Usuku Lomshado—Lumnandi Kodwa Luyakhandla

IBHAYIBHELI libonisa ukuthi uJehova uNkulunkulu—owazi abantu kangcono kunanoma ubani—nguye owahlanganisa umshado wokuqala. Wasungula umshado njengesisekelo somphakathi wesintu. (Genesise 2:18-24) Futhi eZwini likaNkulunkulu eliphefumulelwe, iBhayibheli, sithola izimiso ezihlukahlukene ezingasiqondisa lapho silungiselela umshado.

Ngokwesibonelo, uJesu wathi amaKristu kufanele ‘abuyisele izinto zikaKesari kuKesari.’ (Mathewu 22:21) Ngakho kumelwe ahloniphe umthetho wezwe. Umshado ovumelana nezimfuneko ezingokomthetho uvikela labo abashadayo ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene, njengokuchaza imithwalo yemfanelo abanayo ezinganeni (kuhlanganise ukuzondla nokuzifundisa) namalungelo efa. Kukhona nemithetho eyenzelwe ukuvikela amalungu omkhaya ekuhlukunyezweni nasekuxhashazweni.a

Amalungiselelo

Uma sekunqunyiwe ukuthi umbhangqwana uzoshada nokuthi umshado uzovumelana nemithetho nezimiso zeBhayibheli kanye nomthetho wezwe, yiziphi izinto ezizokwenziwa okumelwe zicatshangelwe? Phakathi kwazo usuku kanye nokuthi kufunwa luhlobo luni lwedili lomshado.

Incwadi ethile ekhuluma ngale ndaba ithi: “Imibono yombhangqwana ingase ingavumelani ngokuphelele neyabazali, futhi ungase uzizwe udidekile ngokuthi ukhethe phakathi kwalokho okufunayo wona noma ulandele isiko lomkhaya.” Kungenziwa njani? “Alikho ikhambi elilula kulokhu, ngaphandle kokulalela ngokucophelela, nixoxe ngezinkinga futhi kokunye nivumele imibono yabanye. Yisikhathi esikhandlayo ngokomzwelo kubo bonke, futhi ukubonelela nokuqonda kungasiza kakhulu ekwenzeni amalungiselelo abe lula.”—The Complete Wedding Organiser and Record.

Nakuba abazali abanothando bengenza lukhulu ekuqinisekiseni ukuthi lolo suku luyaphumelela, kufanele balwe nokuthambekela kokuphoqelela izifiso zabo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, nakuba izinqumo zokugcina ziyokwenziwa umakoti nomkhwenyana, kufanele balalele iseluleko esinezinhloso ezinhle. Lapho umbhangqwana ukhetha ukuthi yikuphi ukusikisela ozokuthatha, uyokwenza kahle ukukhumbula iseluleko seBhayibheli: “Zonke izinto zingokomthetho; kodwa akuzona zonke izinto ezinosizo. Zonke izinto zingokomthetho; kodwa akuzona zonke izinto ezakhayo. Yilowo nalowo makangazifuneli inzuzo yakhe siqu, kodwa eyomunye umuntu.”—1 Korinte 10:23, 24.

Amalungiselelo ahlanganisa imisebenzi ehlukahlukene, kusukela ekukhipheni izimemo kuye ekuhleleni umcimbi. UH. Bowman, encwadini yakhe ethi Marriage for Moderns uthi: “Uma la malungiselelo ehlelekile, kusetshenziswa ikhono lokubonelela nokuhlela, kuyancipha ukukhathala nokucindezeleka.” Uyaxwayisa: “Ngisho nangaphansi kwezimo ezinhle kakhulu, kungase kube khona ukukhathala okuthile, futhi kunengqondo ukwenza yonke imizamo efanelekayo ukuze ukunciphise.”

Kuyoba nezinto okufanele zenziwe nezimenywa okufanele zinakekelwe. Ingabe abangane noma umkhaya ungazenza utholakalele ukusiza? Ingabe ezinye izinto umakoti nomkhwenyana okungadingeki ngempela ukuba bazenzele zona zingenziwa abanye abantu abathenjwayo?

