Umkhaya Ohlukene—Umphumela Wesehlukaniso Entsheni

OCHWEPHESHE bezemishado babecabanga ukuthi sebelitholile ikhambi. Babeluleka abazali abanezinkinga emishadweni ngokuthi: ‘Kufanele ugxile enjabulweni yakho,’ basheshe nokuthi: ‘Ungakhathazeki ngezingane. Zingakwazi ukubekezela. Kulula kuzo ukubhekana nesehlukaniso kunokuhlala nabazali abangezwani.’

Kodwa, abanye abeluleki bezemishado abake bakhuthaza ukwehlukanisa sebeshintshile. Manje sebethi, ‘Isehlukaniso siyimpi. Akekho kwabehlukanisayo ophuma engenamyocu; ngisho nezingane.’

Inkolelo Yokuthi Kulula Ukwehlukana

Le ndaba ingaba uhlelo oluthandwayo kuyithelevishini. Ikhulume ngani? Ngobaba nomama abehlukanayo. Inkantolo inikeza umama izingane abese eshada nomfelwa onezakhe izingane. Masonto onke lo mkhaya ongafanelani ubhekana nezinkinga eziyinqaba—ngayinye ixazululwa phakathi nemizuzu engu-30 futhi ngendlela egcwele amahlaya anobuhlakani.

Mhlawumbe isimo esichazwe ngenhla senza uhlelo olujabulisayo kuyithelevishini. Kodwa ekuphileni kwangempela isehlukaniso asiwona umdlalo wethelevishini. Kunalokho sibangela ubuhlungu. Encwadini yakhe ethi Emotional Infidelity uM. Gary Neuman uthi: “Isehlukaniso sihilela ukuthathelana izinyathelo ezingokomthetho. Omunye umangalela omunye. Lapho nje unquma ukufaka isehlukaniso, usuke udela ilungelo lokukhulisa ingane yakho. Udela nelungelo lokulawula izimali zakho, mhlawumbe ngisho nendawo ozohlala kuyo. Ningase nizixalule izinkinga zenu enkantolo, kodwa kungase kungasebenzi. Ekugcineni umuntu ongamazi okuthiwa ijaji kungaba nguye okutshela ukuthi uzoyibona kangaki ingane yakho nokuthi uzosala namalini. Ngokudabukisayo, lowo muntu akacabangi ngendlela wena ocabanga ngayo.”

Ngokuvamile, isehlukaniso simane nje siwukuxazulula izinkinga ngezinye. Ngempela, yonke into ingase ishintshe, kusukela endaweni yokuhlala kuya esimweni esingokwezimali, futhi mhlawumbe kube nzima nakakhulu. Bese kuba khona nomphumela obangelwa isehlukaniso ezinganeni.

Isehlukaniso Nentsha

Isehlukaniso singabakhungathekisa abantwana kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bangakanani. Abanye bathi intsha isisingatha kangcono. Empeleni, abantu baye bacabange ukuthi intsha isikhule ngokwanele futhi vele sekuseduze ukuba ihlukane nabazali. Nokho, abacwaningi babona olunye uhlangothi lwalokhu. Bathole ukuthi ngenxa yalokho kanye, isehlukaniso singayilimaza kakhulu intsha.a Ake ucabangele okulandelayo:

◼ Njengoba ikhula iba abantu abadala, intsha izizwa ingalondekile nakakhulu, mhlawumbe izizwa kabi nakakhulu kunalapho iseyizingane. Ungakhohliswa ukubona sengathi isiyakwazi ukuzimela—intsha idinga isisekelo somkhaya esizinze kakhulu kunakuqala.

◼ Ngale nkathi intsha isuke isifunda ukwakha ubuhlobo ngendlela evuthiwe, isehlukaniso siyifundisa ukungabaza izimfanelo ezinjengokwethemba, ukuba qotho nothando. Lapho isikhulile, ingase ikugweme ngokuphelele ukwakha ubuhlobo obuseduze.

◼ Njengoba kuyinto evamile ngezingane ukuveza ubuhlungu ezibuzwayo, intsha yona ingase ikwenze lokhu ngezindlela eziyingozi, ezihlanganisa ukuba ihlongandlebe, ukusebenzisa kabi utshwala nezidakamizwa.

