Isahluko 29

Ngazi Kanjani Ukuthi Uthando Lwangempela?

Phendula le mibuzo:

1. Ungaluchaza kanjani “uthando”? ․․․․․

2. Ungakuchaza kanjani “ukuthatheka”? ․․․․․

3. Ucabanga ukuthi uyini umehluko phakathi kwalezi zinto zombili? ․․․․․

CISHE awuzange ube nenkinga yokuphendula imibuzo engenhla. Phela kulula ukubona umehluko phakathi kothando nokuthatheka uma usazicabangela nje.

Kodwa konke lokho kungashintsha lapho ubona umfana noma intombazane ohlale uphupha ngayo. Kuvele kubande kwamancane, konke okunye kube yize leze. Umthanda ngenhliziyo yonke. Ingabe umthanda ngempela? Ingabe uthando—noma ukuthatheka? Ungazi kanjani? Ukuze sithole impendulo, ake siqale sibheke indlela oshintshe ngayo umbono wakho ngabantu bobulili obuhlukile kule minyaka yamuva. Ngokwesibonelo, cabanga ngale mibuzo elandelayo:

● Wawubabheka kanjani abobulili obuhlukile ngesikhathi uneminyaka emihlanu ubudala?

● Ubabheka kanjani manje?

Cishe izimpendulo zakho zembula ukuthi ngesikhathi usuthombile, waqala ukubabheka ngenye indlela abobulili obuhlukile. UBrian oneminyaka engu-12 uthi: “Ngiphawule ukuthi amantombazane asemahle manje kunakuqala.” U-Elaine oneminyaka engu-16 ukhumbula ushintsho olwenzeka eminyakeni embalwa edlule. Uthi: “Bonke abangane bami baqala ukukhuluma ngabafana futhi ngangibe ngisabone mfana, ngithathake.”

Njengoba usubaqaphela abobulili obuhlukile, ungaphila kanjani nale mizwa enamandla? Esikhundleni sokushaya sengathi awunayo le mizwa—okuyinto eyoyenza ibe namandla nakakhulu—ungasebenzisa leli thuba ufunde okuthile ngokukhangeka, ukuthatheka nothando. Ukuqonda lezi zici ezintathu kuyokwenza ugweme ukuba nenhliziyo ebuhlungu kungadingekile futhi kukusize uthole uthando lwangempela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

UKUKHANGEKA → Isici esiyinhloko kuba yilokho okubonayo

“Mina nomngane wami sihlale sixoxa ngamantombazane. Siyazama ukuxoxa ngokunye, kodwa kuthi kungaqhamuka intombazane enhle, sivele sikhohlwe ebesikuxoxa!”—U-Alex.

“Insizwa engibuka emehlweni, emomotheka kamnandi nehamba ngokuzethemba yenza ngiyithande.”—ULaurie.

Kungokwemvelo ukuba ukhangwe umuntu omuhle. Inkinga iwukuthi, ngezinye izikhathi okubona ngaphandle kumuntu akukona lokho ayiko ngaphakathi. Ngani? Ngoba ubuhle bungakhohlisa. IBhayibheli lithi: “Njengendandatho yegolide yasekhaleni empumulweni yengulube, unjalo owesifazane omuhle kodwa ofulathela ukuba nengqondo.” (IzAga 11:22) Siyasebenza lesi simiso nakubafana.

UKUTHATHEKA → Isici esiyinhloko kuba indlela ozizwa ngayo

“Lapho ngineminyaka engu-12 ngathanda umfana othile kakhulu, kwathi lapho sekudlulile lokho kuthatheka, ngabona ukuthi kungani bengimthanda. Kwakungenxa yokuthi bonke abangane bami babethanda abafana—naye wayengumfana. Yingakho-ke ngamthanda!”—U-Elaine.

“Baningi abantu asebeke bangenza ngathatheka, kodwa ezikhathini eziningi ngangibheka ingaphandle lomuntu. Ngangithi ngingathola ukuthi unjani ngaphakathi, bese ngiyabona ukuthi asifanelani ngendlela ebengicabanga ngayo.”—UMark.