Izindleko

Kudingeka uhlelo lwezindleko olunengqondo. Akunangqondo futhi akubonisi uthando ukulindela umbhangqwana noma abazali ukuba bangene ezikweletini ukuze bakhokhele umshado ongaphezu kwamandla abo. Abaningi abangase bakwazi ukwenza indumezulu yomshado bakhetha ukuwenza ube sesilinganisweni. Eminye imibhangqwana iye yakuthola kuwusizo ukuba nohlu ezohlola kulo isilinganiso nenani langempela lezindleko. Kungase kube usizo futhi ukuba nohlu lwezinsuku zokugcina zazo zonke izinto ezidinga ukuhlelwa. Ukuzibamba ngekhanda izinsuku kungase kukucindezele.

Umshado uyobiza malini? Amanani entengo ayahluka kuye ngokwezindawo, kodwa noma ngabe nihlala kuphi, kuyoba ukuhlakanipha ukuzibuza: ‘Siyokwazi yini ukukhokhela zonke izinto esizihlelile? Ingabe ziyadingeka ngempela?’ UTina, ongumakoti osanda kushada, wathi: “Ezinye izinto ezazibonakala ‘zibalulekile’ ngaleso sikhathi, ekugcineni kwahlaluka ukuthi azidingeki.” Cabangela iseluleko sikaJesu: “Ubani kini ofuna ukwakha umbhoshongo ongahlali phansi kuqala futhi abale izindleko, ukuze abone ukuthi unakho yini okwanele ukuba awuqede?” (Luka 14:28) Uma ungenakukwazi ukukhokhela zonke izinto ongase uzithande, ziyeke ezinye. Ngisho noma ungase ukwazi ukukhokhela okwengeziwe, ungase uthande ukugcina izinto zilula.

E-Italy, umbukiso owenziwa wokukhangisa ngezinkonzo nezinto zemishado wanikeza isilinganiso senani lezindleko zikamakoti wase-Italy. Izimonyo nokulungiswa kwezinwele, R4 000; ukuqasha imoto kanokusho, R2 700; i-video yosuku, R5 500; i-albhamu yezithombe zomshado (ingahlangene nezithombe), R1 150 kuya ku-R4 550; izimbali, zisukela ku-R5 500; umuntu ngamunye emcimbini, R400 kuya ku-R800; ingubo yomshado, ngaphezu kuka-R11- 000. Uma ucabangela ukubaluleka kwalesi senzakalo, kuyaqondakala ukuthi umuntu ufuna ukwenza okuthile okukhethekile. Kodwa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi nikhetha kuphi kumelwe nilinganisele.

Nakuba abanye bechitha imali eshisiwe, abanye bayajabula ngokonga—noma benza kanjalo ngoba ingekho into abangayenza. Omunye umakoti wathi: “Sobabili sasingamaphayona [abashumayeli besikhathi esigcwele], futhi sasingenayo imali, kodwa kwakungasho lutho lokho. Umamezala wathenga indwangu yokuthunga ingubo, eyathungwa omunye umngane njengesipho. Izimemo zabhalwa umyeni wami ngesandla, futhi umngane ongumKristu wasiboleka imoto. Sathenga izinto ezibalulekile kuphela zomcimbi, othile wasipha iwayini. Kwakungeyona indumezulu, kodwa kwakwanele.” Omunye umkhwenyana uthi lapho umkhaya nabangane besiza, “izindleko ziyancipha kakhulu.”

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimo sayo ezingokwezimali simi kanjani, imibhangqwana engamaKristu iyofuna ukugwema ukweqisa, umoya wezwe noma ukubukisa. (1 Johane 2:15-17) Yeka ukuthi bekuyoba okudabukisa kanjani uma isenzakalo esijabulisayo njengomshado besingabangela umuntu ukuba ahluleke ukulandela izimiso ezingokomBhalo zokulinganisela, ezixwayisa ngokuminza, ukuphuza ngokweqile, nanoma yikuphi okungase kuvimbe umuntu ukuba abhekwe ‘njengongasoleki’!—IzAga 23:20, 21; 1 Thimothewu 3:2.

