Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ingabe Ngikhula Ngendlela Efanele?

“Ngangingomunye wezingane ezincane kunazo zonke ekilasini lethu—futhi nganginesisindo esincane kunazo zonke. Ngangingazithandi izingalo zami. Ngangicabanga ukuthi zizacé kakhulu. Ngaze ngafaka ngisho ne-oda lomshini wokuzivivinya owawukhangiswe ekhasini elingemuva lencwadi ethile yamahlaya. Nokho, awuzange usebenze.”—U-Eric.

“Angimude ngokwanele. Ngineminyaka engu-13, futhi [ngingamamitha angu-1,5] kuphela ubude. Bonke abantu ekilasini lethu bade! Nokho, bakhona abanye abafana abafushane kunami, kodwa cishe bayokhula phakathi nehlobo. Angikuthandi nje ukuba mfushane! Angikwazi ukubona noma yini! Ngifisa sengathi ngingaba mude khona manje.”—UKerri.

UMUDE kakhulu! Umfushane kakhulu! Ukhuluphele kakhulu! Uzace kakhulu! Lokhu akukhona nje ukugcona kwentsha enonya. Intsha eningi izahlulela ngalendlela njalo lapho izibuka esibukweni. “Lapho ngineminyaka engu-13,” kukhumbula owesifazane onomzimba omncane ongumHispania okuthiwa uMari, “ngangilizonda ngempela ikhala lami; lalilikhulu kangangokuba ngangicabanga ukuthi ngidinga ukuhlinzwa! Futhi nganginomzimba ongamile kahle! Udadewethu omdala wayenengubo eyayibonakala iyinhle okhalweni lwakhe olume kahle. Lapho ngizama ukuyigqoka, bonke abantu babehleka.”

Lapho ‘usekuqhumeni kobusha,’ ikakhulukazi leyonkathi yesiyaluyalu yokushintsha okusheshayo okungokomzimba nokungokomzwelo eyaziwa ngokuthi ukuthomba, kulula ukuba nemizwa ephambene ngawe. (1 Korinte 7:36) Ngokubona kwakho, ontanga yakho bakhulela ekubeni abantu abadala abade nabakhangayo. Kodwa kungase kubonakale sengathi wena awukhuli nakancane—noma ukhula ngokweqile. Okunye ukuhlola kwembula ukuthi inani elikhulu lamaphesenti angu-56 entsha alanelisiwe ngemizimba yalo. Abacwaningi uJane Norman noMyron W. Harris bathi iningi laleyontsha enganelisiwe lalinomuzwa wokuthi ‘lifushane ngokweqile’ noma ‘alikhuli kahle.’

Intsha eningi ikhathazekile futhi ngokukhula kwezitho zayo zomzimba zangasese; iyabuza ukuthi zikhula ngendlela efanele yini. Incwadi ethi Growing Into Love, kaKathryn Watterson Burkhart ichaza ukuthi ‘imizwa yentsha yokuzethemba, ukuphumelela nesithunzi somuntu siqu igxile emizimbeni yayo, ngakho kuba okubaluleke ngokweqile ukuba imizimba yayo ikhule ngendlela efanele.’ Khona-ke, akumangalisi ukuthi ngokuvamile intsha ikhathazeka kakhulu ezimweni (njengasekilasini lokuzivivinya) lapho imizimba yayo ivulekele ekucusumbulweni—noma ukuqhathaniswa.

Ingabe ayikujabulisi indlela umzimba wakho okhula ngayo? Ungakhathazeki! Cishe ngokungangabazeki uphile kahle ngokuphelele.

Ubuhlungu Obukhulayo

Ukuthomba kuyinqubo engokwemvelo nenempilo. Ngisho noJesu Kristu wabhekana nakho, ‘eqhubeka ekuhlakanipheni nasekukhuleni.’ (Luka 2:52) Ukuthomba kuhilela ukuvuthwa kwezitho zakho zokuzala.a Nokho, kuhilela ukuqhuma okungalindelekile kokukhula okusheshayo, ngokuvamile okuliphinda kabili izinga lokukhula komuntu elivamile lonyaka. “Ngaqala ukukhula [ngamasentimitha ayishumi] ngonyaka,” kukhumbula insizwa okuthiwa uDanny. “Lapho ngineminyaka engu-13 [ngangingamamitha angu-1,8] ubude.”