Uma uthathekile uzwa sengathi uyamthanda lowo muntu. Empeleni, uthando luhlanganisa nemizwa yothando. Kodwa isisekelo sokuthatheka nesothando azifani nhlobo. Ukuthatheka kubangelwa yizinto ozibona ngaphandle. Uma uthathekile awuwaboni amaphutha omuntu futhi uyazeqisa izimfanelo zakhe ezinhle. Ngenxa yalokho, ukuthatheka kufana nesigodlo esakhiwe ngesihlabathi. “Asihlali isikhathi eside,” kusho intombazane okuthiwa uFiona. “Ungase uthande umuntu othile namhlanje, ngemva kwenyanga usuthanda omunye!”

UTHANDO → Isici esiyinhloko kuba yilokho okwaziyo

“Ngicabanga ukuthi uma kuwuthando, usuke unesizathu sokukhangwa umuntu othile, futhi kusuke kuyisizathu esihle—hhayi sobugovu.”—UDavid.

“Ngibona sengathi uthando lwangempela kufanele lukhule ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ekuqaleni, nisuke ningabangane abakhulu. Ngemva kwalokho, kancane kancane uya ukuthanda lokho osukwazi ngalowo muntu, bese uqala ukuba nemizwa obungenayo.”—UJudith.

Uthando lusekelwe ekwazini kahle izimfanelo ezinhle zomuntu nobuthakathaka bakhe. Akumangazi-ke ukuthi iBhayibheli lichaza uthando ngokuthi lungaphezulu kakhulu komuzwa. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, lithi uthando “luyabekezela futhi lunomusa. . . . Lubekezelela zonke izinto, lukholelwa yizo zonke izinto, luthemba zonke izinto, lukhuthazelela zonke izinto. Uthando alusoze lwaphela nanini.” (1 Korinte 13:4, 7, 8) Futhi uthando lwenza umuntu enze lezi zinto ngenxa yolwazi—hhayi ngenxa yokuthatheka noma ukungazi.

Isibonelo Sothando Lwangempela

Indaba eseBhayibhelini kaJakobe noRaheli ilubonisa ngokucacile uthando lwangempela. Bahlangana emthonjeni lapho uRaheli ayephuzisa khona izimvu zikayise. UJakobe wavele wakhangeka yile ntombi. Ngani? Ngoba, phakathi kokunye, “wayenomzimba omuhle futhi emuhle ebusweni.”—Genesise 29:17.

Khumbula-ke kodwa ukuthi uthando lwangempela alusekelwa nje kuphela ebuhleni bangaphandle. UJakobe wathola ukuthi uRaheli wayengagcini nje ngokuba muhle ngaphandle. Empeleni, iBhayibheli lithi kungakapheli isikhathi eside, uJakobe wayesedlulile esigabeni sokukhangeka. ‘Wayemthanda uRaheli.’—Genesise 29:18.

Ingabe yaphelela lapho le ndaba yothando? Cha. Uyise kaRaheli walindisa uJakobe iminyaka engu-7 ngaphambi kokuba ashade noRaheli. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwakuyisenzo esibonisa ukucabangela noma cha, uthando lukaJakobe manje lwase luvivinywa. Ukube uJakobe wayemane ethathekile, wayengeke amlinde. Uthando lwangempela kuphela olungenakuqedwa ukulinda isikhathi eside. Kwenzekani-ke? IBhayibheli lithi: “UJakobe wabe esekhonza iminyaka eyisikhombisa ngenxa kaRaheli, kodwa emehlweni akhe yaba njengezinsuku ezimbalwa ngenxa yothando lwakhe ngaye.”—Genesise 29:20.

Yini ongayifunda esibonelweni sikaJakobe noRaheli? Ukuthi uthando lwangempela luyakwazi ukulinda isikhathi eside. Futhi alusekelwe kuphela ekubukekeni. Empeleni, umuntu ongase ushade naye kungase kungabi yilowo okukhanga kakhulu uma uqala ukumbona. Ngokwesibonelo, uBarbara wabonana nensizwa athi ayizange imkhange kangako ekuqaleni. Uyakhumbula: “Kodwa njengoba ngiya ngiyazi kangcono, izinto zashintsha. Ngabona indlela uStephen ayekhathalela ngayo abanye nendlela ayebeka ngayo izithakazelo zabo ngaphambi kwezakhe. Ngangazi ukuthi lezi zimfanelo zazizomenza umyeni okahle. Ngadonseleka kuye ngaqala ukumthanda.” Umphumela kwaba umshado oqinile.

