Lapho Izingane Zijahwa Ukuba Zikhule
IZULU laliguqubele lapho injini yendiza encane iqala ukuduma ilungela ukusuka esikhumulweni. Kwakuyindumezulu yesenzakalo, kukhona abemibiko yezindaba, abathwebula izithombe, nezintatheli zibuza imibuzo ngokuncoma futhi zihalalisa zingaqedi. Ubani owayebangela lonke leli sasasa? Kwakungeyena umshayeli wendiza onezincwadi zokushayela, futhi kungeyena nje lowo owayewukuphela komgibeli—owesilisa omdala—kodwa, kunalokho, kwakuyindodakazi yomgibeli. Yayineminyaka engu-7 ubudala.
Indiza yayizoshayelwa yile ntombazanyana. Kwakufanele iqophe umlando futhi ikwenze ngesikhathi esithile esimisiwe. Abezindaba babezolinda kwesinye isikhumulo. Ngakho nakuba laliguqubele, laba bantu abathathu bagibela, ingane yahlala emcamelweni ukuze ikwazi ukubona indlela, ezinyaweni ixhunywe izinto ukuze ikwazi ukunyathela amafutha.
Kuyadabukisa ukuthi akuthathanga sikhathi eside besemoyeni. Ngenxa yesiphepho esasingalindelekile, indiza yaphaphalaza, injini yacima, yabe isiphahlazeka, bafa bobathathu abagibeli. Ngokushesha abezindaba babika usizi esikhundleni sokuncoma. Izintatheli ezimbalwa nabahleli bazibuza ukuthi akunakwenzeka yini ukuthi abemithombo yezindaba babebe nengxenye kule nhlekelele. Abantu abaningi bashaya phansi ngonyawo bethi akukho ngane okufanele ishayele indiza. E-United States, kwashaywa imithetho ekwenqabelayo. Kodwa naphezu kwalezi zinkulumo eziningi namakhambi alula asikiselwa, kwakunezinkinga ezijulile.
Leyo nhlekelele yenza abantu abaningi bacabanga nzulu ngokuthambekela kwezikhathi zethu. Namuhla izingane ziyajahwa, ziphushwa ukuba zithwale imisebenzi yabantu abadala zisezincane kakhulu. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi imiphumela ayivamile ukuba mikhulu noma ukuba yinhlekelele ngaleyo ndlela. Kodwa ingajula futhi ihlale isikhathi eside. Ake sicabangele izindlela ezimbalwa izingane eziye zijahwe ngazo.
Ukujaha Imfundo Yazo
Kuyaqondakala ukuthi abazali bafisa ukubona izingane zabo ziphumelela. Kodwa lapho leso sifiso siba ukukhathazeka, abazali bangase bathwese izingane zabo kanzima, bazicindezele kakhulu kungakabi yisikhathi. Lapho beqala ukukwenza lokhu ngokuvamile basuke bengenazo izinhloso ezimbi. Ngokwesibonelo, sekuyinto evamile ukuba abazali babhalise izingane zabo ezinhlelweni ezenziwa ngemva kwesikole, ezisukela kwezemidlalo kuya ezifundweni zomculo noma zomdanso. Ngokuvamile, izingane zifunelwa othisha abakhethekile.
Yiqiniso, akuyona into engalungile ukukhuthaza amakhono noma izinto ingane ezithandayo. Kodwa ingabe ikhona ingozi yokweqisa? Ngokusobala ikhona uma ezinye izingane zibonakala zibhekene nezingcindezi eziningi njengabantu abadala abadla udledle. Umagazini i-Time uthi: “Izingane ezazijabulela ubuntwana manje sezinezinhlelo ezimisiwe zezifundo; izingane obekufanele ngabe ziqhutshwa amandla obusha manje seziqhutshwa imigomo ephakeme yemilutha yokusebenza.”
Abanye abazali banethemba lokuthi izingane zabo zingase zibe ompetha kwezemidlalo, emculweni noma ekudlaleni izithombe zamabhayisikobho zisezincane. Zithi zingakazalwa nakuzalwa, abazali babe sebezibhalise enkulisa, benethemba lokwandisa amathuba azo okuphumelela. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abanye omama babhalisa “ezifundweni zangaphambi kokubeletha” ezifundisa izinsana ezingakazalwa umculo. Umgomo uwukushukumisa ubuchopho bazo obusakhula.
