Amakhosikazi—Ashaywayo Ukubuka Ngalé Kweminyango Evaliwe
Inkinga yokushaywa kwamakhosikazi yeqa yonke imingcele yemfundo, yezenhlalo, neyezomnotho. Zonke izinhlanga, nezinkolo ezingezona ezobuKristu ‘nezobuKristu’ zinabo abashaya amakhosikazi. Bangodokotela, abameli, osomabhizinisi, amajaji, amaphoyisa, nabantu abavamile. Bahlanganisa labo abahola kakhulu namadoda akwezenhlalakahle.
UKUSHAYWA kwamakhosikazi kuyisenzakalo esivame ngokumangalisayo. Umagazini iPsychology Today ubika ukuthi “oyedwa kwabesifazane abayi-10 uyohlaselwa ngokungathi sína (uyoshaywa, akhahlelwe, noma okubi kakhulu) yindoda yakhe ngesikhathi esithile phakathi nomshado wakhe.” Unyaka kamuva umagazini iFamily Relations wabonisa ukuthi izinga lenkinga laliphakeme ngisho nangokwengeziwe, ngokuphawula ukuthi “oyedwa kwabesifazane ababili eUnited States uyobhekana nobudlova basekhaya.” ECanada, ngokombiko ka-1987, oyedwa kwabesifazane abayishumi uyoshaywa. Kwamanye amazwe izibalo zicishe zifane.
Omunye ummeli wasesifundeni saseNew York unikeza ubufakazi obengeziwe ngenkinga ekhulayo yamakhosikazi ashaywayo. “Ubudlova obuboniswa kwabesifazane busakazeke ngezilinganiso ezishaqisayo emphakathini waseMelika. IFBI ilinganisela ukuthi njalo emizuzwaneni eyi-18 umngane womshado oyedwa uyashaywa, nokuthi abesifazane abangaba yizigidi eziyi-6 bayashaywa minyaka yonke.” Kuye kwatholakala ukuthi “ukushaywa kwamakhosikazi kubangela ukulimala okuningi kwabesifazane okudinga ukuthi baye esibhedlela ukwedlula konke ukudlwengulwa, ukuhlaselwa ngenjongo yokuphangwa nezingozi zezimoto kuhlangene.” Abesifazane abayizi-4 000 bayabulawa minyaka yonke.
Uma ukuphathwa kabi kwenkosikazi kuyimfihlo yomkhaya, labo abasondelene kakhulu nendoda eshayayo, njengabangane bayo abakhulu, esebenza nabo, noma amalungu omkhaya angahlali ekhaya, bangase bangasoli ukuthi ishaya inkosikazi yayo. Ingase isebenze kahle emsebenzini wayo nasemphakathini, ngokuvamile ihlonishwe ozakwabo njengenokuziphatha okuyisibonelo. Amaningi ashayayo awalwi ezinkantini, emigwaqweni, noma endaweni yomsebenzi. Amaningi apha oswele izinto zawo.
Nokho, kubangane bawo bomshado into encane ingawabangela abe nentukuthelo yobudlova—ukudla okungalungiswanga ngesikhathi, uhlobo lokudla angaluthandi, indlela yokugqoka kwakhe angayithandi, omunye ufuna ukubukela okunye kuyithelevishini nomunye okuthile okuhlukile. Ukuhlolwa kwamakhosikazi ashaywayo kwaseBrithani kwembula ukuthi amaphesenti angama-77 alawo ahlaselwayo, ukushaywa akwandulelwa ukuphikisana. Imibiko ibonisa ukuthi ezimweni eziningi ukushaywa kubangelwa yinto ‘encane njengokubulala isikhupha seqanda noma indlela yokulungisa izinwele.’
Enye indoda eyashaya umkayo yavuma ukuthi “yayicasulwe ukuthi umkayo wayelele ngezingubo zokulala eziningi.” “Ukucasuka” kwayo kwaphumela ekutheni imkhahlelele ngaphandle kombhede futhi imngqubuze phansi kangangokuba kwalimala nobuchopho. Enye inkosikazi ephathwa kabi eyayisibekezelele ukushaywa iminyaka yathi: “Isenzakalo sasiqaliswa ukukhohlwa [kwami] ukubeka into ethile etafuleni lokudlela.”
Omunye umakoti oseneminyaka emithathu nengxenye eshadile walinganisela ukuthi wayeseshaywe cishe izikhathi ezingama-60 phakathi nomshado wakhe. Wathi: “Wayengabathandi abangane bami. Kancane kancane ngakuyeka ukubabona.” Ekugcineni wayeka ukubona umkhaya wakubo ngenxa yokuthi wayengawuthandi. Wachaza: “Uma ngangizama ukuvakasha, lokho kwakuyisizathu esanele sokuba ngishaywe futhi.” Enye inkosikazi ephathwa kabi yathi: “Ekugcineni ngambuza ukuthi konke engikwenzayo kumelwe ngikwenze kanjani—yini ezodliwa, impahla yasendlini kumelwe ibekwe kanjani.”
Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi ukushaywa kwamakhosikazi kuvame ukwenzeka kakhulu kusihlwa, phakathi nobusuku, noma ngezimpela-sonto. Ngokomphumela, izisebenzi zasesibhedlela ezinakekela isimo esibucayi zivame ukubhekana nowesifazane ngemva kokushaywa kanzima kunokuba kunjalo ngodokotela wakhe. Ukulimala okungase kubonakale kwabesifazane abashayiwe okudinga ukwelashwa ngokuvamile kuhlanganisa izingozi ezophayo, ikakhulukazi ekhanda nasebusweni. Ukulimala ngaphakathi kuvamile—ukulimala kobuchopho, ukubhoboka kwalokho okuthatha umsindo endlebeni, ukulimala kwesingezansi, ikakhulukazi uma inkosikazi ikhulelwe. Ngokuvamile kubonakala ukuklwebheka kokuklinywa entanyeni. Ezimweni eziningi, amathambo aphukile kumelwe alungiswe—imihlathi, izingalo, imilenze, izimbambo, nezinqwababa. Ezinye izisulu zingase zithunyelwe ezikhungweni zabashiswe uketshezi olushisayo noma iacid.
Mayelana namadoda ashaya amakhosikazi omunye umbhali wathi: “Lamadoda ayimidlwembe ngempela. Akhiyela abesifazane emakamelweni awo, aphule amathambo abo, ayabakhubaza. Abasika ngemimese, ahlole imilaliso kubo, abashaya ngenqindi ebusweni, esiswini, emabeleni. Abakhomba ngezibhamu emakhanda—futhi ayababulala.” Kunemibiko ngamakhosikazi aboshelwa emibhedeni, ukukhishwa kwezintambo ezithile emotweni ukuze ingasebenzi, ukusongela owesifazane ngokuthi uzobulawa nabantwana uma ezama ukubaleka. Izindaba ezibuhlungu azipheli.
Okunezelwe ekuphathweni kabi ngokomzimba, okungase kwenzeke ngokuvamile, ukusongelwa nokuthethiswa, amagama ayiziswana, ukucindezeleka, amaphupho esabisayo, nokuqwasha.
Hlobo luni lwendoda engazwisa umngane wayo womshado lokhu kuphathwa okubi okubuhlungu—owesifazane engase njalo imtshele ngokuvamile ukuthi iyamthanda nokuthi ngeke yenze lutho ngaphandle kwakhe? Cabangela uhlobo eyilo esihlokweni esilandelayo.