Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Ngikhula Ngokushesha Kangaka?

“Lapho ngifunda ibanga lesine, ngangimude kunabo bonke. Kwakungibangela amahloni. Nganginomngane omfushane futhi ngangivame ukufisa ukuba njengaye.”—U-Annie.

“Njengoba ngibukeka njengomuntu oneminyaka eyishumi nesithupha noma ishumi nesikhombisa, abantu abaningi, kuhlanganise nabazali bami, balindele ukuba ngiziphathe njengomuntu omdala.”—UTanya, oneminyaka engu-12.

INKATHI yokuthomba—abaningi phakathi kwethu abadlule kuyo cishe bayokhetha ukukukhohlwa konke okuhlangenwe nakho kwayo. Iyamangalisa futhi iyethusa. Phakathi nenkathi yokuthomba, umzimba wakho uba nezinguquko ezisheshayo, ezimangalisayo, futhi ngezinye izikhathi, ezibangela amahloni. Uhlaselwa imizwa, izinkanuko, nezifiso ezintsha. Intsha eningi ithola induduzo eqinisweni lokuthi ontanga bayo babhekene nesimo esifanayo. Nokho, kwabanye abasha, inkathi yokuthomba ibonakala ifika ngokushesha kakhulu. Bazithola bezimuka, beba bade, bekhula ngokwengeziwe, bebukeka bebadala kunabangane babo nezingane abafunda nazo ekilasini.

Uma lokhu kuye kwenzeka kuwe, kungase kukududuze ukwazi ukuthi akukho lutho olungalungile ngokuqhuma ngokushesha. Isikhathi sokukhula sabo bonke abantu sihamba ngendlela yaso, futhi esakho sibonakala sishesha kakhudlwana kunesontanga yakho. Phela, izinguquko zangenkathi yokuthomba kumfana zingaqala lapho emncane ngangeminyaka eyishumi, futhi entombazaneni, incane ngangeminyaka eyisishiyagalombili. Cishe ngokushesha abangane bakho bayoqala ukubhekana nezinguquko ezifanayo. Kungenzeka okwamanje unezinkinga ezithile okumelwe uzibekezelele.

Izinjabulo Nezinhlungu Zokuba Mude

Enye intombazane eyevé eshumini elinambili yatshela i-Phaphama!: “Ngikhetha ukuba yingane ende kunazo zonke ekilasini. Abantu bayakuhlonipha.” Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi abafana abakhula ngokushesha ikakhulukazi bajabulela izinzuzo eziningana ezihlukile kunontanga yabo abakhula kancane. Incwadi ethi Adolescent Development, kaBarbara noPhilip Newman, ithi: “Abafana abakhula ngokushesha bade futhi baqinile kunontanga yabo. . . . Abafana abade, abaqinile cishe bangase banikezwe umthwalo wemfanelo, babhekwe njengabaholi bontanga, futhi baphathwe njengokungathi bavuthiwe ngokwengqondo nangokomzimba.”

Nokho, ukuba mude kakhulu ngokushesha kunemiphumela yakho engemihle. Okokuqala, ungase ube yisisulu samahlaya angapheli onya avela kulabo ofunda nabo. Enye intombazane eseyintsha yatshela i-Phaphama!: “Ngangiyintombazane ende kunawo wonke ekilasini. Babengibiza ngokuthi ‘Ngingumilenze Emide.’” Insizwa okuthiwa uDwayne iyakhumbula: “Izingane zazingibiza ngamagama anjengokuthi ‘Nogolantethe.’ Ngezinye izikhathi zazibuza, ‘Sinjani isimo sezulu lapho kwelenyoni?’”a

Okunzima kakhulu izikhathi lapho izingalo nemilenze yakho emide kwehluleka ukusebenza ngokuvumelana. (Qhathanisa nabase-Efesu 4:16) “Ngangiwufahlayiya, ngizacile, futhi ngingazinaki,” kukhumbula uChristine ngeminyaka yakhe yokweva eshumini elinambili. “Ngangihluleka kwezemidlalo,” kwenezela uDwayne. “Kwakubonakala sengathi ubuchopho bami babuthumela umyalezo, futhi imilenze nezingalo zami ziwuthole ngemva kwesonto! Ngangihamba njengendlulamithi efake izicathulo ezinamasondo.” Qiniseka ukuthi lenkathi engathandeki ingokwemvelo. Izodlula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ungase uthole futhi ukuthi isilinganiso esifanele ‘sokuvivinya umzimba siyazuzisa.’ (1 Thimothewu 4:8, NW) Lapho uwuvocavoca ngokwengeziwe umzimba wakho, kulapho uyokwazi khona ukuvumelana kangcono.