Lokhu akusho ukuthi intsha enabazali abehlukanisile nakanjani iyoba nezinkinga ezingokomzwelo noma ngezinye izindlela. Ingaphumelela, ikakhulukazi uma inobuhlobo obuhle nabo bobabili abazali.b Kodwa, kuwubuwula ukucabanga ukuthi ngaso sonke isikhathi isehlukaniso ‘siyoba ngcono kubantwana’ noma siyoqeda konke ukungezwani phakathi kombhangqwana njengoba abanye bengase basho. Empeleni, abanye bathola ukuthi kufanele basebenzelane ngokwengeziwe nabebeshade nabo “abangabekezeleleki” ngemva kwesehlukaniso kunangaphambili ikakhulukazi ezindabeni eziningi ezixabanisayo, ezinjengesondlo noma ukuthi izingane zizohlala nobani. Ezimweni ezinjalo isehlukaniso asiziqedi izinkinga zomkhaya; simane nje sizidlulisele komunye umkhakha.

Umbono Wesithathu

Kuthiwani uma umshado wakho unezinkinga futhi ucabanga ngokwehlukanisa? Lesi sihloko sibonise izizathu ezikuphoqayo ukuba ucabange ngenye indlela. Isehlukaniso asisona isisombululo sazo zonke izinkinga zasemshadweni.

Kodwa ungakuqondi kabi lokhu: Isisombululo asikhona nje ukubekezelela umshado omubi. Kunokunye ongakwenza—uma umshado wakho unezinkinga, kungani ungasebenzeli ekuwenzeni ube ngcono? Ungasheshi ucabange ukuthi izinkinga zomshado wakho azinakulungiswa. Zibuze le mibuzo:

◼ ‘Yiziphi izimfanelo ezangikhanga kwengishade naye? Azisekho yini lezo zimfanelo ngokwezinga elithile?’—IzAga 31:10, 29.

◼ ‘Ingabe ngingayivuselela yini indlela engangizizwa ngayo ngaphambi kokuba sishade?’—IsiHlabelelo SeziHlabelelo 2:2; 4:7.

◼ ‘Naphezu kwezenzo zalowo engishade naye, yini engingayenza ukuze ngisebenzise amacebiso atholakala emakhasini 3 kuya ku-9 alo magazini?’—Roma 12:18.

◼ ‘Ngingamchazela yini engishade naye (ubuso nobuso noma ngimbhalele) ukuthi ngingathanda sibuthuthukise kanjani ubuhlobo bethu?’—Jobe 10:1.

◼ ‘Singahlala yini phansi nomngane ovuthiwe ongasisiza ukuba sizibekele imigomo enengqondo ukuze sithuthukise umshado wethu?’—IzAga 27:17.

IBhayibheli lithi: “Okhaliphile uyazicabangela izinyathelo zakhe.” (IzAga 14:15) Lesi simiso asisebenzi nje kuphela lapho ukhetha umngane womshado kodwa nalapho ucabangela lokho ozokwenza ngomshado onezinkinga. Yiqiniso, njengoba kubonisiwe ekhasini 9 lalo magazini, ngisho nemikhaya ephumelelayo iyaba nezinkinga—umehluko nje indlela ezisingathwa ngayo.

Ngokwesibonelo: Zicabange uthatha uhambo olude ngemoto. Kulindelekile ukuthi uzohlangana nezinkinga endleleni ezihlanganisa isimo sezulu esibi, ukuminyana nokuseshwa kwezimoto. Ngezinye izikhathi, ungase uduke. Ungenzenjani? Ungaphindela emuva noma ungathola indlela yokunqoba lezo zithiyo uqhubekele phambili? Ngosuku lwakho lomshado, waqala lolo hambo olwaluzoba nezinkinga zalo, ngoba iBhayibheli lithi “labo abashadayo bayoba nosizi.” (1 Korinte 7:28) Akubuzwa ukuthi ingabe izinkinga ziyophakama yini, kodwa ukuthi uyozisingatha kanjani uma ziphakama. Ungakwazi yini ukuxazulula inkinga bese uqhubekela phambili? Ngisho noma unomuzwa wokuthi umshado wakho ngeke usalunga, ungazama yini ukuthola usizo?—Jakobe 5:14.

Ilungiselelo LikaNkulunkulu

Umshado uyilungiselelo likaNkulunkulu okungafanele lithathwe kalula. (Genesise 2:24) Lapho kubonakala sengathi izinkinga zingaphezu kwamandla, khumbula amaphuzu okuxoxwe ngawo kulesi sihloko.

