Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Wasishiyelani Ubaba?

“Angikaze ngiqonde ngempela ukuthi ubaba wasishiyelani. Engangikwazi nje yilokho umama angitshela kona kuphela.”—UJames.a

LAPHO ubaba eqoqa okungokwakhe futhi ehamba ekhaya, uvame ukushiya ubuhlungu nentukuthelo. UJames, oneminyaka engu-14 ubudala, ocashunwe ngenhla uthi: “Ngangicasuke ngempela lapho umama nobaba behlukana.” Futhi lapho ubaba ehamba izingane zingatshelwa lutho abese engaxhumani nazo, zingase zizizwe zinecala, zilahliwe futhi zithukuthele iminyaka eminingi kamuva.b

Uma washiywa uyihlo, kungenzeka uyazi ukuthi wanishiyelani, futhi lokho kungaba buhlungu. Osemusha okuthiwa uMichael uthi: “Ubaba wasishiya waya komunye wesifazane. Ngake ngambona enaye, futhi ngathukuthela. Ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi ubaba usilahlile.” Nokho, kwezinye izimo ukuhamba kungase kube impumuzo. UMelissa, onoyise ongumlutha wotshwala, uthi: “Ukube waqhubeka ehlala ekhaya, sasiyothwala kanzima kakhulu.”

Nokho, ezimweni eziningi izingane zisuke zingazi ukuthi uyise wahambelani, futhi lokhu kungase kwenze ukuhamba kwakhe kube buhlungu nakakhulu. Yiqiniso, kungenzeka wawazi ukuthi abazali bakho banezinkinga, kodwa wawungakaze ucabange ukuthi bangahlukana. URobert uyakhumbula: “Lapho ubaba esishiya, ngangingaqondi ngempela ukuthi kwenzekani. Engangikwazi nje ukuthi izinto zazingahambi kahle ngoba abazali bami babehlale bexabana.”

Kungani abanye obaba beshiya imizi yabo? Uma uyihlo anishiya, ingabe kufanele ukubheke ngokuthi wayelahla wena? Kungani abazali bakho bengase bangabaze ukukutshela ngakho? Ingabe akufanele bakuchazele?

Isizathu Sokuba Bangasho

Izizathu zokuhamba kukababa azijabulisi neze. Ngokuvamile, isizathu sisuke siwukuphinga—ukuziphatha okubi umkhaya oye wafihlelwa kona. Uma inkosikazi ibuthola lobo bubi, ingase ikhethe ukuhlukana nomyeni wayo. Ingaze imcele ngisho nokuba ahambe ngaphambi kokuba bahlukanise ngokomthetho. Izingane zingase zingazi ukuthi kungani lokhu kwenzeka.

Nokho, zama ukuqonda ukuthi kungani umama engase angabaze ukukutshela ngokuqondile ukuthi kwenzekeni. Angase abe nomuzwa wokuthi ukwembula ukuziphatha okubi kukayihlo kuyomane kukubangele usizi. Futhi qaphela ukuthi kungase kube buhlungu kangakanani kowesifazane ukuthola ukuthi umyeni wakhe ubengathembekile. (Malaki 2:13, 14) Ngakho uma abazali bakho behlukane ngenxa yokuphinga, ungamangali uma kubuhlungu kakhulu ngonyoko ukuba angaxoxa ngale ndaba.

Kuthiwani ngoyihlo? Kuyaqondakala ukuthi uma engathembekanga kunyoko, cishe ngeke axoxe nawe ngakho. Amanye amadoda azizwa enecala kakhulu ngokuziphatha kwawo okubi kangangokuthi awakwazi ngisho nokubhekana nezingane zawo! Nokho, naphezu kokuziphatha kwabo okuhlazisayo, obaba abaningi bayaqhubeka bezithanda izingane zabo futhi bangase bazame ukuphinde baxhumane nazo.

Kwezinye izimo, ubaba uhamba ngenxa yokuziphatha okungafanele komkakhe, futhi wenza konke okusemandleni ukuze alondoloze ubuhlobo nezingane zakhe. Nokho, kwezinye izimo abahlukani ngenxa yokuphinga kodwa ngoba basuke sebefike kwangqingetshe, sekukade zaqala izingxabano emshadweni.c (IzAga 18:24) Ngenxa yokuthi lokhu kuvame ukwenzeka ngasese, ungase ungazi ukuthi bebexabana ngani.

KuzAga 25:9, iBhayibheli lithi: “Mela indaba yakho nomakhelwane wakho, ungambuli imfihlakalo yomunye.” Ngezinye izikhathi izingxabano emshadweni zihilela izindaba zangasese, zabo siqu. Eqinisweni, kungcono kakhulu ukuba ungazizwa izinto ezinjalo. Ngalé kwalokho, ukwambula “imfihlakalo” kuvame ukubhebhethekisa isimo. Ungase uthambekele ekuvuneni othile—umane udale uqhekeko nakakhulu emkhayeni wakini. Uma ucabangela konke lokhu, kungcono uma abazali bakho bengakutsheli imininingwane yezingxabano zabo.

Yilwa Nentukuthelo Ngokuzuza Ukuqonda

Noma kunjalo, kunzima ukungacasuki lapho uyihlo enishiyile ekhaya futhi ungenampendulo yombuzo othi, Kungani? Nokho, kuzAga 19:11, iBhayibheli liyaphawula: “Ukuhlakanipha komuntu kubambezela [akukona ukuthi kuyayiqeda] intukuthelo yakhe.” Futhi akudingeki ukuba wazi konke ukuze uzuze ukuqonda.