Kuthiwani ngokubizwa ngamagama nokugconwa? Ungase ulingeke ukuba uphindisele ngamazwi ambalwa ahlabayo, kodwa iBhayibheli lithi: “Ungasiphenduli isiwula njengobuwula baso, funa ufane naso.” (IzAga 26:4) Ngaphandle kwalokho, ekugcineni ‘ukuphindisela okubi ngokubi’ kumane kwenze isimo esibi sibe sibi ngokwengeziwe. (Roma 12:17) IBhayibheli lithi ‘kunesikhathi sokuhleka.’ (UmShumayeli 3:4) Ukuba namahlaya kungakusiza ukuba ubhekane nezikhathi eziningi ezibangela amahloni.b

‘Bacabanga Ukuthi Ngimdala’

Ngezinye izikhathi inkinga akubona ontanga, kodwa abantu abadala abacabanga ukuthi umdala kunendlela oyiyo ngempela. UDwayne uyakhumbula: “Ngangikhethwa esixukwini njengophethe, umholi. Ngesinye isikhathi ngangiseduze kweqembu lezingane, futhi zaqala ukuphonsa izinto zisebhulohweni. Amaphoyisa asondela futhi aqala ukungithethisa ngoba ngangimude kunazo zonke. Kodwa ngangingazi nokuthi kwakwenzekani.”

Ngezinye izikhathi, kungase kukujabulise ukuphathwa njengomuntu omdala. Inkinga iwukuthi, ukukhula okungokomzimba kungadlula ukukhula okungokwengqondo nokungokomzwelo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubukeka kanjani, ungase uqhubeke ucabanga futhi uzindla, hhayi njengomuntu omdala, kodwa njengothile onguntanga yakho. (Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Korinte 13:11.) Ngakho lapho abantu befuna ukuba wenze izinto njengomuntu omdala, ungase ukuthole kunzima ukwenza abakulindele.

Ezikhathini eziningi kungase kudingeke ukuba unikeze abangane namalungu omkhaya izikhumbuzo zomusa zokuthi awumdala njengendlela obukeka ngayo. “Lapho kungekho khona ukululekana, amasu ayachitheka,” kusho izAga 15:22. Ngakho uma unomuzwa wokuthi abazali bakho bafuna izinto ngokweqile, veza imizwa yakho ngomusa. Omunye umagazini wentsha wasikisela ukuthi ungase uthi: “Ngiyazi ukuthi ngenxa yokuthi ngibukeka ngimdala ngalendlela, kulula ukulindela ukuba ngiziphathe njengomuntu omdala. Kodwa ngaphakathi, ngisemncane njengoba nginjalo ngempela, futhi ngezinye izikhathi kunzima kimi ukufeza konke enilindele ukuba ngikwenze nalokho enifuna ukuba ngibe yikho.”

Ungalenzi iphutha lokuthuthukisa umbono ophambene wokuthi umdala ngokuziphatha noma ngokuzenza ubukeke ngendlela evelele kakhulu, noma ngokugqoka nangokuzilungisa ngendlela engafanelani neminyaka yakho. Phela, enye intsha ekhula ngokushesha ize ilahle abangane bayo basebuntwaneni ababukeka bebancane futhi izame ukuzifanelanisa neqembu labadala kunayo! Kodwa umuntu ozama ukufihla lokho ayikho ngempela ngokuqondene nalokhu angase agcine ehlazekile. (Qhathanisa neHubo 26:4.) Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi abanye bayokubona ukuzenzisa kwakho. Ngakho-ke, ngokuhlakanipha iBhayibheli lithi, “kwabathobekileyo kukhona ukuhlakanipha.” (IzAga 11:2; Mika 6:8) Umuntu onesizotha uyakwazi ukulinganiselwa kwakhe.