Gwema ukuthambekela kokuzama ukuba nomshado omkhulu nongcono kunowabanye. Cabanga ngezimvakazi eziphambili ezagqokwa omakoti ababili kwelinye izwe—enye imvakazi yayingamamitha angu-13 ububanzi futhi ingamakhilogremu angu-220 isisindo; enye yayingamamitha angu-300 ubude, idinga ukubanjwa yizimpelesi eziyikhulu. Ingabe kungavumelana neseluleko seBhayibheli sokulinganisela ukulingisa imibukwane enjalo?—Filipi 4:5.

Ingabe Kufanele Kulandelwe Isiko?

Amasiko emishado ayashiyana kuye ngamazwe, ngakho akunakwenzeka ukuphawula ngawo wonke. Lapho wenza isinqumo sokuthi uyolilandela yini isiko elithile noma cha, umbhangqwana uyobe wenza kahle uma uzibuza: ‘Lisho ukuthini? Ingabe lihambisana nokukholelwa ezeni okufisela inhlanhla noma inzalo—njengokuthela abashadayo ngelayisi? Ingabe lihlangene nenkolo yamanga noma eminye imikhuba elahlwa yiBhayibheli? Ingabe liwukungacabangeli nokungabonisi uthando? Ingabe lingababangela amahloni noma libakhube abanye? Ingabe lingaphakamisa ukungabaza ngezinhloso zombhangqwana? Ingabe alifaneleki?’ Uma kukhona ukungabaza nganoma yiliphi kula maphuzu, kungaba ngcono ukuligwema lelo siko, futhi uma kudingekile, yazisa izimenywa ngesinqumo kusenesikhathi.

Injabulo Nemizwelo

Imizwelo ngosuku olukhulu ingase iqale enjabulweni kuya ezinyembezini. Omunye umakoti uthi: “Ngangijabule kakhulu, kwakusengathi kufezeka iphupho.” Kodwa umkhwenyana uyakhumbula: “Kwakuwusuku olubi kakhulu kodwa futhi olumnandi kakhulu ekuphileni kwami. Abasekhweni lami babekhihla isililo ngoba ngangithatha indodakazi yabo eyizibulo, umkami wayekhala ngoba ebona abazali bakhe bekhala, futhi nami ngagcina sengikhala ngoba ngingasakwazi ukukubekezelela.”

Ukusabela okufana nalokhu akufanele kwethuse—kubangelwa ukucindezeleka. Futhi akufanele kumangaze uma ubuhlobo bomkhaya bungabi buhle ngezinye izikhathi, ngisho naphakathi kombhangqwana ngokwawo. “Phela, cishe uyaqala ukuhlela isenzakalo esikhulu kangaka ndawonye, futhi injabulo izobuthinta ubuhlobo babo ngandlela-thile,” kusho i-Complete Wedding Organiser and Record. “Akusizi ukuphatheka kabi uma izinto zingahambi kahle njengoba kulindelwe; kuyoba usizo kakhulu ukufuna iseluleko nokusekelwa ezikhathini ezinjengalezi.”

Omunye umkhwenyana wathi: “Ngangingakujabulela kakhulu ukuba nomeluleki engangingathululela kuye isifuba futhi ngimtshele imizwa yami futhi ngihlale ngizisola ngokuthi ngangingenaye.” Ubani ongayifeza kangcono leyo ndima ukudlula umngane ovuthiwe noma isihlobo noma omunye umuntu ovuthiwe ebandleni lobuKristu?