Ngokwesibonelo, iBhayibheli lisisiza ukuba sibone ukuthi abazali bethu abaphelele. Lithi: “Bonke bonile futhi bayasilela enkazimulweni kaNkulunkulu.” (Roma 3:23) Ukwamukela leli qiniso elibuhlungu kungakusiza ukuba uqonde ukuthi amaphutha abazali bakho asho ukuthini. Ngokwesibonelo, uma uyihlo ephule izifungo zakhe zomshado, yiphutha elingathi sína lelo—ayolandisa ngalo phambi kukaNkulunkulu. (Heberu 13:4) Kodwa akusho ngempela ukuthi ukulahlile noma akakuthandi.

Yonke imibhangqwana eshadile ihlushwa ‘usizi enyameni yayo.’ (1 Korinte 7:28) Nakuba lokho kungabavuni, abanye besilisa nabesifazane bangena ebubini ngenxa yezinkathazo zokuphila zaleli zwe eligcwele izinkinga. URobert uyakhumbula: “Ubaba wayesifunela okungcono kakhulu. Sathuthela endaweni ayecabanga ukuthi sizophila kahle kuyo ukuze sibe nendlu enhle futhi umkhaya ujabule.” Kodwa imizamo kayise emihle yokuba umkhaya wakhe uphile kangcono ngokushesha yaphaphalaza. URobert uyachaza: “Ubaba wadebeselela ukuya emihlanganweni yobuKristu. Wabe esephelelwa umsebenzi. Ngemva kwesikhashana waqala ukuhlukumeza umama nodadewethu.” Ngokushesha izinto zaba zimbi kangangokuthi uyise nonina bahlukana.

URobert wayengase aqhathe umunyu ngenxa yokwehluleka kukayise. Kodwa ukuqonda isimo sikayise kuye kwadambisa intukuthelo yakhe. Nakuba ukuchitheka komshado wabazali bakhe kwakuyinhlekelele, kuye kwafundisa uRobert into ebalulekile. URobert uthi: “Uma ngiqala umkhaya, izinto ezingokomoya kufanele zize kuqala.”

UMichael, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni, naye kwadingeka alwisane nenhliziyo ebuhlungu. Uyavuma: “Ngangifuna ukumzwisa ubuhlungu ubaba ngenxa yalokho akwenza kithi.” Kodwa walondoloza ubuhlobo noyise. Njengoba isikhathi sasiqhubeka, uMichael wakwazi ukudlulisa intukuthelo yakhe futhi waqhubeka nokuphila kwakhe.

Nawe ungase uzame ukulondoloza ubuhlobo obuhle noyihlo uma isimo sivuma. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi wakuphatha kabi wena nonyoko. Kodwa kungenzeka ukuthi awulazi lonke iqiniso. Ngisho noma wazi ukuthi unecala ngokwenza ububi, usenguyihlo. Unesibopho sokumhlonipha ngezinga elithile. (Efesu 6:1-3) Gwema ‘intukuthelo nolaka nokuklabalasa nenkulumo echaphayo’ uma usebenzelana naye. (Efesu 4:31) Uma kungenzeka, ungathathi hlangothi ezingxabanweni zomshado zangasese zabazali bakho. Ngokubaqinisekisa bobabili abazali bakho ukuthi uyabathanda, ungase ukwazi ukujabulela ubuhlobo obuhle nabo bobabili.

Akulona Iphutha Lakho

Ukuhamba kukayihlo ekhaya mhlawumbe kungenye yezinto ezibuhlungu kakhulu oyoke ubhekane nazo. Kodwa ngisho noma ungazitholi zonke izizathu zokuthi wahambelani, asikho isidingo sokucabanga ukuthi kwakuyiphutha lakho. Yiqiniso, ungase ucabange ukuthi wayelahla wena. Kodwa akuvamile ukuba imishado ihlukane ngenxa yezingane. Abazali bakho benza isifungo phambi kukaNkulunkulu sokuthi bayohlala ndawonye. Kuwumthwalo wabo wemfanelo—akuwona owakho—ukuba baphile ngokuvumelana naso.—UmShumayeli 5:4-6.

Nokho, uma uzizwa udidekile, unecala noma ubona sengathi kubangelwe nguwe, kungani ungazami ukutshela abazali bakho? Bangase bakhululeke futhi bakunike ukuqinisekiswa okudingayo. UJames, ocashunwe ekuqaleni, uyavuma: “Ngangicabanga ukuthi yimina onecala, kwaze kwaba yilapho ubaba nomama behlala phansi bexoxa nami.” UNancy osakhula naye wazizwa enecala lapho uyise nonina behlukana. Ngemva kokuxoxa nonina izikhathi eziningana, uNancy waphetha ngokuthi: “Izingane akufanele zizibeke icala ngalokho okwenziwa abazali bazo.” Yebo, ukuvumela abazali bakho ‘bathwale imithwalo yabo’ yemfanelo kungakuvimbela ukuba uzizwe ucindezeleke kakhulu ngokomzwelo. (Galathiya 6:5) Kodwa njengoba usuhlala ekhaya elingenababa, ungabhekana kanjani nalokho? Isihloko esilandelayo kulolu chungechunge sizonikeza ezinye izimpendulo.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 15]

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