Ukuhlala Ngenjabulo Ekhaya Elingenamuntu

“KWABANINGI bethu,” kuvuma umzali othile, “ukuhlukana kokugcina kuyashaqisa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sikulungele kangakanani.” Yebo, nakuba ukuhamba kwengane kungenakugwenywa, lapho sekwenzeka ngempela, ukubhekana nakho kungase kungabi lula. Ubaba othile ulandisa indlela asabela ngayo ngemva kokuvalelisa indodana yakhe: “Ngokokuqala ngqá ekuphileni kwami . . . , ngakhala ezimathonsi.”

Kubazali abaningi ukuhamba kwezingane zabo kuvula igebe elikhulu ekuphileni kwabo—igebe elinjengenxeba. Njengoba bengasabonani nezingane zabo nsuku zonke, abanye baba nesizungu esikhulu, bezwe ubuhlungu futhi bazizwe belahlekelwe. Futhi kungase kungabi abazali kuphela abakuthola kunzima ukuzivumelanisa nalesi simo. Umbhangqwana okuthiwa u-Edward no-Avril uyasikhumbuza: “Uma kusekhona ezinye izingane ekhaya, nazo ziyoba nomuzwa wokulahlekelwa.” Yisiphi iseluleko lombhangqwana osinikezayo? “Zinikeze isikhathi sakho nokuqonda. Lokhu kuyozisiza ukuba zizivumelanise nesimo.”

Yebo, ukuphila kuyaqhubeka. Uma kusadingeka ukuba unakekele izingane zakho ezisele—ingasaphathwa eyomsebenzi wakho noma imisebenzi yasekhaya—ngeke uqhathe usizi. Khona-ke, ake sibheke ezinye izindlela zokuthola injabulo njengoba izingane zakho zishiya ikhaya.

Gxila Kokuhle

Yiqiniso, uma uzizwa udabukile noma unesizungu futhi ufuna ukukhala noma ukuxoxa nomngane onozwela ngemizwa yakho, yenza kanjalo. IBhayibheli lithi: “Ukukhathazeka enhliziyweni yomuntu kuyayithobisa, kepha izwi elihle liyayithokozisa.” (IzAga 12:25) Ngezinye izikhathi abanye bangakwenza ubheke izinto ngombono omusha. Ngokwesibonelo, umbhangqwana okuthiwa uWaldemar noMarianne uyeluleka: “Ungabheki lesi simo njengokulahlekelwa, kodwa sibheke njengomgomo ofinyelelwe ngokuphumelelayo.” Yeka indlela enhle yokubheka izinto! Umbhangqwana okuthiwa uRudolf noHilde uthi: “Siyajabula ngokuthi sakwazi ukukhulisa amadodana ethu aba abantu abadala abanokwethenjelwa.”

Ingabe uke wazama ukukhulisa ingane yakho “ngesiyalo nangokuqondisa umqondo kukaJehova”? (Efesu 6:4) Ngisho noma uye wakwenza lokho, ungase ukhathazeke ngokuhamba kwayo. Kodwa kulabo abaqeqesha ingane yabo ngalendlela, isiqinisekiso seBhayibheli siwukuthi ‘lapho isikhulile, ngeke isuke kuyo.’ (IzAga 22:6) Ingabe akwanelisi yini ukubona ukuthi ingane yakho iye yakwamukela ukuqeqesha kwakho? Umphostoli uJohane wathi ngokuqondene nomkhaya wakhe ongokomoya: “Anginaso isizathu esikhulu sokubonga kunalezizinto, ukuba ngizwe ukuthi abantwana bami baqhubeka behamba eqinisweni.” (3 Johane 4) Mhlawumbe ungazizwa ngendlela efanayo ngengane yakho.