Nokho, ngokuvamile amantombazane aqala ukukhula kwawo okusheshayo eminyakeni engaba mibili ngaphambi kwabafana. Ngakho lapho ineminyaka engu-12, intombazane ingase ibe yinde kunezingane zesilisa efunda nazo ekilasini. Cishe iyoba yinde ngalendlela okwesikhashana kuphela. Phakathi neminyaka embalwa, abafana abaningi bayolingana nayo ngobude futhi baqhubeke baze bayidlule.

Ngisho nakuba kunjalo, ukukhula ngokushesha kunezinkinga zakho. Ngokuvamile, izitho zokuqala eziba nkulu izinyawo zakho. Khona-ke, okwesikhashana izinyawo zakho zingase zingavumelani ngokuphelele nobukhulu bomzimba wakho. Umlobi uLynda Madaras ucaphuna intombazane eseyintsha ithi: “Nganginobude obungaphezudlwana nje [kwamamitha angu-1,5] lapho ngineminyaka eyishumi nanye, kodwa ngangigqoka isicathulo esingu-size 8. Ngangicabanga, hhayi ngeke phela, uma izinyawo zami ziqhubeka zikhula, ziyoba ngangezezimu! Kodwa ngineminyaka engu-16 manje, futhi nginobude [bamamitha angu-1,7], kodwa namanje ngisagqoka u-size 8.” Ngokushesha kulandela ukukhula okusheshayo kwemilenze, amathanga, nesiqu somzimba wakho.

Okucindezela ngisho nangaphezulu kungaba umfanekiso oshintshayo owubona esibukweni. Umlobi uLynda Madaras uyachaza encwadini ethi The What’s Happening to My Body? Book for Girls: “Njengoba udlula esikhathini sokuthomba, ubuso bakho buyashintsha. Ingxenye engezansi yobuso bakho iba yinde futhi ubuso bakho buyagcwala.” Lokhu kunjalo kukho kokubili abafana namantombazane. Kungase kuthathe isikhathi esithile ngaphambi kokuba ubuso bakho bubonakale bulingana kahle.

Ngenxa yokuthi izingxenye ezihlukene zomzimba wakho zikhula ngendlela engafani, izingalo nemilenze yakho nakho kungase kubonakale kukude ngendlela ebangela amahloni. “Izingalo zami zazibonakala sengathi zinde ngokweqile,” kukhumbula uChristine, kamuva owakhulela ekubeni umuntu omdala okhangayo. Kungase kuvele futhi nenkathi yesimo esijivazayo yokungalingani kahle komzimba ngaphambi kokuba ekugcineni umzimba wakho ubonakale “uhlanganisiwe‚ ubambane ngokwelekelelana kwamalungu onke.”—Efesu 4:16.

Abakhula Kamuva

Nokho, ukuthomba kungaba yinto eyisimanga. Ngezinye izikhathi umuntu oneminyaka engu-12 angase abonakale njengomuntu oneminyaka engu-20. Kodwa kwenye intsha, kubonakala sengathi ama-hormone awasebenzi ngesikhathi esifanele. Omunye osemusha okuthiwa uWillie uyakhononda: “Ngingomunye wezingane ezimfushane kunazo zonke ekilasini lethu, futhi ngiyazi ukuthi kunjani ukugconwa.” Uma uthola ukuthi kumelwe ucokame ukuze ulingane nontanga yakho, ungakhathazeki. Ngokuvamile, kumane nje kusho ukuthi umzimba wakho ukhula ngesilinganiso esingaphansi kunaleso salabo ofunda nabo ekilasini.b

Kuyavunywa, ukuba mfushane noma ukubonakala umncane kunontanga yakho kungase kube nzima ukukwamukela. “Ngiyazi ukuthi ngibukeka njengengane encane, futhi ngiyakuzonda!” kukhononda u-Allison oneminyaka engu-16. Ungayisheshisa yini inqubo yokukhula? Cha, kodwa ungayishukumisa. KuJobe 8:11, iBhayibheli lithi: “Umhlanga ungahluma lapho kungekho-xhaphozi na? Incema ingamila kungekho-manzi na?” Njengoba nje nesitshalo sichuma uma sithola indawo nokudla okufanele, kanjalo udinga ukuphumula okwanele nokudla okunempilo. Ukudla njalo ukudla okungenamsoco kuyoncisha umzimba wakho ukondleka okudingayo ukuze ukhule ngendlela efanele.

