Usizo Kwabesifazane Abashaywayo

YINI engenziwa ukuze kusizwe abesifazane abayizisulu zobudlova? Okokuqala, umuntu kufanele aqonde isimo ababhekene naso. Ngokuvamile abahlukumezi ababangeli ukulimala okungokomzimba kuphela. Kuvame ukuhilela izinsongo nokwesatshiswa, okwenza isisulu sizizwe singelutho futhi singenalusizo.

Cabangela uRoxana, indaba yakhe elandiswe esihlokweni sokuqala. Ngezinye izikhathi umyeni wakhe usebenzisa inkulumo eyinhlamba. “Ungibiza ngamagama ayiziswana,” kusho uRoxana. “Uthi: ‘Awusiqedanga nesikole. Ungazinakekela kanjani izingane ngaphandle kwami? Ungumama oyivila, oyisehluleki. Ucabanga ukuthi iziphathimandla zizokuvumela uthathe izingane uma ungangishiya?’”

Umyeni kaRoxana umcindezela nangokumncisha imali. Akamvumeli ukuba asebenzise imoto, futhi umshayela ucingo kaningi phakathi nosuku ukuze athole ukuthi wenzani. Uma uRoxana eveza umbono ngalokho akuthandayo, umyeni wakhe uvele avuke inj’ ebomvu. Ngenxa yalokho, uRoxana usefunde ukuba avele azithulele.

Njengoba ungase ubone, ukuhlukunyezwa komngane womshado kuyindaba exakile. Ukuze usekele, lalela ngozwela. Khumbula, ngokuvamile kunzima kakhulu ukuba isisulu sixoxe ngalokho okwenzeka kuso. Umgomo wakho kufanele kube ukuqinisa isisulu njengoba sisingatha isimo ngendlela yaso.

Abanye besifazane abashaywayo kungase kudingeke bacele usizo kuziphathimandla. Ngezinye izikhathi, isimo esibucayi—njengokungenela kwamaphoyisa—singase sisize indoda ehlukumezayo ibone ububi bezenzo zayo. Kodwa-ke, kufanele kuvunywe ukuthi konke ukuzimisela ukushintsha ngokuvamile kuyanyamalala lapho isimo esibucayi sesidlulile.

Ingabe inkosikazi eshaywayo kufanele imshiye umyeni wayo? IBhayibheli alikuthathi kancane ukuhlala ngokwahlukana emshadweni. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, alimcindezeli umfazi oshaywayo ukuba ahlale nendoda esongela impilo yakhe noma kona kanye ukuphila kwakhe. Umphostoli ongumKristu uPawulu wabhala: “Uma ngempela emuka, makahlale engashadile noma aphinde abuyisane nomyeni wakhe.” (1 Korinte 7:10-16) Njengoba iBhayibheli lingakwenqabeli ukuhlala ngokwahlukana ngaphansi kwezimo ezibucayi, lokho owesifazane akwenzayo kule ndaba kuyisinqumo sakhe. (Galathiya 6:5) Akekho okufanele akhuthaze inkosikazi ukuba ishiye umyeni wayo, kodwa futhi akekho okufanele acindezele owesifazane oshaywayo ukuba ahlale nomyeni oxhaphazayo uma impilo yakhe, ukuphila nengokomoya lakhe kusongelwa.

Ingabe Kunethemba Ngabahlukumezi?

Ukuhlukumeza umngane womshado kuwukwephula izimiso zeBhayibheli ngokuqondile. Kweyabase-Efesu 4:29, 31, siyafunda: “Makungaphumi lizwi elibolile emlonyeni wenu . . . Makususwe kini konke ukufutheka okubi nentukuthelo nolaka nokuklabalasa nenkulumo echaphayo kanye nabo bonke ububi.”

Ayikho indoda ezibiza ngomlandeli kaKristu engasho ngeqiniso ukuthi iyamthanda umkayo uma imhlukumeza. Uma ihlukumeza umkayo, ibiyosiza ngani yonke eminye imisebenzi yayo emihle? “Umuntu oshayayo” akawafanelekele amalungelo akhethekile ebandleni lobuKristu. (1 Thimothewu 3:3; 1 Korinte 13:1-3) Empeleni, noma ubani ozibiza ngomKristu ovumela isifuthefuthe sentukuthelo ngokuphindaphindiwe futhi engaphenduki angasuswa ekuhlanganyeleni nebandla lobuKristu.—Galathiya 5:19-21; 2 Johane 9, 10.

Ingabe amadoda anobudlova angakushintsha ukuziphatha kwawo? Amanye aye ashintsha. Kodwa ngokuvamile umhlukumezi ngeke ashintshe ngaphandle kwalapho (1) evuma ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakhe akufanele, (2) efuna ukushintsha inkambo yakhe, futhi (3) efuna usizo. OFakazi BakaJehova baye bathola ukuthi iBhayibheli lingaba yithonya loshintsho elinamandla. Abaningi abathakazelayo abatadisha nabo iBhayibheli baye bahlakulela isifiso esinamandla sokuthokozisa uNkulunkulu. Laba bafundi abasha beBhayibheli bafunda ngokuphathelene noJehova uNkulunkulu ukuthi ‘umphefumulo wakhe uyamzonda othanda ubudlwangudlwangu.’ (IHubo 11:5) Yiqiniso, ukushintsha komhlukumezi ukuziphatha kwakhe kuhilela okungaphezu nje kokuyeka ukushaya umkakhe. Kuhlanganisa nokufunda ukubheka umkakhe ngombono omusha.