1. Zama ukuvuselela uthando owawunalo.—IsiHlabelelo SeziHlabelelo 8:6.

2. Nquma ukuthi yini ongayenza ukuze wenze umshado wakho ube ngcono, bese uyayenza.—Jakobe 1:22.

3. Ngenhlonipho kodwa ngokucacile tshela oshade naye—ubuso nobuso noma umbhalele incwadi—ukuthi yiziphi izinto okufanele nizithuthukise emshadweni wenu.—Jobe 7:11.

4. Thola usizo. Akudingeki kube nguwena wedwa osindisa umshado wenu!

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 19]

‘LONA UZOPHUMELELA’

Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi maningi amathuba okuba imishado yesibili ingaphumeleli kuneyokuqala, kuba kubi nakakhulu uma usushada okwesithathu. Encwadini yakhe ethi Emotional Infidelity, uM. Gary Neuman uveza isizathu esisodwa esibangela lokhu. Uyabhala: “Uma unezinkinga emshadweni wakho wokuqala, akungenxa yokuthi wahluleka ukukhetha umngane womshado. Inkinga ikuwena. Wamthanda lo muntu. Nasebenza ndawonye nenza nalokho eninakho noma eningenakho.” Uphetha ngokuthini uNeuman? “Kungcono ukuxazulula inkinga kunokuba ulahle oshade naye usale nenkinga.”

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 21]

UMA UMSHADO UPHELA

IBhayibheli liyavuma ukuthi izimo ezingaphezu kwezivamile zingaholela esehlukanisweni.c Uma kunjalo ngomkhaya wakho, ungazisiza kanjani izingane esezikhulile ukuba zibhekane nalesi simo?

Yitshelani ingane ukuthi kwenzekani. Uma kungenzeka, abazali kufanele bakwenze bobabili lokhu. Nobabili, tshelani ingane yenu ukuthi lesi sinqumo ngeke sishintshe. Yiqinisekiseni ukuthi akuyona eyimbangela yalokhu futhi nizoqhubeka niyithanda nobabili.

Yeka ukulwa—impi isiphelile. Abanye abazali bayaqhubeka bexabene nangemva kwesikhathi eside bahlukana. Esinye isazi sithi, “bahlukene ngokomthetho kodwa basaqhubeka belwa ngokomzwelo abakaxolelani.” Lokhu akuncishi nje izingane ithuba lokuba nabazali bazo—ngoba ubaba nomama bahlale bexabana—kodwa kuzikhuthaza nokuba zibaxabanise ukuze zithole ezikufunayo. Ngokwesibonelo, umfana angase athi kunina: “Ubaba uyangivumela ukuba ngibuye ngesikhathi engisithandayo ekhaya. Kungani wena ungangivumeli?” Engafuni ukuba indodana yakhe “ithande isitha sakhe,” umama uyathamba.

Yivumele ingane ikhulume. Izingane zingase zicabange ukuthi: ‘Uma abazali bami bengasathandani, bangase bayeke ukungithanda nami’ noma ‘Uma abazali bami beyiphulile imithetho, kungani mina ngingenakuyiphula?’ Ukuze unciphise lokho kwesaba futhi ulungise ukucabanga okuyiphutha, yivulele amathuba amaningi okukhuluma. Nasi isixwayiso: Ungaphambanisi izindima bese uncika enganeni ukuba ikusekele ngokomzwelo. Ingane yakho le, hhayi umuntu ongakhalela kuye.

Khuthaza ingane yakho ukuba ibe nobuhlobo obuhle nowawushade naye. Umuntu ohlukene naye uhlukene nawe hhayi ingane yenu. Ukukhuluma kabi ngaye kubi. Incwadi ethi Teens in Turmoil—A Path to Change for Parents, Adolescents, and Their Families ithi: “Uma abazali bekhetha ukusebenzisa izingane zabo njengezikhali empini yesehlukaniso, kufanele balindele ukuvuna lokho abakutshalayo.”

Zinakekele. Ngezinye izikhathi, uyozizwa ukhungathekile. Kodwa ungalilahli ithemba. Londoloza isimiso esihle. Uma ungumKristu, yiba matasa ezintweni ezingokomoya. Ukwenza kanjalo kuyosiza wena nengane yakho ukuba nilondoloze ukulinganisela.—IHubo 18:2; Mathewu 28:19, 20; Hebheru 10:24, 25.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 20]

Sebenzela ukubambelela esibophweni owasenza ngosuku lwakho lomshado

[Isithombe ekhasini 21]

Uma nishintshana ngokuhlala nezingane, khuthaza ingane esikhulile ukuba ibe nobuhlobo obuhle nowawushade naye