Imikhaya Enosingamzali Ingaphumelela

INGABE INGABA KHONA IMIKHAYA EPHUMELELAYO ENOSINGAMZALI? YEBO, IKAKHULUKAZI UMA BONKE abahilelekile bekhumbula ukuthi “yonke imiBhalo iphefumulelwe uNkulunkulu futhi inenzuzo yokufundisa, yokusola, yokuqondisa izinto, yokuyala ekulungeni.” (2 Thimothewu 3:16) Lapho bonke besebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli, cishe impumelelo iba ngeqinisekile.

Imfanelo Eyisisekelo

IBhayibheli linikeza imithetho embalwa engokoqobo ukuze liqondise ubuhlobo babantu. Likhuthaza kakhulu ukuba sihlakulele izimfanelo ezinhle nesimo sengqondo esihle okusiqondisayo ukuba senze ngokuhlakanipha. Isimo sengqondo nezimfanelo ezinhle kanjalo kuyisisekelo sokuphila komkhaya okujabulisayo.

Kungase kubonakale kusobala, kodwa nokho kuyafaneleka ukuba kushiwo ukuthi imfanelo eyisisekelo edingekayo kunoma yimuphi umkhaya ukuze uphumelele uthando. Umphostoli uPawulu wathi: “Uthando lwenu malungabi nabuzenzisi. . . . Othandweni lobuzalwane yibani nokusondelana okunesisa komunye nomunye.” (Roma 12:9, 10) Igama elithi “uthando” livame ukusetshenziswa ngokungafanele, kodwa imfanelo uPawulu akhuluma ngayo lapha ingekhethekile. Iwuthando lokuhlonipha uNkulunkulu, futhi “alupheli nanini.” (1 Korinte 13:8) IBhayibheli liluchaza ngokuthi alunabugovu futhi lulungele ukukhonza. Lushisekela kakhulu ukuzuzisa abanye. Lunesineke futhi lunomusa, alulokothi lube nomhawu, luzikhukhumeze noma luziqhenye ngokweqile. Aluzifuneli inzuzo yalo. Luhlale lukulungele ukubonelela, ukukholwa, ukwethemba, ukukhuthazelela noma yini evelayo.—1 Korinte 13:4-7.

Uthando lwangempela luyasiza ekuxazululeni ukungezwani futhi luhlanganise abantu abakhuliswe ngezindlela ezihlukene kakhulu nabanobuntu obungafani. Futhi lusiza ekulweni nemiphumela ekhungathekisayo yesahlukaniso noma yokushona komzali wangempela. Enye indoda eyaba usingababa ichaza inkinga yayo yangempela: “Ngangivame ukukhathazeka ngokweqile ngemizwa yami, ngingahlaziyi imizwelo yezingane engingusingayise wazo noma ngisho neyomkami. Kwadingeka ngifunde ukuba ngingasheshi ukuzwela. Okubaluleke kakhulu, kwadingeka ngifunde ukuthobeka.” Uthando lwayisiza ukuba yenze ushintsho oludingekayo.

Umzali Wangempela

Uthando lungasiza ekusingatheni ubuhlobo bezingane nomzali ozizalayo ongasahlali nazo. Usingababa othile uthulula isifuba sakhe: “Ngangifuna ukuba izingane engingusingayise wazo zithande mina kakhulu. Lapho zivakashela uyise ozizalayo, ngangikuthola kunzima ukugwema isilingo sokumgxeka. Lapho zibuya ngemva kokuba nosuku oluhle naye, ngangiphatheka kabi kakhulu. Ngangijabula lapho zibe nosuku olubi. Empeleni, ngangesaba ukulahlekelwa yizo. Enye yezinto eyayinzima kunazo zonke ukuyamukela kwakuwukubaluleka kwendima kayise ozizalayo ekuphileni kwazo.”

Uthando lwangempela lwasiza lo singababa ukuba abhekane neqiniso lokuthi wayengabhekani namaqiniso uma elindela ukuthandwa “ngokushesha.” Kwakungafanele azizwe elahliwe lapho izingane zingamamukeli ngokushesha. Waqaphela ukuthi wayengeke nanini asivale ngokuphelele isikhala sikababa ozala izingane ezinhliziyweni zazo. Izingane zaziyaze kusukela zisezincane kakhulu le ndoda, kuyilapho usingayise ayesanda kufika futhi kusadingeka asebenzele ukuthandwa izingane. Umcwaningi u-Elizabeth Einstein ubonisa lokho okuye kwenzeka kwabaningi lapho ethi: “Isikhala somzali ozala ingane ngeke sivaleke nanini—ngeke nanini. Ngisho nomzali oshonile noma olahle izingane zakhe uhlale enendawo ebalulekile ekuphileni kwezingane.”