Ukuhlukunyezwa Ngokobulili

Ukuziphatha ngesizotha kungakuvikela futhi enkingeni evame ukuhlasela ikakhulukazi amantombazane akhula ngokushesha: ukuhlukunyezwa ngokobulili. Enkathini eshesha ngokumangalisayo, umzimba wentombazanyana ungaqala ukubukeka njengowowesifazane okhangayo. (Qhathanisa nesiHlabelelo seziHlabelelo 8:8, 10.) Nokho, kwamanye amantombazane asemasha, ukuba namabele nezinqulu zowesifazane kungase—eqinisweni—kubangele amahloni.

Umlobi uRuth Bell uyaphawula: “Amantombazane akhulayo aba yizisulu zokusabela kwabesilisa ngokukhethekile.” Intombazane eneminyaka engu-12 okuthiwa uDenise iyachaza: “Njengoba sengikhule ngokwengeziwe ngokomzimba abantu abaningi bayangigqolozela lapho ngihamba.” (Changing Bodies, Changing Lives) Izingane ofunda nazo ekilasini zabo bobubili ubulili ezinelukuluku lokufuna ukwazi zingase zizame ngisho nokukuthinta ngokungafanelekile. Akumangalisi ukuthi incwadi ethi Adolescent Development ithi: “Abesifazane abakhula ngokushesha bangase bagxadazele, bagqoke izikipa ezilengayo, noma babe namahloni futhi bazihlukanise ukuze bagweme ukuba ontanga baqaphele imizimba yabo eshintshayo.”

Nakuba ungaphoqelekile ukuba uzifihle ngezimpahla eziningi, kumane kuwukuhlakanipha ukugwema izingubo nezitayela zokuzilungisa ezivusa inkanuko noma ezikulethela ukunakwa okungadingekile. Lokhu kuvumelana neseluleko seBhayibheli sokugqoka “ngokuhlonipha nokuqonda.”—1 Thimothewu 2:9.

Kungase kube nezinye izinyathelo eziwusizo ongazithatha. Emuva ezikhathini zeBhayibheli, uRuthe wabhekana nethuba lokuhlukunyezwa ngokobulili lapho eyosebenza ensimini kaBowazi. Ngomusa uBowazi ‘wayala abafana ukuba bangamthinti.’ Nakuba kunjalo, wamxwayisa: “Ungayi ukukhothoza kwenye insimu, . . . kepha namathela kuwo amantombazana ami.” (Ruthe 2:8, 9) Ngokufanayo, amanye amantombazane asemasha aye akwazi ukuhlala eseduze namanye amantombazane angamaKristu afunda esikoleni esifanayo. Ayakugwema ukuhamba wodwa ezindaweni ezaziwa ngokuba yingozi.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimo siyini, akekho onelungelo lokukuhlukumeza—ngokomzimba noma ngamazwi. Uma ubhekana nezinkinga ezithile ngokuqondene nalokhu, bonisana nabazali bakho noma umuntu omdala onokwethenjelwa. Kungenzeka banokusikisela okuthile noma bangase bazimisele ukungenela ngandlela-thile.

Ngisho nangaphansi kwezimo ezinhle kakhulu, inkathi yokuthomba iyisikhathi sokuphila esinzima. Ukuba mkhulu—noma ukuba mncane—kunontanga yakho kungayenza ibe nzima ngisho nangokwengeziwe. Nokho, nakuba ungenza yonke imizamo, akukho okungako ongakwenza ngokukhula kwakho okungokomzimba. Kodwa ungazikhandla ekukhuleni kwakho okungokomoya. Futhi uma wenza kanjalo, njengoSamuweli osemusha wangezikhathi zeBhayibheli, ‘uyokhula, ube muhle kuJehova nakubantu.’—1 Samuweli 2:26.

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