Ngaphandle nje kokunakekela impilo okuvamile, akukho ongakwenza ngokukhula kwakho okungokomzimba. Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ukuqhuma kokukhula kwakho kuzoqala. Eqinisweni, ungase uqhubeke ukhula ngisho nangemva kokuba ontanga yakho sebefinyelele ubude babo obuphelele. “Lapho ngifunda ibanga lesithupha,” kukhumbula insizwa okuthiwa uJohn, “munye kuphela ezinganeni engangimude kunaye ekilasini, kodwa phakathi nehlobo, ngakhula ngokungazelele. Lapho ngiqala ibanga lesikhombisa, ngangicishe ngibe umfana omude kunabo bonke ekilasini.” Lokhu kusikhumbuza isaga sasendulo: “Ithemba elilitshazisiweyo ligulisa inhliziyo; isifiso esigcwalisiweyo singumuthi wokuphila.”—IzAga 13:12.

Yiqiniso, asikho isiqinisekiso sokuthi uyoke ube mude njengomdlali we-basketball waseMelika. Uma unabazali abafushane, cishe nawe uyoba nomzimba omfushane. Nokho, ukuba mfushane kunabangane bakho kungase kukudalele izinkinga.

Indlela Ongabhekana Nakho Ngayo

Nakuba uNkulunkulu engamahluleli umuntu ngendlela abukeka ngayo, ngokuvamile abantu abangahlakaniphile bayakwenza. Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi intsha ivame ukubheka labo abakhula kancane kakhulu njengabangakhangi nabangafaneleki kunentsha ebonakala ivuthiwe. Bangase ngisho babakhiphe inyumbazane abangane bangaphambili ababonakala bengasafaneleki ngenxa yokuthi babonakala bebancane kakhulu. Lokhu kungase kukuthinte ngokujulile ukuzethemba kwakho. Okunye ukuhlola kwabonisa ukuthi esikhathini eside ngemva kokuba intsha ekhula kancane isibaficile efunda nabo ngokomzimba, imizwa yokungafaneleki ingase isale.

Ungabhekana kanjani nayo? Enye intsha ekhula kancane iba abantu abazithulele futhi izehlukanise. Nokho enye—ikakhulukazi abafana—iba izichwensi noma amadela-ngozi ngomzamo odukile wokuletha ukunakekela kuyo. Kodwa ayikho inkambo yesenzo kulezi ezimbili eyokulethela abangane beqiniso. Ekugcineni, abantu bazokuthanda ngenxa yalokho oyikho, hhayi indlela obukeka ngayo. Uma ubonisa isithakazelo esiqotho kwabanye futhi uhlakulela umusa nokuphana, abantu abaningi bazokuthanda. (IzAga 11:25; Filipi 2:4) Uma abanye beqhubeka bekugcona noma bekuziba, zama ukuxoxa nabazali bakho ngalenkinga. Bangase bakunikeze ukusikisela okuwusizo.

Khumbula futhi ukuthi uNkulunkulu “ubheka okusenhliziyweni.” (1 Samuweli 16:7) IBhayibheli lithi iNkosi uSawule yayingenye yamadoda amade nakhanga kakhulu kwa-Israyeli. Kodwa yayiyisehluleki kokubili njengenkosi nanjengendoda. (1 Samuweli 9:2) Ngakolunye uhlangothi, indoda okuthiwa uZakewu “yayimfushane.” Nokho yabusiswa ngelungelo lokungenisa iNdodana kaNkulunkulu. (Luka 19:2-5) Ngakho-ke yilokho okungaphakathi kumuntu okubaluleke ngempela. Futhi uma umzimba wakho ungakhuli ngokushesha ngendlela ongase ufise ngayo, ungase ududuzeke ngokwazi ukuthi lokhu kungase kube okuvamile. “Konke kunesikhathi sakho,” futhi ekugcineni umzimba wakho uyosabela ekufikeni kwesikhathi sokuthomba. (UmShumayeli 3:1) Ngokumangalisayo, intsha eningi ikhala ngokuthi imizimba yayo ikhula ngokushesha ngokweqile. Inkinga yayo kuzoxoxwa ngayo esihlokweni esilandelayo kuloluchungechunge.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 23]

Ngokuvamile amantombazane aqala ukukhula kwawo okusheshayo eminyakeni engaba mibili ngaphambi kwabafana. Nokho, abafana abaningi bawafica ngokushesha futhi ekugcineni bawadlule amantombazane ngobude