Izinselele Ezingavamile Zemikhaya Yokutholwa

● Ngokukachwepheshe wezemikhaya yokutholwa uDkt. Patricia Papernow, ukuzama ukuxazulula izinkinga zale mikhaya usebenzisa isibonelo semikhaya evamile, kufana “nokuzama ukuthola izitaladi zaseNew York City usebenzisa ibalazwe laseBoston.”

Iqiniso liwukuthi izinselele zemikhaya yokutholwa azihlukile nje kuphela, kodwa futhi zinkulu kunezemikhaya evamile. Empeleni, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uWilliam Merkel uchaza imikhaya yokutholwa ngokuthi “iwubudlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi, obuphambene nemvelo futhi obunzima kunabo bonke emlandweni wabantu.”

Uma kunzima kangako, kanti ungaphumelela kanjani umkhaya wokutholwa? Ubudlelwano obuba khona phakathi kwamalungu omkhaya wokutholwa bungafaniswa nemithungo ehlanganisa izicucwana zezindwangu. Ngisho noma imithungo ibonakala ingaqinile lapho isahlanganiswa, uma isiqediwe ibonakala iqine njengendwangu ephelele—uma ithungwe ngokucophelela.

Ake sicabangele ezinye zezinselele imikhaya yokutholwa ebhekana nazo nezinyathelo eziye zasiza eminingi ukuba “ithunge” ukuphila kwayo. Ngemva kwalokho, sizofunda ngemikhaya yokutholwa emine ephumelele.

INSELELE 1: UKUNGAFEZEKI KOBEKULINDELWE

“Ngangizitshela ukuthi zizovele zingamukele izingane zami zokutholwa uma ngizibonisa uthando olukhulu futhi ngizinaka, kodwa sekuphele iminyaka engu-8 futhi ngisalindile.”—UGloria.a

NGOKUVAMILE kusuke kulindelwe lukhulu lapho imikhaya yokutholwa iqala. Abazali basuke benethemba lokugwema noma lokulungisa amaphutha asemshadweni odlule, nelokuthola uthando nokulondeka obekulokhu kungekho. Okunye okulindelwayo kusuke kuyiphupho nje, kodwa kuthi lapho lingafezeki, kubangele ukucindezeleka. Njengoba iBhayibheli lisho: “Into oyilindele kodwa ethatha isikhathi eside ingafiki yenza inhliziyo yakho igule.” (IzAga 13:12, Beck) Kuthiwani uma ukungafezeki kwalokho obukulindele kwenza inhliziyo yakho igule?

LOKHO ONGAKWENZA

Ungayivaleli ngaphakathi imizwa yakho, uzitshela ukuthi indumalo yakho izodlula. Kunalokho, kuphawule lokho obukade ukulindele kodwa kwangenzeka futhi okukukhathazayo. Ngemva kwalokho, thola ukuthi kungani ubukulindele lokho, ukuze uqonde ukuthi kungani ukulangazelela kangaka. Ekugcineni, zama ukulinganisela kulokho okulindele manje. Nazi ezinye zezibonelo:

1. Ngizozithanda izingane zami zokutholwa zibekwa nje, futhi nazo zizongithanda.

Kungani? Bekulokhu kuyiphupho lami ukuba nomkhaya osondelene futhi ofudumele.

Umbono onengqondo: Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, luzokhula uthando lwethu ngomunye nomunye. Okubalulekile njengamanje ukuthi sizizwe silondekile futhi sihloniphana njengomkhaya.

2. Sonke kulo mkhaya omusha sizozivumelanisa nesimo ngokushesha.

Kungani? Sesikulungele ukuqala kabusha.

Umbono onengqondo: Imikhaya yokutholwa ivame ukuthatha iminyaka emine kuya kweyisikhombisa ngaphambi kokuba izinze. Izinkinga esinazo zilindelekile vele.

3. Ngeke siphikisane ngemali.

Kungani? Uthando lwethu luyosisiza ukuba sigweme izingxabano ezincane.

Umbono onengqondo: Izinkinga zezimali ezihlobene nemishado yethu edlule ziyinkimbinkimbi. Kungenzeka asikakulungeli ukuhlanganisa yonke imali yethu ndawonye.

INSELELE 2: UKWAZANA

“Sashesha ukuzivumelanisa nesimo—sonke kulo mkhaya omusha savele sakhululeka.”—UYoshito.