Lapho usuvuthwe ngokwanele ukuba uphole nothile ngenjongo yokushada, uyokwazi kanjani uma usuthole uthando lwangempela? Inhliziyo yakho ingase ikutshele, kodwa thembela engqondweni eqeqeshwe ngeBhayibheli. Yazi okungaphezu kwengaphandle lomuntu. Zinike isikhathi sokuba ubuhlobo benu bukhule. Khumbula, ngokuvamile ukuthatheka kusheshe kuphele. Uthando lweqiniso luyaqina njengoba isikhathi sihamba lube “yisibopho esiphelele sobunye.”—Kolose 3:14.

Qiniseka ukuthi ungaluthola lolo hlobo lothando—uma ufunda ukubheka ngale kokukhangeka (lokho okubonayo) nokuthatheka (indlela ozizwa ngayo). Amakhasi amathathu alandelayo azokusiza ukuba wenze kanjalo.

FUNDA OKWENGEZIWE NGALESI SIHLOKO EMQULWINI 2, IZAHLUKO 1 NO-3

UMBHALO OYINHLOKO

“Amanzi amaningi awakwazi ukulucima uthando, ngisho nemifula ngeke ikwazi ukulukhukhula.”—IsiHlabelelo SeziHlabelelo 8:7.

ICEBISO

Ukuze uthole ukuthi umazi kahle kangakanani umuntu okukhangayo, phendula imibuzo eseshadini eliseMqulwini 2, ikhasi 39 (eyamantombazane) noma ekhasini 40 (eyabafana).

UBUWAZI . . . ?

Intsha eqoma lo noma iqonywe ilo namhlanje, kusasa ithole omunye, kufana nokuthi iprakthizela isehlukaniso lapho isishadile.

ENGIZOKWENZA!

Ukuze nginqume ukuthi imizwa yami ngothile eyokuthatheka noma eyothando, ngizo- ․․․․․

Engingathanda ukukubuza umzali wami (abazali) ngale ndaba ․․․․․

UCABANGANI?

● Kungani uNkulunkulu adala abantu baba nemizwa enamandla kangaka yokukhangwa abobulili obuhlukile?

● Kungani ukuthandana kwentsha eningi ecabanga ukuthi iyathandana kungaphumeleli?

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 207]

“Uthando lunganqoba izithiyo, kanti ukuthatheka kuyaphela lapho izimo zishintsha noma kuphakama izinkinga. Kudinga isikhathi esiningi kakhulu ukuhlakulela uthando lwangempela.’’—UDaniella

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 209]

Ishadi Lezimpendulo

Yini Obungayenza Wena?

Sekuyizinyanga ezintathu uS’thembiso noLungile bethandana, futhi uLungile uthi “uyazifela” ngoS’thembiso. US’thembiso uhlale enake uLungile—aze amtshele nendlela okufanele agqoke ngayo nokuthi ubani okumelwe nokungamelwe akhulume naye. Ubemphathisa okweqanda—kwaze kwaba ngesonto eledlule. Usakaze uLungile ngempama ngemva kokuba embone ekhuluma nomunye umfana.

US’thembiso uthi: “Kufanele ngabe uLungi uyazi ukuthi ngesaba kanjani ukuba angilahlekele. Empeleni, kwakucabanga nje ngokuthi omunye umfana angangithathela intombi kungenza ngivevezele ukuthukuthela! Kungiphatha kabi ukuthi ngimshaye ngempama. Kodwa kumane kubonisa ukuthi angifuni nje ngisho abuke omunye umuntu. Ngixolisile-ke nokho!”