Isiyalo—Indaba Ebucayi

IBhayibheli libonisa ukuthi isiyalo sothando sibalulekile ezinganeni, futhi lokho kuhlanganisa nezingane ezinosingamzali. (IzAga 8:33) Izazi eziningana seziqala ukuvumelana nalokho okushiwo yiBhayibheli kulokhu. UProfesa uCeres Alves de Araújo wathi: “Ngokwemvelo akekho othanda imingcele, kodwa iyadingeka. Ukuthi ‘cha’ igama elivikelayo.”

Nokho, emikhayeni exubile, imibono ngokuphathelene nesiyalo ingaholela ekuhlukaneni okukhulu. Izingane esezihlala nosingamzali zisuke ziqeqeshwe umuntu omdala ongasekho manje. Cishe zinemikhuba engase imcasule usingamzali. Futhi kungenzeka aziqondi ukuthi kungani usingamzali emelene ngokuqinile nezinto ezithile. Leso simo singasingathwa kanjani ngokuphumelelayo? UPawulu weluleka amaKristu: “Phishekela . . . uthando, ukukhuthazela, ubumnene bomoya.” (1 Thimothewu 6:11) Uthando lobuKristu lusiza kokubili usingamzali nezingane ukuba babe mnene futhi babe nesineke njengoba befunda ukuqondana. Uma usingamzali engenaso isineke, ‘ethukuthela, eba nolaka futhi eba nenkulumo echaphayo’ angonakalisa ngokushesha noma yibuphi ubuhlobo osebakhekile.—Efesu 4:31.

Ukuqonda okuyosiza kulokhu kwanikezwa umprofethi uMika. Wathi: “UJehova ufunani kuwe, kungabi ngukwenza ukulunga kuphela nokuthanda umusa, uhambe noNkulunkulu wakho ngokuthobeka, na?” (Mika 6:8) Ubulungisa bubalulekile lapho kunikezwa isiyalo. Kodwa kuthiwani ngomusa? Omunye umdala ongumKristu uthi kwakuvame ukuba nzima ukuvusa izingane angusingayise wazo ngeSonto ekuseni ukuze bahlanganyele ekukhulekeleni nebandla. Kunokuba azithethise, wazama ukuba nomusa. Wayesheshe avuke, enze ukudla kwasekuseni abese ehambisela ngayinye yazo isiphuzo esishisayo. Ngenxa yalokho, kwakuba lula kakhudlwana ukulalela ukunxusa kwakhe ukuba zivuke.

UProfesa u-Ana Luisa Vieira de Mattos wakhuluma lokhu okuthakazelisayo: “Okubalulekile akulona uhlobo lomkhaya kodwa isimo sobudlelwane. Ekuhloleni kwami ngiye ngaphawula ukuthi intsha enezinkinga zokuziphatha cishe njalo isuke ivela emikhayeni engaqondiswa kahle abazali, engenayo imithetho nokuxoxisana.” Wathi futhi: “Kufanele kugcizelelwe kakhulu ukuthi ukukhulisa izingane kusho isidingo sokuthi cha.” Ngaphezu kwalokho, oDokotela u-Emily noJohn Visher bathi: “Ngokuyinhloko, isiyalo sisebenza kuphela uma umuntu osinikezwayo eyikhathalela indlela lowo onikeza isiyalo asabela ngayo futhi [ekhathalela] nobudlelwane bakhe naye.”

Lawa mazwi athinta indaba yokuthi ngubani okufanele anikeze isiyalo emkhayeni onosingamzali. Ngubani okufanele athi cha? Ngemva kokuxoxa ngalolu daba, abanye abazali baye banquma ukuthi kufanele kuqale kube ngumzali ozala izingane ngokuyinhloko onikeza isiyalo ukuze anike usingamzali isikhathi sokwakha ubuhlobo obuseduze nezingane. Izingane mazifunde ukuqiniseka ngothando lukasingamzali ngaphambi kokuba azinike isiyalo.

Kuthiwani uma usingamzali kungubaba? IBhayibheli alisho yini ukuthi ubaba uyinhloko yomkhaya? Yebo. (Efesu 5:22, 23; 6: 1, 2) Nokho, usingababa angase afise ukuyiphathisa umama indaba yokuyala okwesikhashana, ikakhulukazi uma ihilela isijeziso. Angase avumele izingane ukuba zilalele ‘umthetho kanina’ kuyilapho yena esabeka isisekelo sokuba ‘zizwe ukulaya kukayise [omusha].’ (IzAga 1:8; 6:20; 31:1) Ubufakazi bubonisa ukuthi, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu akusenzi ize isimiso sobunhloko. Ngaphezu kwalokho, omunye usingababa uthi: “Ngakhumbula ukuthi ukuyala kuhlanganisa ukunikeza isiyalo, ukukhuza nokusola. Lapho lokhu kunikezwa ngendlela enobulungisa, enothando nenesihawu futhi ihambisana nesibonelo sabazali, kuvame ukusebenza.”