Yiqiniso, akuzona zonke izingane ezikwamukelayo ukuqeqeshwa kobuKristu. Uma kuba njalo ngengane yakho esikhulile, akusho ukuthi wena ungumzali oyisehluleki. Ungazisoli ngokungadingekile uma uye wenza okusemandleni akho ukuyikhulisa ngendlela kaNkulunkulu. Qaphela ukuthi njengomuntu omdala, ingane yakho inomthwalo wokulandisa phambi kukaNkulunkulu. (Galathiya 6:5) Hlalela ethembeni lokuthi mhlawumbe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi iyocabangisisa ngenkambo yayo nokuthi ekugcineni “umcibisholo” uyoya lapho wawucitshwe khona.—IHubo 127:4.

Usengumzali!

Nakuba ukuhamba kwengane yakho kusho ushintsho olukhulu, akusho ukuthi umsebenzi wakho njengomzali usuphelile. Uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo uHoward Halpern uthi: “Uba ngumzali uze ufe, kodwa indlela opha futhi unakekele ngayo kufanele ishintshwe.”

Esikhathini eside esidlule iBhayibheli lavuma ukuthi ukuba umzali akupheli ngenxa nje yokuthi ingane isikhulile. IzAga 23:22 zithi: “Lalela uyihlo owakuzalayo, ungamdeleli unyoko lapho esemdala.” Yebo, ngisho nalapho abazali ‘sebebadala’ nezingane zabo sezikhulile, abazali basengaba nethonya eliphawulekayo ekuphileni kwezingane zabo. Yiqiniso, kudingeka kwenziwe ukulungisa okuthile. Kodwa bonke ubuhlobo budinga ukulungiswa ngezikhathi ezithile ukuze buhlale buphilile futhi banelisa. Ngakho njengoba izingane zakho sezikhulile, sebenzelana nazo njengabantu abadala. Ngokuthakazelisayo, ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi ubuhlobo babazali nezingane zabo ngokuvamile buyathuthuka lapho izingane sezihambile ekhaya! Njengoba izingane zihlangabezana nezingcindezi zokuphila, ngokuvamile ziqala ukubuka abazali bazo ngamanye amehlo. Indoda engumJalimane okuthiwa uHartmut ithi: “Manje ngibaqonda kangcono abazali bami futhi ngiyaqaphela ukuthi kungani babenza izinto ngendlela ababezenza ngayo.”

Gwema Ukuzigaxa

Nokho, kungaba nomonakalo omkhulu uma uba ugaxekile ekuphileni kwengane yakho esikhulile. (Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Thimothewu 5:13.) Owesifazane oshadile onezinkinga ezinkulu ngabasemzini uyakhononda: “Siyabathanda, kodwa sifuna ukuphila ukuphila kwethu futhi sizenzele izinqumo.” Yiqiniso, akekho umzali onothando oyomane abukele lapho ingane yakhe esikhulile ingena shí enhlekeleleni. Kodwa ngokuvamile kungcono kakhulu ukugwema ukunikeza iseluleko sobuzali esingacelwanga, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sihlakaniphile noma sihle kangakanani. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi uma ingane isishadile.

I-Phaphama! yanikeza lesi seluleko emuva ngo-1983: “Yamukela indima yakho eshintshile. Uyawuyeka umsebenzi wakho njengomzanyana uma umntwana esecathula. Ngokufanayo, manje kumelwe ushintshe indima ethandekayo yokuba umnakekeli ube umeluleki. Ukwenzela umntanakho izinqumo kuleli banga lokuphila kungase kube okungafanele njengokumbhambatha ukuze abhodle noma ukumncelisa. Njengomeluleki, unemingcele ethile. Ngeke usalijabulela ngokuphelele igunya lakho njengomzali. (Njengokuthi: ‘Kwenze ngoba kusho mina.’) Kumelwe kube khona inhlonipho ngesikhundla sobudala somntanakho.”a