Kwamanye amazwe kuhlolwa amakhono ezingane okufunda nokwenza izibalo ngaphambi kokuba zibe neminyaka eyisithupha ubudala. Izenzo ezinjalo ziye zabangela ukukhathazeka ngokulimala ngokomzwelo okungase kube khona. Ngokwesibonelo, kwenzekani ngengane “efeyila” enkulisa? UDavid Elkind, umlobi wencwadi ethi The Hurried Child, uthi izikole zithambekele ekuhlukaniseni izingane ngezigaba ngokushesha, zisezincane kakhulu. U-Elkind uthi lokhu zikwenza zicabanga ngokuphathwa kwezikole hhayi ngenjongo yokufundisa izingane ngokuphumelelayo.
Ingabe ukhona umonakalo obangelwa ukucindezela izingane ukuba ziziphathe njengabantu abadala ngaphambi kwesikhathi? U-Elkind ukhathazwa yindlela umphakathi oye wawamukela ngayo umbono wokwenza izingane zifanelekele ukuthwala imithwalo yabantu abadala. Uthi: “Kubonisa ukuthambekela esinakho kokwamukela izingcindezi ezikhulayo nezingagudluki intsha yanamuhla ebhekene nazo njengento ‘evamile.’” Yebo, imibono yokuthi yikuphi okuyinto evamile ezinganeni ibonakala ishintsha ngokushesha.
Ukujaha Ukuba Ziwine
Abazali abaningi babonakala becabanga ukuthi kuyinto evamile, netusekayo, ukufundisa izingane zabo ukuthi kufanele ziwine nakanjani—ikakhulukazi kwezemidlalo. Izingane eziningi namuhla zinemigomo yokuthola izindondo zama-Olympic. Ukuze zithole udumo lwesikhashana ngenxa yokunqoba nokujabulela ukuphila ngokunethezeka lapho sezikhulile, ezinye izingane zicindezelwa ukuba zijahe ukukhula noma zeqe ibanga lobuntwana.
Cabangela abesifazane abangabavocavoci bomzimba. Baqala besebancane kakhulu ngezivivinyo ezinzima ezikhandla imizinjana yabo. Bachitha iminyaka bezilungiselela ngokwengqondo nangokomzimba ukuba balungele imincintiswano yama-Olympic. Kodwa-ke, bambalwa kuphela abawinayo. Ingabe abangawinanga baba nomuzwa wokuthi imiphumela ikufanele ukudela ubusha babo? Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ngisho nabawinile bangase bakungabaze lokho.
Ngokomzwelo, la mantombazanyana angase ajahwe ukuba akhule ngokushesha ngomgomo wokuba ompetha kwezemidlalo. Kodwa ukuvivinya umzimba okunjalo okukhandlayo kungase kuthiye ukukhula kwawo ngokomzimba. Kwamanye, ukukhula kwamathambo kuyakhinyabezeka. Kuvamile ukuba abe nezinkinga zokuphazamiseka kwemikhuba yokudla. Kwamaningi, ukuthomba kuyabambezeleka—ngisho nangeminyaka ethile. Nokho, amantombazane amaningi abhekana nenkinga ehlukile: ayashesha ukuthomba.—Bheka ibhokisi elingenhla.
Izingane Ezinakho Konke, Kodwa Ezingabujabuleli Ubuntwana Bazo
Uma ubungase ukholelwe yilokho okushiwo imithombo yokuzijabulisa, ubungase ucabange ukuthi ubuntwana obujabulisayo buhilela ukuba nazo zonke izinto zokunethezeka. Abanye abazali basebenza kanzima ukuze banikeze izingane zabo konke ukunethezeka ezikudingayo, kuhlanganise nendlu kanokusho, ukuzijabulisa okungenamingcele nezingubo zokugqoka ezibizayo.
Nokho, izingane eziningi ezikhuliswe ngaleyo ndlela ziyaphuza, zisebenzisa izidakamizwa, ziyavukela, futhi zihlala zihluneme. Ngani? Eziningi zigcwele intukuthelo ngoba zizizwa zinganakiwe. Izingane zidinga abazali abazithandayo nabazinakekelayo. Abazali abahlala bematasa abangakwenzi lokhu bangase bacabange ukuthi basebenzela injabulo yezingane zabo—kodwa kungenzeka benza okuphambene nalokho.
UDkt. Judith Paphazy uchaza “abazali abasebenza bobabili, abaphuma emikhayeni emi kahle,” futhi uthi ngokuvamile “batotosa izingane zabo ngoba ngandlela-thile bayaqaphela ukuthi abakuphishekelayo kulimaza umkhaya.” Ngokombono wakhe, abazali abasesimweni esinjalo bazama “ukuzihlangula ekubeni abazali.”