Abazali Kudingeka Baxoxisane

IzAga 15:22 zithi: “Lapho kungekho khona ukululekana, amasu ayachitheka.” Emkhayeni onosingamzali, kubalulekile ukuba abazali babe nengxoxo ezolile nengagunci yokuthululelana izifuba. Umhleli wengosi yephephandaba elithi O Estado de S. Paulo waphawula: “Izingane zihlale zithambekele ekuvivinyeni imingcele ebekwe abazali.” Lokhu kungase kube yiqiniso ngokuphindiwe emikhayeni enosingamzali. Ngakho, abazali kudingeka bavumelane ngezinto ezihlukahlukene ukuze izingane zibone ukuthi banobunye. Nokho, kuthiwani uma usingamzali enza ngendlela umzali ozala izingane anomuzwa wokuthi ayinabulungisa? Khona-ke laba ababili kufanele baxazulule lolo daba ngasese, hhayi phambi kwezingane.

Omunye umama owaphinde washada uyalandisa: “Into enzima kunazo zonke kumama iwukubona usingababa eyala izingane, ikakhulukazi lapho enomuzwa wokuthi usingababa wenza ngamawala noma akabonisi ubulungisa ngempela. Kumphula umoya, futhi ufuna ukuvikela izingane zakhe. Ngezikhathi ezinjalo, kunzima ukuzithoba kumyeni nokumsekela.

“Ngesinye isikhathi, abafana bami ababili, oneminyaka engu-12 nonengu-14, bacela imvume yokwenza okuthile kusingayise. Wenqaba ngokushesha futhi waphuma egumbini engabanikanga abafana ithuba lokuchaza ukuthi kungani leso sicelo sasibalulekile kubo. Abafana babefuna ukukhala, futhi ngavele ngabindeka. Umfana omdala wangibheka, wathi: ‘Mama, ubonile ukuthi wenzeni?’ Ngaphendula: ‘Yebo, ngibonile. Kodwa useyinhloko yekhaya, futhi iBhayibheli lisitshela ukuthi sibuhloniphe ubunhloko.’ Babengabafana abakahle futhi bavumelana nalokhu, futhi bazola kancane. Ngalobo busuku, ngachazela umyeni wami ngalokhu, futhi waqaphela ukuthi wayelisebenzise kabi igunya. Waqonda ngqó ekamelweni labafana wayoxolisa.

“Safunda okuningi kuleso senzakalo. Umyeni wami wafunda ukulalela ngaphambi kokwenza izinqumo. Ngafunda ukusekela isimiso sobunhloko, ngisho nalapho kubuhlungu. Abafana bafunda ukubaluleka kokuzithoba. (Kolose 3:18, 19) Futhi ukuxolisa komyeni wami ngokusuka enhliziyweni sonke kwasifundisa isifundo esibalulekile sokuzithoba. (IzAga 29:23) Namuhla, womabili la madodana angabadala abangamaKristu.”

Amaphutha ayokwenzeka. Izingane ziyokusho noma zenze izinto ezizwisa ubuhlungu. Ukucindezeleka kwesikhashana kuyoholela osingamzali ekubeni benze izinto ngokungacabangeli. Nokho, lawo mazwi alula athi, “Ngiyaxolisa, ngicela ungixolele,” angenza lukhulu ekwelapheni amanxeba.

Ukuqinisa Ubunye Bomkhaya

Kuthatha isikhathi ukwakha ubuhlobo obufudumele emkhayeni onosingamzali. Uma ungusingamzali, kudingeka ubonise ububele. Yiba oqondayo, ulungele ukuchitha isikhathi esithile nezingane. Dlala nabasebancane. Yiba okulungele ukuxoxa nabadadlana. Funa amathuba okuba nibe ndawonye—ngokwesibonelo, cela izingane ukuba zisize ngemisebenzi yasekhaya, njengokulungisa ukudla kwasemini noma ukugeza imoto. Cela ukuhamba nazo lapho uya ezitolo ukuze zikusize. Ngaphezu kwalokho, izenzo ezincane zothando zingase zibonise uthando onalo. (Yiqiniso, osingababa kufanele baqaphele ukungeqi imingcele efanele emadodakazini abangawazali, bangawenzi azizwe engakhululekile. Futhi osingamama kufanele bakhumbule ukuthi nabafana banemingcele.)

Imikhaya enosingamzali ingaphumelela. Eminingi iyaphumelela. Ephumelela nakakhulu yileyo lapho bonke abahilelekile, ikakhulukazi abazali, behlakulela isimo sengqondo esifanele futhi balindele izinto ezingenzeka ngokoqobo. Umphostoli uJohane wabhala: “Bathandekayo, masiqhubekeni sithandana, ngoba uthando luvela kuNkulunkulu.” (1 Johane 4:7) Yebo, uthando olusuka enhliziyweni luyimfihlo yangempela yomkhaya ojabulayo onosingamzali.

[Isithombe ekhasini 7]

IMIKHAYA EJABULAYO ENOSINGAMZALI

fundani iZwi likaNkulunkulu ndawonye . . .

yibani nesikhathi sokuba ndawonye. . .

xoxani ndawonye . . .

sebenzani ndawonye . . .