Ungase ungavumelani nazo zonke izinqumo ezenziwa ingane yakho nomngane wayo womshado. Kodwa ukuhlonipha ubungcwele bomshado kungakusiza ukuba ulinganisele ukukhathazeka kwakho futhi ugweme ukugxambukela ngokungadingekile. Iqiniso liwukuthi ngokuvamile kungcono kakhulu ukuyeka imibhangqwana esemisha ixazulule izinkinga zayo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, uzifaka engozini yokuvusa ingxabano lapho unikeza umakoti wakwakho noma umkhwenyana wakwakho iseluleko angasicelanga, kuyilapho engase asheshe azwele lapho egxekwa kuleli qophelo elibucayi lomshado. Isihloko se-Phaphama! esicashunwe ngenhla saqhubeka siluleka: “Nqoba isilingo sokwenza ukusikisela okungapheli, okungacelwanga, okungase kwenze umkhwenyana noma umakoti abe isitha.” Msekele—ungamcindezeli. Ngokulondoloza ubuhlobo obuhle, wenza kube lula ngengane yakho ukuza kuwe uma idinga iseluleko ngempela.

Vuselelani Izibopho Zomshado

Emibhangqwaneni eminingi, ikhaya elingenamuntu lingase livule nethuba lenjabulo eyengeziwe emshadweni. Isikhathi nomzamo okuhilelekile ekubeni umzali ophumelelayo kungakhandla kakhulu kangangokuba imibhangqwana iyabudebeselela ubuhlobo bayo. Unkosikazi othile uthi: “Njengoba izingane sezahamba, mina noKonrad sizama ukujwayelana kabusha futhi.”

Njengoba senikhululekile emithwalweni yobuzali yansuku zonke, manje ningase nibe nesikhathi esengeziwe sokuba ndawonye. Omunye umzali waphawula: “Lesi sikhathi esikhululekile esesisithola . . . sisinikeza ithuba lokugxilisa ukunakekela ekutheni singobani, sifunde okwengeziwe ngobuhlobo bethu, futhi siqale ukuhlanganyela emisebenzini eyanelisa izidingo zethu.” Uyanezela: “Yisikhathi sokufunda izinto ezintsha nesokukhula okumangalisayo, futhi nakuba izikhathi ezinjalo zingase zisabise, ziyajabulisa futhi.”

Eminye imibhangqwana ithola nenkululeko eyengeziwe ngokwezimali. Manje ingaphishekela imisebenzi yokuzilibazisa neyokuziphilisa ebibekelwe eceleni. Phakathi koFakazi BakaJehova, imibhangqwana eminingi isebenzisa inkululeko yayo entsha ekuphishekeleni izithakazelo ezingokomoya. Ubaba okuthiwa uHermann uthi ngemva kokuhamba kwezingane zakhe ekhaya, ngokushesha yena nomkakhe bagxila ekuqaliseni kabusha inkonzo yesikhathi esigcwele.

Ukuhlukana Nezingane Kwabazali Abangabodwa

Ukuzivumelanisa nekhaya elingenamuntu kungaba nzima ikakhulukazi kubazali abangabodwa. URebecca, umama ongayedwa onezingane ezimbili, uyachaza: “Lapho izingane zethu zihamba, sisuke singenabo abayeni abazosinikeza ubungane nothando.” Kungenzeka umzali ongayedwa uye wathola ukuthi izingane zakhe ziwumthombo wokusekelwa ngokomzwelo. Futhi uma kuwukuthi bezifaka isandla ngokwezimali, ukuhamba kwazo kungase kubangele nobunzima bezimali.

Abanye bayakwazi ukuthuthukisa isimo sabo sezomnotho ngokubhalisela izifundo zokuqeqeshela umsebenzi noma zesikole zesikhathi esifushane. Kodwa umuntu ulivala kanjani igebe lesizungu? Umzali othile ongayedwa uthi: “Ngisizwa ukuhlala ngimatasa. Kungase kube ukufunda iBhayibheli, ukuhlanza indlu, noma ukushaywa umoya noma ngithi ukugijima. Kodwa indlela engizuzisa kakhulu yokunqoba isizungu ukukhuluma nomngane ongokomoya.” Yebo, ‘yanuleka,’ futhi uhlakulele ubungane obusha nobanelisayo. (2 Korinte 6:13) ‘Phikelela ekunxuseni nasemithandazweni’ lapho uzizwa ukhungathekile. (1 Thimothewu 5:5) Qiniseka ngokuthi uJehova uyokuqinisa futhi akusekele phakathi nalenkathi enzima yokuzivumelanisa nezimo.

