Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kuthiwani Uma Abazali Bami Becabanga Ukuthi Ngisemncane Kakhulu Ukuba Ngingaphola?

“Uyisidala mama. Akuseyona iminyaka yawo-1950 manje. Wonke umuntu uyaphola! Angiseyona intombazane encane manje.”—UJanie oneminyaka engu-16.a

KUNGAKUKHUNGATHEKISA ukutshelwa ukuthi awukakulungeli ukuphola. Omunye osemusha uthi: “Ngifuna ukwenza njengoba kusho iBhayibheli, ngidumise ubaba nomama, kodwa ngibona sengathi akulungile lokhu abakushoyo. Angazi nokuthi ngizoyixoxa kanjani nabo le ndaba.” Njengale nsizwa, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi abazali bakho bayeqisa futhi abanaluzwela. Mhlawumbe usuboné othile omthanda ngempela futhi ufuna ukumazi kangcono. Noma mhlawumbe unomuzwa wokuthi ukuphola kuyokusiza ukuba wamukeleke kontanga yakho. UMichelle uthi: “Kunokucindezela. Uma ungapholi, izingane esikoleni zicabanga ukuthi awusile.”

Omunye umeluleki wemikhaya waphawula lokhu ngokuphola: “Ayikho enye into abazali ababonakala beqisa kuyo njengale.” Kodwa ukuthi abazali bakho babonakala beqisa, ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi bayeqisa ngempela? Phela, uNkulunkulu unike abazali bakho umthwalo wemfanelo wokukufundisa, wokukuqeqesha, wokukuvikela nowokukuqondisa. (Duteronomi 6:6, 7) Kungenzeka yini ukuthi abazali bakho bakhathazeka kufanele ngenhlala-kahle yakho? Omunye umzali wathi: “Ngibona ingozi isondela futhi iyesabeka.” Kungani ukusheshe uqale ukuphola kwethusa abazali abaningi kangaka?

Imizwa Eyingozi

UBeth oneminyaka engu-14 uyakhononda: “Abazali bami benza kube sengathi kubi ukuthanda umuntu othile.” Nokho, uma abazali bakho bengamaKristu bazi kahle ukuthi uNkulunkulu waklama abesilisa nabesifazane ukuba bakhangane. (Genesise 2:18-23) Bayazi ukuthi lokhu kukhangana kungokwemvelo, ukuthi kuvumelana nenjongo yoMdali wethu yokuba isintu ‘sigcwalise umhlaba.’—Genesise 1:28.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, abazali bakho bayaqonda ukuthi izifiso zobulili zingaba namandla kangakanani uma ‘usekuqhumeni kobusha.’ (1 Korinte 7:36) Bayazi nokuthi awunalo ulwazi lokulawula lezo zifiso. Uma uqala ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi nomuntu wobulili obuhlukile ngokuba naye, ngokushayelana ucingo noma ngokubhalelana izincwadi noma nge-E-mail, ukukhangana kuzokhula. Ungase ubuze, ‘Pho kunani?’ Iyiphi indlela efanelekile onayo yokwanelisa lezo zifiso? Ingabe ukulungele ngempela ukuvumela leyo mizwa ifinyelele esiphethweni esinengqondo—ushade? Ngokunokwenzeka akunjalo.

Ngakho ukusheshe uphole kunezingozi ezingathi sína. IBhayibheli liyaxwayisa: “Umuntu angaphatha umlilo esifubeni sakhe, izingubo zakhe zingashi, na?” (IzAga 6:27) Ngokuvamile, ukuphola singakafiki isikhathi kuholela ekubeni nobuhlobo bobulili ngaphambi komshado, okuchaya intsha engozini yokukhulelwa ingashadile nezifo ezithathelwana ngobulili. (1 Thesalonika 4:4-6) Ngokwesibonelo, uTammy osemusha wayecabanga ukuthi abazali bakhe abenzi kahle uma bemvimbela ukuba aphole. Ngakho waqala ukuphola nothile esikoleni bengazi. Kodwa ngokushesha uTammy wakhulelwa—futhi ukuphila kwakhe kwashintsha. Manje uyavuma: “Ukuphola akusona isimangaliso njengoba kushiwo.”

Kodwa kuthiwani uma umbhangqwana osemusha ugwema ngokucophelela ukuthintana okungafanele? Noma kunjalo, kusenengozi yokuvusa imizwa yothando ngaphambi kwesikhathi. (IsiHlabelelo seziHlabelelo 2:7) Ukubhebhezela izifiso okungenzeka ukuthi kusasele iminyaka eminingi ukuba zifezwe ngokufanele, kungabangela ukukhungatheka nosizi.

Amanye amaphuzu okufanele acatshangelwe: Ingabe ngempela unolwazi olwanele ekuphileni ukuze wazi ukuthi yini okufanele uyibheke kumngane womshado? (IzAga 1:4) Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ingabe usunazo izimfanelo namakhono adingekayo ukuze ube umyeni noma umfazi oyothandwa futhi ahlonishwe ngempela? Ingabe unakho ukubekezela nokuzimisela okudingekayo ukuze ulondoloze ubuhlobo besikhathi eside? Akumangalisi ukuthi ubuhlobo obuningi bothando phakathi kwentsha buhlala isikhashana ngendlela edabukisayo. Bumbalwa obuphumela emishadweni ehlala isikhathi eside.

