ngingamenza anciphise ukuphuza kwakhe?” Nokho, imizamo kaCharlene yokuba umeluleki kumlutha wotshwala ayinabuhlakani futhi cishe ngeke iphumelele. Kalula nje angase agcine esemshadweni obhubhisayo.b—2 Korinte 6:14.

Zivikele Ngekhono Lokucabanga

Iseluleko esihle siyanikezwa kuzAga 2:10, 11 (NW): “Lapho ukuhlakanipha kungena enhliziyweni yakho nolwazi ngokwalo luba oluthokozisayo emphefumulweni wakho, ikhono lokucabanga liyokulinda, ukuqonda ngokwakho kuyokugcina.” Abantu abasebasha ngokuvamile bavumela imizwelo yabo ukuba iqondise izinqumo zabo. Kodwa ngokusebenzisa ikhono lokucabanga, nokuqonda, ungenza okuningi ukuze ‘ukhiphe usizi enhliziyweni yakho, udlulise okubi emzimbeni wakho.’—UmShumayeli 11:10.

Ukuqonda kukusiza ukuba uqaphele ukuthi ‘usenkathini yokuqhuma kobusha,’ isikhathi lapho imizwa yobulili nemizwelo yothando iqine khona. (1 Korinte 7:36, qhathanisa neNW.) Ubungane obuseduze nowobulili obuhlukile—kungaba ukubonana mathupha, ngocingo, noma ngisho ngencwadi—kuthambekele ekuvuseni inkanuko. Khona-ke kungani ukhipha othile oyedwa ukuze umnake ngokukhethekile? Iqiniso, ungase ufune ukufunda ukusebenzelana nabobulili obuhlukile. Kodwa ngokuvamile ungenza kanjalo ngokujabulela ubungane nabobulili obuhlukile eqenjini. Ngisho nalapho, gwema ukunaka kuphela iqembu elithile labangane. “Yanuleka” ebunganeni bakho. (2 Korinte 6:13) Ukwenza kanjalo kuyonciphisa ukuba nokwenzeka kokuhileleka ngothando.

Ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi awunakukhuluma ocingweni noma ubhalele ilungu lobulili obuhlukile? Cha. Ingozi iba sekuhlakuleleni ukunamathelana ngokwemizwelo kumuntu oyedwa. Kodwa qaphela ukuba ungalimazi omunye noma uzilimaze wena. Futhi uma naphezu kwezinhloso ezinhle kakhulu obunazo, imizwa yothando iqala ukwakheka, ungase udinge ukuphuma kulobobungane.

Kungase kusize futhi ukuxoxa ngalokho nomuntu omdala othembekile, njengomunye wabazali bakho. (IzAga 23:26) Ekuqaleni ungase uzizwe ungabaza noma udumazeka ngokuveza imizwa yakho. Kodwa abazali bakho bangase baqonde imizwa yakho kangcono kunokuba ucabanga.

Kungase kuthathe iminyaka ngaphambi kokuba ulungele ukuhlakulela isithakazelo sothando elungwini lobulili obuhlukile. Okwamanje, ngokubonisa ukuqapha nesithakazelo esingenabugovu kwabanye, ungajabulela ubuhlobo obulinganiselayo nabobulili obehlukile.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Izithombe ekhasini 18]

Ingabe ingxoxo yasocingweni ingabhekwa njengokuphola?