Ngokuvamile izingane zilimala kakhulu. Nakuba zinezinto eziningi zokunethezeka, zintula izakhi ezibaluleke kakhulu ebuntwaneni obufanele: isikhathi nothando lwabazali. Ngaphandle kwesiqondiso noma isiyalo, zibhekana nemibuzo enzima zisezincane kakhulu, zingakayilungeli. ‘Ingabe kufanele ngisebenzise izidakamizwa? Ngibe nobuhlobo bobulili? Ngibe nobudlova uma ngithukuthele?’ Cishe ziyozitholela izimpendulo kontanga noma kuyi-TV noma kubadlali bamabhayisikobho. Ngokuvamile imiphumela ibuqeda masisha ubuntwana, ngisho nangendlela ewusizi.
Ukuphoqwa Ukuba “Umuntu Omdala”
Lapho umkhaya onabazali ababili uba nomzali oyedwa kungazelelwe, kungaba ngokufa, ukuhlala ngokwahlukana noma isehlukaniso, izingane zivame ukulimala ngokomzwelo. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi imikhaya eminingi enomzali oyedwa iqhuba kahle. Kodwa kweminye, izingane zijahwa ukuba zikhule.
Kuyaqondakala ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi umzali ongayedwa angase abe nesizungu. Nokho, ngenxa yalokhu, abanye benza ingane—ngokuvamile eyizibulo—ukuba ifeze indima “yomuntu omdala” ongekho ekhaya. Ngenxa yokukhungatheka, umzali angase athululele isifuba sakhe endodaneni noma endodakazini yakhe esencane, ayithwese izinkinga ingane engakulungele ukuzithwala. Abanye abazali abangabodwa bancika kakhulu ngokomzwelo enganeni.
Abanye abazali balaxaza imithwalo yabo yemfanelo ngokuphelele, baphoqelele ingane ukuba ifeze indima yomuntu omdala ekhaya. UCarmen nodadewabo, okukhulunywe ngabo ekuqaleni, babebalekela isimo esinjalo ekhaya lapho beyohlala emgwaqweni. Besebancane bona ngokwabo, baba nomthwalo wokukhulisa izingane zakubo ezincane. Lo mthwalo wawubasinda.
Akungabazeki ukuthi ukujaha izingane ukuba zikhule kuwumkhuba oyingozi, okufanele ugwenywe noma kanjani. Kodwa likhona ikhambi: Abantu abadala bangathatha izinyathelo ezifanele zokuqinisekisa ukuthi izingane zabo zijabulela iminyaka yobuntwana bazo. Zinyathelo zini? Ake sihlole ezinye izimpendulo esezinesikhathi eside ziphumelela.
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Inselele Yokushesha Uthombe
Ingabe amantombazane ayashesha ukuthomba namuhla? Ososayensi bayaphikisana ngalo mbuzo. Abanye bathi maphakathi nekhulu le-19, amantombazane ayevame ukuqala ukuthomba eneminyaka engu-17 ubudala, kanti namuhla aqala eneminyaka engaphansi kwengu-13. Ngokocwaningo olwenziwa ngo-1997 kumantombazane angu-17 000, angaba ngamaphesenti angu-15 amhlophe nangamaphesenti angu-50 ansundu e-United States aqala ukuhlosa eneminyaka engu-8 ubudala! Nokho, odokotela abathile bayaphikisana nale miphumela futhi baxwayisa abazali ngokuthi bangamane bamukele ukushesha ukuthomba kwezingane njengento “evamile.”
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yikuphi, lesi simo siyinselele kubazali nasezinganeni. Umagazini i-Time uthi: “Okukhathaza nakakhulu kunezinguquko zomzimba umphumela ongase ube khona engqondweni wokukhula ngokushesha ngokobulili ezinganeni obekufanele ngabe zisafunda izinganekwane, hhayi ukuphebezana nezimpisi. . . . Isikhathi sobuntwana sifushane ngokwaso.” Lesi sihloko siphakamisa lo mbuzo ophazamisayo: “Uma imizimba yamantombazanyana iwenza abukeke emadala kuyilapho izinhliziyo nezingqondo zawo zingakakulungeli, yini ayolahlekelwa yiyo unomphela?”
Ngokuvamile, alahlekelwa ubumsulwa—ngenxa yokuxhashazwa ngokobulili. Umama othile walimisa ngesihloko: “Amantombazane abukeka emadala kuneminyaka yawo anjengoju oludonsa [izinyosi]. Akhanga abafana abadala.” Mkhulu umonakalo wokucindezelwa ukuba uhlanganyele ubulili usemncane. Intombazanyana ingalahlekelwa ukuzihlonipha, unembeza omsulwa ngisho nanempilo engokomzimba nengokomzwelo.
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Ukwenza imisebenzi eminingi kungabangela izinkinga
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Ukucindezela izingane ukuba zincintisane kungaqeda injabulo kwezemidlalo
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Izinto ezibonakalayo azisithathi isikhundla somzali okahle