Yini Ethonya Isimo Sakho Sengqondo?
EMINYAKENI engaba ngu-2700 edlule, umlobi ophefumulelwe wabhala lesi saga esishukumisa ingqondo: “Koyisiwula ukuqhuba ukuziphatha okuxekethile kunjengomdlalo.” (IzAga 10:23, NW) Ubuqiniso balokhu buye babonakala ikakhulukazi kusukela enguqukweni engokobulili. Ngaphambi kokwesatshwa kwengculaza, isimo sengqondo esasandile sasiwukuthi ubulili ‘buwumdlalo ohlanganyelwayo’ nokuthi inkanuko yobulili kumelwe yaneliswe ‘kungakhathaliseki ukuthi imiphumela iyini.’ Ingabe lesi simo sengqondo sishintshile? Cha.
Namuhla ukuhuheka ngokobulili kusaveza “imilutha yokukhanga ngokomzwelo,” ‘abathatha uhide lwesithembu,’ kanye “namagovu angokobulili,” okungabantu abaveza ukuthi ukuziphatha kuyindaba yomuntu siqu nokuthi ukuhlanganyela ubulili ngokungenazibopho nabantu abaningi kungokwemvelo. (Bheka ibhokisi elithi “Izindlela Zokuphila Zobulili,” ekhasini 6.) Bathi ‘akekho olimalayo’ ngenxa yobulili obungenakuzithiba, inqobo nje uma buhlanganyelwa abantu abadala ababili abavumelene. Ngo-1964, isazi sezenhlalo saseState University of Iowa u-Ira Reiss sabiza lokhu ngokuthi “ukuyekelela okunothando.”
Umbhishobhi waseSheshi wase-Edinburgh, eScotland, kubonakala sengathi uzizwa ngendlela efanayo, ngoba wathi abantu badalelwa ukuba bathandane nabantu abaningi. Enkulumweni ephathelene nobulili nobuKristu, wathi: “UNkulunkulu wayazi lapho esidala ukuthi usinikeze inkanuko yobulili engokwemvelo okufanele siyanelise. Usinikeze izakhi zofuzo zokuziphatha okuxekethile. Ngicabanga ukuthi isonto belingenza iphutha uma lilahla abantu abaye balandela imizwelo yabo.”
Ingabe umbono onjalo unempilo? Uyini umonakalo obangelwa ubulili obungenazibopho? Ingabe ubuhlobo besikhashana nohide lwabantu ohlanganyela nabo ubuhlobo bobulili buletha ukwaneliseka nenjabulo?
Umqedazwe wembulunga yonke wezifo ezithathelwana ngobulili kanye nokukhulelwa kwezigidi ngaphandle komshado, ikakhulukazi entsheni, kufakazela ukwehluleka kombono onjalo. Ngokukamagazini i-Newsweek, e-United States kuphela, izifo ezithathelwana ngobulili zihlasela intsha elinganiselwa ezigidini ezintathu minyaka yonke. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abaningi kulaba ‘bantu abadala abavumelene’ babonakala ‘bengenakho ukusondelana ngokomzwelo okungokwemvelo’ noma umuzwa womthwalo wemfanelo ngomntwana ongakazalwa ovame ukuvela, futhi ngokushesha bafuna ukukhipha isisu. (2 Thimothewu 3:3) Lokhu kulahlekisela umntwana ongakazalwa ukuphila kwakhe, njengoba ngonya ehlukaniswa nonina. Umama osemncane angase acindezeleke ngokujulile futhi abe nomuzwa wecala ongamkhathaza konke ukuphila kwakhe.
UDkt. Patrick Dixon walinganisela ukuthi maphakathi nawo-1990 eBrithani kuphela, izindleko ezingokwezimali zemiphumela yenguquko engokobulili kwakuyinani elishaqisayo elingamaRandi ayizigidi ezingu-93 400 unyaka ngamunye. Encwadini yakhe ethi The Rising Price of Love, uDkt. Dixon wathola leli nani ngokugcina umbhalo wezindleko zokwelapha izifo ezithathelwana ngobulili, kuhlanganise nengculaza; izindleko zokuwohloka kobuhlobo besikhathi eside; izindleko emphakathini zabazali abangashadile; kanye nezindleko zokwelashwa komkhaya nabantwana. Njengoba kwabikwa kuyi-Globe and Mail, iphephandaba laseCanada lansuku zonke, uDkt. Dixon uyaphetha: “Inguquko ebuhlotsheni bobulili eyasithembisa inkululeko iye yagqilaza abaningi, ezweni elicekelwe phansi usizi olungokobulili, inhlekelele, isizungu, ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo, ubudlova nokuxhashazwa.”