ULungile uthi: “Abazali bami bathi uS’the uyalawulana, kodwa ukuthi unezindinganiso eziphakeme. Akakaze azame ukungiphoqa ukuba ngenze noma yini ewukuziphatha okubi ngokobulili. Futhi ngesikhathi engishaya—okuyinto engingabatshelanga yona abazali bami—vele bengikhuluma nomunye umfana. US’the unesikhwele, okuyinto engijabulisayo ngezinye izikhathi. Ngaphandle kwalokho, uxolisile, wayesethembisa ukuthi ngeke aphinde angishaye.”

Wena uthini: Ingabe uyazibona izimpawu eziyisixwayiso kulaba bantu? Uma uzibona, yiziphi? ․․․․․

Yini okufanele ayenze uLungile? ․․․․․

Yini obungayenza wena? ․․․․․

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 210]

Ishadi Lezimpendulo

Yini Obungayenza Wena?

Sekuyizinyanga ezimbili uS’celo ethandana noPhindile, futhi usebonile ukuthi uPhindile uthanda kanjani ukulwa, ikakhulukazi nabazali bakhe. Empeleni, uPhindile uhlezi exabana nabazali bakhe, futhi kugcina yena. Usenekhono lokuqophisana nabazali bakhe kuze kugobe bona. Uye waqhoshela uS’celo ngokuthi abazali bakhe badansela isiginci sakhe.

US’celo uthi: “UPhindile usho akucabangayo. Akabhedelwa—ngisho nabazali bakhe bayakwazi lokho. Ubaba wakhe unesicefe-ke yena, yingakho nje uPhindile evele amthethise. Kodwa akagcini ngokuthetha. Uyakwazi nokukhala, ukuphukula nokuzenza onenhliziyo enhle—enze noma yini ukuze athole akufunayo kubazali bakhe.”

UPhindile uthi: “Anginandaba ukuthi ungubani noma unasikhundla sini, ngikutshela izindaba zakho emehlweni, futhi angilokhu ngibala amazwi. Isoka lami uS’celo, liyangazi. Selike langibona nginabazali bami.”

Wena uthini: Ingabe uyazibona izimpawu eziyisixwayiso kulaba bantu ababili? Uma uzibona, yiziphi? ․․․․․

Yini okufanele ayenze uS’celo? ․․․․․

Yini obungayenza wena? ․․․․․

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 211]

Ishadi Lezimpendulo

Uthando Noma Ukuthatheka?

Zama ukuqagela igama elingekho kulezi zinkulumo ezicashunwe ngezansi. Gcwalisa isikhala ngegama elithi uthando noma ukuthatheka.

1. Uma kuwu․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․, awufuni ukwamukela amaqiniso ngalo muntu, umthanda enjalo.”—UCalvin.

2. “Uma kudingeka ngishintshe ubuntu bami lapho nginentombazane engikhangayo, lokho u ․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․.”—UThomas.

3. “Kungase kube nento ekucasulayo ngomuntu. Kodwa uma kuwu ․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․, uyafuna ukuba naye nixazulule leyo nkinga.”—URyan.

4. “Uma kuwu․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․, okuwukuphela kwezinto enicabanga ngazo yilezo enifana ngazo.”—UClaudia.

5. “Uma kuwu․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․, awuzami ukufihla lokho oyikho.”—U-Eve.

6. “․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․ yindlela yobugovu yokuthola lokho okufunayo—mhlawumbe ukuze nje ukwazi ukuthi unesoka.”—U-Allison.

7. “․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․ luyawabona amaphutha nezimfanelo ezingavamile zomunye kodwa luyakwazi ukuphila nalezo zinto.”—U-April.

8. “Uma kuwu․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․, awukwazi ukuchaza ukuthi kungani lo muntu ekukhanga—uvele ukhangeke nje.”—UDavid.

9. “Uma kuwu․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․, lona omunye akenzi maphutha.”—UChelsea.

10. “Uma kuwu․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․, abanye abantu bobulili obuhlukile awubabheki ngendlela obubabheka ngayo ngoba uqotho.”—UDaniel.

Izimpendulo: Ukuthatheka: 1, 2, 4, 6, 8, 9. Uthando: 3, 5, 7, 10.

[Isithombe emakhasini 206, 207]

Ukuthatheka kufana nesigodlo esakhiwe ngesihlabathi—kuyashesha ukuphela