Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingamtshela Kanjani Ukuthi Angimthandi?

“Kuleli hlobo umzalwane othile ebandleni wangishela. Ngangingamthandi. Inkinga ukuthi ngangingazi ukuthi ngingamtshela kanjani ukuthi angimthandi ngaphandle kokulimaza imizwa yakhe.”—U-Elizabeth.a

“NGICELA ukukwazi kangcono.” Ikhona insizwa eyake yenza leso sicelo kuwe? Njengentombi,b kungenzeka ukuthi wajabula futhi wachazeka ngaphakathi—waze wahleka wedwa! Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungenzeka ukuthi wadideka kangangokuthi awazanga ukuthi uphendule uthini.

Uma othile ekweshela, ungase ube nomuzwa wokungaqiniseki. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi uma usumdala ngokwanele ukuba ushade futhi usesimweni sokuba uvume!c Noma kunjalo, ukuthi usabela kanjani kuyoya ngokuthi ubani owenza leso sicelo. Uma kungumuntu ovuthiwe ngokomzwelo futhi umthanda, impendulo yakho ingase ibe lula. Kodwa kuthiwani uma kusobala ukuthi akanazo izimfanelo zokuba umngane womshado ofanelekayo? Noma kuthiwani uma ungamthandi naphezu kokuba enezimfanelo ezinhle?

Cabanga futhi ngentombi esipholé nothile isikhashana kodwa esiqaphela ukuthi ayifuni ukuchitha konke ukuphila kwayo naye. Esikhundleni sokumala, iyaqhubeka iphola naye. Iyabuza, “Ngingamtshela kanjani ukuthi angimthandi?”

Uma Ucu Lungahlangani

Emuva ezikhathini zezinzalamizi, kusobala ukuthi abantu babeshada nabantu ababekhethwa abazali. (Genesise 24:2-4, 8) Emazweni aseNtshonalanga amaKristu amaningi akhululekile ukuzikhethela abangane bawo bomshado. IBhayibheli linombandela owodwa—wokuba umKristu ashade “kuphela eNkosini.”—1 Korinte 7:39.

Ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi kufanele ushade nanoma ubani okholwa naye okweshelayo noma osunesikhashana uphola naye? Cabangela isibonelo seBhayibheli sentombi yasemakhaya eMpumalanga Ephakathi emzini waseShunemi. USolomoni, inkosi yayo, wayibona futhi wayithanda kakhulu. Kodwa lapho ezama ukuyeshela, le ntombazane ayizange ingamvumi nje kuphela kodwa yancenga nezintombi zasebukhosini ezazilinda inkosi: “Ningalunyakazisi, ningaluvusi uthando, lungakavumi.” (IsiHlabelelo seziHlabelelo 2:7) Le ntombi ehlakaniphile yayingafuni ukuba abanye bazame ukuyicindezelela ukuba ithatheke ngenxa yemizwa. Yayingamthandi uSolomoni, ngoba yayithandana nomalusi othobekile.

Lokhu kubafundisa isifundo esibalulekile labo abacabangela ukushada namuhla: Ngeke uthande noma ubani. Ngakho ngisho nangemva kokuphola nothile isikhashana, intombi ingase ithole ukuthi ucu aluhlangani. Mhlawumbe kungenxa yamaphutha athile abonakalayo ebuntwini balowo muntu. Noma izizwa engayikhangi. Kungaba ubulima ukuyiziba imizwa enjalo. Ukumane uyizibe ngeke kuyenze iphele.d “Ngangimngabaza kakhulu,” kusho uTamara ngensizwa ayephola nayo. “Hhayi ukungabaza okuncane kodwa okwakungikhathaza ngempela kwaze kwaba seqophelweni lokuba ngingakhululeki futhi ngikhathazeke uma nginaye.” Kamuva wabona ukuthi ngenxa yalokhu kungabaza, kwakungcono abunqamule ubuhlobo.

Okwenza Kube Nzima Ukuthi Cha

Noma kunjalo, akulula ukutshela insizwa ukuthi awuyithandi. Njengo-Elizabeth, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni, ungase wesabe ukuyiphatha kabi. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi kufanele siyicabangele imizwa yabanye. IBhayibheli likhuthaza amaKristu ukuba ‘agqoke ukusondelana okunesisa kobubele’ futhi aphathe abanye ngendlela angathanda ukuphathwa ngayo. (Kolose 3:12; Mathewu 7:12) Kodwa ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi kufanele uzenzise ukuze nje ungayidumazi le nsizwa noma ungayiphathi kabi? Ngokungangabazeki izothola ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngempela, futhi ukwehluleka kwakho ukwethembeka kodwa uhlehlise isikhathi sokuyitshela indlela ozizwa ngayo ngempela kuyomane kuyiphathe kabi nakakhulu. Okungaba kubi nakakhulu ukushada nensizwa ngoba nje uyizwela. Uzwela alusona isisekelo esihle sokwakhela umshado.