Ukuhlukana Nezingane Ngenjabulo

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimo sakho sinjani, qaphela ukuthi ukuphila akumi lapho izingane zihamba ekhaya. Futhi izibopho zomkhaya azinqamuki. Uthando olunempilo oluchazwe eBhayibhelini lunamandla ngokwanele ukuhlanganisa abantu, ngisho beqhelelene. Umphostoli uPawulu usikhumbuza ukuthi uthando “lukhuthazelela zonke izinto. Uthando alupheli nanini.” (1 Korinte 13:7, 8) Uthando olungenabugovu eniye naluhlakulela emkhayeni wenu ngeke luphele ngoba nje izingane zenu seziyahamba ekhaya.

Ngokuthakazelisayo, lapho izingane ziqala ukuzwa ubuhlungu bokuhlukana nobokukhumbula ekhaya noma lapho ziqala ukucindezeleka ngokwezimali, ngokuvamile yizona ezithatha isinyathelo kuqala sokuvuselela ubuhlobo. UHans no-Ingrid bayeluleka: “Izingane kufanele zazi ukuthi umnyango wasekhaya uhlala uvulekile.” Ukuvakashelana njalo, ukubhalelana izincwadi, noma ukushaya ucingo ngezikhathi ezithile kuyonisiza nihlale nithintana. UJack noNora bakubeka ngalendlela: “Yibani nesithakazelo kulokho ezikwenzayo ngaphandle kokuqhwanda izindaba zazo.”

Lapho izingane zishiya ikhaya, ukuphila kwakho kuyashintsha. Kodwa ukuphila ekhaya elingenamuntu kungaba matasa futhi kwanelise. Futhi, ubuhlobo bakho nezingane zakho buyashintsha. Kodwa, busengaba ubuhlobo obujabulisayo nobanelisayo. OProfesa Geoffrey Leigh noGary Peterson bathi: “Ukuzimela ngaphandle kwabazali akusho ukulahlekelwa uthando, ukuthembeka, noma inhlonipho ngabazali. . . . Empeleni, ngokuvamile izibopho zomkhaya eziqinile zihlala ukuphila konke.” Yebo, ngeke uyeke ukuthanda izingane zakho, futhi ngeke uyeke ukuba umzali wazo. Futhi ngenxa yokuthi izingane zakho uyazithanda kangangokuba uzidedele zahamba, azikulahlekelanga ngempela.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 12]

“Ngokokuqala ngqá ekuphileni kwami . . . , ngakhala ezimathonsi”

[Ibhokisi/Izithombe ekhasini 10]

Icebiso Ezinganeni Esezikhulile —Sizani Abazali Ukuba Banidedele Ngokuvamile ukuhamba ekhaya kulula kunokusala. Ngakho nakuba ujabula ngokuzimela kwakho nangokuthi usukhulile, bonisa umusa nokuqonda kubazali bakho uma bekuthola kunzima ukukwamukela. Baqinisekise ngothando lwakho olungenakuphela. Incwadi emfushane, isipho esingalindelwe, noma ukushaya ucingo ubingelele kungamjabulisa kakhulu umzali ongeneme! Njalo babikele ngezenzakalo ezibalulekile ekuphileni kwakho. Lokhu kubasiza ukuba babone ukuthi izibopho zomkhaya zisaqinile.

Njengoba ubhekana nezingcindezi zokuphila lapho usukhulile, ngokunokwenzeka uyokuqonda kangcono kunangaphambili lokho abazali bakho ababhekana nakho lapho bekunakekela. Mhlawumbe lokhu kuyokushukumisela ukuba utshele abazali bakho ukuthi: “Ngiyabonga ngakho konke eningenzele kona!”