“Kwaphela iminyaka eyishumi ngaphambi kokuba ngizimisele ngempela ukubona umkhaya wethu wokutholwa uphumelela.”—UTastuki, indodana yokutholwa kaYoshito.

NJENGOYOSHITO noTastuki, amalungu omkhaya wokutholwa angase angaqondani kahle. Kungani lokhu kuphawuleka? Lapho kuphakama izinkinga, ungase ufune ukuzilungisa ngokushesha. Kodwa ukuze wenze ngendlela ephumelelayo, kufanele uqale uwuqonde umkhaya wakho.

Kubalulekile ukucabanga ngendlela okhuluma ngayo, ngenxa yokuthi amazwi angabhidliza noma akhe. Kunjengoba iBhayibheli lisho: “Ukufa nokuphila kusemandleni olimi.” (IzAga 18:21) Ungalusebenzisa kanjani ulimi lwakho ukuze wakhe ukuzwana kunokubangela ukuxabana?

ENINGAKWENZA

• Yibani nesithakazelo nozwela ngemizwa yomunye nomunye kunokuthambekela ekwahlulelaneni. Ngokwesibonelo:

Uma indodana yakho ithi, “Ngiyamkhumbula ubaba,” zwelana nayo. Kunokuba uthi, “Kodwa usingayihlo uyakuthanda futhi ukuphethe kangcono,” zama lokhu: “Kufanele ukuba kunzima ngempela. Ngitshele, yini oyikhumbula kakhulu ngobaba wakho?”

Kunokusola lowo osushade naye ngokusho amazwi athi, “Indodana yakho ngabe ayideleli kangaka ukube wawuyikhulise kahle,” bonisa indlela ozizwa ngayo. Zama lokhu: “Bengicela ukhumbuze uLuke ukuthi angibingelele uma efika ekhaya. Kungangisiza kakhulu.”

• Sebenzisani izikhathi zokudla, zokuzijabulisa nezokukhulekela ukuze nifundane.

• Vamani ukuba nemihlangano yomkhaya futhi nibe khona nonke. Vumelani ilungu ngalinye lomkhaya ukuba likhulume ngaphandle kokuphazanyiswa, kuqalwe ngokuthile okuhle ngomkhaya, bese kulandela isikhalo. Bonisanani inhlonipho ngisho noma ningavumelani, futhi vumelani noma ubani emkhayeni eze nesixazululo.

INSELELE 3: UKWAMUKELA “ABANGEWONA” AMALUNGU OMKHAYA

“Umkami nezingane zakhe bayangihlanganyela. Ngikhishwa inyumbazana.”—UWalt.

UKWESABA ukukhishwa inyumbazana emkhayeni wakho kungaba umnyombo wezinye izinkinga. Ngokwesibonelo:

• Abantwana abazwana kahle nalowo ozoba usingamzali wabo ngaphambi komshado bavame ukuba nenkinga ngemva komshado.

• Usingamzali uba nomona ngengane eneminyaka eyisithupha.

• Kusuka izimpikiswano ngezindaba zasekhaya ezingasho lutho.

Lokhu kuthinta nabazali abazizalayo, ngoba bangazizwa becindezelekile uma umkhaya wokutholwa ubonakala uhlukana phakathi. Kunjengoba uCarmen ekubeka, “Kubi kabi ukuba phakathi nendawo empini ephakathi komyeni wami nezingane zami ezimbili.”

UMthetho Wegolide uyinhloko ekusingatheni le nselele. UJesu wathi: “Ngakho-ke, zonke izinto enifuna abantu bazenze kini, nani kumelwe nizenze ngokufanayo kubo.” (Mathewu 7:12) Imikhaya yokutholwa ingawenza kanjani amalungu omkhaya azizwe eyingxenye yawo?

ENINGAKWENZA

• Umshado wenu mawuze kuqala. (Genesise 2:24) Chitha isikhathi noshade naye, futhi uyenze icace indawo yakhe ezinganeni zakho. Ngokwesibonelo, nakhu obaba abangase bakusho ezinganeni zabo ngisho nangaphambi kokuba baphinde bashade: “Ngiyamthanda u-Anna, futhi uzoba umkami. Ngiyazi ukuthi nizomhlonipha.”