Uma abazali bebona ingane yabo ishiya ikhaya, bangase babe nemizwa exubile yenjabulo, ukuziqhenya, ukukhumbula izikhathi ezadlula kanye novalo. Kodwa kufanele baqaphele ngokungenabugovu ukuthi sesifikile isikhathi sokuba ingane yabo ‘ishiye uyise nonina’ futhi inamathele kumngane wayo womshado ‘babe nyamanye,’ njengoba uMdali ayehlosile. (Genesise 2:24) Ephawula indlela aphatheka ngayo emshadweni wendodana yakhe eyizibulo, umama othile uyakhumbula: “Ngangikhala izinyembezi, kodwa ngaphezu kwalezo zenhliziyo ebuhlungu, kwakuyizinyembezi zenjabulo ngokuthola umakoti othandekayo ngempela.”

Ukuze benze lesi senzakalo sijabulise futhi sakhe, abazali—njengomakoti nomkhwenyana—kudingeka babonise izimfanelo zobuKristu zokubambisana, ukuzola, ukungabi nabugovu nokubekezela.—1 Korinte 13:4-8; Galathiya 5:22-24; Filipi 2:2-4.

Abanye omakoti besaba ukuthi okuthile kuzobheda ngosuku lwabo lomshado—ukuthi isondo lemoto lizophantsha bafike sekwephuzile emcimbini, ukuthi isimo sezulu sizoba sibi, noma ukuthi ingubo yomshado izokonakala ingalungiseki ngomzuzu wokugcina. Mhlawumbe akukho nokukodwa kwalokho okuyokwenzeka. Nokho, cabanga izinto ezingokoqobo. Akuzona zonke izinto eziyohamba kahle. Izithiyo kufanele zamukelwe. (UmShumayeli 9:11) Zama ukungaphelelwa ikhono lakho lokuba namahlaya uma ubhekene nobunzima, futhi ugcine isimo sengqondo esiqondile. Uma kwenzeka kuba khona okuthile okungahambi kahle, khumbula ukuthi eminyakeni ezayo, ungase uhleke uma usuxoxa ngakho. Ungavumeli umonakalo omncane ukuba uqede injabulo yomshado ngokwawo.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 25]

“Ezinye izinto ezazibonakala ‘zibalulekile’ ngaleso sikhathi, ekugcineni kwahlaluka ukuthi azidingeki.”—UTINA, UMAKOTI

[Ibhokisi/Izithombe ekhasini 25]

ISIBONELO SOHLU LWAMALUNGISELELOb

Lapho kusasele izinyanga eziyisithupha noma ngaphezulu

❑ Xoxa ngamalungiselelo omshado nozoba umyeni wakho noma umkakho, abasekhweni noma abasemzini, nabazali

❑ Nqumani ukuthi nifuna hlobo luni lomshado

❑ Yenzani uhlelo lwezindleko

❑ Hlolani izimfuneko ezingokomthetho

❑ Bekisani indawo yomcimbi

❑ Thintana nomuntu ozothatha izithombe

Izinyanga ezine

❑ Khethani (ezingutsheni zokugqoka eninazo), thengani, noma nithunge izingubo zomshado

❑ Odani izimbali

❑ Khethani futhi ni-ode izimemo

Izinyanga ezimbili

❑ Thumelani izimemo

❑ Thengani izindandatho

❑ Tholani amaphepha afanele

Inyanga

❑ Linganisani izingubo zomshado

❑ Qinisekisani ama-oda nezinsuku ezibekelwe izinto ezithile

❑ Bhalani izincwadi zokubonga zanoma yiziphi izipho esenizitholile

Amasonto amabili

❑ Qalani ukuthuthela izimpahla zenu lapho nizohlala khona

Isonto elilodwa

❑ Qinisekani ukuthi bonke abazosiza bayazi ukuthi yini elindelekile kubo

❑ Hlelani ukubuyiselwa kwanoma yiziphi izinto eziqashiwe noma ezibolekiwe

❑ Yabelani abanye yonke imisebenzi eningase niyabe

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 26]

“Lokho uNkulunkulu akubophele ndawonye ejokeni makungahlukaniswa muntu”