Lapho indoda ithola ulwazi ngoNkulunkulu, ifunda ukuba ingambheki umkayo njengenceku kodwa imbheke ‘njengomsizi,’ hhayi njengomuntu ophansi kodwa njengofanele ‘ukudunyiswa.’ (Genesise 2:18; 1 Petru 3:7) Ifunda nokuba nozwela nesidingo sokulalela umbono womkayo. (Genesise 21:12; UmShumayeli 4:1) Uhlelo lokutadisha iBhayibheli oluqhutshwa oFakazi BakaJehova luye lwasiza imibhangqwana eminingi. Ayikho indawo kamashiqela, uzwi-lakhe, noma ibhoklolo emkhayeni wamaKristu.—Efesu 5:25, 28, 29.

“Izwi likaNkulunkulu liyaphila futhi linamandla.” (Heberu 4:12) Ngakho, ukuhlakanipha okuseBhayibhelini kungasiza imibhangqwana ukuba ihlaziye izinkinga ebhekene nazo futhi kuyikhuthaze ukuba izixazulule. Ngaphezu kwalokho, iBhayibheli liqukethe ithemba eliqinisekile neliduduzayo lokubona izwe elingenabo ubudlova lapho iNkosi yasezulwini emiswe nguJehova ibusa phezu kwaso sonke isintu esilalelayo. IBhayibheli lithi: “Iyakukhulula ompofu ozikhalela kuyo, nohluphekayo ongenamsizi. Iyakukhulula umphefumulo wabo okhahlweni nasendluzuleni.”—IHubo 72:12, 14.

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 12]

Ayikho indawo kamashiqela, uzwi-lakhe, noma ibhoklolo emkhayeni wamaKristu

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 8]

Ukulungisa Imibono Eyiphutha

• Abesifazane abashaywayo yibona abayimbangela yezenzo zabayeni babo.

Abahlukumezi abaningi abalivumi icala ngezenzo zabo, bathi omkabo bayabacasula. Ngisho nabanye abangane bomkhaya bangase bathi kunzima ukusebenzelana nalowo wesifazane, yingakho umyeni wakhe eba nolaka ngezikhathi ezithile. Kodwa lokhu kunjengokusola isisulu nokuvuna umhlukumezi. Empeleni, abesifazane abashaywayo benza umzamo omkhulu wokuthoba ulaka lwabayeni babo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukushaya umngane wakho womshado akunakuthethelelwa ngaphansi kwanoma yiziphi izimo. Incwadi ethi The Batterer—A Psychological Profile ithi: “Amadoda ayalwa yizinkantolo ukuba athole ukwelashwa ngenxa yokuhlukumeza omkawo asuke eyimilutha yobudlova. Abusebenzisa njengendlela yokukhipha intukuthelo nokucindezeleka, indlela yokulawula abanye nokuxazulula izingxabano, ukubohlisa igwebu. . . . Ngokuvamile, awalivumi icala noma athathe inkinga ngokungathi sína.”

• Utshwala benza indoda ishaye umkayo.

Yiqiniso, amanye amadoda aba nobudlova kakhulu lapho ephuzile. Kodwa ingabe kunengqondo ukusola utshwala? Encwadini yakhe ethi When Violence Begins at Home, uK. J. Wilson uyabhala: “Ukudakwa kunikeza umhlukumezi okuthile angakusola ngezenzo zakhe, ngaphandle kwakhe siqu.” Uyaqhubeka: “Kubonakala sengathi emphakathini wethu, ubudlova basekhaya buyamukeleka uma bubangelwa umuntu odakiwe. Kunokuba abheke umyeni wakhe njengomhlukumezi, owesifazane ohlukunyezwayo umbheka njengesidakwa noma umlutha wotshwala.” UWilson uthi ukucabanga ngale ndlela kunganikeza owesifazane ithemba eliyiphutha lokuthi “uma nje indoda ingayeka ukuphuza, ubudlova buzophela.”

Okwamanje, abacwaningi abaningi babheka ukuphuza nokushaya njengezinkinga ezimbili ezihlukene. Phela, amadoda amaningi anenkinga yokuluthwa yizidakamizwa awabashayi omkawo. Abalobi bencwadi ethi When Men Batter Women bayaphawula: “Ukushaya ngokuyinhloko kubhebhethekiswa ukuthi kuyaphumelela ekubuseni, ekusabiseni nasekucindezeleni owesifazane oshaywayo. . . . Ukuphuza ngokweqile nokudla izidakamizwa kuyingxenye yendlela umhlukumezi aphila ngayo. Kodwa kungaba iphutha ukuphetha ngokuthi ukudla izidakamizwa kubangela ubudlova.”

• Abahlukumezi banobudlova kuwo wonke umuntu.

Ngokuvamile umhlukumezi uyakwazi ukuba umngane okahle kwabanye. Uvele abe umuntu ohlukile. Yilokho okwenza abangane bomkhaya bakuthole kunzima ukukholelwa ukuthi unobudlova. Kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi umuntu oshaya umkakhe ukhetha ukusebenzisa unya njengendlela yokumcindezela.

• Abesifazane abanankinga uma bephathwa kabi.

Ngokunokwenzeka, lo mbono ubangelwa ukungasiqondi isimo esibucayi sowesifazane ongenandawo angabalekela kuyo. Owesifazane oshaywayo angase abe nabangane abangamamukela isonto elilodwa noma amabili, kodwa uzokwenzani ngemva kwalokho? Umcabango wokuthola umsebenzi nokukhokha intela kuyilapho enakekela izingane uyesabisa. Futhi umthetho ungase umephuce izingane. Abanye baye bazama ukuhamba kodwa bafunwa futhi babuyiselwa ekhaya, ngenkani noma ngokulalisa ulimi. Abangane abangaqondi bangase ngephutha bakholelwe ukuthi abesifazane abanjalo bebengenankinga uma bephathwa kabi.