Nokho, mhlawumbe ulwa nomcabango wokuthi, ‘Uma ngingashadi naye, ngingase ngingaphinde ngimthole omunye.’ Njengoba isihloko esikumagazini i-Teen sikubeka, intombazane ingase icabange: “Akukabi ‘okunguyenayena’ kodwa okungenani akufani nokungabi namuntu—futhi angifuni ukuba uzendazamshiya.” Kuyavunywa, ukulangazelela ubungane kunamandla. Kodwa ukwanelisa kahle lesi sifiso kusho okungaphezu nje kokuba nothile ozwana naye. Kuhilela ukuthola othile ongamthanda ngempela futhi okwazi ukufeza imithwalo yemfanelo yomshado engokomBhalo. (Efesu 5:33) Ngakho ungaphangi umdaka linganile! Abaningi baye bazisola ngokushada ngokushesha.

Ekugcineni, abanye bangase baqhubeke nokuphola nensizwa okusobala ukuthi inamaphutha angathi sína. Bayacabanga, ‘Uma ngimnika ithuba, angase ashintshe.’ Ingabe kunengqondo ngempela lokhu? Phela, imikhuba emibi nezindlela zokuziphatha ezimbi zivame ukugxila futhi kulukhuni ngempela ukuzishintsha. Futhi ngisho noma enza ushintsho olusheshayo olukhulu, ingabe ungaqiniseka ngempela ukuthi lolo shintsho luyohlala njalo? Lapho izithola isesimweni esinjalo, intombi ethile okuthiwa uKaren, ngokuhlakanipha yakhetha ukunqamula ubuhlobo nensizwa lapho ibona ukuthi imigomo yabo ayifani. Iyavuma: “Kwakunzima ngoba wayengikhanga. Kodwa ngangazi ukuthi ngenza into efanele.”

Singatha Isimo Ngokucophelela

Kuyavunywa ukuthi ukwala umuntu akuyona into encane. Njengebhokisi elinezinto ezifayo, lesi simo kufanele sisingathwe ngokucophelela. Nakhu ukusikisela okumbalwa okungase kukusize.

Xoxa ngale ndaba nabazali bakho noma nothile ovuthiwe ebandleni. Bangase bakusize ubone ukuthi mhlawumbe akukhona yini ukuthi ulindele into engenakwenzeka.

Yisho ngokucacile nangokuqondile. Ungamenzi asale engabaza indlela ozizwa ngayo. Ukumane uthi “Cha ngiyaxolisa” kuyozithena amandla izesheli eziningi. Uma kudingeka, cacisa kakhudlwana ukuthi awumthandi, njengokuthi, “Ngiyaxolisa, angikuthandi.” Qaphela ukuba ungamenzi acabange ukuthi ungase ushintshe umqondo uma ephikelela. Ukwenza kucace ukuthi awumthandi kufanele kuvimbele noma ikuphi ukudideka futhi kukwenze kube lula ngaye ukuba anqobe indumalo.

Thembeka kodwa futhi ukwenze ngokuhlakanipha. IzAga 12:18 zithi: “Bakhona abaphahluka njengokuhlaba kwenkemba.” Nakuba kubalulekile ukungagwegwesi, iBhayibheli lithi amazwi ethu “mawabe nomusa, ayoliswe ngosawoti.”—Kolose 4:6.

Namathela esinqumweni sakho. Abangane abanezinhloso ezinhle, abangazi lutho ngezizathu zokungavumi kwakho, bangase bakucindezele ukuba ubuyeke ubuhlobo buqhubeke isikhashana. Kodwa ekugcineni nguwe ozophila nesinqumo sakho—akubona abangane bakho abanezinhloso ezinhle.

Yenza ngokuvumelana namazwi akho. Kungenzeka ukuthi ekuqaleni beningabangane abaseduze, futhi kungokwemvelo ukufisa ukuba izinto zibuye zibe njengoba bezinjalo. Kodwa ngokuvamile lokho akusizi futhi akunakwenzeka. Yena usenemizwa yothando ngawe. Ingabe kuwukuhlakanipha ukucabanga ukuthi uyomane ayizibe leyo mizwa futhi ashaye sengathi akukaze kwenzeke lutho? Ngakho nakuba kusobala ukuthi kungcono ukuba niphathane ngomusa, ukuhlale nixoxa ocingweni noma ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi nindawonye nijabulela ubudlelwane, kuyomane kwenezele usizi kuye. Kungase kufane nokudlala ngemizwa yakhe, futhi lokho kuyosho ukuthi wena unonya.

Umphostoli uPawulu wanxusa amaKristu ukuba ‘akhulume iqiniso’ komunye nomunye. (Efesu 4:25) Ukwenza kanjalo kungase kube nzima, kodwa kungase kunisize nobabili ukuba niqhubekele phambili nokuphila kwenu.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 13]

Ngeke uthande noma ubani

[Isithombe ekhasini 14]

Khuluma ngokucacile nangokuqondile lapho uveza imizwa yakho