• Hlela isikhathi sokuba wedwa nengane yakho ngayinye. Ukubekela eceleni isikhathi sazo kubonisa ukuthi zibaluleke kangakanani kuwe futhi kuyoziqinisekisa ukuthi uyazithanda.

• Chitha isikhathi uwedwa nengane yokutholwa ukuze nakhe ubuhlobo engekho umzali wayo njengomxhumanisi.

• Vumela izingane ukuba zibe “amalungu” alo mkhaya ngaphandle kokulahla umkhaya wokuqala. Ngokuvamile kungcono ukungayiphoqeleli ingane ukuba isebenzise amagama anjengokuthi “Mama” noma “Baba.” Izingane esezikhulile zingase ziqale zingakhululeki ukusebenzisa amagama anjengokuthi “umkhaya” noma “si” uma zibhekisela emkhayeni wokutholwa.

• Ingane ngayinye mayibe nomsebenzi ewenzayo ekhaya, isihlalo sayo etafuleni, nendawo yayo yokwenza izinto ekhaya. Lokhu kuhlanganisa nalezo ezingahlali nani ngaso sonke isikhathi.

• Cabangelani ukuthuthela emzini omusha noma ukuhlela kabusha ikhaya enihlala kulo, ukuze amalungu amasha angazizwa elahlekile.

INSELELE 4: UKUYALA IZINGANE

“Uma ngizama ukuyala izingane zikaCarmen, uvele aduduze zona kunokusekela mina.”—UPablo.

“Ngizwa ubuhlungu obukhulu uma uPablo ethethisa izingane zami.”—UCarmen.

KUNGANI ukuyala izingane kungase kubangele izingxabano emkhayeni wokutholwa? Isiyalo singase sidebeselelwe emkhayeni onomzali oyedwa. Lapho usingamzali eseba yilungu lomkhaya, kungenzeka kusuke kungakakheki ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nezingane. Ube yini umphumela? Usingamzali angase abe nomuzwa wokuthi umzali wangempela wezingane uyazitotosa, kuyilapho ozizalayo ecabanga ukuthi usingamzali uqinisa kakhulu isandla.

IBhayibheli lithi kufanele kube nokulinganisela lapho kuyalwa izingane: “Nani bobaba, ningabacasuli abantwana benu, kodwa qhubekani nibakhulisa ngesiyalo nangokuqondisa umqondo kukaJehova [uNkulunkulu].” (Efesu 6:4) Iphuzu lapho liwukuqeqesha indlela yokucabanga yengane yakho kunokuvele ulawule ukuziphatha kwayo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, abazali bakhuthazwa ukuba babe nomusa nothando ukuze isiyalo sabo singabangeli ukucasuka.

ENINGAKWENZA

• Bekani imithetho ezolandelwa ekhaya, niqale ngaleyo esikhona kakade. Cabangani ngezinzuzo zaleyo mithetho ezimweni ezilandelayo:

Usingamama: Jennifer, umthetho walapha ekhaya uthi awulibali ukuchofoza umakhalekhukhwini kuze kube yilapho usuqede ukwenza umsebenzi wesikole.

UJennifer: Awuyena umama wami.

Usingamama: Uqinisile Jen, kodwa yimina umzali onegunya namuhla, futhi umthetho uthi awulibali ukuchofoza umakhalekhukhwini kuze kube yilapho usuqede umsebenzi wesikole.

• Gwema ukubeka imithetho eminingi nokushintsha isimiso sokwenza izinto ngokushesha. Into ebonakala iyisicelo esincane kusingamzali ingaba umthwalo enganeni enomuzwa wokuthi umhlaba usuvele washintsha. Kuyiqiniso, eminye imithetho kungenzeka iyadingeka, njengowokuba nesikhathi sokuba wedwa nendlela yokugqoka, ikakhulukazi uma kunezingane ezindala emkhayeni wokutholwa.

• Khulumani ngasese ngezinto eningezwani ngazo, hhayi phambi kwabantwana. Gxilani endleleni ingane eziphatha ngayo ngaleso sikhathi kunokungaqeqesheki kwayo lapho isencane.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 3]

Umkhaya wokutholwa onobunye ungase ubonakale uyinto engenakwenzeka

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Lalelanani ukuze niqonde imizwa nalokho okukhathaza omunye nomunye

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Uma kunokungezwani, abazali kufanele bakuxazulule ngasese