Kodwa kungani kunokuhuheka ngokobulili okuqhubekayo, ukuthandwa kobuhlobo besikhashana kanye nokuphikelela ebuhlotsheni bobulili obungenazibopho? Njengoba kuye kwaba nezithelo ezimbi ezisobala kuleminyaka engamashumi amathathu edlule, yini eshoshozela lokhu kuhuheka okubhubhisayo?
Izithombe Zobulili Ezingcolile Ziphendukezela Ubulili
Izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kuthiwa zingesinye isici esishoshozela ukuhuheka ngokobulili. Othile othi ungumlutha wobulili uyabhala ephephandabeni i-Toronto Star: “Ngayeka ukubhema eminyakeni emihlanu edlule, ngayeka ukuphuza eminyakeni emibili edlule, kodwa akukho okuye kwaba nzima ukukuyeka ekuphileni kwami ngaphezu kokuluthwa kwami ubulili nezithombe zobulili ezingcolile.”
Uyaqiniseka futhi ukuthi intsha echayeka ezithombeni zobulili ezingcolile kancane kancane iba nombono ophendukezelwe wokuziphatha ngokobulili. Iphila ngamaphupho obulili futhi ithola ukuthi ubuhlobo bangempela buyinkimbinkimbi futhi bunzima. Lokhu kuholela ekuzehlukaniseni nakwezinye izinkinga, enkulu kuzo ewubunzima bokwakha izibopho zothando ezihlala njalo.
Ezokuzijabulisa Zisebenzisa Kabi Ubulili
Indlela yokuphila okuxekethile ehlanganisa ukuba nobulili nabantu abaningi, ngokusemthethweni noma ngokungemthetho, iye yasakazeka kabanzi futhi yabukiswa obala ezokuzijabulisa. Ukubukisa ngobulili okungenathando nokululazayo kushoshozela ukuhuheka ngokobulili, okunikeza lesi sizukulwane umbono ophendukezelwe ngokuziphatha kwabantu ngokobulili. Imithombo yezokuzijabulisa ngephutha ivame ukufanisa ubulili ngaphandle komshado nokusondelana kothando. Izihlwele ezikhonze osaziwayo bezokuzijabulisa zibonakala zingakwazi ukuhlukanisa phakathi kokuhuheka nothando, phakathi kokuthatheka kwesikhashana ngokobulili nokuzibopha okuhlala njalo, noma phakathi kwamaphupho neqiniso.
Ngokufanayo, ngokuvamile ezokukhangisa ziye zasebenzisa kabi ubulili njengethuluzi lezohwebo. Sebuye baba “ithuluzi elingenazwela elinenjongo yokudonsela ukunaka emkhiqizweni,” kusho uchwepheshe othile wezobulili. Njengoba kwaphawula iphephabhuku elithi Family Relations, abakhangisi baye basebenzisa kabi ubulili futhi bahlobanisa ukwaneliseka ngokobulili nokuphila okujabulisayo, kodwa lokhu kungokunye “ukuphendukezelwa kobulili” kwekhulu leminyaka lama-20.
Izindima Ezishintshayo Zisonta Izimo Zengqondo
Ukushintsha komphakathi kanye nokutholakala kwamaphilisi avimbela inzalo ngo-1960 kwashintsha ukuziphatha ngokobulili kwezigidi zabesifazane. Amaphilisi okuvimbela inzalo anikeza abesifazane umbono wokuthi balingana namadoda ngokobulili, inkululeko noma ukuzimela ngokobulili okwakungakaze kube khona ngaphambili. Njengamadoda, abesifazane manje babengazama ubuhlobo besikhashana, bengathiywa ukwesaba ukukhulelwa okungafunwa. Bezitika ngenkululeko yabo engokobulili, abesilisa nabesifazane bacishe bawuchitha ngokuphelele umkhaya nezindinganiso zobulili ezingokwemvelo.
Umlobi weBhayibheli wekhulu lokuqala wathi ngabantu abanjalo: “Banamehlo agcwele ukuphinga futhi abakwazi ukuyeka isono . . . Banezinhliziyo eziqeqeshelwe ukukhanuka. . . . Beshiya indlela eqondileyo, badukile.”—2 Petru 2:14, 15.
Imfundo Yobulili Ezikoleni
Ukuhlolwa kwabesifazane abangashadile base-United States abangaba ngu-10 000 abasebudaleni bokufunda esikoleni esiphakeme kwembula ukuthi “ulwazi, oluvezwa izifundo zobulili nolwazi lokuvinjelwa kwenzalo umuntu athi unalo,” alubanga namphumela emazingeni entsha ekhulelwa ngaphandle komshado. Noma kunjalo, ezinye izikole zomphakathi zisabela kulomqedazwe ngokunikeza abafundi bazo ama-condom amahhala, nakuba lomkhuba uyimpikiswano eshubile.