Ngakho-ke, uMonica oneminyaka engu-18 uyibeka kahle ngamafuphi le ndaba, ephawula: “Bonke abangane bami esikoleni babengitshela ngamasoka abo. Kodwa báshada besebancane noma bahlukana kabuhlungu ngoba babengakulungele ukudlulela esinyathelweni esilandelayo.” Osemusha okuthiwa uBrandon naye uyaphawula: “Kuyakhungathekisa kakhulu uma uqaphela ukuthi awukakulungeli ukuzibophezela kumuntu othile kodwa unomuzwa wokuthi usuzibophezele kakade ngoba uphola naye. Uhoxa kanjani ngaphandle kokumlimaza?”

Ngokungangabazeki abazali bakho bazama ukukuphephisa ebuhlungwini nasekukhungathekeni ngokuphikelela ukuthi ungapholi kuze kube yilapho usumdala ngokwanele ukuba uzibophezele emshadweni. Ngempela, bamane nje benza ngokuvumelana neseluleko esiphefumulelwe esikumShumayeli 11:10: “Khipha usizi enhliziyweni yakho, udlulise okubi emzimbeni wakho.”

‘Ukwanuleka’

Nokho, lokhu akusho ukuthi ngeke ukujabulele ukujwayelana nabobulili obuhlukile. Kodwa kungani uzihlanganisa nomuntu oyedwa? Komunye umongo, iBhayibheli lisikhuthaza ukuba ‘sanuleke’ ebudlelwaneni bethu. (2 Korinte 6:12, 13) Leso yiseluleko esihle kubantu abasha. Enye indlela yokwenza kanjalo ukuba nobudlelwano emaqenjini axubile. UTammy uyaphawula: “Ngicabanga ukuthi kumnandi kakhulu ngaleyo ndlela. Kungcono ukuba nabangane abaningi.” UMonica uthi: “Umbono weqembu umbono omuhle ngempela ngoba ubona abantu abanobuntu obuhlukahlukene futhi kukwenza uqaphele ukuthi kunabantu abaningi ongakahlangani nabo.”

Abazali bakho bangase bazimisele ngisho nokukusiza ukuba uhlele izikhathi ezimnandi nenye intsha. U-Anne, umama onabantwana ababili, uyachaza: “Siqiniseka njalo ukuthi ikhaya lethu liyindawo ejabulisayo abantwana abafuna ukuba kuyo. Simema abangane babo, sibaphe ukudla okulula, bese bedlala imidlalo. Ngale ndlela ababi nomuzwa wokuthi kufanele baphume ukuze bajabule.”

Kuyiqiniso ukuthi ngisho naseqenjini kusadingeka uqaphe unganaki kakhulu umuntu oyedwa. Enye intsha icabanga ukuthi uma nje inabanye abantu, ngeke kushiwo ukuthi iyaphola. Gwema ukuzikhohlisa okunjalo. (IHubo 36:2) Uma nizihlukanisa nomuntu oyedwa njalo lapho nihlangene njengabangane, kuyefana nokuphola lokho.b Lwela ukusebenzisa ukuqonda lapho ujabulela ubungane nabobulili obuhlukile.—1 Thimothewu 5:2.

Inzuzo Yokulinda

Akumnandi ukutshelwa ukuthi usemncane kakhulu ukuba ungaqala ukuphola. Kodwa abazali bakho abazami ukukuzwisa ubuhlungu. Ngokuphambene nalokho, benza konke abangakwenza ukuze bakusize futhi bakuvikele. Ngakho esikhundleni sokuthemba inhliziyo yakho nokwenqaba iseluleko sabo, kungani ungalusebenzisi ulwazi lwabo? Ngokwesibonelo, kungani ungafuni iseluleko sabo ngokuzayo uma unenkinga ekusebenzelaneni nabobulili obuhlukile? Izaga 28:26 ziyasikhumbuza: “Owethemba enhliziyweni yakhe uyisiwula.” UConnie osakhula uthi: “Uma umfana engithanda, ukuxoxa nomama kuyangisiza ukuba ngimelane nokucindezela kokuphola. Ungixoxela okwenzeka kubangane bakhe nasemkhayeni ngesikhathi esidlule. Kuyangisiza ngempela.”

Ukulinda isikhashana ngaphambi kokuba uphole ngeke kuthiye ukukhula kwakho ngokomzwelo noma kucinanise inkululeko yakho. Ngenxa yokuthi awukabi nemithwalo yemfanelo yabantu abadala yokuphola nomshado, unenkululeko ‘yokuthokoza ebusheni bakho.’ (UmShumayeli 11:9) Ukulinda kuyokunika nesikhathi sokuthuthukisa ubuntu bakho, ukuvuthwa futhi okubaluleke nakakhulu, ingokomoya. (IsiLilo 3:26, 27) Njengoba omunye osemusha ongumKristu akubeka, “kufanele uzibophezele kuJehova kuqala ngaphambi kokuba uzibophezele komunye umuntu.”

Njengoba ukhula futhi intuthuko yakho iba sobala kubo bonke abantu, abazali bakho bayoqala ukukubheka ngendlela ehlukile. (1 Thimothewu 4:15) Futhi uma usukulungele ngempela ukuphola, ngokungangabazeki bayokuvumela ukuba wenze kanjalo.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Izithombe ekhasini 20]

Ukunaka ngokukhethekile othile wobulili obuhlukile. . .

. . . ngokuvamile kuyovusa imizwa yothando

[Isithombe ekhasini 21]

Esikhundleni sokugxila kumuntu oyedwa, yanuleka ebunganeni obakhayo