Umfundi wasesikoleni esiphakeme oneminyaka engu-17 ubudala iphephandaba i-Calgary Herald elaxoxa naye wathi: “Kuyiqiniso ukuthi iningi lentsha esesikoleni esiphakeme lihlanganyela ubulili . . . , ngisho neneminyaka engu-12 ubudala.”
Luyini Uthando Nokuzibopha?
Uthando, ukuthembana nobungane obuyigugu akuwona umphumela ozenzakalelayo wokukhanga ngokobulili noma wokwanelisa izifiso zobulili. Ubuhlobo bobulili bubodwa abunakulwakha uthando lweqiniso. Uthando nokusondelana kuhlakulelwa ezinhliziyweni zabantu ababili abakhathalelanayo abazimisele ukwakha ubuhlobo obuhlala njalo.
Ubuhlobo besikhashana ekugcineni bushiya umuntu engalondekile, enesizungu futhi mhlawumbe enesifo esithathelwana ngobulili njengengculaza. Abasekeli bobulili obungenazibopho bangase bachazwe ngokufanele ngamazwi atholakala kweyesi-2 Petru 2:19: “Nakuba bebathembisa inkululeko, bona ngokwabo baphila njengezigqila zokonakala. Ngoba noma ubani onqotshwa omunye ugqilazwa nguye lowo.”
Ibhodi yeSonto LaseSheshi ephethe ezenhlalo yakhipha umbiko wayo ngo-June 1995, owawunesihloko esithi “Okuthile Okujabulisayo.” Ngokwe-Toronto Star, ngokuphambene neseluleko seBhayibheli, lebhodi yanxusa isonto ukuba “lilahle inkulumo ethi ‘ukuphila esonweni’ futhi lilahle umbono walo wokwahlulela labo abakipitayo.” Lombiko watusa ukuthi “amasonto kufanele amukele abakipitayo, abalalele, afunde kubo, . . . ukuze bonke babone ukuba khona kukaNkulunkulu ekuphileni kwabo.”
UJesu wayeyobabiza ngokuthini abaholi benkolo abanjalo? Ngokuqinisekile wayeyothi “bangabaqondisi abayizimpumputhe.” Futhi kuthiwani ngalabo abalandela abaqondisi abanjalo? Wathi: “Khona-ke, uma umuntu oyimpumputhe eqondisa umuntu oyimpumputhe, bobabili bayowela emgodini.” Ngokuqinisekile, uJesu washo ngokucacile ukuthi “ukuphinga” kanye ‘nobufebe’ kuphakathi ‘kwezinto ezingcolisa umuntu.’—Mathewu 15:14, 18-20.
Njengoba kunalezi zici ezihlukahlukene ezihlanekezela futhi zilulaze ubulili, umuntu, ikakhulukazi intsha, angagqashula kanjani ekuhuhekeni ngokobulili? Iyini imfihlo yobuhlobo obujabulisayo, obuhlala isikhathi eside? Isihloko esilandelayo sizogxila kulokho abazali abangakwenza ukuze basize intsha ilungiselele ikusasa.
[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 5]
E-united States Kuphela, Izifo Ezithathelwana Ngobulili Zihlasela Intsha Elinganiselwa Ezigidini Ezintathu Minyaka Yonke
[Ibhokisi ekhasini 6]
Izindlela Zokuphila Zobulili
Imilutha yokukhanga ngokomzwelo: Iyakuthanda ukuthandana nabanye abantu, ngakho ithandana nabantu abahlukahlukene ngokushesha lapho ukuthatheka sekuphelile. Leli gama lasungulwa uDkt. Michael Liebowitz, weNew York State Psychiatric Institute.
Abathatha uhide lwesithembu: Abantu abathandana nohide lwabantu okuhlanganisa ukushada ngokusemthethweni, ukuhlukanisa nokuphinde bashade bachazwa ngalendlela izazi zezenhlalo.
Amagovu angokobulili: Abantu abafuna ukubonisa ubuqhawe babo ngokobulili ngokulala nabantu abaningi, kuphawula uLuther Baker, uprofesa wezokuhlolwa komkhaya futhi onguchwepheshe wezobulili. Leli gama manje selisetshenziswa nakubanukubezi bezingane.
[Isithombe ekhasini 7]
Izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ziyalutha futhi ziholela embonweni ohlanekezelwe ngokuziphatha okungokobulili